Recap Avalanche

Episode 74 - Astonishing Truth! Gaara’s Identity Emerges!

2009-02-18T05:26:00.000-08:00

Leaping through the forest, Pakkun calls for all engines stopped. Sakura notices Pakkun stopped and lands on a branch. Naruto notices Sakura stopped and koalas into a tree. That shouldn't have been as funny as it was. Pakkun reports Sasuke's after Temari and Gaara, and Shino and Kankuro are about to go at it. Pakkun wants to avoid it, but Naruto just wants to bull on through - considering what he might get a face full of, I think he's better off going the circular route, too. YEAH! Kankuro versus Shino! Kankuro breaks out the Puppet Master Jutsu and unwraps Crow, who is suitably creepy. Shino outmatches this by having swarms of bugs come out of his sleeves, and they get ready to go at it. Back with the other Sand Ninjas, Gaara's finally starting to wake up, but he's not really happy about it. Temari tries to give him some medicine, but Gaara just rasps she's in the way and backhands her into a tree. Harsh. Sasuke's finally caught up to Gaara, and ideally if we have a Gaara flashback then Naruto and crew might get there in time.

Kankuro's the first to act in his fight, flinging Crow at Shino and commanding his Puppet to pop blades out of his hands. They miss, but not before Shino notices the blades are poisoned. Shino ducks into the trees to avoid the Ninja marionette, and Kankuro sends Crow after him. Sasuke vows he'll stop Gaara no matter what, and he'll get to the bottom of the little Sand freak's deal. In response, Gaara's Sand Armor starts to crack again and Temari's worried he's going to Demonify right here and now. The Sand Ninja growls at Sasuke that he's going to take away everything Sasuke's ever had, up to and including his life, and will thus prove his own existence. Sasuke flashes to his training with Kakashi, and how Kakashi called Gaara out from hiding. Gaara asks Sasuke why he wants to grow stronger, and Sasuke is as open and forthcoming as he ever is. Gaara turn to leave, but not before noticing that the look in Sasuke's eyes and the lust for power are just like his own. in the present, Gaara shrieks that Sasuke's his prey, and he's going for the full-on Demon Mode.

Elsewhere in the forest, Shino's desperately trying to avoid yet even more blades Crow's popped, and is stunned when his kunai are rendered ineffective by a Substitution. Kankuro mocks him for it as the Puppet even spits blades. They take Shino in the head and chest, and then Shino starts to... deflate. Actually, you know what happens when you kick over an ant hill? It's like that, only ickier. Insect Clone Jutsu! Shino rightfully figures that kankuro's not very good at close-in combat, but he's still got to get past Crow, and one of its arm is a bomb launcher. Poison smoke bomb, in point of fact. Shino leaps away, though worries he breathed some in. Iruka's still leading the Ninja Preschoolers back at the village up to the Ninja Mount Rushmore. Konoha notices how much of the town is on fire, and then cracks show up in the faces of the Hokages. Speaking of the Hokage, it's not going well for the Old Man at all. Dying, Sarutobi is losing his grip on Orochimaru's soul. Enma helpfully reminds him the village is doomed if Orochimaru lives, and it spurs a second wind for the Old Man.

It looks like Gaara's half-demoned out, and Temari's covering her eyes to what happens next. Demon Gaara leaps at Sasuke, and atomizes the tree Sasuke was standing on when he connects. Jeepers. Sasuke's okay, though he got winged - to say nothing of the shock of his life. The good news is it might take longer than ten minutes, so Shino might make it. As we look in on Shino, the bug-tender's breathing hard from the poison. Kankuro has Crow go in for the kill, but it's another Insect Clone. Suddenly Hinata's reluctance to join in Shino's training is all too clear. Crow's suddenly become nonresponsive, and Kankuro notices the insects swarming all over his Puppet. Shino's bug Jutsu for the win! What's more, as we will recall, the bugs feed on Chakra so they're swarming down Kankuro's puppet-master line. In desperation, Kankuro cuts the threads and launches Crow's head as a weapon, since he's able to almost instantly regain control over Crow. Crow's head pops a needle literally dripping with poison that rushes in on Shino... that stops and falls to the ground lifeless. The bugs have finally found Kankuro, because Shino is crazy crafty when it comes to Shino. He planted a beetle on Kankuro's headband the others have followed, just like with Sasuke. Nice! Kankuro freaks out and falls out of the tree, but it looks like the poison's taken its toll on Shino. Shino's would-be partner Sasuke's not having a great time of it either, ducking another tree-shattering smack from Gaara. What's a Ninja wunderkind to do?

Next Episode: You asked for this fight, Sasuke, and now you got it. Happy?

Episode 73 - Forbidden Secret Technique: Reaper Death Seal!

2009-02-17T08:43:00.000-08:00

The Grim Reaper hovers over the Third Hokage, and I believe that Orochimaru's eager to see a Jutsu he doesn't know. He takes a few hits, and the Boss Snake tries to jolly him along, but we're playing by the Reaper's time table. It breaks some prayer beads to cut its palm, and the blood flows down its arm before plunging it into the soul of the Third Hokage. The frst of Sarutobi's clones grabs somebody in the cover of darkness, the First Hokage, and the other's grabbed the Second while the darkness around them vanish. The Reaper comes back to claim the souls that Orochimaru stole for his own, and Seals them in the Clones of the Third Hokage. It turns out the corpses he used for the Jutsu were his Sound Ninja goons Kin and Zaku. I'd say something like 'harsh,' but I'm not really suprised.

In a nice flashback, we get the First and Second Hokages telling Saru your standard stuff - the village is your family, protect the village, raise people to believe in the same, that's what it means to be Hokage, etc. He was Hokage awfully young. It's the callous disregard for Orochimaru's own Ninja that've pushed the Old Man over the edge (not that it took all that much). His Shadow Clones vanish, and Sarutobi summons Enma to him as they go at it. The Hokage manages to get Orochimaru in a clench, and the Grim Reaper reaches through Sarutobi to into Orochimaru's chest, and the Boss Snake looks terrified. He summons his sword to him as Saru has the Reaper start to rip out Orochimaru's soul, and Enma's unable to stop the sword as it strikes. A spray of blood...

Back to to the monster snake wrecking Leaf Village, and Ibiki's not having a nice day of it at all. What the hell do you do to Ninja King Ghidorah after all? The interrogator's at the end of his rope when... Ninja Art: Summoning! Bring Down the House Jutsu! Oh, that's what you do. DROP A GIANT TOAD WITH SWORDS ON IT. Jiraiya's in attendance, kids! Ibiki's shocked, and the younger Ninja with him even more so. Jiraiya does a little dance and introduces himself with an awesome mini-speech. Jiraiya WILL RAGE! He implores Third Hokage not to die before he can get there. Under the Barrier, Enma's able to grab the sword out of the air... a bit too late. It's already halfway into the Old Man. Orochimaru asks why Sarutobi didn't dodge, and the Old Man says there's no point, you literally have to pay the Reaper to use it, so he was dead anyway. His soul will be devoured, but it'll also kill Orochimaru. This is the same Jutsu the Fourth Hokage used on the Demon Fox. [i]Huh.[/i] The Hokage's giving up his soul to struggle with Orochimaru for eternity. [i]Heroism.[/i] Orochimaru can see the Reaper now, as it cuts off, I think the First and Second Hokage's souls and shoves them down his mouth. Orochimaru Jutsus the sword in Sarutobi deeper, trying to get him to die before his own soul can be claimed.
Iruka's leading the Ninja Preschoolers to safety, and Udon and Moegi turn to Konohamaru to soothe their fears, and he does in a touching way. The path they're on, his grandpa said would be okay, so it is. Sasuke's almost on Kankuro and Gaara now, and in fact cuts the Sand Ninja off.

