Episode 59 - The Final Rounds: Rush to the Battle Arena!

The tournament's tomorrow! Naruto's visiting his favorite ramen stand, and it seems like the owner missed him. The kid's probably his best customer, so I can see it. They know about the finals coming up, and slide Naruto some ramen that looks like it's way above his normal price range for good luck. Aww. Others are eating, too - three Ninja who with a start, I realize are Squad Ten's parents. Holy crap. They act exactly like you'd expect, though it looks like Ino's dad may've wanted a boy. Shikamaru's dad: "Girls are a drag." Shikamaru comes to fetch his hard-drinking dad home, but his father doesn't want to leave the not-very-festive festival the night before the tourney. He's shocked to find out his son made it into the finals. Geez, dude. At the Sand Village hideout, Kankuro and Temari are prepping their tricks, while Gaara sits on the roof and broods. Back at Naruto's room (adorable Kakashi plushie, by the way), our boy can't seem to sleep.

Morning! Neji's had Tenten lob every sharp thing ever at him as a warm-up. Naruto's stressed out, he couldn't sleep over knowing he'd have to face Neji first in the tournament, and as he walks to the arena the fans' chatter doesn't help his feelings of unease a bit. He happens across Hinata, who adorably scoots behind a giant log when he calls her name. Naruto wanted to hit the Genin training field before he came, though he won't tell Hinata why. Then he starts in asking after Neji, and jeez, dude. Sore subject. Hinata says Naruto might be able to win, and our boy goes for false bravado for the win! He's got Hinata's support, who wants to return the favor from the prelims. She liked herself a little bit after her match with Neji, and felt different even if nobody else would notice. Naruto asks if he really comes off as strong as Hinata seems to think he does, since he still feels like a giant Ninja klutz. Hinata says that's not true at all, that he may've kept falling down but he kept getting right back up and I don't think I've seen anything sweeter. Naruto actually takes this to heart, proving he can be smarter than he looks, and he's ready to go! Then he promptly says he always thought she was weird and gloomy, and my hand is reared back for a smack, but then Naruto says he likes that. Hinata figures she should take what she can get. Awesome Hinata talks apparently make one late, and Naruto charges off. A confused Kiba and Akamaru wander by, wondering why Hinata's staring raptly in the distance.

Naruto's charging through the city streets and bemoaning the distance when Konohamaru calls out from a corner. He totally knows an ace shortcut to get to the arena. He leads Naruto to a secrt path that's been... blocked off. But wait, Kono knows another route! This one through some sort of drainage pipe. Their awesome slide deposits them in the hot springs, even further away, which Honored Grandson frantically says must've just gotten re-routed. Then they spy transportation! A fuedal lord's bulls, which Kono talks up to a desperate Naruto. Oh, god. Fuedal bulls don't like being spurred, and immediately bucks Naruto the heck off. Still pissed, it's time for the running of the bulls in Leaf Village! I try not to die laughing. Naruto's not the only one late - Dosu's not there (obviously) and even Sasuke isn't. It's neat Sakura and Ino are sitting together. Naruto's on his way, though, leading his very own stampede. I like they'll bust out a comedy ep after the pathos-heavy ep. Our boy tries to Shadow Clone to distract the herd, but that doesn't work because it's like the Leaf Village longhorns did the same. Hah! Naruto finally makes his way to the arena, sprinting past the guards and leaving the stampede in their capable hands. The Shadow Clones bottleneck at the entrance, and it takes the bulls to break it, sending Naruto skidding into the arena. He becomes the boy who cries bulls, though I guess they got bored and left. Shikamaru helps Naruto up, who notices Sasuke's gone. A Jonin tells them to stow that acting nervous crap. They're the main event! The wanna-be Chunin have just realized it, too.

Next Episode: Naruto vs. Neji! He's doing it for Hinata!

Episode 58 - Hospital Besieged: The Evil Hand Revealed!

Our story begins with Temari and Kankuro being rousted out of bed, their sensei demanding to know where Gaara's gotten off to. It's nice to start things off on a threatening note. At the hospital, Shikamaru's playing some sort of tile game and watching over Naruto, still tuckered out from his rollicking adventures with Chief Toad. It makes me wonder if somebody put Shikamaru up to watching Naruto, since he doesn't strike me as altruistic. Ninja Florist - Sakura's picking a narcissus, and is startled by Ino who tells her if it's for Sasuke, he's not back yet. You'd think Sakura would learn when she goes to Ino's florist shop, she might be there. Sakura says it's for Lee, who no doubt will have an even longer stay after trying to train while half-broken. Speaking of the hospital, the first one to make it is Gaara. Oh, dear. Naruto finally comes to, where he's been out the last three days, and flips out over the tournament being tomorrow, and poor Shikamaru is reintroduced to how quickly Naruto changes gears from 'yelling' to 'yelling even more.' There's even a fruit basket for Naruto. Aww! It was actually for Choji, who got sick from eating too much BBQ. Naruto says it's just like him, and Shikamaru snarks that it's like both Choji and Naruto to not have any female visitors. Hah! Naruto wants to torment Choji by eating in front of him. Shikamaru's right, sometimes that kid is a drag. Geez.

At the hospital reception area, Sakura signs herself in, wondering where everybody's gotten to. A sign on the desk reads 'out to lunch.' The hell? As she's signing, a Gaara-shaped shadow creeps up behind her. OH GOD SAKURA, TURN AROUND! She does, but he's gone. Whew. Lee's room, who's out cold, and Sakura brings him another flower, which is all kinds of sweet. Choji's demolished his hospital food, and is briefly creeped out by the door opening by itself. The fruit basket pokes its head in, and Choji immediately suspects Shikamaru. Gaara's looming over Lee's bed, replaying their fight in his head, particularly Guy saving Lee. He's hit with a migraine, we flash on a younger Gaara and possibly his mother and some other people. Gaara summons up his sand to finish Lee... then stops, finding himself getting punched in the face by Naruto! No, wait, he punched Shikamaru. Oh! Shadow Paralysis hi-jinks. Naruto demands to know what the hell Gaara is doing. It's Ino who's brought Choji the fruitbasket! Choji: "All right! The age of chubby has arrived!" BWHAHAHAHA! Gaara answers Naruto, he was trying to kill him. Dur. Shikamaru asks if Gaara's got beef with Lee because he lost, but Gaara just plain wants to kill him. Naruto asks him how can he be such of a selfish prick, and Shikamaru insightfully asks if Gaara had a messed up childhood. The Sand Ninja calmly replies that if either of the boys get in his way, he'll kill them, too.

Being crafty, Shikamaru tries for a bluff. He spins Gaara a tale about not knowing their true strength, since they didn't show it during the prelims, plus Gaara's handicapped! Like the Eskimo said to the ice salesman, Gaara ain't buying. Naruto's ready to throw down, saying he's got a monster inside him and I guess banking on the Demon Fox to take down Gaara. That's risky. Gaara says he's got something like that inside him, too, and confirms the horrible childhood thing, which started with killing his mother to become the strongest Shinobi possible. He's possessed by a Sand Spirit, Shukaku, the spirit of an angry monk. This is apparently a Jutsu done by horrible, horrible parents. Naruto realizes he has more in common with Naruto than Naruto wants to admit. Shikamaru comments that it must be a sick kind of love to do that to a kid, but Gaara doesn't know the meaning of the word. Family means nothing to him, and his own father's been trying to assassinate him since he was six years old. They were scared their weapon would go out of control, and now just want to bury him and cover up the grave. With a start, Naruto realizes how much that sounds like his life. Huh.

Gaara says that everyone needs a purpose in life, and that he's found his - to kill others, something he taught himself after offing the killers that would regularly come for him. It's the only time he feels joy, and the only time he feels alive. Naruto realizes that while they are the same, he had somebody who realized he was alive, and cared for him, which Gaara never had. Faced with such an amoral Ninja prodigy who he's so alike and so incredibly different from, Naruto thinks there's no way he can beat somebody like this. Gaara senses Naruto's frozen up, and sand starts to swirl around him, freaking out Shikamaru who's still got Gaara under Shadow Paralysis. The sand looks about to crash down on our hero when MIGHT GUY shows up! Thank god. He reminds them to save it for the tournament, and Gaara immediately has a violent flashback to his own mother at Guy's arrival, and it's become obvious that memories of his mother physically hurt the kid. Young Gaara clutching his chest: "There's no blood, but it hurts here." He staggers out, but not before vowing to kill everyone there.

Next Episode: Konohamaru's short cuts!

Episode 57 - He Flies! He Jumps! He Lurks! Chief Toad Appears!

You remember that Kaiju Toad that saved Naruto at the end of last episode? Good! He's still here, and he smokes a pipe and talks. It apparently has a large scar on its face, too. Just to check, he makes sure it is not, in fact, a tadpole and celebrates while the Toad displays remarkable paitence with the whole enterprise. Jiraiya's impressed, but knows that Naruto's still got a long way to go to master the Demon Fox's Chakra, and amused that it's THIS Giant Toad he's summoned. Speaking of Giant Toads, this one's name is Gamabunta, and he is the Chief Toad, thank you, and doesn't like Naruto bouncing on his head. Gamabunta complains about having been summoned for the first time in ages, and an orange jumpsuited lunatic kid's bouncing on his head. He starts bellowing for Jiraiya, who decides to make himself scarce. He asks Naruto where the Toad Sage is, and Naruto tries to cover for him, but Gara's very angry and quickly rolls over on the Pervy Sage. Naruto wants to know what Jiraiya's doing him summoning here of all places, and Naruto haltingly explains HE summoned the Chief Toad. It is the first time I've seen a giant amphibian break into gales of laughter. He doesn't believe Naruto could summon him, which irriates Naruto into calling him a jerk. This followed up, somewhat unwisely, by saying since he summoned Gama he's Gama's master. Gama's incensed by such arrogance! He grabs Naruto with his tongue, then leaps out of the cavern at super-sonic speed and levels half the countryside with his landing.

On the surface, Gama lays down the law to Naruto, saying that there's no way in hell he'd serve a punk like him. Having no further business with our hero, Gamabunta proceeds to lumber off and fight Gamera, or something. Naruto's not one to let this lie, hopping on the Chief Toad's back and vowing to stay on Gama until the big frog recognizes Naruto as his master. Chief Toad has what might be precisely called a fit and starts to buck like the world's largest cold-blooded bronco. Far away, Jiraiya's amusing himself with Naruto's plight, until the delighted squeals of barely-dressed girls force him to reprioritize Naruto down the list.

At Hidden Leaf, which apparently has yet to feel the toad-based tremors, Kankuro watches Team Ten hit Choji's favorite BBQ place again. Temari gets on her brother for letting Gaara out of his sight, but he says even Gaara wouldn't try something in broad daylight. What's Kankuro's reasoning, exactly? He gets on Temari's case for blowing off facing Shikamaru, saying if she's taken the test when she ought've, she'd already be Chunin. Flashback to the Village Hidden in the Sand and their sensei telling the Sand Squad they're headed for Leaf Village's Exam, but it's not to become Chunin. The Sand Ninja are upset that their... budget was cut by the leader of the Land of the Wind. Hah! Some of their contracts were even given to Hidden Leaf. Strength is important to the Sand Village - it's why they made Shinobi like Gaara. Made? Yeep. It's been decided their daimyo is an idiot, so the Kazekage made a deal with the Hidden Sound Village to crush the Hidden Leaf Village. This will convince their daimyo that keeping the Sand Village's strength at maximum is important. Temari realizes this will lead to war, and is suprisingly upset about the cost in human life. We get a reiteration of Shinobi being tools, and this seemingly convinces the Sand Ninjas.