No choice left, Kankuro's ready to scrap, until Temari puts it on pause by joining them. She frets about not delaying him enough, but every little bit helps until Gaara wakes up. Naruto, Sakura and Pakkun are still on their trail, and catches a new scent, but the little dog smells Sasuke instead of shampoo this time. It's not the only thing after Sasuke either, Pakkun smells, and the only thing he knows is that it's not human. This time it's Kankuro who tells Temari to go on, and gets ready to unleash Crow on Sasuke, but somebody has different notions. Our favorite insect savant Shino! He used his creepy-crawlies to track Kankuro when the latter started acting squirrely during the tourney. He says he wants battles settled - Sasuke and Gaara, and Kankuro/Shino because the Sand Ninja punked out earlier. Sasuke asks Shino if he's going to be okay, and Shino says he'll be along in ten minutes, though Sasuke says he'll be done then, too. Kankuro says they don't know what terror is, and Shino asks if Kankuro's going to teach him. No, the Sand Ninja says, if he catches up to Gaara Gaara will make him learn.

Next Episode: Sasuke catches up with Gaara, which might fall under 'be careful what you wish for.'

Episode 72 - A Mistake from the Past: A Face Revealed!

2009-02-16T17:08:00.000-08:00

Naruto, Sakura and Pakkun are hot on Sasuke's trail and closing, but Pakkun's called a halt for an important discovery. He and Sakura use the same shampoo! He'd recognize that floral green fragance anywhere. HAH! It seems to work better for Pakkun, since his coat's shinier. Poor Sakura's demoralized to learn she uses canine body wash, and wanders off in a daze. We rejoin Sasuke and the Sand ninja, and Gaara's still not awake. Temari tells Kankuro to leg it with their brother, she'll hold Sasuke off (even though she totally can't). She, too, is hot for Sasuke. Temari blocks his egress, and blows him back with a gust of wind from her fan. Her goal's to get him to use up his Chakra, which she herself is low on. Sasuke tries to play it safe and stick to Taijutsu, though Temari doesn't help things with her Wind Scythe Jutsu attacks, then a Sand Storm Jutsu to blow him back. Sasuke realizes he's got to get that damned giant fan away from her, and Temari's happy he's breaking out the Ninjutsu - here his normal fire-related stuff, but that doesn't work so good against somebody who uses wind. Sasuke uncharacteristically trips on te sand from her earlier attack, and takes some kunai in the chest. SUBSTITUTION! Complete with Explosive Runes note. This stuns Temari long enough for Sasuke to continue his pursuit.

On the roof in Hidden Village, and Orochimaru's now transgendered. It's because of the Hidden Jutsu he's completed he didn't get the Fourth Hokage nod, and we flashback to the Old Man leading Anbu to stop his attempt the first time around. Lots of people had been going mission, and Orochimaru'd been acting strangely. so they put two and two together and got evil snake. Orochimaru did it for the research - he simply wants every Jutsu in the world, just to see what happens, but to make a Jutsu omlette you have to crack a few Shinobi. This sort of project takes time, so the first order of business is to get all the time in the world. Immortality Jutsu. It's essentially a soul transfer, and Orochimaru is on is third. Even Enma looks outraged. And then it hits, that's why he wants Sasuke.

Orochimaru's never one to not twist the knife, so he switches back to his old face. First Hokage summons up a mess of plants that blocks the inside of the Barrier from view, and Orochimaru chides the Old Man for being soft. Enma says this just isn't like Sarutobi. Flashbacked, we get a picture of young Orochimaru, Jiraiya and... oh, what the hell, I'll guess Tsunade. The Old Man says he recognized that Orochimaru had the potential to be a bastard, but after the war they needed all the help they could get, and Orochimaru was just such a genius the Old Man wanted him to carry on. We get Sarutobi summoning Enma, but Orochimaru but counters with a jutsu that tears his hideout apart, and also the Anbu with the Hokage. Enma yells for the Old Man to kill him, but Third thinks of the kid he was, the kid he taught and can't do it.

The present, and Sarutobi's ready to correct past mistakes. First and Second leap to the attack, and Third uses the Shadow Clone Jutsu so he can properly do another summon - the Grim Reaper, who you can only see if you've signed a contract with. A contract with Death. Orochimaru says whatever he's doing, it doesn't matter, but the Old Man isn't going down with out a fight. Second calls for Infinite Darkness Jutsu, and under cover, the Third starts taking hits. Orochimaru snides that Hokage's just a title, and it doesn't mean any more than the rock his face is carved on. The Old Man knows it's more than that, Leaf Village is more just a place, it's about the people who live there and are ready to die to protect it. We get lots of flashes on people from the Old Man's memory, so let's take them as they come. Second Hokage with Sarutobi in his Genin squad. Sarutobi with his own Genin Squad of Orochimaru, Jiraiya and, yeah, still thinking Tsunade. Jiraiya with Naruto's dad (who, yes, the Fourth Hokage). Orochimaru with young Anko. Naruto's dad with his genin squad, including young Kakashi who even as a child is hip. Baby Naruto and young Iruka, then lots of people we already know. All these people, to the Hokage, they're all family. Orochimaru predictably doesn't care, but the Hokage says even if you kill him, the Leaf Village will carry on, and they'll carry on. Then he prepares to attack with the Grim Reaper behind him, to pull out Orochimaru's very soul.

Next Episode: Sarutobi is ready to die for his family, the whole of Leaf Village.

Episode 71 - An Unrivaled Match: Hokage Battle Royale!

2009-02-15T17:48:00.000-08:00

It's that different animation studio that signals massive beatdown. ROCK! Temari sets a trap with Sasuke, actually several traps. Sasuke's got to Spider-Man to a tree to keep from being blown up several times. The kids and Pakkun hear it, and wonder if he's okay. Enough of that, though, you wanted to see the Third Hokage and the Boss Snake fight, right? YES YOU DID. Orochimaru implants tagged kunai into his zombie Hokages, which brings them back to life, as it were. It's a Forbidden Jutsu for a reason, it uses the caster's own blood and a carcass to reanimate - and while Orochimaru's knives brought them back to life, it crushed the original souls to turn them into murder machines under the Sound Ninja's Command. Orochimaru takes great pleasure in beating up on his former sensei. The two zombie Hokage lumber forward undsteadily, then rocket forward. He blocks and dodges both of their attacks, catching Second Hokage's leg and spinning him around to fling away. Hah! Third kicks out the Fire Dragon Flame Bombs to Orochimaru's chuckling amusement. The Second blocks with Water Jutsu: Water Wall. D'oh. Then he counters with a Water Shock Wave (and it's made clear that it's no joke to be able to use Water Jutsu where there is no water), which Third parries with Earth Style: Mud Wall. First Hokage comes hydroplaning through the water towards Third, and blocks the fire the Old Man throws at him. He gives the old guy a wicked combo to send him down. Water tendrils pull Third down, but not for long, as hokage erupts from the water where he has to dodge high-pressure blasts. First breaks out Hidden Wood Style Jutsu: Forest Emergence, because we've yet to see plants try and kick soembody's ass. Third desperately tries to keep on top of them, but eventually gets snared in a tangle of vines. Sidenote: It's what First used to build Hidden Leaf. Interesting!

Iruka-sensei's gotten all the kids out and is trying to lead them away, but Konohamaru still senses something is wrong. At the battle, Third strains to reach out and complete a Summoning Jutsu - Monkey King Enma! YEAH! I am pleased to report he is as exactly as you'd want a Monkey King to look. Enma chastises Third for not killing Orochimaru when he had the chance, though Third does point out that's what he's trying to do now. Enma says it's too late, and the Old Man begs him for the Adamantine Nyoi. This isn't what Orochimaru wants to hear, and he sends First and Second after Enma. The Monkey King batters away the Hokages, not to mention freeing the Third, and transforms into a large staff for the Old Man to catch. Orochimaru decides it's finally a party. He presses on his stomach, and vomits up a snake which in turn horks up a Snake Sword. Third pole-vaults into battle, the staff able to extend to any length you'd care to name. They block, parry and dodge, all that good stuff, and the animation here's just amazing.

While Orochimaru's got the Old Man in a clench, First and Second try to outflank him, but Third's able to dodge them both and slap something written onto each of them. Orochimaru goes in for the kill, just beating the crap out of the old guy, knocking him down, and taunting him for not trying Shadow Clone Jutsu. One of the Anbu says it's, essentially, because the guy's old. If he spreads out his Chakra too much, he'll die. I think. Orochimaru tauntingly asks after Third's health and well-being while the Anbu try and rouse him from the sidelines. The Nyoi opens an eye and asks what on earth the Old Man's waiting for, now's the time to beat him. Sarutobi flings him up and away, and Enma as Nyoi grabs him by the neck, but Substitution! The real Orochimaru still gets a kick in the chest, and Third detonates the pieces of paper he slapped to the other Hokages. It doesn't slow them down terribly, as they start to reform the limbs that were blown off and get back to their feet. The Old Man's got to go for the soul if he wants to stop them, and the only way to do that is the Fourth Hokage's Jutsu. He asks for First and Second's forgiveness as he prepares to use it. Orochimaru takes the time to torment the old guy who, who was once called the god of Shinobi. Then Orochimaru pulls his face off, revealing a younger feminine face underneath. Apparently Orochimaru's completed some Forbidden Jutsu of his own, and the Third Hokage's revelation sends Boss Snake into gales of laughter. To cap things off, Sasuke's finally caught up to the Sand Villagers.

Next Episode: The Third Hokage and his fallen protege Orochimaru.

Episode 70 - A Shirker’s Call to Action: Layabout No More!

2009-02-14T17:46:00.000-08:00

Sasuke's on the trail of the Sand Ninja, and Naruto's new crew are on Sasuke's trail. Naruto asks Pakkun how long it'll be before they catch up, but Sasuke's got all that Lee-like speed now, so the pug doesn't know, but he has already caught the sent of the Sound Ninja trailing the kids. Pakkun comes to a halt, and then gets clever, having the kids backtrack over their own footprints so they can ty and shake their pursuers, but it doesn't shake them completely. Naruto wants to ambush them, and Sakura's suprisingly in favor of it. Pakkun says it's not good, since their Orochimaru's boys and some of them might be Jonin. Sakura asks why that would matter, and Shikamaru says they might have the skill to set it up, but they don't have the strength to hit them hard enough - and to make matters worse, Orochimaru probably gave them the low-down on the terrain and they're trained in pursuit. For the good guys, we have a knucklehead, a Kunoichi who's nothing special, an irritable pug and the one guy who just can not be bothered with the hassle. Shikamaru says that the best thing to do is one of them should stay behind to act as bait to distract the pursuers, even though it's likely whoever'll stay behind will die. The kids think Ninja-ing's just no fun anymore. Nobody's really leaping to volunteer, and the dog's already out because he's got to track - Naruto's about to volunteer, when Shikamaru steps forward into the annals of the hardcore, which was his plan all along.

Pakkun smells the Sound Ninja coming up behind them fast, and wonders if Shikamaru's actually as good as his word. Sakura starts to doubt, but Naruto vouches for him, because even his slack-ass isn't a traitor. Sakura'd like to believe, but Shikamaru does give a lot of evidence to the contrary. The Sound Ninja halt, finding fresh tracks that indicate the kids are tired... and then ALL of the Ninja are locked in by Shadow Paralysis! One of them comments on the Jutsu, but Shikamaru tells them to live in the now. It's all about Shadow Possession now, though the Nara genin's still low on Chakra from his fight earlier. Shikamaru pulls enough Shuriken out for them all, so he can draw out the one who's hanging back to protect the other Sound Ninja from ambush, but his Shadow Possession can't reach the last member. The Sound Ninja says as soon as it breaks, he's dead, and Shikamaru reflects on what he would've liked out of life. And that life? Completely and utterly average, and he would've been happy with that. Huh. Oddly enough, that's what makes me think the character's something special. Shikamaru's irritated by this sudden and unwelcome show of initiative.

Bounding through the forest, Pakku senses they're not being followed right now. Naruto cheers, and Sakura's sorry he doubted Shikamaru. As am I. There's nothing between them and Sasuke (ha!), and our hero wants Shikamaru to live to catch up with them. We rejoin Shikamaru vs. the Sound Ninja, and he admits he's about done, and pulls back on the Shadow Possession. The Sound Ninja call out their ninth member, and that's no ninth member, that's Asuma! He tosses the body of their last member aside, and we get some awesome ass-kickery from Squad Ten's sensei. He's even got a trench knife! YEAH! He congratulates his pupil, who sits down hard, all tired out from doing things for a change. The Sand Ninja continue their Gaara retrieval service, and Temari senses they've picked up some extra hunters, and tells Kankuro to pick up the pace. Behind Sasuke, Naruto silently implores him not to jump the gun before they get there. Way back at Leaf Village, Third Hokage's still facing off against the zombie versions of the first two, Orochimaru asking if shouldn't they now begin. Let's!

Next Episode: The Old Man vs. Orochimaru! Sasuke vs. somebody!

Episode 1 - Blue Monday

2009-02-13T12:43:00.000-08:00

The opening! I swear the music sounds like something from a 70's TV show. It's not bad, mind, but different. The animation's pretty cool, though, Renton on his board, Eureka in her mecha. I like the design of the Gekko State's ship, too.

We open on a cloudy sky, and somebody giving going about how the real value of media stems from the memories it leaves us. I take a quick, spoiler-free look to see his name is Stoner (heh) and his partner and the pilot of his mecha is Matthieu, who tells him to zip it and radios Leader (Holland) if he's planning on re-joining them anytime soon. Holland tells Matthieu to zip it, and the latter can look down and see they're really going at it down below. Mattieu tells Stoner it's almost time to get ready, and Stoner goes on more about memory and stuff in a manner that lets him live up to his namesake. Just then, several mecha come zipping past Matthieu's, three chasing a third but having zero luck. It dodges the traditional barrage of missiles, and then Holland does a cool move Matthieu IDs as a Cut-back Drop-turn to take out the other mechs. Matthieu radios back in to base that they're still on schedule, and Talho tells them to proceed. Holland is less than thrilled at heading to their destination of Bellforest, prompting Talho to get on his case because the whole thing was his idea. We can probably blame the picture of the girl with her face all marked out for his reluctance.

Cut to a rather messy room, filled with sky-surfing paraphenalia, including a poster of Holland on his board. A radio broadcast tells us that conditions are right for a batch of waves headed our way. The room's owner, Renton, is thrilled by the news, grabbing his board and bounding outside. He VOs he's 14 years old and nothing amazing's ever happened to him, and he gets the feeling nothing will. Yup. He's 14 all right. Renton also briefly puts me in mind of FLCL's Naota. I also wish to state at 14, *I* had no cool motorbike like that. Getting his board serviced, Renton's trying to convince the mechanic he really can do the Cut-back Drop-turn, but the older guy says he can't because he doesn't believe in the waves. He tells Renton Holland could because he's a genius, and where he learned is way better for that sort of thing. More proof he's 14 in that the kid quotes his hero at every chance, saying Holland says anywhere can be your spot. The old guy gives up, and suprises Renton by not charging him for the work. With one teen as his only customer, he's moving away to the city to pick up some real business. Even in anime, Mondays suck.

The town Renton lives in doesn't look too bad to my eye, but it's really not cut out for somebody who wants to ride the waves, and the only way to make a decent living is to become a soldier. At the somewhat prison-looking school, the day's lesson is on the Transparence Light Particle phenomenon. For short, "Trappa" and it led to the building of the Compac Drive, and this was called the Summer of Love. Heh. The man who turned disaster into something special was none other than Renton's dad (King) Adrock Thurston! There's a loud commotion outside and the teacher calls for self-study, so two kids take the time to raz Renton on how his dad thought the Comac Drive was a messenger from God, and his sister went off to prove his dad really did save the world. Proving he's not Shinji, Renton slugs one of them. The kid retreats to the roof, where some girls are talking about ray=out, which I take to be the sky-surfing version of Thrasher. They talk about how the rumors are Gekko State are untrustworthy punks. Renton stares mournfully at his Compac Drive and flashes back to his sister telling him if he can believe it, it'll happen. She hugs him, and his Drive flashes the word 'Eureka,' and he's smiling warmly at the Drive in the present. The girls think he's weird.