The Chief Toad's doing everything he can to shake Naruto off, and to his credit, Naruto's still hanging on. Their struggles have even formed a rainbow, which the pretty girls admire, giving Jiraiya something to admire. At the present-day Hidden Sand Village, the Genin's sensei delivers the Sound Village's battle plan to Kazekage. The sensei wants some extra troops, but this gets shot down for fear it'll tip their hand to the Hidden Leaf, and besides, they already have Gaara. At the Chief Toad Riding Finals, Naruto points out it's almost the deadline for his completely arbitrary contract of servitude for Gamabunta. Gama's tempted to just ignore Naruto, like many are, but the kid's starting to get under his skin. Again, like most people. He finally asks Naruto's name. and goes for one last mad attempt to get the kid off his back. Naruto has to Shadow Clone himself into a human chain to keep him from falling off, and Jiraiya's amazed at how he can keep using Chakra. He's also despondent that Gama landed on the spot the girls hang out. Right at sundown, Naruto finally gives out and falls unconscious, although Gama catches him before he can fall to his death (for real). The Hermit Sage surreptiously leaves the Summoning contract that Naruto signed so Gama can see it, which by now the Chief Toad will admit to. It's the first time since the Fourth Hokage called him that somebody's ridden his head. Hmmm. He leaves Naruto back in Hidden Leaf alongside a footprint they could use as a reservoir, our boy with an exhausted smile on his face.

Next Episode: Visiting hours for Gaara. Crap!

Episode 56 - Live or Die: Risk it All to Win it All!

Jiraiya peeping toms us into the opening, as Naruto's still trying to work on that darn frog summon. It's got all four legs, but it's still not a full-grown version. In a fit of exsistential angst, Naruto asks what IS a frog, anyway? Our hero's tapped out of Chakra and collapses, Pervy Sage saying it's been three weeks and still no giant toad. Over in the Hidden Village, Hokage's viewing portraits of Ninjas long past, one of which looks a like an older Naruto. Anko's on-hand to torture herself with guilt, but Lord Hokage won't hear of it since she doesn't have anything to do with Orochimaru. He states for the record nobody in Hidden Leaf can match up to him, though Anko thinks the fourth Hokage could've. There's the shot of Naruto's older relation again. Hmmm. So it's like that, is it? The Hokage puts off such speculation, since it's not like the fourth Hokage can die again to save the village, but they have to do something. He tells Anko not to blame herelf, but it's probably a bit too late for that.

The Mountain Toad wakes Naruto up with some water to the face, and levels with him. Since it's been three weeks and still no toad, they're just wasting time. Jiraiya says the key is you have to act like you're risking your life to get the right kind of Chakra out. Naruto says that's what he's been doing, and begs his sensei for a trick. The only 'trick' is he has to [i]actually risk his life. but Naruto agrees. It starts in a bath-house, though not for the reasons it would normally be with Jiraiya around. This is the first step, purification. Next, they've been walking for a while, coming back to Hidden Leaf. Toad Sage asks Naruto if he wants something to eat, and ramen is on the menu. Naruto is told to eat up like it's his last meal, because it is, only Jiraiya blows it off like a joke. Several bowls later, Naruto's finally full - to find Jiraiya's replaced himself with a stuffed frog and left Naruto with the bill. Hah! Jiraiya rightfully points out Naruto that he didn't say he was treating Naruto, to the woe of Naruto's awesome frog wallet. The next step has the Sage asking if there's a girl Naruto likes - and of course, it's still Sakura. His new mission is the hardest training yet - to hug her tight! And by tight, Jiraiya means goodbye. Naruto's very conflicted, it's training, but Sakura might joint and bone him, and finally needs a Sage kick to the rear to get going.

Naruto tracks down Sakura, who automatically thinks Naruto wants to borrow money which I find hilarious for some reason. The 'training' excuse won't fly, so Naruto decides to just go for it. He accidentally trips Sakura into his arms, but she realizes what he's trying to do and hits him with a punch that could kill Orochimaru and stalks off. Seeing that's as good as it'll get, Jiraiya asks if there's anything else he needs to do, or last wills to write, and when Naruto says there isn't he immediately knocks the kid out. Jiraiya monologues that Naruto, being young, subconsciously rejects the Nine-Tail's Chakra and he's going to have to learn how to bring it out when he needs it. He also apologizes to the Fourth Hokage. Hmmm. Naruto comes to later, and Jiraiya immediately tells him to drop dead and come back if he wants to learn summoning. And then he finger-pokes Naruto off a cliff. Naruto's desperately trying to use Chakra to stop his fall, but with his normal reserve and how slippery the rock is, there's no way he won't die unless he can call on the Demon Fox.

Ninja Preschool meets while Naruto plummets to his death. Iruka's pointing out which Hokage is which on Ninja Mount Rushmore. There isn't, currently, a Fifth Hokage, and Iruka makes a joke about being the next Hokage when the Third shows up. Naturally. Third's no joke, having been (er, is) a strong example of their past leaders. One of the students immediately declares he's to be the Fifth Hokage, Naruto-like. The Hokage says that sort of striving is admirable, but if you want to be strong to become the Fire Shadow, you have to do it for someone. The kids ask who are the Hokage's, and in a nice scene mentions his grandson and all the people of the Village, and looks at the face of the Fourth Hokage. Good news! Naruto's not dead. He does appear to be in some sort of hellish labryinth of his own subconscious, though, complete with the sounds of snarling. Naruto follows the sounds of the growls, coming to a giant locked door marked 'Seal.' The beast on the other side beckons Naruto closer, and immediately tries to eviscerate him. In a shock, Naruto realizes that it's the Nine Tails' Chakra that's the red Chakra. Naruto looks worried for a second, then awesomely demands that the Demon Fox needs to start paying himself some back rent with his special Chakra as currency. This highly amuses the Nine-Tails, but he also realizes that if he dies then Naruto dies and thus lends him the power our boy needs. Naruto snaps back to falling to his doom, and immediately uses the Ninja Summons and it works. Oh, lord, does it work. It's a giant frog, even bigger than Jiraiya's... and it has a pipe.

[b]Next Episode:[/b] Giant Toad thinks Naruto's bargaining posture is highly dubious.

Episode 55 - A Feeling of Yearning, A Flower Full of Hope

We open with more frolicking young women, and this is at least one thing that Master Jiraiya has brought to the series. His research is interrupted by Naruto wanting more training, but Pervy Sage is busy. To spit Jiraiya, Naruto does exactly what his sensei wants him to and tries to summon a frog again. Still on tadpoles! At the Village Hidden in the Leaves, we open on Sakura on her bed. She's having flashbacks to Orochimaru biting Sasuke's neck, though these are perhaps thankfully (for her, anyway) by her mother asking when she's finally going to roll out of bed and help her with the housework. It is apparent on Ninja Earth that the wisdom of Will Smith holds true when he opined, "Man, parents just don't understand!" I'd still like to know what that red and white gi in her room is for. Lord Hokage is giving everyone the bad news on Hayate turning up corpsified, and Anko immediately asks if it's Orochimaru - not unreasonably. Kakashi says it was more likely Kabuto. Somebody else asks if they're going to stop the Exam, but Orochimaru's already made it clear that's not going to happen on pain of pain. Anko gets a guilty look when they mention the Snake Ninja. Random Ninja asks if Orochimaru might side with another Land to attack Leaf Village, which would break the truce set down by the Great Ninja War (awesome!) and Kakashi more or less admits the truce was just people saying, "Okay, I won't attack you" and holds about as much weight. The Hokage urges caution, as running around beating at the bushes just might by what their enemies want. He cheerfully says that he trusts all the Jonin there, and when it's time, Hidden Leaf will go to war.

In her room, Sakura's staring at a photo of her squad, and flashbacks on Cursed Sasuke and later Sasuke ordering her not to tell the judges about the Mark. Sakura wonders if she shouldn't have been more forceful in stopping him, and while I applaud the notion of her trying and would root for her... let's get actual, shall we? She tried to visit him at Ninja Hospital, but he's not allowed to receive visitors. Despite this, she's apparently going to try again and decides to be pick up some flowers for the room she probably won't be allowed into. But, wait! This is no ordinary florist - this is a Ninja Florist store run by Ino's family, where she apparently works part-time. It explains how Ino knew about the flowers in that earlier episode, and that's kind of cool. As we've already noted, Ino is no slouch and knows exactly why Sakura's looking at flowers, and invites herself along to go see Sasuke. Treacherous Ino-pig! Ino grabs a rose for love, and Sakura gets a Narcissus because among its many properties is that it's a get-well flower. She gets two. One for Sasuke, and one for... Lee! That's sweet.

The girls are walking along, and I'm amazed that it hasn't broken out in a Kunoichi version of Deathrace 2000 to get to the hospital first. A bellow for ten orders of food give them pause, and it can only be Choji. Asuma is treating him to all the BBQ he can eat in return for helping with Shikamaru's training, who thinks it's a drag (SHOCK). We see a little bit of Asuma's teaching method, which seems to revolve around manipulating the ego of his students. Neji and Tenten are training, too! It seems to revolve around Tenten throwing things and then Neji passing out from lack of Chakra. Squad Eight's not to be outdone, as Kurenai and Kiba rush at Shino, who prepares to block with a swarm of bugs while Hinata watches from the sidelines. It's okay, girl! You can join their reindeer games, too! Ah, well. Naruto's still on tadpoles. The Sand Ninjas' sensei's also given them some no doubt lethal instruction on killing people with wind and sand. Sakura and Ino have been allowed in to see Sasuke, but it turns out he and his clothes are gone, and Sakura immediately thinks he's run off to join Orochimaru. It's too early in the season for something like that to happen, and we join Kakashi in progress to climbing a mountain one-handed and that is badass, even if he needs a Chakra-boost to do it. Sasuke's already waiting for him. I find I sort of missed the punk.

Unable to visit Sasuke, they visit their number-two choice, Lee, but he's gone, too. This is a terrible Ninja Hospital! Lee hasn't gone far, though, he's outside training. One-legged push-ups, and if he can't do those, one-legged squats! How does that even work? Sheesh, Lee. Watching him train, we get earlier Ino telling Sakura he may never be able to be a Shinboi again, and it's puts a pretty decent lump in my throat to watching the kid nearly kill himself trying to reach his dream. Right before he hits his target goal, Lee collapses from pain and passes out. Sakura asks Ino why us dudes have to be so stupid, and but Ino doesn't have an answer. To cheer us up, we get Shikamaru training, but he's out of Chakra so he just has to jump in the bushes to avoid Choji the Human Boulder. Lee wakes in his hospital bed to see the narcissus on his beside stand, but the girls have already gone home. Finally back at the hot springs, Jiraiya wants to pack it in since the bathing beauties have left, but Naruto's going to summon a frog if it kills him. He has to spring for a spot of Sexy Jutsu to recharge Jiraiya's batteries so he'll stick around long enough to watch Naruto try again. This time it's a legged tadpole. Progress!

Next Episode: Naruto's last meal! No sign of a giant frog.

Episode 54 - The Summoning Jutsu: Wisdom of the Toad Sage!

A full moon hangs over head as Ebisu gives up trying to convince Jiraiya to help, dropping an "I believe in you," but it doesn't look it's going to make the Mountain Toad rethink his life anything. We cut away to Gaara perched on top of a carp statue, looking thoughtful. The Sound Ninja Dosu wanders up to him, casually saying that he thought he'd crush Gaara now and avoid the rush to fight Sasuke. He wants to try sound vs. sand, and I start to wonder if this means that Temari might not get a bye after all. Then something... odd happens. Gaara says in the full moon, "his" blood boils, and then his shadow starts to go all Lovecraftian and a smoke trail annihilates Dosu. The sand kid comes back to himself, breathing hard. Yikes. Close by, the Sand Village's sensei and Kabuto watch without the pants-wetting horror they might have. The sensei asks if it's okay that Gaara offed Dosu like that, and Kabuto cheerfully says that plans for Sasuke have changed and Dosu wasn't needed any more. Hayate drops some eaves! Sand Ninja's worried that if it's out Kabuto's Sound, their plot to destroy Leaf Village is done. Kabuto says he let them find out on purpose to see how they'd react. The Sound Ninja's just all kinds of too clever.