To cap off the end of a perfect day, Renton's got a parent-teacher conference. A grandparent-teacher conference. His teacher says Renton's grades aren't very good, but being his father's son, he probably could get into military school if he wants. Grandad cuts him off, saying no-one in his house is going to be a solider and gives Renton a spark of hope. Despite the bad news, he treats the kid to steak and shrimp, and immediately wonders what he did to bring the kid up this way. Renton VOs he can put all of this behind him as long as he's got his favorite hill and his waves. Naturally, this means the military has fenced it off to use it as an LFO testing site. Poor Renton. That night, Renton figures even if Holland is a criminal, he'd still trade places with him in a second, or even better, with Holland. Just then his Compac Drive kicks out the word Eureka, for the third time this month. The kid indulges in some wild fantasies about what it really means, and Grandad pokes his head to put a stamp to all this youthfulness. Grandad calls the place a sty, saying mechanics like Renton will be have neat rooms. They bicker about who's doing what and on whether dreams are stupid, and Renton sets his Grandad off by promising no matter his job Grandad'll get a nice retirement community.

Elsewhere, but probably close by, an LFO piloted by Eureka herself is coming in hard. Grandad figures that board of his is the reason for all of Renton's nonsense, and snatches it up to throw away, heedless of the fact it's a Holland Style Replica. Renton chases after, but they both pause as the LFO comes surfing in, and performs a Cut-back Drop-turn to Renton's delight. And then it crashes into Renton's room. Heh. It's not like any LFO Renton's ever seen, and Grandad old mans that it's the Nirvash Type Zero, the LFO's LFO. The cockpit slides open, and Eureka stands up, calling her LFO a kid and saying it could use some help, if they'd be so kind. Renton takes one look at her and he's done for.

Grandad's calling in some help to fix their place, and pulls out a box found by Renton's dad, and regrets him ever coming across it in the first place. Renton's gaving at the Nirvash even more raptly than he did Eureka, VOing the interesting facts it was A) discovered and B) the blueprint for every other LFO. He immediately decides it must have an original Compac Drive and searches for it, and while the thing has the socket, it's got no Drive. Hmmm. Hearing footsteps, Renton tells his Grandad that the Nirvash is kinda-- oh, hey, Eureka! She doesn't seem to mind him rooting through her mech, and just wants to borrow a flamethrower so she can make up for all the trouble she's caused. Renton's touched! He also wants to know why it doesn't have a COmpac Drive, but Eureka says it's never needed one before, even though LFO's normally need one to get going. Over Eureka's doubts, Renton wants to try his Drive in the Nirvash, saying he's got a good sense about these things because machines have hearts and respond to those who take care of them. Eureka thinks that's painfully obvious. Hmmm. She leaves to go snag the flamethrower, and Renton tells his sister he's already writing his marriage vows.

Then Renton wonders what on earth the cute if weird chick could need a flamethrower for. Why, a funeral pyre for his room, of course! The kid tries to stomp out the flames and gives himself a hot-foot, and Renton's rampant goofiness makes Eureka laugh. Holland, Stoner and Matthieu are watching a bit away, amazed at this turn of events. Matthieu wonders why they didn't go up and just ask Grandad to fix the Nirvash, but Holland's reluctant for reasons he doesn't bother to explain. He complains about Renton looking like somebody (I think), and also the crappy waves. Inside the garage, the Nirvash is reading an error message after the Drive's been installed, and Eureka thinks they should take it out. She goes off on how believing in things can lead to a whole lot of hurt, and Renton's about to try and convince her otherwise when Grandad shows up with Adrock's box. He old mans it's because of the gizmo inside is why his family was torn to pieces, so take it and leave.

Senior rudeness is interrupted by a missile strike, as will happen sometimes, and Eureka quickly kicks the Nirvash into gear, transforming it into a wicked-looking vehicle mode and burning rubber. The bad news is Renton and Grandad get thrown to the side, and Eureka gives them a regretful look before turning it back to robot mode and taking to the skies. The military-types that launched the missiles argue about whether or not the Nirvash needs to be taken in pieces or not, Information Officer wanting to save it and the Air Force commander not wanting to be made to look like chumps again. The commander gets his way, and they launch a flight of LFOs after the Nirvash. On the ground, Grandad comes to, and he and Renton both watch Eureka duel with the other LFOs. Grandad rasps to Renton to take the gizmo, the Amita Drive, to Eureka, and no back-talk. Renton rides his motorbike to the one place he could get enough lift to ride his board up to the battle, namely off a cliff, and it's pretty darn impressive. While plummeting towards the ground, Renton suddenly starts wondering if leaping into a gorge was really a smart idea.

Thumb's up to the ending animation and song.

Next Episode: The coolest mid-air delivery I've ever seen.

Episode 69 - Village in Distress: A New A-Ranked Mission!

2009-02-12T06:32:00.000-08:00

Somewhere, Jiraiya is snickering over the episode number.

Sakura asks if this is really the best time to be going on missions, and Kakashi says they don't have any choice - they have to go get Sasuke (currenly in hot pursuit of Gaara). The Sand ninja's Kid has weirded out Kakashi, and wants him looked after. Sakura wants to wake up Ino and Choji for strength in numbers, but Kakashi wants them to stick to the traditional four-man squad. Our girl thinks at first Kakashi's coming with them, but no! They get an adorable Ninja Dog, which is even better. The Pakkun will lead them to Sasuke by sense of smell. Sakura's wondering why on earth the fourth member is a puppy, and the Pakkun tells her in a deep voice to not call him a cute puppy. In Sakura's defense, she never said 'cute.' Sakura low-crawls her way to Naruto and Shikamaru, waking up Naruto first and protecting him for an errant kunai. She's about to wake up Shikamaru, but realizes he's already awake. Hah! A Pakkun bite gets him up and moving, despite Slackermaru not wanting to get involved. Naruto finally realizes there's a battle going on as Guy punches a Sound Ninja through a wall. Kakashi gives them their marching orders, to find Sasuke and stop him from fighting Gaara. Shikamaru is somewhat reluctant, but the Pakkun has a treat if the mission is successful. He can touch the Pakkun's paw-pads. THEY ARE SOFT AND SUPPLE. This suprisingly doesn't sway Shikamaru, so Pakkun just drags his ass along. Guy wonders if they'll be okay, and Kakashi says they will, as long as they don't get to far out. Hey! Shino! Shino heard everything, and vanishes in presumable pursuit. (Sorry.)

Under the Great Barrier Jutsu, Orochimaru's psyched to fight the Hokage. One of the Anbu says that they need to take out just one of the four Sound Ninja to break the barrier, so the Sound Ninja put up barriers around themselves. Stupid Chatty Anbu. Orochimaru says that the Hokage shouldn't fret, others would just get in the way. We're off! Hokage starts with Tile Jutsu, but Orochimaru dodges the roofing and goes for Striking Snake Technique where his tongue turns into a snake to bite the Leaf Ninja. Yuck. His tongue snake bites down, but Substitution! The Hokage turns the roof to mud with Earth Style: Great Mud River, then hits with Earth Style: Earth Dragon Bomb and comboes it with Fire Dragon Bomb. Go, Hokage, go! It looks at first like he got Orochimaru, but the Hokage tells him to drop the stupid act and come back out. Orochimaru banters that that aren't the difficult students the most fun?

At Ninja Academy, Konohamaru suspects something up with it being a self-study period and the smoke and all. At the stands, Kabuto-Anbu wonders where the kids went. The Sound Ninja says the Genin couldn't possibly make a difference, but gets verbally smacked down for underestimating Naruto. Sasuke, meanwhile, is on Gaara's trail. The Ninja Academy teachers work to evacuate the students. Under the Barrier, Orochimaru asks if they shouldn't stop half-assing it and get down to it. The Hokage sheds his white robes for badass armor underneath, and Orochimaru does the same. The roof starts to crack, I'm guessing under the sheer weight of their Chakra. Orochimaru says he won't go easy on the Hokage, but the old guy says he's looking forward to it, and depending on the grade Hokage gives him he might have to re-do the Academy. Heh! We commence the festivities with the Hokage's Shuriken Shadow Clone Jutsu, but Orochimaru blocks with a Summoning Jutsu that calls up coffins. GAH. Coffins he recognizes. Hokage breaks his neck to stop the third one, but it's not over yet. The two coffins' lids fall open, and the Anbu outside are shocked by who it is. At the Academy, Iruka's having the kids evacuate in a calm and orderly fashion. Moegi and Udon notice something's up with Konohamaru, who's realizing that Things Are Afoot, starting with a rainbow he noticed around the sun. He flashes on the Hokage telling him that these kinds of rainbows symbolize snakes. Huh. On the roof, Orochimaru's animated the bodies in the coffins, the first and second Hokages, the ones who founded the Leaf Village. They're impressed they've been summoned, in a disinterested way, and Orochimaru wants them to get down to cases. In the forest, Sakura's explained what happens and Naruto's ready, but Shikamaru's irritated he has to help. Pakkun's got the scent, and they're on their way! So are a mess of Sound Ninja with orders to end Naruto.