Kabuto gives them their orders from Orochimaru, and before they part Kabuto lets it slip that Hayate's not quite as stealthy as he'd like to be. Poor TB-sensei. The Sand Boss says he'll take care of Hayate for Kabuto as a favor. The Sand Villager catches up to Hayate on the rooftops a ways away, and Sandy's amused to find out it's a Proctor. Hayate coughingly draws his sword and goes for Leaf Style Cresent Moon Dance. He sweeps around in, well, a crescent around the Sand Ninja brings his sword down on his opponent's shoulder. Sand Shinobi is impressed, it's a very good technique and all, but it's a sword made of something. The Sand's sword is made of the wind, and he lets poor Hayate see how sharp it is.

Hot Springsville, with Jiraiya on the prowl. A trio of nubile nymphs frolic in the water, and while this is surely great inspiration for the next volume of Make-Out Paradise, it doesn't have a thing to with Naruto's training. He's forced to Sexy Jutsu it up to get his new mentor's attention back, offering "service" and as a brief note? Ew. This is just what the Pervy Sage was waiting for! To be touched by a beautiful women who turns back into 12-year-old kid. The girls break for lunch as Jiraiya decides it's time to start dropping knowledge on the kid. Mountain Toad wants Naruto to build up the special red Chakra, but no dice. The sensei monologues that as of yet, Naruto can only summon the red Chakra when Naruto's emotional state is at the right agitated pitch, as we've seen. Naruto wants to know why he has to use the other chakra for the technique, and Jiraiya says only that kind will be able to power the technique he's going to taught. Then our boy asks how Jiraiya knew he had the chakra in the first place. Because he's a sage, duh! The Pervy Sage starts tugging on Naruto's face like an overly affectionate great-aunt, telling him it would be a shame not to be able to use the red Chakra. It's all part of Naruto developing his own style, and the other Chakra is an edge that he can exploit over other people.

As an example of the cool stuff he can, Naruto can learn Summoning Jutsu, like Kakashi's adorable Ninja Dogs. Naruto's ready to learn, but first he has to empty his regular Chakra - so he Shadow Clones to do it as fast as he can, with an all-Naruto battle royale. Jiraiya: "Good thinking considering he's stupid." Heh! The Narutos go at it, and it's about as elegant as you could expect. Jiraiya: "My, this is a sexually unattractive scene." Oh, take it out of your robe, Mountain Toad. Wait, no, don't do that. Once Naruto's triumphed over the last three Clone Narutos, his regular Chakra meter's finally on 'E.' Naturally, he collapses. With Naruto's empty vessel, we can begin the lesson! The Summoning Jutsu works like it has for everybody else so far, the addition of blood to mystic signs. Mountain Toad calls his giant toad, and the amphibian hands Naruto a contract to be binded in blood so Naruto might call upon the mighty power of the... toad. Contract signed, Naruto goes for his first summon! It is a mighty... tadpole. HAHAHAHA. The giant frog is less than impressed, as is the guy on his back. A quick jump back to Hidden Leaf Village, and the crows have been after Hayate's corpse when the Anbu come across him. Poor guy.

Next Episode: Sakura and Ino visit Sasuke, assuming they don't kill each other first.

Episode 53 - Long Time No See: Jiraiya Returns!

We join Ebisu passed out, having been beaten up by a giant frog. Naruto attempts the most secret and most sacred of techniques, One Thousand Years of Death, to rouse his teacher but goosing him up the pooper has no effect. Squad Seven's knucklehead asks the questions I ask, namely about the frog comma giant and who the heck the white-haired guy is. The Mountain Toad Sage is pleased to answer! He's a spirit sage. I guess. Naruto and I immediately dub him Pervy Sage. Naruto chews him out for knocking out Ebisu, but Mountain Toad says he got in the way of Pervy Toad's exacting research. Not only is he a spirit sage who has gained immortality, but he is also a novellist! The novel? Make-Out Paradise. Hah! Mountain Toad is pleased to meet what he thinks is a fan, although all the commotion outside startles the subjects of his research. Mountain Perv is livid at the loss of his inspiration, and Naruto wants to know who the heck is going to train him. Toad knows about the walking-on-water thing, so Naruto wants to press him into service as a new mentor, but Pervy Sage isn't having any of it. Also, Naruto's not a chick, so he's not interested. Naruto clumsily attempts to flatter Sage Toad, but Make-Out Paradise couldn't be published in Shonen Jump so Mountain Frog knows Naruto's talking out of his ass. Tired of Naruto, he whirlwinds away. Naruto: "Wow! He's cool even though he's a pervert!" I agree. He oddly reminds me of Naruto.

We join Naruto chasing his new hero through the streets, and it's easier than you might think. Just follow the sound of the slaps from offended women. Naruto's half-convinced to give up, but he doesn't have any choice. Our hero calls Toad Sage out as a perv in the middle of the street, and even goes so far as to ask if the toad-thing with Ebisu was a fluke. I'm pretty sure the toad could do if again, if he wanted. Pervy Sage amusingly stuffs Naruto in a giant vase and seals it with a rock on the lid to get some peace and quiet.

Free of orange-clad distractions, Mountain Toad Perv wants really to... er, make it with a stacked chick. He's even seeing them in the clouds. What we will call his ruminations are disrupted by a pair of Naruto's Shuriken, and Pervy Toad ducks behind the tree for some Substitution Jutsu, replacing himself with an odd-looking stuffed animal. Whoop! It's actually Transformation Jutsu! Naruto's not fooled! Mountain Perv finally breaks down and will watch Naruto's training, but in return he's got to bring him the object of his desires - which if it were a woman, would have decided back trouble. Two such creatures walk by, and Mountain Toad Sage immediately throws the training plan away. He's being charmingly perverse with the two girls before Naruto triumphantly returns with a watermelon shaped to his specifications. Hah! Ebisu happens upon the two, and seems to recognize the Pervy Sage. Toad Sage is trying to walk out of his deal, but Naruto calls him on it. The Mountain Frog is immune to Naruto's desire to become Hokage, he just wants the women. Naruto finally clues in, so... Sexy Jutsu! Ebisu nosebleeds himself into a well, and Toad Perv is so entranced he catches fire. Mountain Toad really wants to learn that technique. He also agrees to watch Naruto's training, if he's Sexy Jutsued out all the time. Naruto yells that he's just a pervet, but Naruto is wrong. Sage Perv is a super-pervert.

At the side of a river, Super Perv has completely relented, and wants Naruto to continue his water-walking training. Mountain Toad looks pleased until Naruto falls in halfway through. Sage has Naruto build up his chakra, notices something, and says he's pretty sexy when he's naked. GAH! Wait, no, it's okay - he just used it as an excuse to view the Seal Formula on Naruto's stomach. I hope. He seems to know all about how the Seal works, and even notices the extra Sealing Orochimaru did in the forest. Snake vs. Toad? Toad wants Naruto to put his hands up, before hitting him with a Seal releaser, which looks to do have done away with Orochimaru's Sealing. He has Naruto try to walk on water again, and this time it's picture perfect. Hermit Toad decides he should teach Naruto how to use the Nine-Tailed Chakra.

The Mountain Toad asks Naruto if he's ever felt like he has a different kind of Chakra sometimes, and Naruto says he has, remembering the fight with Haku on the bridge and later with Orochimaru (though briefly in that last case). He calls the different Chakra his red Chakra. Before we even get to a cool ace technique Pervy Sage promises to teach Naruto, Toad calls it quits for the day, starting with a bath. Naruto won't let what the ace techinque is drop, but Sage won't teach him until tomrrow. Giant Toad summons! Later, outside Naruto's, Pervy Sage meets with Closet Perv, and the two do know each other. The Hokage apparently had his Shinobi searching for the Sage, but Toad doesn't want to be found. Ebisu is emphatic he should come back, since Orochimaru's on the loose, they need another of the Sannin - legendary Shinobi - to beat the Sannin they have trouble with. The Mountain Toad Sage, Master Jiraiya, just looks at Ebisu as we end things.

Next Episode: A contract in blood for Ninja Summons!

Episode 52 - Ebisu Returns: Naruto's Toughest Training Yet!

Outrage is thick in the air as Naruto can't believe Ebisu is whom Kakashi picked for his training, though Kakashi mostly puzzles over the revelation Ebisu is a closet perv. Naruto goes off on Ebisu is weaker than he is, to Kakashi's continued confusion. The dude got taken down by the infamous Harem Jutsu, so that proves everything. Ebisu is quick to silence Naruto before details of The Incident can be revealed. The new master and apprentice immediately start to bicker, and Kakashi as to mollify his charge by telling him Ebisu trains elite Jonin. He implores Naruto to please try and wrap his head around the fundamentals of being a Shinobi this time around. Kakashi silently hopes for Naruto to do his best as he leaves, and he's not gone a second before Naruto loudly registers his complaint at being taught by someone supposedly weaker than he is. Oh, Naruto. Ebisu says he might have been caught off-guard by being knocked unconcious by a pack of beautiful women, but there's more to them than meets the eye. Finally, he offers Naruto a chance - if he can outrun Ebisu, the tutor will talk to Kakashi about training him instead. Naruto doesn't need any more encouragement, and he's off!

Our boy thinks he's got in the bag, having made it half-way across the Village and pats himself on the back for being the exception Ninja he knew he was. Ebisu questions the veracity of that statement from his perch above. Naruto shrieks the test isn't over yet and vanishes in a smoke-bomb while Ebisu smirks. Naruto comes to a halt next to an advertisement for Make-Out Paradise, admitting that maybe Ebisu's no joke after all. He gets an evil grin on his face, using Transformation to turn into the girl in the ad. Ebisu arrives, and is briefly, uh, interested, but steels himself with righteous. That not working, Naruto goes for the Shadow Clone and scatters in all directions. It's not just a trick Naruto knows - Ebisu does it himself and sends his clones after Naruto. Hah! They go about rounding up Naruto's rampant clones and Naruto's about at the end of his rope on a bridge. Naruto's upset Ebisu is chasing him, but the teacher points out this is a chase, and Naruto is forced to award the point. Ebisu's training isn't going to cut it - he still wants Kakashi's. He makes one last play, leaping at Ebisu, but it was just a clone. Splashing around on the other side of the bridge, Naruto's finally forced to concede to the Closet Perv.

Ebisu is good as his word, treating Naruto to the ramen stand he likes so much. He points out Naruto still doesn't have any decent control over his Chakra, and starts to explain the basics. Naruto protests he already knows about Chakra, so Ebisu helpfully explains just how he sucks at it compard to Sakura and Sasuke. Sakura knows exactly how much Chakra to build up and to use, and while Sasuke can't build it up as well as she can, he still knows how to use it once he has it. The dig at Sasuke pleases Naruto, but Ebisu tells him he's got nothing to be proud of. With triple the amount of Chakra, Naruto can barely make one clone, where with the same amount his teammates can make ten. Mostly, it just seems to boil down to Naruto having no control and doesn't know when to quit, and Ebisu privately suspects the Nine-Tail's influence for part of the problem. The mentor does promise Naruto can get stronger, although Ebisu needs all his strength so his heart nearly gives out when presented with the bill for the ramen Naruto scarfed down.

Cutting to a town known for its hot springs, but alas, this is not Naruto's hot springs episode yet! Aside from Anko and Kurenai, such a beast would be ridiculously skeevy at any rate, but I'm sure we'll get one some time. Probably doubles as a clip show. DIGRESSION! Naruto asks what they're doing here, and Ebisu immediately says DO NOT TRY TO PEEP THAT IS WRONG! Closet perv. The training's to take place in the area, but there is to be no soaking in hot springs. He wants Naruto to walk on the hot springs. It's like the tree-walking excercise, only way more difficult. To nobody's suprise, Naruto doesn't get it, so Ebisu demonstrates (and THAT's how Kakashi and Zabuza does it). Enthused, Naruto immediately tries with predictable results to which the adjective 'boiled' applies. Watching Naruto trying and failing put Ebisu in mind of training Konohamaru, who was parroting Naruto's words of wisdom about no shortcuts. Already Naruto's starting to get the hang of controlling his Chakra for water-walking, and Ebisu even calls Naruto a better teacher than himself. According to the mentor, if not for the Demon Fox, Naruto would be a righteoush Ninja for the Village. Ebisu's attention is drawn by a dude with long white hair, enjoying himself with a good ol' fashioned peeping. Immediately, the honorable mentor is OUTRAGED (that he didn't think of it first), and charges the man to prevent indecency. The man Ninja Summons a giant red toad to give Ebisu a literal tounge-lashing. The grumpy Shameless Perv mutters it won't do to be found out. About what?

New ending song. The first one I've dug. Fight! Fight! Fight!

Next Episode: Naruto bothers the Shameless Perv!

Episode 51 - A Shadow in Darkness: Danger Approaches Sasuke

Choji vs. Dosu! The rest of Squad Ten call down encouragement, sort of. Shikamaru says "Do your best!" and Ino yells down "Fatso!" Oh, dear. Much like playing "Pop Goes the Weasel" for Curly Howard, this winds Choji up, and Dosu calling him "Mr. Fatso" makes things even worse. Our big-boned hero immediately busts out Expansion Jutsu, thinking that he's got Dosu covered from their earlier fight in the Forest of Death. Human Boulder Jutsu! Hurray for big-boned! Katamari-Choji rolls after the Sound Ninja, Shikamaru noting that with Choji's ears covered, Dosu's sonic attacks won't be effective. He dodges Choji's attacks until Choji crashes into the wall, getting stuck. Dosu plants his sonic gauntlet into Choji's fla-- er, big-bonedness, and we receive an interesting lesson in how water - such as that that makes up the human body - is able to transmit sound waves. Choji's out in the quickest knock-out during the prelims. As he walks off, Dosu vows to prove to Orochimaru (not even "Lord Orochimaru") that he's no chump. The Paramedic Ninjas ask if Choji's okay, and he replies wants to eat meat, so this is a yes. Asuma decides the least they can do is take him out for BBQ, even if he didn't win.

Hayate announces the prelims over, and the Hokage is pleased to be able to get to finally start the Third Exam. Brief cutaway to Ninja Preschool, where Iruka is wondering how Naruto is doing. Back to the action, Hayate congratulates everyone for making it this far. One winner's missing - Sasuke, and Sakura's worried about him. Kakashi tells her not to worry, because it's Sasuke. Then he has Sakura stick around to find out the details of the Third Exam and 'ports away.

Kabuto's reporting to Orochimaru about how things are proceeding according to plan. He then asks if they could take Leaf Village now if they wanted to. Orochimaru figures they could, but there wouldn't be much challenge in knocking off the old Hokage. What's this? A little lip from Kabuto? Orochimaru doesn't take the mild implication it wouldn't be as easy as the Boss Snake thinks. Orochimaru wants to use Sasuke to bring all the Hidden Villages to each other's throats, and I wonder what makes Sasuke different, from, say, Gaara who also looks like a decent candidate to bring about widespread destruction. Then Kabuto goes on to talk about how he was suprised by Dosu's crew entering the fray, which is why he let himself get smacked around by the Sound Ninjas. He says Orochimaru doesn't trust him, and duh. Kabuto's a traitor, for one thing, and it's not like Orochimaru comes off as open and free with his feelings. On the contrary, says Orochimaru, he trusts Kabuto so much he wants Kabuto to pull a snatch and grab on Sasuke before Kakashi's Sealing of the Curse Mark takes complete effect. Kabuto incisively asks if he's worried about unknown variables, like loud-mouth knuckleheaded ninjas. Orochimaru just comments how on sharp Kabuto is. Careful you don't cut through that thin ice you're on, pal. Orochimaru wants Sasuke concentrating on his vengeance, and Naruto could potentially turn him from that, and might've already started. Then he lets Kabuto know he's walking a tightrope by saying it's only with Sasuke's help could Kabuto kill Orochimaru. Kabuto looks like he's about to wet himself. Then it turns out to be just a joke by the wacky funster Orochimaru! He loves to laugh, long and loud and clear!

As we rejoin Hokage's instruction on the Third Exam, the first part is that it's going to take place in a month, so everybody may be properly ready. This is each Village wanting to put their best foot forward, after all, to say nothing of the time it'll take for all the leaders of the Five Great Countries to reach the Hidden Leaf Village. This part of exam is rigged to take away the advantage of having everybody watch everybody else fight, so the participants have time to gain new tricks. I'm sure there's some fascinating flesh-eating bugs Shino could train. Naruto vows to train as hard as he can.

A pile of motionless Anbu lie on the floor of the Ninja Hospital, Kabuto sauntering in as easy as you please to loom over Sasuke's bed. He ruminates talent is a bitch, because if you're too good then monsters like Orochimaru take an Interest in you. The Snake himself wonders if Kabuto'll actually whack the kid. The traitor Leaf Ninja holds a scalpel to Sasuke's face - and it flashes away in a gleam of light to Kakashi's hand. Yeah! Kakashi compliments Kabuto on being more than he appears, and asks what he wants with Sasuke. Kabuto briefly makes like he might want to fight Kakashi, which I am all for, but Kabuto demures. Kakashi recognizes him as the son of the Leaf medical corp chief. Interesting. Kakashi asks if he's with Orochimaru. Kabuto doesn't out-right say it, but he says Kakashi might never prove it if he takes Kabuto in now, and would it maybe be okay if Kabuto walked out just this once. The Copy Ninja quickly gets tired of Kabuto being all smirky and evasive, and tells him to put up or shut up. Kabuto puts his blade to Sasuke's throat and asks if that really seems like a smart idea. Kabuto moves to cut the kid, and Kakashi's on him in a flash, knocking the knife away. PSYCHE! One of the Anbu was really Kabuto, and he makes for the door but Kakashi's already got that covered with a Shadow Clone. They've cornered Kabuto, but yet another Anbu hurls himself out the window, revealing himself to be Kabuto. Kakashi identifies it as Dead Soul Jutsu, which is sort of like Shadow Clone Jutsu, only with corpses. Gross. Orochimaru's even more of a problem if he's got people like this working for him, Kakashi realizes.

In the arena, the Hokage has Anko have everyone a slip of paper out of the box, and on it's a single number which are everybody's place in the tournament. The opening round has Naruto/Neji, Gaara/Sasuke, Kankuro/Shino, Temari has a bye and Dosu/Shikamaru. I think. Dosu's irritated because Sasuke's all the way across the tournament from him. Shikamaru's upset he didn't get the bye. Kankuro's glad he didn't get Gaara. Gaara's glad he [i]did[/i] get Sasuke. Neji thinks Naruto's going to be easy, and Naruto is dying to throw Neji some payback for beating up on poor Hinata. Shikamaru asks if this means that only one of them will get to be a Chunin, but the Hokage says instead it's up to a group of judges to decide who will advance to the next level. All of them may make it, or none of 'em may make it. The tournament is just another chance to strut your stuff for the judges, and I believe the unspoken implication is to also show off how awesome each country's ninja are. Naruto's not sure who he'd rather fight, Gaara or Sasuke.

At the Ninja hospital, Naruto's trying to track down Kakashi so his sensei can train him for the next month. Kakashi says no, but he's found somebody, and immediately Naruto thinks Kakashi's going to train Sasuke instead. Kakashi doesn't say that's true (or untrue, to be fair), but deflects Naruto by introducing his new mentor: The Closet Perv, Four-Eyes Ebisu! HAH!

Next Episode: Naruto wants Ebisu to prove himself. Just remember kid, you asked for it.

Episode 50 - The Fifth Gate: A Splendid Ninja is Born

Right to it as Lee's ready to open the Hidden Lotus on Gaara's sandy ass. Even Lee's [i]skin color[/i]'s changed he's so pumped, and the spectators don't know what's up. He's not stopping at the third gate, though - he opens the fourth, the Gate of Pain, and Kakashi remarks this just isn't something you can do through sheer willpower. Lee kicks Gaara in the face so hard that everbody has to shield their eyes from the sand. The kick launches Gaara up in the air so hard and fast his Sand Shield can't keep up, and the Sand Armor's got some serious cracks in it. Then Lee literally starts beating Gaara in the air like a bastard little pinball. [i]Oh my god.[/i] Lee's ripping his own muscles to hit Gaara like this, and prepares to open the Gate of Closing. Gaara's defenseless, and also slightly terrified. This is to be Lee's trump card against Neji, which he's showing Gaara now. Lee hammers him again, holding onto Gaara by his wrist-tape and we get why Hidden Lotus works against Gaara and Neji - it's so fast, there's no possible way you can keep up, though at horrible cost to your own body. He yanks Gaara back and... HIDDEN LOTUS! It is cosmic in its impact, and thinks on Lee start to break. Gaara's gourd starts to turn into sand before he hits.

The unthinkable - the last of Gaara's sand cushions his blow. The Sand Ninja starts to draw the sand up into a giant hand, and Shino realizes that he's going for the Sand Coffin/Burial fatality, and Lee can't get away. The Sand Coffin encases Lee's arm and leg, and Bushy-Brow thinks on his Way of the Ninja as Gaara goes for Sand Burial. There's an eruption of sand, and Guy stands in defense of his student to Gaara's outrage. He seems to flash on younger versions of his siblings and some other people, and rasps why Guy would save him? Guy responds it's because Lee is his student (well, 'important subordinate'), whom he cares for. Unsuprisingly, Gaara doesn't know Earth words like caring. Hayate's about to announce Gaara the winner since Guy interefered, but... LEE IS ON HIS FEET! He wants to prove his Way of the Ninja, and he isn't even conscious. Gaara's the winner, but he had to beat a respectable Ninja to do it. Sakura wants to leap down to go help Lee, but Kakashi says anything she'd do would make him feel worse - also Lee's still out of it. The Ninja Paramedics tend to him, and they tell Guy it'll be a while before he'll be up and moving, with the worst of it being the Sand Burial he took on his arm and leg. The Paramedic doesn't think Lee will ever be a Shinobi again. Naruto can't believe it. Guy's breaking up over Lee maybe never able to prove his Way of the Ninja, and asks Lee's forgiveness for not stopping things sooner.

Naruto wants to go after Lee, but Kakashi stops him. Kakashi wants Naruto to understand just how far Lee was willing to go to get what he believed in. Gaara seems puzzled by all the humanity floating around the arena, and even Neji's sort of regretful (for Neji). In a nice moment, Kakashi says that now he understands why Guy trained Lee in the dangerous ways he did, and apologizes for earlier. To follow that, we get our last battle - Choji vs. Dosu. Choji is doing it for all you can eat BBQ! Hurray for big-boned! Dosu wants to get into the finals so he can face Sasuke (whose name I realize I haven't typed in ages), and realizes that the Sound Ninja were just a trial run so Orochimaru could see Sasuke's powers, and Dosu realizes he's been set up to played and discarded like Zaku was.

Next Episode: Naruto trains for the main tournament, and Sakura's worried! Also Kabuto and scalpels.

Episode 48 - Gaara vs. Rock Lee: The Power of Youth Explodes!