Next Episode: The Sound Ninja are on Naruto's trail, but Shikamaru's got a Plan.

Episode 68 - Zero Hour! The Destuction of the Hidden Leaf Village Begins!

2009-02-11T05:23:00.000-08:00

It's on! The Anbu rush in to protect Lord Hokage, but the smoke bomb covers the Kages long enough for the Kazekage to put a kunai to the Hokage's throat. Hidden Leaf's special ops cut through Kazekage's two bodyguards, but it's a trick - they're Sound Ninja in the freak style. One's got extra arms, one's a Siamese twin, and, er, one's a girl and one's big. The Anbu get blocked from the Hokage by the four's Jutsu which sets up a burning cube Barrier Jutsu around their position. Kakashi and Guy start to move to help, but they're blocked by one of the fake Anbu and Sound Ninja hidden in the crowd. The Hokage tells Kazekage that if he really wants, they can still negotiate thing, but the Sand Village isn't having any of it, calling him Sarutobi Sensei. Hmm. Two Chunin complain about having guard duty, and say ironic things like 'dying peacefully' and I don't hold out hope for their continued exsistence. The Sand Ninja finish their summoning, and it is big. A giant three-headed snake. Chief Snake? Leaf Ninja do what they can, but it is a giant-ass snake, and it doesn't help Sand Ninja are cutting them off from getting reinforcements.

Sasuke wants to know what's going on, and Gaara wants Sasuke dead, not caring about their plan. He has another of his fits, brought on by his wound and loss of Chakra. Kankuro's panicked over having to do this without Gaara's demon backing them up, and the other Sand Ninja are starting to notice his absence. Their sensei tells Gaara's sibs to look after him, and that he'll handle Genma and Sasuke. Ninja Standoff! Genma asks if Orochimaru's fronting this gig, and the sensei doesn't know or care. Toothpick tells Sasuke the Chunin Exam's over, but he's already made Chunin-level, and tells him to get after Gaara. Lord Hokage in Crisis - the Kazekage complains about the change in plans, which Hokage thinks was Sasuke and Leaf Village. Kazekage tells him that he's half right. The Hokage reminds him nothing is certain, like he taught the Kaze-- hey, that's Orochimaru! Oh, crap. The Hokage figured this would happen one day, but it's not going to be as easy as Orochimaru thinks.

Iruka watches the Ninja Preschoolers, wondering how the Exams are going, then chastises himself for showing favoritism over Neji. It's okay, though! Neji's a jerk. The kids cutely call him on wanting Naruto to win. They make a play to get a half-day, but he's not buying. The kids notice that Things Are Amiss. Ibiki's on the scene, though he hasn't thrown in yet, since if it's Orochimaru then it's dangerous. We get a little backstory on the Boss Snake - Third Hokage's student, really wanted to be the Fourth, and was put out when his name wasn't called and left to seek his vengeance. Even then, Ibiki didn't think Orochimaru qualified as totally human, and if Ibiki's frightened, look out. A Chunin drops by with the bad news of the three-headed snake rampaging through the village, and Ibiki has his squads go for the block. Fire Jutsu just pisses it off.

At the Arena, Guy berates himself for being careless, then notices that it's Orochimaru who's got the Hokage by the throat. Sakura immediately realizes they're here for Sasuke, but before she can do anything, a pair of Sound Ninja leap for her. Save by Kakashi! Oh, Sakura. Remember you're a Ninja, too. Kakashi cheerfully tells Sakura to stay put whilst he works on some force depletion methods. Might Guy Bruce Lees it up, and we get Kakashi and Guy fighting back to back. Guy's worried about the Hokage, but Kakashi reminds Guy they don't give out the Hokage title to just anybody. The Hokage notices Orochimaru shedding a tear, but it's not for any sympathy. He moves his knife and there's a spray of blood, but Orochimaru just stabbed his own hand to wake himself up. Gah. Orochimaru claims this is all mostly to keep things interesting, which Hokage says makes him the same as always. In the stands, Kakashi pauses in beating up Sound Ninja to tell Sakura to to wake up Naruto and Shikamaru, they'll have need of her Genjutsu on their mission. Mission? Her sensei says Naruto'll be thrilled - it'll start their first A-Ranked Mission since the Land of the Waves.

[b]Next Episode:[/b] A-Ranked Mission, complete with small dog! Wait, what?

Episode 67 - Late for the Show, But Ready to Go! The Ultimate Secret Technique is Born!

2009-02-10T10:22:00.000-08:00

Naruto and Shikamaru have just raced to tell Kakashi to stop the match, and Naruto's sensei says... no. There's nothing to worry about, and that's why they got here late. Gaara continues making signs inside his Sand Shell, which is still deflecting his best efforts to crack it, usually with sharp spikes. It's pretty awesome to watch Sasuke go. Sasuke's not as upset by the drawback as I might think. Since Gaara's busted out his own time-intensive Jutsu, Sasuke takes the chance to do the same. Cut to an Anbu in the forest, whose hair is showing, so I'm pretty sure he's not Kabuto, and the Anbu squad seems out and about to hunt for something. What they missed was the huge mob of Sound and Sand Ninjas. The Anbu just don't impress me. Sakura asks why they got to the arena late, and rather than answering outright, just says to watch Sasuke. Boy Wonder backflips up onto the arena wall and clings there, firing up his own Jutsu. Gaara's being crazy and batshit inside his Shell, which puts a crimp in the Sand Ninjas' plan, and Kankuro wants to rabbit. They don't seem to realize that Shino heard the magic 'p' word. In the forest, the Sand Ninja are laying down a huge Summoning Circle.

At the Arena, we see just what Kakashi taught Sasuke, a physical activation Jutsu that also explains the Taijutsu training. Kakashi's no slouch. The Chakra streaming off his hand is leaving gouges in the ground. Kakashi's original Jutsu - Chidori: One Thousand Birds! Sasuke puts his fist through the Shell and the arena goes silent. Lightning Blade - So hardcore it can cut through lightning. Poor Lee mopes that he couldn't have pulled that stunt off, and envies Sasuke combining effort and genius. The Sand Ninjas are in position. Naruto's jealous he can't do the Lightning Blade, but can summon Gamabunta, and that's something, right? Of course right! Inside the Shell, Gaara asks his mother what this warm stuff is, and it's his own blood, which he freaks out over. Sasuke has to fire up that Lightning Blade to pull out of the Shell, and he also pulls out a sort of amorphous demon arm. Gah! Kankuro asks about the Perfect Possession, and how the first time he saw it he couldn't eat. There's a horrible scream from the inside of the Shell, and it starts to crack, turning soft around Gaara. The Sand Ninja's got a bad shoulder wound, which does nothing for his psychoses. Apparently Sasuke hit him mid-transformation into the... thing.

In the stands, one of the Anbu puts his hand on a spectator in front of him, who seems to pass out (if he's lucky) and makes a sign. Some of the sharper Genin realize it's a sleep Genjutsu, which some of the sharper Ninjas (Kakashi, Guy, and Sakura - go, girl!) realize and block with their Chakra. We get a long look of realization between the Kages. The Kazekage's body guard spirit him away, and drop a grenade behind them. At that signal, it all breaks loose. The Sound Ninja rush in from their positions, the Sand Ninjas make ready to summon, and the Kabuto-Anbu make their play. Hang tight! I bet it gets worse before it gets better.

Next Episode: Ground Zero: Leaf Village!

Episode 66 - Bushy Brow’s Jutsu: Sasuke Style!