A Ninja janitor sweeps up Hinata's blood, and Shikamaru's needling Choji about how the only people left for him to fight are the strongest - Lee, Dosu and Gaara. Choji plans to forfeit if he comes up against Gaara, and he's clearly smarter than he looks. Asuma knows his students, though, and if Choji forfeits that means he also gives up a super-special never-ending BBQ buffet. Choji's still reluctant, but Asuma promises to stop the fight like he did for Hinata (which he didn't, which makes Asuma an amusing liar) and Ino thinks it's low to taunt Choji with prime short ribs. It works, though! With fire in his eyes, Choji's ready to take on the world for the power of B-B-Q! On the opposite side of the duel arena, Kankuro notices Gaara's all twitchy from watching Hinata and Neji's epic beatdown. Fun fact: the symbol on Gaara's head means 'love.' Gaara's sibs wonder if this means his inner demon's waking up. INNER demon? Kankuro's curious about the people his brother might face, so he heads off to do a little recon.

He smugly wanders up the other side's stairs, where Naruto's brooding over... well, lots of things, probably. The Sand Ninja asks Naruto if doesn't ge think Neji's pretty tough, so Naruto immediately declares he'll be triumphant over the older Hyuga. Kankuro is amused and says he likes Naruto, but the feeling's not mutual. This might be the first instance of Naruto harshing somebody who says he likes the kid. I don't blame him, since Naruto probably remembers the whole Konohamaru incident in the village. Hayate hackingly announces it's time for the next bout, and Guy just knows it's Lee's turn to fight this time, but Lee would rather go on last now that he's waited so long. Sakura wonders if this is Lee's version of sulking. The Billboard of Fate does its randomization thing, and Gaara sand-ports down to the ring. Choji is about to pass out from relief. The Billboard was the subject of Lee's reverse psychology, which he hilariously explains with specious logic. Guy offers Lee some advice: that giant-ass gourd on Gaara's back is a little suspicious! Kakashi and Sakura are suddenly very worried for Lee, who dutifully takes notes. Hah!

Lee leaps down to the floor, and tells Gaara he's happy to have the chance to face off against the Sand Shinobi. Kankuro and Temari think Lee doesn't have a prayer, but Naruto tells Kankuro he doesn't know what he's talking about. Hayate signals for the match start, and Lee is first on the move! He charges in with a Leaf Hurricane spin-kick, which Gaara sand-blocks, forcing Lee to backflip away when the Sand Shield crashes down right where he stood. Of the non-Sanders, only Shino's seen what Gaara can do before, and while not the most empathetic fellow doesn't want to see it happen again. Still, Lee's game for some more, but nothing he gets can get through Gaara's defense, and all the while the Sand Villager just stands there with his arms crossed. Then the sand comes after Lee, who hacks away with a kunai before having to flip away. Kankuro tells Naruto that's what Gaara's sand does, it protects him without Gaara having to lift a finger. Lee's getting frustrated, and Gaara's getting bored. He wants blood, and sends the sand after Lee. It grabs him by the leg and slams him into the wall, and Lee keeps trying to use Taijutsu which is beyond ineffective. Sakura asks why he doesn't use any Ninjutsu or Genjutsu, and Guy says it's not that he won't, but he can't. Gaara throws another sand tidal wave at Lee that looks like it hits, but our boy manages to flip away in time. Guy tells Sakura that the only part of being a Ninja Lee can do is Taijutsu, and that's why he'll win! He calls over to Lee and yells that the word has been given, Lee can take the gloves off. Or rather his legwarmers, which hide weights he's been wearing the whole time. Nobody's impressed, until Bushy-Brows drops the weights which crater on the duel floor. Kakashi: "A bit extreme, I'd say, Guy."

At Guy's signal, Lee leaps into action - leaps so fast that even Gaara's suprised. His Sand Shield can barely keep up with Lee's attacks, and it is amazing to watch. The look on Gaara's face is priceless. Lee leaps into the air, spins, then brings both feet down onto Gaara's head! IT CONNECTS! Lee skids to a halt and Gaara's bleeding from his cheek. Temari and Kankuro can't believe it. Guy: "Youth is... explosion!" Now on the defensive, Gaara throws more sandlbasts at Lee which he dodges, then Lee lands a super-sonic right cross onto Gaara and sends him to the floor, sand spilling out of his gourd. Gaara pushes himself up, and it's not pretty. The sand that apparently covers him is cracking, bits of it falling off, but underneath he's fine. Well, except for his expression, which is a twisted, wild-eyed grin that might make the Joker say, "Whoa! Calm down, slick." This is Gaara's second defense - Sand Armor. It actually uses Chakra to form, unlike the Sand Shield, so Lee's doing really good, but Temari still doesn't think Lee's got any kind of prayer.

Gaara asks if that's all he's got, and Lee decides if he wants to do any damage, he's got to rain it from above. There will be Lotus! Bushy-Brows unwraps his wrists a bit, then laps Gaara so fast it disrupts his Sand Shield. It leaves Gaara open enough so Lee can kick him into the air, and follows it up with an awesome series of half-speed bicycle kicks. This effort is putting tremendous strain on Lee, and Guy prays that his next blow is the finishing blow. Gaara's Sand Armor starts to crack and Lee wraps him up in his wrist-tape for the Primary Lotus! It craters Gaara in the center of the ring! Lee lands on his feet, breathing hard, and Gaara's Sand Armor is all cracked and he's not moving. Hayate moves to check his condition, but it turns out it's just a hollow Sand Shell. SAND SUBSTITUTION! Of course, this means... oh, poopie.

Next Episode: Gaara's psychotic, but Lee's not worried!

Episode 47 - A Failure Stands Tall!

The Hyugas have just hit their heart-stopping (ahem) blow, and it looks like Hinata got the worst of it as she spits up blood. Neji blocks her return strike, and is going vicious as he just strikes the Chakra-lines in her arms every time she tries to hit him. His Byakugan is more advanced than Hinata's, he can hit the precise points to speed up or slow down and enemy's Chakra. Neji sends Hinata flying with a vicious palm strike, and Neji goes on again about how Hinata can't change, and gives her another chance to withdraw. Hinata shakily pushes herself up, and tells Neji she meant what she said when she wasn't going to run away any more, and that's her Way of the Ninja. Hah! Go, girl. She gives Naruto a look, drawing courage from our hero, and Naruto's suprised at how tough Hinata's turned out to be. Sakura and Lee can see her going this far, pointing out how much she's like him. Hinata uses the Byakugan, but it seems to backfire on her Chakra Network. Neji's completely shut down Hinata's Chakra, and while he might win this thing for the upper-classmen, Guy doesn't look that happy about it. Gaara just looks interested. I've mentioned that's a scary little creep, right? Ino's wondering if Neji's going to kill Hinata, but dismisses it, and Sakura wonders if this isn't cheating some how.

Naruto yells down encouragement, which gives Hinata the strength to leap to the attack again. We get some tender music as the Hyugas exchange blows, none of which connect, but with Gentle Fist that probably doesn't matter. Hinata monlogues about how long she's been watching Naruto's style and how he lives his life despite what others think, and she's taken that as her example. If it works for her, I say go for it, and we so want it to work for for her. Hinata, coming from privilige like she is, finally feels like she's worth something if she follows Naruto's example, and I'm not quite sniffly, but it's close. Neji blocks Hinata again, and gives her a vicious chin-strike. Kurenai reflects on this girl who used to train really hard, but would still wimp out when things got too tough, and Kurenai's never seen our (other) girl quite like this. Hinata steels herself up for another charge, but Neji just about impales her on his hand. Yikes.

Neji lets Hinata crumple to the ground, complete with her coughing up blood. Cousin Neji just can't let it lie about how useless Hinata is. Kurenai wants her to stay down, even though she's proud of her. It's all Naruto can do to not to throttle Neji, and we can all feel the same. Before Hayate can end the match, Naruto yells at him to stop. Sakura thinks he's nuts for wanting the match to go on, and we can't disagree. Then the impossible happens as Hinata gets back to her feet. Slowly, shakily, bleeding from her mouth, but back on her feet. Hinata refuses to look weak in front of the person she admires most. Remember when Rocky said he didn't have to beat Apollo Creed, he just had to go the distance? Yeah, this about as emotional for me. Hinata's ready to give it her all in front of the person she admires most, and Neji can't believe it. He calls her weak again, and tells her to just deal with the fact she's weak and fragile because she's suffering from the burden of being the Hyuga heir. Hinata awesomely turns it around and says that if anyone's suffering around here about who gets to lead what family, he is. This sets Neji off and no less than four Jonin have to restrain him, and Neji winges on about the heir getting special treatment. The Chakra damage surges over Hinata's heart again, and Naruto rushes to her side to hear her whisper if she's changed a little before she passes out. Wow. You'll pardon me a moment.

Neji's not done being an ass, though. He calls out Naruto, and gives him the same spiel he gave Hinata - only in this case, it's that a failure's always be a failure. Naruto charges at him, and we want him to kick Neji's teeth in, but Lee stops Naruto from making it. Lee understands that Neji's a bastard, but to save it for the tournament. He also asks if wouldn't it be a fine thing for the failure to beat the genius through effort? While Lee figures it's he who'll fight Neji, he'd be cool with Naruto doing the same. Naruto relents, we get awesome mirror thumb's up/smile-twinkles as Lee asks Guy if he did a good thing, and Guy says he sure did. Everybody's attention is drawn to our (other) girl as Hinata coughs up blood again, and her sensei says she's having a Chakra-based heart attack. Jeebus. The Ninja Paramedics cart her off as Naruto reflects on the change he saw in Hinata today. Then he makes a literal blood oath that he'll win no matter what. Fucking awesome.

Next Episode: ROCK LEE VS GAARA! ROCK LEE VS GAARA! HOLY CRAP, ROCK LEE VS GAARA!

Episode 46 - Byakugan Battle: Hinata Grows Bold!

We open to Naruto using Hinata's rapid-healing salve, but Kakashi it's not so much that it's that fast, Naruto's just got a Nine-Tail healing factor. As the Ninja Paramedics carry the dog and his Ninja out, Hinata meekly offers Kiba some of the same medicine, but Kiba is at once kind of a jerk and kind of cool. He tells Hinata to worry about herself instead of others, and if Kiba had any kind of tact that would've come off much better. Kiba also tells her if she draws Gaara, to concede right then. And then possibly flee the country and live the rest of her life under an assumed name. Then he also says the same about Neji. Huh. The Billboard of Fate spits out, yup, Hinata vs. Neji (which I still think is miles better than getting Gaara - and I really hope poor big-boned Choji doesn't draw the dead-eyed little sand bastard). Is this going to be a very short episode?

Nope! Hinata at least has to concede first, I guess. I notice both Hyugas wear the same footwear. Neji calls Hinata 'Lady' and Hinata calls her 'brother.' Naruto asks if they're siblings, but Kakashi says that they're both descended from a distinguished Hidden Leaf family - Ninja blue-bloods, if you will. Hinata comes from the head family, and Neji comes from one of its branches. Sakura thinks that could make the fight awkward, and Lee says it will, but not for the reasons she's probably thinking of. Like any family, the Hyuga has had their feuds. The branch family doesn't like the head family for reasons that go into how the Hyuga teach their funky sight Jutsu. Neji tells Hinata to withdraw, and he's just cruel to the poor kid. Her passivity and lack of confidence wouldn't make her a good Shinobi, and there's nothing there I can argue with right away. You do want to beat up Neji for picking on Hinata, though. Hinata says she wanted to improve, no matter what Neji says, and the spectators think the elder Hyuga is a class-A jerk.