2009-02-09T05:37:00.001-08:00

Genma lays down the rules, which is fitting because Sasuke got here so late. Gaara doesn't waste a minute to break into a gleefully psychotic chuckle. Kakashi joins the crowd on the benches, asks after Lee, and cheerfully blows off Sakura wondering where the heck he was. Sakura doesn't get as mad at that as one thinks, she's more worried about Sasuke's Curse Mark. Kakashi tells her the problem's been taken care of, which brings our girl some relief. His ninja senses tingle at the Anbu scattered throughout the crowd, and wondering what Hokage's got in mind. Guy playfully tells Kakashi that he'll be checking out the training he gave Sasuke, you know, as his eternal rival and all. The Copy Ninja wasn't really paying attention, though. Guy: "Why must you be so avant-garde!?" BWHAHA.

Genma calls Sasuke and the evilly-slouchy Gaara to the center, and every one in the arena can feel the tension. At the start, sand erupts from Gaara's gourd, but Kakashi's warned him. Out of nowhere, Gaara clutches his ask and asks for somebody to not be so mad, possibly his mother. He's sorry he had her(?) suck awful-tasting blood, but this time it'll taste better. Squicked. His breakdown apparently relates to the strength of his opponent. Gaara shakes it off as the sand falls around him, and tells Sasuke to bring it. Shikamaru takes the chance to remind naruto that Gaara said he'd kill everybody in Lee's room, and didn't even seem to see Naruto and Shikamaru. Naruto says now the only one who can make Gaara feel alive is Sasuke, and he's got the shakes again. Go time! Sasuke throws a pair of kunai at Gaara, blocked by the Sand Shield into a Sand Clone. It throws Sasuke's own weapons back at him, and Sasuke hits a backfist into the Clone's neck. The Clone starts to suck Sasuke in, but Sasuke's able to destroy it with another hit. The Last Uchiha feints, drawing up Gaara's Sand Shield, but then vanishes and reappears behind Gaara in a most Lee-like manner. Lee can see the overlap of his own Taijutsu over the kid. Sasuke lands a monster overhand punch on Gaara that cracks Gaara's Sand Armor and sends him flying.

We break from that to Kiba thanking the Anbu who helped Hinata earlier, but Akamaru senses danger! He recognizes the Anbu from the earlier Exams, but before Kiba can do anything the Anbu knocks him out with a Chakraed-up palm. Since Gaara's unwilling to stand back up, Sasuke goes to him, circling around the desert demon to catch him on the face with a kick, and Sasuke promises to tear his Sand Armor off. Sasuke Wally Wests a cyclone around Gaara, before flipping in with an awesome two-kick combo. Lee's impressed that Sasuke got his speed in only a month. Gaara's on the ground and panting from using the Sand Armor, and his sister gives the Kazekage a significant look. Guy asks how Kakashi did it, and Kakashi answers with Sasuke using his Sharingan to copy Lee's Taijutsu. Which, soley used, can't beat Gaara as we have seen. Guy figures Kakashi saw the fight between the hateful Gaara and lovable Lee, and wonders what he has up his hip and galling sleeve. Gaara's back on his feet and angry, summong up the sand around him into a shell. Naruto's dwelling on Gaara's stated purpose in life is to end the lives of others, and decides that he needs to tell Kakashi what sand-wrought psycho Gaara really is. Sasuke's charging in, and Kankuro's freaked out by the Jutsu he's using, which looks to be a kind of spiny Sand Shell, which Sasuke bloodies his knuckles on. Our heroes are watching to see what happens next, when Naruto and Shikamaru stomps up to demand they halt the match. He gives the reasons we already know - Gaara's sandshit insane and lives only to make other people dead, and that's not a good thing, especially because Gaara's next. Inside the Shell, Gaara's chanting something, which results in another Sand Eye forming outside the Shell. Naruto asks Kakashi again to stop it, but I think everybody's too confused to do much. Gaara grins a little inside his cocoon, and my fingernails are all bitten off.

Next Episode: Sasuke's got to break the shell!

Episode 65 - Dancing Leaf, Squirming Sand

2009-02-07T17:25:00.000-08:00

Temari's still our winner, and Shikamaru still gave up after he won. Ino goes nuts on Choji, wondering what his damage is. Kurenai asks Asuma if he's really got the motivation to become a Chunin, and Asuma honestly doesn't know - but it's clear that Shikamaru's thinking at a Chunin level already. Maybe more. Asuma realizes that at the least, Shikamaru would know when to give the right orders and why. A Chunin needs to have the lives on his squad first and foremost, to put them above the mission, and both Naruto and Neji would break their necks trying to finish something. Edge: Shikamaru Nara. Naruto jumps over the railing to give Shikamaru a piece of his mind, and this works as well as I suspect. He doesn't want to talk about it, and would rather they just watch the next match - Sasuke vs. Gaara!

The only hitch is no Sasuke. Fans don't think Gaara's anything in comparison to Sasuke, although Gaara has his fans. Toothpick and Gaara are waiting to get it on, but still no Uchiha. Hokage's ready to DQ Sasuke, but Kazekage calls for another ten minutes. Lord Hokage knows something's up as the crowd starts to chant for Sasuke. The arena guards finally spot a pair coming into the arena - though one's on crutches, which is a Clue it's not Sasuke. Guy and Lee! Guy adopts the Crane stance for no particular reason. Lee's upset he missed Naruto/Neji, and they're both floored by the fact Naruto won. It doesn't take Lee long to get over his shock and be proud of Naruto, and Guy's proud of his charge. Kankuro asks if Sasuke's really going to make it, and Gaara says he will. Good! You didn't murder him and Kakashi and leaves his bones bleaching in the sun. I guess that's for now. Thirty seconds to go, and the crowd's getting ever more rowdy. Sakura and Naruto are both praying Sasuke makes it, in their own way. As Genman (Toothpick) starts to call the match, there's a sudden and abrupt windstorm in the middle of the arena. OH, YEAH! Kakashi and Sasuke make a hell of an entrance. Kakashi apologizes for being late, but he probably met a magic talking cat or something.

The crowd goes wild! There's a nice Naruto/Sasuke scene over Naruto giving Sasuke crap for showing up late. Kakashi sheepishly asks if they're DQed, but fortunately Genma has a heart and lets it go, though he does ask if Kakashi's rubbing off on Sasuke. Naruto tells Sasuke he can't lose to Gaara, because he wants to fight Sasuke too. Choji's kind of upset that everybody's already forgotten Shikamaru, but Slackermaru is way more prosaic about it. He wants to see the fight, too. Ino fan-girls about how awesome Sakura's squad is (and she's 2/3rds right), which sends Lee into a minor depression over everybody beating or going to beat the two guys he can't. Lee's fist is bleeding, he's so torn up over it. Poor guy. Kazekage is glad they can finally kick off their Evil Scheme, and Gaara's glad he can verify his existence in that psychotic way he has. Kankuro tries to tell him to stick to the plan, but Temari shuts him up before he pisses Gaara off. A pair of Ninja gamblers want to fix this match, and try to get Gaara to throw it. This will end well. They get pulverized by sand. Jeepers. Both Naruto and Shikamaru, who saw it, are paralyzed into hoping that Gaara suddenly can only see movement. Shikamaru's glad the two of them were there - if it was just one, they might've been killed. He thinks things aren't looking great for the Boy Wonder. We'll find out next episode!

New ending - it's not Viva Rock, but the song's nice. I also miss the adorable marching Chibi cast, but Naruto staring at the rock faces of the Hokage is a nice bit.

Next Episode: Naruto wants to stop the fight we've been waiting for. Sheesh!