Flashback to Kurenai and Hinata's father, with Hinata's younger sister Hanabi looking about ready to pass out on the floor. Kurenai says she'll teach up Hinata to be a proper Shinobi, but Hinata's dad's already thinks she's useless, having been outstripped by Hanabi. We join the present with Neji being a prick, who doesn't think people can change and that means once a failure, always a failure for Hinata. What the hell, bro? Neji's seen it all through the Byakugan, and this is first the kids've heard of that technique. Kakashi recounts that it's a Visual Jutsu that goes way back in their family, and it's even where the Uchiha picked up the Sharingan from - but it outclasses even that. Neji fires it up, and Hinata looks panicked beyond belief, complete with her eyes starting to loll back and forth. That's a trick of the Byakugan, though, which seems to mean that you can use it read what your opponent's actually thinking, rather than the Sharingan's mimicry. It all boils down to Hinata's picturing herself losing, and she gets even more and frightened by this literal invasion of her privacy.

It's very harsh. Hinata starts to hyperventilate as Neji continues his tirade, before Naruto gratefully interrupts things by yelling down at Hinata to stop listening to her goony older cousin and kick his ass. It's certainly a good thing they allow spectators at this thing. Naruto once again speaks for the audience, yelling to give it back as good as she's been getting. Taiko drums bring us a new Hinata, who meets Neji's eyes and who is tired of running away. She turns on her own Byakugan and drops into Neji's own stance from earlier. The Hyuga style is the strongest Taijutsu in the Hidden Leaf Village, and Lee reminds us he did tell us that Neji was the toughest Shinobi on his squad. They go right at, lots of blocking and dodging, neither of them able to land a good shot. Hinata moves in for a palm strike, which looks like it missed - but Lee says that's just as good as regular strike. Where as Lee and Guy's Taijutsu (Furious Fist! Awesome!) is all external, the Hyuga messes you and your Chakra up on the inside (Gentle Fist). It's very subtle, but it's hard to make your internal organs buff, so it's very effective. The Hyugas go at it again, and I think Shino and Kurenai are impressed, but it's hard to tell with those two. Naruto has to have Chakra explained to him again. Heh. Lee's so focused on the fight, he misses Sakura defending him to Naruto. Kakashi explains that's what Byakugan let's you see - the opponent's Chakra line. Both Hyugas connect solid with each, and it looks like somebody's heart just stopped. Whoa.

Next Episode: Hinata is love.

Episode 45 - Surprise Attack! Naruto's Secret Weapon!

Naruto's ready to go through Kiba to become Hokage, and Kiba's ready to let him try. He calls Naruto pesky, and welcome to Sakura's world, kid. Here's your passport. They Fang over Fang Naruto again, but he's ready for it this time and misses. They don't seem terribly bothered, throwing down a smoke bomb and Fang Over Fanging Naruto a third time. Naruto says he's got a lot left, thanks Kiba. The Canine Brothers smoke bomb before hitting their tandem offense again, and Naruto's trapped by Kiba's assault, then it comes to Naruto. TRANSFORMATION! Into Kiba. Nice! But it doesn't work quite as good as it ought, Kiba smells like a dog and smells like a dog. So why did the Kiba he just knock out turn out to be Akamaru? Kiba batters the other Kiba down, and it's Akamaru, too! HAH! Kiba loses the prank war and greets Naruto's foot with his chest. Nobody knows where Naruto got so smart. He quotes Kakashi at Kiba to my delight.

Kiba's not done yet, and bites down on his hand hard enough to draw blood. Kiba thinks he's still go it sorted - Naruto can't read his speed and if Kiba remains calm, he's got it. Naruto picks this time to show off his new technique, which Kiba disrupts by hurling Shuriken at Naruto, then All-Fours Naruto across the floor with two solid hits. Squad Eight's wolfboy is still too fast for Naruto, and goes for a diving claw-rake which Naruto catches and turns into a shoulder-throw. Sweet. Our hero tries to fire up his Chakra again as Kiba goes for another diving rake, but Naruto ducks most of it. A second blow sends Naruto sprawling. Naruto slowly pushes himself back up, running on sheer thickheaded-ness rather than stamina at this point. Squad Ten's impressed, and everybody's calling for them to finish it.

Naruto tries to rile Kiba, but it doesn't work - Kiba darts around Naruto going for a rear attack... and gets a rear attack from Naruto. As in 'breaking wind.' As in 'right in Kiba's face.' I perform the fabled technique of falling out of my chair laughing. Kiba's in agony, the super-sense of smell working way against him in this case. Seeing his chance, and vowing not to strain so hard in the future, Naruto breaks off the Shadow Clone Jutsu. They go for some awesome combo moves, battering him around and then up into the air. Naruto Barrage! It's a funky combination of the Shadow Clone Jutsu mixed with Sasuke's Lion Barrage. "For the record, the name is a rip off, too." Hayate moves in to check Kiba, and the potent canine/far smell isn't going to do anything for his cough. As he comes back upstairs, Hinata just barely is able to say Naruto's name, and she adorably (and very shyly) offers Naruto some ointment. Kurenai has to prod Naruto taking it, so he's still got the knucklehead thing going for him. Hinata's interest ticks off Neji, who calls her 'Lady Hinata' and looks really mad. Yikes.

Next Episode: Hinata vs. Neji! Poor Hinata.

Episode 44 - Akamaru Unleashed! Who's Top Dog Now?

Favorite episode title so far.

Naruto versus Kiba and Akamaru, and I'm looking forward to this like whoa all of a sudden. Beli-- oh, nevermind. Naruto proclaims himself the victor already, which ticks Kiba off because he was going to do the same. He tries to get Kiba to ditch the dog, and asks for a ruling on Kiba wanting to use Akamaru to fight, though he didn't have a problem earlier with Shino's creepy bug swarm. Hayate allows it, since animals and insects are Ninja tools like everything else, and Naruto decides to treat it like a good excuse to show off how awesome he is. Kurenai's already mentally calling it in favor of Kiba, and even Hinata wants to support Naruto, but Kiba's on her squad. You just want to pat her on the head and tell her it'll be okay, don't you? She's really worried about Dog Ninja getting mad. Kiba flashes back to Ninja Academy, and we get their lesson on Transformation. Naruto does a horrible version of the Hokage, and young Kiba's irritated by their new class clown. Naruto says he'll be the real Hokage one day, and won't need to transform into one.

In the present, Kiba promises to take Naruto out quick. At the start, Kiba kicks it off with Art of Beast Mimicry: All-Four Jutsu and goes quadraped on Naruto, slamming him into the wall. Naruto looks out of it, and the only one how it works who has a clue are Kakashi and Sakura. Naruto isn't going to let this keep him from getting stronger, and staggers back to his feet to almost everybody's suprise. There's this awesome guitar plucked string riff. He bellows out to not underestimate him, and this pumps the spectators up. Naruto says he was just feeling Kiba out (which might even be true, it's Naruto after all), and wants Kiba to come at him for real this time. Kiba tags in Akamaru and both charge at Naruto. Kiba throws down a smoke bomb, and Naruto's getting pummeled by... something. When he bursts from the smoke, he gets a face-full of Akamaru and is knocked back in. The smoke clears to Naruto all crumpled up, and Akamaru makes a triumphant bark while I laugh my head off.

Kiba's ready to celebrate as Akamaru bounds toward him, and then bites him! Betrayal most foul by his canine companion!? Nope! TRANSFORMATION! Naruto transforms back to Kiba, still hanging off of Kiba's arm while a Shadow Clone has Akamaru restrained. Hah! Squad Ten's impressed, and so are 2/3rds of the Sanders. Naruto complains of Kiba smelling like a dog, and living as I do with an American foxhound, I can relate. Kiba re-focuses after the last attempt, taking a deep breath and then saying he'll take Akamaru back, thank you. He tosses Akamaru a Ninja Scooby Snack, and Akamaru grows larger and his fur turns red. Naruto's wondering what the hell is going on as Kiba pops a Food Pill himself. Ninja Art of Beast Mimicry: Man Beast Clones! Kiba also looks like he's gone completely feral, and Naruto hilariously complains of doping, but it's a Ninja tool. Choji has the scoop, and if anybody would, it's him. It's a military ration to double one's Chakra. Both attack in stereo with All Four jutsu, but Naruto backflips away. Aka-Kiba does some four-legged wall-running and Naruto's just able to avoid, and Asuma comments that Food Pills are just the thing for a feral psycho like Kiba. They go for Man Beast Taijutsu Ultimate Technique, Fang Over Fang! It looks to catch Naruto clean. Kiba takes this oppurtunity to boast while Naruto's barely twitching.

Then Kiba does the one thing he shouldn't have ever done, offer to become Hokage for Naruto. There's a lot of jerky derision from Kiba, and we can see what's coming so clearly we almost wish Kiba would shut up while he's ahead. Since he's a jerk, we're okay with what's coming. Hinata reflects that, unlike her, Naruto's always believed in himself, and again - don't you just want to hug her or something? We now get why Hinata likes Naruto - essentially because opposites attract. She's been the only one who's bothered to look at him besides possibly Iruka-sensei. She correctly points out for the first time that everybody's watching him, and it's really his chance now. There can be only one Hokage, and Naruto plans to be it. Kiba reminds me of Naruto, only he's Naruto without the enforced empathy that comes from being an orphan with a Tragic Past, and general niceness our hero has.

Next Episode: Round two of Naruto/Kiba!

Episode 43 - Killer Kunoichi and a Shaky Shikamaru

It's time for the fith battle, and that means more Kunoichi - Tenten and Temari. Their respective teammates Neji and Gaara give each other the big eye. Having Lee and Guy in your corner automatically gets you the award for 'most enthusiastic cheering section.' Tenten's picked her spot carefully, able to go either on offense or defense, and Temari throws out the usual 'crush you in a second' banter. She taunts Tenten to strike first, and Tenten obliges her. She lobs a flight of Shuriken at Temari, who does this weird double-blink and it looks like Tenten missed. Tenten doesn't miss, says Guy (and how my heart breaks for her when she did miss, because it's Guy-sensei), so Temari's pulling something funky out of her ninja hat. Shikamaru's all ready to throw in the towel, because he's a defeatist little punk, and Naruto and I demand to know why. Shikamaru doesn't bother, but Choji's willing to take it on faith. Heh. Tenten sizes up her next attack, to make sure this one won't miss. Guy's Kunoichi darts behind Temari before launching into the air, and busting out some scroll Jutsu. Do I smell a Summoning? Sort of. What she summons in an assload of sharp objects, but Temari and her fan block them all.

The Sand Kunoichi's fan is showing one symbol, and she says when it shows three, it's over for Tenten. Lee over-excitedly yells out encouragement for Tenten to be calm, and I realize what wonders having Lee on your team must do for your focus. Tenten has a trick she was going to save for later, but decides it's now or never. She pops a pair of scrolls out, Rising Twin Dragons, there's an explosion of twin dragon-shaped smoke and it's a ridiculous barrage, but Temari bats them away with the second start. Tenten's not finished! She pulls them back up with thin lines attached to all the weapons, but Temari hits the third star and blows them and Tenten away. Temari vanishes behind her fan, before riding it like an air skiff over the Leaf Kunoichi. Ninja Art: Wind Scythe Jutsu! Poor Tenten gets caught up in a Chakra-charged tornado that rips at her skin. For the last act of being a brutal Sander, Temari catches Tenten on the edge of her fan for some spinal trauma. That was... definitive. Lee catches Temari when she throws Tenten away, and is pissed at Temari's dismissive treatment of his squadmate. Temari blocks his kick, and Guy stops Lee before it can go any further. Gaara also reigns Temari in, though not before calling Lee awful-looking. Heh. Might Guy amiably warns the Sand Villagers not to underestimate Lee.