Episode 64 - Zero Motivation: The Guy with Cloud Envy

2009-02-05T19:47:00.000-08:00

It's totally a drag to start your fight after a two-story drop, as Shikamaru finds out to his pain. The crowd's raining down garbage into the arena wanting them to start the fight, though it's not this match they really care about. If they can't be bothered, Shikamaru can't be bothered, and he's annoyed to find he's fighting a girl again. Theme? Asuma comments Shikamaru's always like this, and Naruto wants him to get fighting. Temari takes the iniative and comes at our boy with a giant fan, but... swing and a miss! Shikamaru doesn't give a crap if he's a Chunin, but he's not about to lose the battle of the sexes. Temari misses with a wind-blast, and Shikamaru keeps to the shadows, not wanting to smack her around but not into being beaten up himself. Ino's Shikamaru's sole cheering section. Hey! Choji! With a mass of snacks. He cluelessly asks after Sasuke, which Ino tries to put a lid on for poor Sakura's sake. Choji thinks Shikamaru's out of place, but Ino reminds him he doesn't have fancy jutsu, but he's always been pretty quick upstairs. Why, he even lept into the arena! Ino's impressed by this new passionate Shikamaru. Choji doesn't know a thing about Shikamaru. Shikamaru, meanwhile, really wants to be a cloud, which is as close as he seems to get to wanting something.

Temari's tired of Shikamaru's wool-gathering, and throws another torrent at our boy. Shikamaru uses the cloud to send his shadow after his opponent, but Temari leaps away. She's seen how it works, and a shadow can only stretch so far. Temari's marked the distance, so now it's a standoff. Shikamaru goes for a new sign, which isn't a sign according to Asuma, it's just what he does when he's stuck on a problem and trying to skull things out. It works, too, Asuma's never beaten him. He slacked his way through Ninja Academy, just passing, and it wasn't until later that Asuma sneakily found out that Shikamaru had an IQ over 200. Holy crap. And now Shikamaru's figured out his next move...

Fan Girl's eager to get things going again, and wind-blasts the Squad Ten strategist, which Shikamaru avoids by ducking behind a tree. Ino doesn't know what he's going for, and Choji figures he'll give up because things are too much of a hassle. Ino doesn't want to believe it, but prior evidence would suggest her cubby friend is right. Temari yells for him to come out and finish things, and she has to dodge a kunai/Shadow Paralysis combo that hits too close for her comfort. The sneaky kid was waiting for the sun to set more to extend his reach. Nice! The Sand Ninja's flummoxed, but it's still a standoff. That is, until a new shadow starts to form overhead. Shikamaru improvised a parachute with his jacket and a knife and sent it over Temari's head. HAH! She tries to dodge the shadow reaching for her, but if she pays too much attention to either Shikamaru or his parachute, she's done for. Fan Girl's impressed. Asuma and Kurenai think he might've overplayed his hand, but Temari knows that if it goes too long he'll get more shadows after the sun sets. She decides to use a Clone Jutsu for a diversion... and she's stuck! The Shadow Paralysis is working to the amazement of the crowd. Shikamaru maneuvered her so that he could send a shadow through the hole Naruto erupted from... which was connected by the crater his Shadow Clone had made. The parachute was a fake. Genius. Shikamaru and Temari stroll towards each other in the center of the arena. People are on the edge of their seats. Choji looks to eat himself into a coma from the suspense. Shikamaru raises his right arm and... gives up. The crowd explodes in confusion. Shikamaru says that it took so long, he's out of Chakra and it's all such a pain. Ino doesn't know a thing about Shikamaru.

Next Episode: The match you paid to see - Sasuke vs. Gaara!

Episode 63 - Hit it or Quit it: The Final Rounds Get Complicated!

2009-02-04T16:39:00.000-08:00

Sakura's the first to cheer for Naruto, and the croud rains their applause down. Naruto would immediately like to think of all the people who believed in him enough to get to this point, which is nobody in this crowd. Sakura reflects that if she wants to hit Naruto's level, she'll have to work hard, too. Dur hey, sister. Shikamaru's irritated that Naruto isn't a slacker-goof like he is. Asuma, Kurenai and the Hokage are impressed Naruto can summon the Demon Fox. As the Ninja Paramedics cart Neji off, Toothpick drops knowledge that if a bird really wants to escape his cage and fly, he'll find a way. Lord Hyuga drops by to check on his nephew, who can barely sit up. He wants Neji to know the truth about what happened to his father. Hiashi tells Neji he intended to die that day, and hands Neji a scroll. He tries to blow them off as propaganda, but it's in his father's handwriting. The scroll tells about the Lightning Ninja's help, and Hiashi ready to sacrifice himself, but one of the elders says there's a reason we have branch familes. Hizashi understands the situation and is willing. The Lightnings want Hiashi's body to research Byakugan, but it disappears upon death, though they don't know that. This is Hizashi's destiny, and there's that word again. Hiashi protests further, but Hizashi wants to protect Hiashi because he's Hiashi's brother, not because of the branch family garbage, and hopefully show Neji something besides his bitter resentment to the head family. He wanted Neji to know that he died because it was his choice, finding freedom in death from the destiny of the Hyuga clan. Wow. When Neji finishes, he turns to find Lord Hiashi bowing his head and asking his forgiveness, and asks him to rise. Neji reflects on what destiny is, having his own view of the notion shaken, and maybe if those who view it like Naruto are right after all. Neji decides to become stronger so that he can follow his own path.

The Kages are commenting on how awesome than the battle they just watched, but it's Sasuke versus Gaara that they paid their tickest to see. Scarface tells Hokage they still can't find their wunderkind. The crowd all-but chants, "We want Ninjas! Clap-clap clap-clap-clap!" Shikamaru wonders where he is, and Shino says that it may be wise he doesn't show. Naruto still thinks Sasuke will show up, and shares mutual hostile looks with Gaara. Kankuro and Temari worry this might throw off the plan, and their sensei wonders if Gaara's already killed the Uchiha kid. Flash to Kakashi and Sasuke training, and even though Gaara's hiding Kakashi calls him out, having sensed his blood-lust. At the arena, the Kazekage asks the Hokage if they could wait, though the Leaf Ninjas say there's not a good reason to. Kazekage says this match is why they came, and there might be Trouble if he doesn't show. Hokage decides to postpone it over Toothpick's protests, and asks Kazekage why all the fuss. The Sand Ninja says he just really wants to see what Sasuke can do, to say nothing of wanting to see Gaara fight him and what the people want. They announce the match is pushed back, to some being happy and some being confused. Shikamaru suddenly realizes this means he has to fight sooner. Drag.

Our next bout is Kankuro vs. Shino, and the former abstains. His match doesn't have anything to do with the Sand Ninja's treachery, plus he doesn't want to show off Crow until he has to. Shino looks suspicious, as does the Lord Hokage. The crowd wants a real match and complains loudly. To buy time, Temari fan-rides down to the arena and wants to start her bout, and Shikamaru's annoyed at all the fuss. He thinks about abstaining too, until a hearty Naruto backslap sends Shikamaru over the railing and onto the arena floor. Hah!

Next Episode: Temari versus Shikamaru! Do it for the slackers, kid. If you can be bothered.

Episode 62 - A Failure’s True Power

2009-02-03T13:00:00.000-08:00

We start with Naruto reminding us that he's a sympathetic character. While Neji believes everything is set by destiny, Naruto's determined to prove that it's not, and that Neji's father dying didn't (or shouldn't) determine anything for Neji, either. Neji goes for a finishing blow, and palm-strikes the heck out of Naruto's chest, sending Naruto sprawling. He tells the Proctor to call it, and calls Naruto a failure. Again. Our hero tells him it's not over just yet, standing back up and ready to prove his Ninja Way of never giving up. Neji's reminded of Hinata, but blows it off. More of Naruto not backing down, and Neji believing every one is locked into fate. Neji yells Naruto can't understand being Marked in such a way that seemingly chains you to a path in life, and... er, point of interest, Neji? Oh, nevermind. You'll figure it out. Naruto says he does understand, and what's Neji gonna do about it? Naruto awesomely calls Neji on wanting to fight destiny despite what he says - Hinata struggles to change herself so people will one day accept her as the Hyuga's heir, and then Neji, who is to be her protector, was trying to kill in her in a pathetic way of acting out who he thought should be in charge. Go, Naruto, go! Speaking of Hinata, the Anbu's still working his healing Chakra on Hinata, and it seems to be working. Whew.