Squad Eight doesn't want to fight the Sanders at all. Sakura, back on her feet, thanks Naruto for his help during her brawl with Ino, and even that Naruto can't get right. Hee. Next bout! Shikamaru vs. Kin! I'm glad we get a Shinobi/Kunoichi fight (and another, depending on whomever Hinata fights). Ino's uncharacteristically cheering on Shikamaru (at least to Choji), and across the duel room Dosu advises Kin to watch out for his shadow tricks. Shikamaru thinks it's all such a major drag, thinking back to how it'd be easier if it was Dosu, since he saw Dosu fight, but he hasn't seen Kin and Kin's seen his Shadow Paralysis stunt. That's what he goes for, and Kin calls him on it, easily dodging the Jutsu and lobbing senbon at Shikamaru. It's a trick, one has bells and one doesn't, so Shikamaru'll respond to the sound of the bells rather than the needles themselves, but he sees right through. Hmmm, thinks Dawgstar. Ah, but Kin's sneaky, too! This time the bells ringing is a senbon Kin already threw, pulled by string. Distracted, he can't dodge her next needles, though he takes these one in the arm instead of the chest. Kin gives the bells another tug, and the chimes are actually the focus of Kin's sound jutsu. Loss of balance AND hallucination. Nice.

Multi-Kin taunts Shikamaru, catching him on the other arm with more senbon. Shikamaru calls her out for dragging it out when she said she'd end it quick. WHOOP! Sneaky bastard Shikamaru's locked in the Shadow Paralysis, having manipulated his shadow and followed the string on Kin's bell to the real Kin. Okay, okay, you got me - Shikamaru's lazy but clever. I can dig it. Kin asks how he's going to win with that, and Shikamaru reaches for some Shuriken, which Kin has to do, too. The simul-lob their throwing stars, and Shikamaru bends backwards quickly to avoid them. Kin has to do the same! Only she's WAY too close to the wall and brains herself and fine, fine, Shikamaru's awesome, too. That was a pretty sweet win. Naruto still thinks he's dull and plain. We go back to the Billboard, and Kiba's praying for anybody but Gaara. I can't blame him. There's an odd moment when Hinata meets Neji's eyes, then quickly looks away. Hmmm. We have our next bout! Naruto in a handicap match against Kiba and Akamaru! I'm stoked. Lee's stressing over needing to be the next guy to fight after this, or else, and Kakashi remarks he's just like Guy was at Lee's age. I believe this totally. It's Naruto's turn to show us what he's got!

Next Episode: Naruto goes to the dog!

Episode 42 - The Ultimate Battle: Cha!

Sakura and Ino in the Brawl to Settle it All! Sakura starts off with a Clone Jutsu, but Ino figures she can spot the right one quickly, and is thrown when all three leap off the ground. The Real Sakura punches Ino across the duel room. It's a different Sakura now, Ino. Recognize! Ino accepts Sakura's offer for the kid gloves coming off. Kakashi comments, as we've seen, when it comes to the fundamentals Sakura's the best of the rookies, particularly placing her Chakra where it needs to be. The girls go for a clench with in the middle of the ring, neither gaining any ground and both leap back away to regroup. They throw shuriken which knock each other out of the air. Ino's wondering just what the hell happened to Sakura to turn our girl's knob up to 11. Exhausted, both go for a brutal right cross, and both connect in shot to make me recoil in my seat a little. All of a sudden, they're evenly matched and it looks like Hayate might call it a draw. Ino yells in frustration about how on earth is Sakura as suddenly as good as she is, and Sakura fires back about not being as good as Ino is, but better. Mind games for the win!

Ino's so thoroughly riled by this point, she cuts her own hair off, yelling how she also doesn't need it anymore. Ino starts to prep the Mind Transfer Jutsu, but her teammates aren't as impressed by that as we think they might be. Sakura starts rattling off the exact description, and we see how much it would suck to fight a walking Ninjutsu dictionary. It's an all or nothing attack, and it's literally nothing if you don't hit - you're stuck outside your own body - It's not a battle Jutsu. Ino's not deterred, even though it's normally comboed with Shikamaru's Shadow Possession Jutsu. Sakura heads on the move as Ino fires it off and... Ino sinks to her knees, but Sakura's paused, too. Then Sakura's body starts to chuckle, and our girl's still in residence. She starts to move for Ino's helpless form, but swerve! Ino's got her locked up with some Chakra chains, and the point again is hammered home Ino is no slouch. She used her hair as the conductor to help her with the Mind Transfer. Mind games for the win, the sequel! Ino fires it off again, and this time connects. Naruto hasn't twigged to the fact Ino's in the driver's seat. Everybody's on the edge of the seat as Ino-in-Sakura tries to concede. Naruto reminds us why we like him, shouting down encouragement to Sakura even though it technically shouldn't do any good. But you know what? It does. Sakura starts twitching, and Ino's feeling the chill. The power of Naruto being obnoxious is what drives shakes her out of her stupor, and that's brilliant. We flash into Sakura's subconscious and Inner Sakura is giving Ino what-for, and I can't get the smile off my face. In desperation, Ino has to eject, and both girls fall to their knees. Sakura has FIGHTING SPIRIT, but both of them are about done. They both charge in for the final blow...

As is the norm, we flashback over some scenes from their earlier friendship, then cut back right as they knock the ever-loving piss out of each other. Both of them try to sit up, but collapse back down. It's a double-knockout! Damn. Their respective squads loudly rush in to check in on the girls, which is cool to see, and everybody's proud of the Kunoichi. No time to reflect on personal growth, though! The Billboard spits out the next match, Tenten vs. Temari, and the former's all fired up. As am I. I crack up at Lee and Guy's encouragements for Tenten. "The power of youth!" "There is no end to your youth!" Sakura finally wakes up to see Ino sitting next to her, and both upset at having lost, though neither really did. The girls start to act like the friends they were, but it quickly turns south, and I can bask in the comfort of familiar things.

Next Episode: More Kunoichi and Shikamaru threatens to punk out.

Episode 41 - Kunoichi Rumble: The Rivals Get Serious!

Jumping right in with Misumi trying to beat Kankuro quickly. The fake Leafer gets his blow caught, but that's okay. He uses Chakra to dislocate every joint in his body and anaconda the Sand Ninja. Misumi's smug, but so is Kankaro. There's a cracking sound, and it looks like Kankaro's neck is broken. The spectators are stunned, save Gaara. It had been a little while since anybody busted out a disturbing ninja trick, so we meet our quota with Kankuro's head spinning around 180 and it's not Kankuro at all. Some sort of evil robot ninja doll [thing, if I'm any judge. The Puppet grapples Misumi in a manner to put the latter's whole shtick to shame, while the real Kankuro unwraps himself from what we thought was Crow. Crow's being controlled by Kankuro's Chakra, and amusingly says that Misumi should be able to pull his stunt real good with all his bones broken. Before anything really horrible can happen, Hayate coughingly puts a stop to the match. Naruto, who regularly employs the Shadow Clone Jutsu thinks two on one is cheating. I take a moment to facepalm. Kakashi and Sakura are blase' about the whole thing: a Puppet's just like Shuriken, only creepier. It's yet another Chakra stunt that makes Sakura wonder just how far she can get in the prelims.

Cut to the restroom, where Sakura's washing her face. Ino appears to mock Sakura, 'cause she's kind of a bitch. If even Sasuke collapsed after his match, what chance does she have, Ino asks. Thank you for the mixed signals after the Forest, Ino. Sakura decides then and there that she can tough this out too, and she's looking forward to kicking some ass. Inner Sakura: "Cha! Bring it on!" YEAH! Hayate coughs his way to announcing the fourth match. Naruto comments on the abundance of weirdoes in this place, and Kakashi and Sakura point out about pots denouncing kettles, though Sakura's giggle over it is cut off by the announcement of the next match. Sakura vs. Ino! Well! Won't this be awkward? The Kunoichi square off, and Ino's sensei Asuma commenting that Ino was a stand-out amongst the Genin (really? Well, okay) and Shikamaru thinking things have gotten gloomy. Heh. Asuma further wonders just how serious Ino will get against Sakura. Naruto amusingly yells out encouragement to his teammate.

At Hayate's signal, they go right at it, and it's cool to see. They duck and dodge each other's blows, with Sakura leaping back to fling a trio of kunai at Ino, who ducks two and catches the last one. On the sidelines, Naruto thinks Sakura's doing great, but Shikamaru thinks Naruto's being an idiot. Neji thinks they're unimpressive, and Tenten comments that they're just being lukewarm because nothing's at stake. Another exchange between the Kunoichi, with Ino getting in a solid punch to the gut. She goes for an overhand punch, then flashes on young Sakura and it turns into a slap. Sakura gapes at her, and Ino at her own hand. We flashback to the Kunoichis' training, and how that they had to learn there'll be times they'll need to know how to act like a proper lady. Younger versions of the girls pair off for some flower arranging, with Sakura lamenting she's no good at this, but Ino helps her out, giving Sakura her first hair ribbon. It's kind of sweet to see. A trio of Ninja Mean Girls start in with Billbroad Brow, but Ino silences her with some thrown flowers to the mouth, and that's the funniest time I've ever seen someone compared to a vase. They were poison flowers, even, and the bit about Ino being a standout starts making sense. Poor Sakura still compares herself unfavorably to Ino, complete with flower-based metaphors. Present day, after more Ino-tormenting Sakura claims bold as brass that Ino isn't worth Sasuke's time, and is just beneath Sakura's notice. Hah! The newly competent Ino takes this as well as we can expect, and even Naruto thinks Sakura went to far. Kakashi, in his wisdom, points out Sakura's not the vindictive sort, she's just pissed Ino's taking her so lightly.

Flashback to Ninja Middle School, and young Sakura asks young Ino why she gave Sakura the hair ribbon in the first place, and Ino says that if a flower doesn't bloom, there's no point to it. Ino says who knows what Sakura might turn out like in the future, and it's another sweet scene. Duel ring - Sakura wanted to be like Ino for the longest time, and thanks to trying to meet Ino's example, Sakura realizes what she really wants is to finally be like Sakura. YEAH! Sakura pulls her headband off, the callsign here for 'bring it.' Ninja standoff! Naruto doesn't get girls. Rivals do weird things, Kakashi says as he glances at Guy, who is put off by how hip and galling Kakashi is. Flashback to the girls being just post-Genin, and both vowing never to lose to the other again. Sakura hands Ino back the ribbon she got when they were kids, and says she'll no longer be under Ino's shadow when they're both Shinobi. Ino grins as they clasp hands. Now time - both girls don their Leaf Village headbands as the taiko drums kick in. This time for sure, a fair fight! That episode was pretty darn solid.

Next Episode: Sakura vs. Ino, and neither's going down!

Episode 40 - Kakashi and Orochimaru: Face-to-Face!

We open with Orochimaru and Kakashi, but the former wants nothing to do with the latter, it's Sasuke he's after. Orochimaru tells Kakashi that he shouldn't be greedy, if Kakashi can have the Uchiha power, then he should have some, too. Back at the dueling ground, Zaku's smug after having blasted Shino in the face. Shino stands up, none the worse for wear, and by the sound of the ominous skittering I think this is the last time I can call Shino 'bug-nerd.' Hundreds of insect are swarming outside of Shino's coat, and Zaku's trying to blow it off. Doing so ignores the millions of bugs crawling up behind him. Millions of bugs who eat Chakra. This is implied to be fatal, also really squicky. Shino has it sorted - if Zaku blasts Shino, the bugs get him, if Zaku blasts the bugs, Shino gets him.

Flashback to a young Zaku being chased after stealing some food. He's cornered in an alley and we're spared the beating he's thrown. After he comes to, Zaku's suprised by Orochimaru, commenting that he's got some potential and offers to take Zaku under his wing, which he accepts. Then it's on to a younger Zaku confronted by an unidentified ninja, and they clash in sound and fury, with Zaku the victor. Next, Sasuke breaking Zaku's arms. As is always the case in this series, a good flashback sequence makes for a fine pick-me-up. In the present, Zaku wrenches his broken arm up at the bugs, and his other at Shino. Zaku was playing the kid all along, but Shino doesn't look very concerned (which is unsuprising).

Orochimaru talks to Kakashi about his new Sound Village, where he collects the true badasses of the ninja world and also the rejects who can be discarded. We find out which one Zaku is as his arms start to spring a leak and explode. Earlier, Shino had his bugs block Zaku's exhaust openings, and thus disarmed, Shino backhands the mess out of the Sound Villager. Orochimaru approaches Sasuke, Kakashi still in his way. The Copy Ninja threatens to take them both out, which Ororhimaru laughs at. He goes on to say the Seal is meaningless, since one day Sasuke will seek him out to avenge himself on his brother. He sportingly offers Kakashi the chance to kill him if he can, but Kakashi freezes and Orochimaru vanishes. Hayate announces Shino as the creepy bug-using winner. Lee asks Neji to Byakugan Shino, who we charitably call [i]startled[/i] by what he sees. It happens Shino is from a race of Leaf Village bug-tamers, who use their bodies as nests for insects. SQUICK. Dosu says he's going to settle the score for Zaku. Kurenai is twitchy over her student, and Shino's calm ticks off Kiba.

Kakashi 'ports back with a hearty 'Yo!' to tell Seven Sasuke's alright (and doesn't tell him he's under ridiculously heavy guard). We get our next fight - Kankuro vs. the last of Orochimaru's Leaf Village goons, Misumi. Kankuro's sensei thinks he's underestimating this fight, and Misumi takes the chance to tell Kankuro that he's going to end things quickly. Kankuro says that's fine with him, and is going to reciprocate. Hayate calls for the bell...

Next Episode: Kunoichi Katfight! (I do apologize.)

Episode 37- Surviving the Cut! The Rookie Nine Together Again!

Yoroi's still working his Chakra-draining Jutsu as everybody else looks on. Orochimaru remarks on Yoroi's special trick, and if he sucks it all out, Sasuke's got nothing left but the Curse Mark. Sasuke digs deep to kick Yoroi off, who tells Sasuke if he just lies back this'll all be over in a second. Sasuke ducks his first couple of grabs, before barely catching a piece of him and draining more Chakra. Gaara's less than impressed by Sasuke's performance. Naruto tries some well-meaning but obnoxious encouragement, which Sasuke ignores, but seeing Rock Lee stand next to him seems to turn a wheel in the Uchiha's brain. Yoroi charges up his Chakra-stealing hand again, but this time Sasuke still seems prepared. He's got his second wind, dodging Yoroi's attacks, but nobody seems very hopeful - until Sasuke uses Lee's own stunt from earliy, he vanishes and then reappears with a monster kick to send Yoroi flying. Sasuke's not a total copycat, though, as everything else from here on out is all him. He lauches himself behind Yoroi, and tries to go for some Chakra-based attack again, against the advice of his ninja physician. The Curse Mark erupts on Sasuke, and it takes Naruto being loud to embolden Sasuke to shove the Curse Mark down. YEAH!

Everybody's impressed, including your humble author. His trick done, Yoroi's kind of hapless now. Sasuke leg-scissors his foe and then windmills Yoroi with blows on the way down to the ground, (Barrage of LIONS!) where Yoroi craters. Hayate unsuprisingly calls it in favor of Sasuke. Kakashi poofs down (complete with Make-Out Paradise in hand), congratulating Sasuke on his win, but nothing that Sasuke copied Lee (or, really, Guy's) taijutsu with the Sharingan. Naruto expresses his pleasure by shouting down insults, and we can be glad some things don't change. Sasuke inwardly acknowledges it was watching Lee fight that saved him, but Lee notices that Sasuke only copied the part he saw. Lee's impressed, and even a little trepidatious. He reminds Guy of Kakashi when the latter was a kid, which is a huge compliment. Tenten speculates between Neji or Sasuke being stronger. Anko's impressed he could bring the Curse Mark under control. Gaara looks ready to flay somebody, but that's nothing new. Squad Ten is Squad Ten, and Squad Eight doesn't do anything terribly suprising, either. Orochimaru looks like he's about to soil himself in happiness. Kakashi waves off the ninja paramedics, taking Sasuke back to seal his Curse Mark, over Sasuke's protests to wanting to stay and watch. Naruto finally notices Sasuke's bruise, and asks Sakura, but she keeps her promise about not telling.

We now welcome two new challengers! The Electronic Billboard of Fate kicks out the Sound Shinobi Zaku vs. Eight's bug-nerd Shino. It is pretty hardcore Zaku just had his arms broken by Cursed Sasuke and still can fight. Hinata's worried about her teammate, but Ziba's not worried - he'd fight anybody but Shino. Dosu's ready to watch Zaku throw down, but Orochimaru apparently couldn't care less. Shino tells him to withdraw, but Zaku says he's got one arm left and that's more than enough. Not according to Shino, who blocks the blow, and gets his Slicing Sound Wave in the face. In the back, Kakashi's painting Sasuke with what I hope is ink for the sealing process. He makes some mystic hand signs, and slams the Curse Sealing Jutsu onto Sasuke's Mark. It's just like Naruto's now. Fascinating. The Sealing Jutsu is based off of Sasuke's willpower. Very Green Lantern. Sasuke takes this chance to pass out. Someone's quite amused by how Kakashi's changed... and it's Orochimaru! Oh, snap.

Next Episode: Kakashi vs. Orochimaru!

Episode 38 - Narrowing the Field: Sudden Death Elimination!

At the tower, Hayate wants to introduce preliminaries to the third test, so they can cut down on the number of people will taking the actual test. You've got to put your best foot forward, in other words. Naruto vows to make it through to the third exam, which will now be individual battles. Sasuke's Curse Mark is really acting up now, and Sakura wants him to drop out but there's no way that's going to remotely happen. Scared for him, Sakura begs him to quit. Anko wants him isolated and guards placed in, but Kakashi cheerfully butts in to say that won't work. The Curse Mark reacts to one's Chakra, draining it even as you use it. Sakura realizes how long he's put up with the pain the mark's brought, and begs him again to quit, wanting to tell the teachers. Lord Hokage asks for those who want to bow out again, and Kabuto's hand is the first to do so, claiming fatigue from the fight with the Sound Shinobi. Naruto can't believe it, but the Hokage can, since this is his sixth time through. [i]Hmmmm.[/i] He's been barely average for the longest time, and the only thing notable is he was a child survivor from a battle with enemy ninja long ago. He leaves things in the hands of Yoroi, one of Orochimaru's flunkies, and the real reason he's bowing out is the 'old him' might get stirred up. Kabuto isn't finished with either of 'em by a damn sight, though.

Sakura tries to raise her hand to tell the sensei about Sasuke's bridge, but he smacks her hand down. Harsh. Sasuke doesn't think that whole 'feelings of Sakura' thing has anything to do with anything, and wants her to keep her trap shut. Sasuke's here for one reason - to get strong, and nobody but nobody's going to get in the way of that. He also wants to fight those strong, Gaara, Lee, Neji and Dosu are on that list. When Naruto tries to defend Sakura, Sasuke tells him he's on the list, too. Hokage decides that it's not worth risking the Village after what Orochimaru says, so he lets Sasuke go over Anko's protest. If his Curse Mark activates, though, the kid's to get slapped down. Hayate coughingly says there'll be ten fights, and the last one standing is the winner. Hayate has the right to call the match, too. We get our first two randomly-selected names... Yoroi vs. Sasuke! Everybody wants to see how this plays out.

Kakashi slouches forward to encourage Sasuke, warning him to not use the Sharingan. It and the Curse Mark will interact badly, and if that happens Kakashi'll end things himself. Sasuke decides he's got to be very, very careful if he wants to be able to fight and win. Orochimaru monolgoues that Yoroi's the worse opponent for Sasuke, and I'm edge of my seating it here. At the start, Yoroi's hand already flashes with Chakra. They knock each other's shuriken out of the air, sending a spasm of pain through Sasuke, but before he can blink Yoroi's on him. Sasuke goes for a fancy takedown and is that...? YES! Fujiwara armbar! While I don't think Kishimoto is a fan of wrestling like Oh! Great is, he's definitely dabbled. Yoroi's not nearly as impressed as I am, as his and lights up with Chakra and drains Sasuke's strength away, breaking the hold. Yoroi clamps his strength-draining Chakra on Sasuke's head, and cliffhanger it on out.

Next Episode: The Curse Mark makes fighting Yoroi a total bitch.

Episode 37 - Surviving the Cut! The Rookie Nine Together Again!

Inside the tower, we're back to our dramatic scroll-opening. Summoning Jutsu! Squad Seven tosses them both away, and arising from the mist is... hey! Iruka-sensei! It's been a while, Iruka. Squad Seven got to the tower just in time, and Iruka congratulates them, so sadly not with ramen. Sasuke asks the question I wanted to know - what if you happened to open the scroll before you hit the temple. It still summoned Iruka, he just beat you so you wouldn't wake up until after the test. Sakura still wants to know what's up with the puzzle, and it turns out it's Master Hokage's lesson to the Chunin - train both your mind and body ('heaven' and 'earth') to become a proper Chunin. Iruka points this out to Naruto and Sakura respectively - ahem, kids. Chunin are the journeymen ranks, and that rank means if you want it you've got to earn it. Iruka asks them to be careful in the third test, but Naruto's raring to go. While still a knucklehead, he's not going to fail - he's a ninja, teach. We flashback to Iruka asking Anko to be the one to talk to them at the end of the second test, which interesting. Iruka finally decides Kakashi knows best, which we already know.

The Hokage's asking after Anko's Curse Mark, which seems to be better. They talk about Orochimaru a bit, and he's one of the three legendary Leaf Village Ninjas, a bit time rogue, though they thought he was dead. Hokage already figures it's Sasuke the big snake's after. Hokage decides to let Anko continue the test, but she wants an eye kept on Sasuke. Next, Anko's addressing the Genin, and is pleased with cutting the survivors by more than half, though she wanted single digits. Squad Ten's doing their usual shtick of eating, complaining, and mooning. Up on the dais, Guy is hilariously consoling Kakashi on the fact that while his team was lucky, it's ability that counts in the next test, so they might as well pack it in. Kakashi ignores him, and Guy is enraged by Kakashi's hipness. Lee basks in Guy's awesomeness, though Ten-ten thinks Kakashi's cuter. Lee vows to never lose again. Neji sizes up Sasuke. The Sound Ninja Zasu also wants a peace of the last Uchina. Gaara's sensei notes his kid's still a scary little sand bastard. Eight's mentor, Kurenai, notes Akamaru's still freaking out. Sakura is amazed all the Leaf Villagers made it, and Sasuke of all people has doubts in general. Lord Hokage's impressed so many rookies made, it and decides their Jonin were right all along.

Before Anko announces the third part of the test, which I predict it will involve punching and kicking, Hokage announces the real reason for all these tests. The Shinobi of the nations come together out of friendship, but also for the reason I called WAY earlier. The Chunin Exam prevents the old days of all-out ninja war, which is really more important than Genin graduating. The kids are stunned they're the sabers that get rattled. It's even economic-based, after all, the nation with the best ninja get the most job offers and can exert pressure on neighboring countries. I am stunned, because it's all kind of brilliant. The only way to find out for sure if your ninja are any good, though, is if they fight for their lives. Naruto's convinced. Gaara just wants to sandblast things to death. The third Proctor, Hayate Gekko, appears to explain the rules (in between coughing fits).

Next Episode: Sakura wants to tattle on Sasuke's Curse Mark.