Neji's done with bantering, and asks Naruto how he's going to fight without Chakra, but at least he can go keep Hinata company in the useless destiny pile. Naruto talks big, but he really doesn't have any Chakra left - just like when he was training under Jiraiya. Hey! Didn't the Pervy Sage say something about Naruto having another kind of Chakra? Yes, yes he did. Our boy digs deep and asks the Demon Fox for help. It's time to finish it, says Neji, and even the Proctor's annoyed with him. Naruto starts to channel the Nine-Tailed Chakra as we get scenes of Naruto telling Hinata to come watch him kick Neji's ass, and Lee saying how fine it would be to beat a genius with sheer effort. Neji asks what the point of this is, and Naruto says it's because Neji called him names. Neji turns on the Byakugan, and is freaked the hell out the red Chakra surging through Naruto. The spectators are suitably impressed, and also terrified. Gaara in particular looks shaken.

Filled with the Nine-Tailed Chakra, Naruto's ready to let Neji have it. So are we. The Nine-Tailed Chakra infuses Naruto, who promptly vanishes from sight to reappear overhead and fling some Shuriken at Neji. He uses Rotation to catch them and hurl them back at Naruto, who vanishes before they can hit. Then it's kunai, which knock each other out of the air, and both of them catch before they hit the ground. Holy crap! Naruto: "You're confident in close combat, right?" Naruto charges at Neji, and we get flashbacks on Neji telling Naruto how much of a joke he is, which only riles Naruto more. It's Naruto's destiny to kick Neji's ask, so if he doesn't want to struggle against it, he doesn't have to. Hah! Naruto says after he becomes Hokage that Hyuga reform is first on his list as there's an [i]exoplosion[/i] of Chakra when their blades meet in the middle. The crowd's agape, and nobody knows which smoking crater is Naruto's. Neji is the first one to pull himself out to the crowd's amazement, but he doesn't look very happy about it. He staggers over to Naruto's body, and Tenten says it looks like the Rotation battered Naruto with his own Nine-Tailed Chakra. Ouch. THEN THE REAL NARUTO ERUPTS FROM THE GROUND WITH AN UPPERCUT! MY GOD! He punched Neji so hard his [i]fingers[/i] are bleeding, and Neji can't seem to move. Neji admits he was careless, and should've expected the Jutsu Naruto's good at. Naruto says that's actually the Jutsu he always flunked out on, so give the destiny thing a rest, okay? Especially since Neji's not a failure, and could change if he wants to. Toothpick calls it in favor of Naruto to the roar of the crowd.

Next Episode: Naruto won, but Sasuke won't if he doesn't get his ass to the arena.

Episode 61 - Ultimate Defense: Zero Blind Spot!

2009-02-02T16:40:00.001-08:00

We open on Iruka thinking how Naruto will do against Neji. Kabuto wants Naruto's performance to entertain him a little, since he's got a rough job ahead. At the arena, a stampede of orange-clad ninja charge Neji, and if anything they do worse than when there were fewer clones. Neji says he warned Naruto that he wasn't a slouch, and charges through the crowd to slam the real Naruto and pop the clones. One of the Proctors already calls it, and Hinata quietly pleads for our hero to win. PSYCHE! The real Naruto wasn't Naruto at all. Kiba(!) yells encouragement as two more clones leap to offense on a startled Neji. Then Neji blocks with a Chakra force field that digs a hole in the ground when it's used. Hinata's dad Hiashi calls it Rotation - Neji's Byakugan's almost 360 degrees. Naruto tries surrounding Neji with Clones again, but Neji blocks them all and sends them scattering away with his Chakra shield. Tenten helpfully explains that unlike even Jonin, who tend to expel from Chakra from one point in their body, Neji can do it from any point. Okay, kid's still a prick, but he's no joke. The elder Hyuga is amazed that Neji figured this out on his own, as that's something that's passed down in the head Hyuga branch. Naruto's getting frustrated, and Neji assumes a stance he apparently really shouldn't know. Neji circles in and then hits Naruto with a 64-combo strike. Oh my god.

Neji triumphantly says he hit all 64 Chakra points, and now Naruto can't even stand.
Our boy struggles to move, and his vision's blurry. Naruto flashes on people who've had to deal with that prick Neji, and slowly manages to get to his feet. Neji's shocked, but Naruto did tell him he didn't know when to quit. In the stands, Hinata's so torn up she starts coughing, her injuries starting to flare up. The Anbu Kiba spotted comes to take a look at her, and Kiba wonders who the hell he is. Not-at-all Kabuto Anbu: "I'm not suspicious or anything." Well, that settles it. Neji tries to get Naruto to quit, saying that it'll just get worse and he doesn't really have a grudge against Naruto. Naruto's definitely got one against him, calling him out for being a bastard to Hinata during their fight and asking why, but Neji says it's not his business. The Anbu works some healing mojo on Hinata as Kiba looks on.

Neji decides to shut Naruto up and tell him about the sordid past of the Hyuga clan. They have the Curse Mark Arts, where people in the clan are branded to show the destiny they're locked into, and the only way to escape it is death. When Neji was four, they met at Hinata's third birthday, where Neji was Curse Marked so that the way for Hinata to become head of the clan was made clear. Naruto wonders what it all means, as do I. We flash on Hinata's training, and Hisashi tells him that he'll be Hinata's bodyguard one day. Hisashi isn't pleased at all with how Hinata's coming along, which he uses the Byakugan to see, and Hinata's dad detects murderous intent from Hisashi. Hiashi sends some painful feedback through Hizashi's own Curse Mark. The Mark, it turns out, is a leash on the branch family, to keep them as the main family's protectors and to have something to hold over their heads. Neji recounts when Hinata was kidnapped, and Hisashi killed the abductor - it was the head of the Lightning Ninja, who were in town to sign a treaty with Leaf. The two Villages almost went to war over it as the Lightningers apparently made it seem like it was the Leaf's fault, but the Hokage wanted to avoid that at all costs. The Lightning Ninja wanted Hiashi's body for the Byakugan, but instead they gave the Lightning Ninja Hisashi, who was made to look like a body double. Neji says growing up in the Hyuga clan you know all about destiny, and Naruto's was decided when the match was made. I get Neji now, but he's still a jackass.

Next Episode: Naruto's got to find some Chakra around here somewhere...

Episode 60 - Byakugan vs. Shadow Clone Jutsu!

2009-02-01T17:08:00.001-08:00

It's time to start, and Sasuke's nowhere to be found. A scarfaced Ninja whispers in the Hokage's ear that he may've already run off with Orochimaru. The Hokage greets his Sand Village opposite number, the Kazekage. Gaara looks psychotic to see him, but at least I can understand why. The Kazekage asks if maybe it's not time to call the Fifth Hokage, but Third says he's got time left. Toothpick Ninja announces the change in the tournament with Dosu gone, and Gaara reflects on violently making that change. Sasuke has to make it by the time his match starts, or else he'll lose. We flashback on Gaara sending his Sand Eye to spy on Kakashi and Sasuke's training, and it's implied that Gaara may've offed Sasuke and Kakashi for afters. Same rules as the prelims - fight until dead or unconscious or the judge calls it. It's Naruto and Neji in the first round! Kick his ass, son. Kiba and Hinata find their seats, and I'm not sure whether Kiba's starting to little sister Hinata or just treat her as a mildly retarded kitten, but either's probably an improvement. Ino says that even if Sakura's worried about Sasuke, maybe she should try cheering for her teammate who IS there? Sakura's brightened by the notion... until Ino says that of course Naruto hasn't a prayer. Treacherous Ino-pig! The Proctors from the first Exam are think Naruto's made it this far soley on luck and how he also can't beat Neji, with Hinata sitting right next to them. Heh. Kiba becomes slightly less of a jerk as he ruminates how you can get suprised if you underestimate the kid. Akamaru dog-whispers that there's an Anbu in attendance.

Before the match starts, Naruto has reminds Neji of the totally metal blood oath to win the tournament. Neji Byakugans that Naruto does seem different, but that'll just make it more of an interesting fight. Naruto tells him to shut up and get to it, and we cheer a little bit. Even the wind's kicked up in anticipation. Hinata's dad Hiashi tells her sister Hanabi to pay attention, as nobody's Byakugan is as strong as Neji's. Kiba wonders if Naruto knows that up-close is precisely where you don't want to be against Neji. Neither of them move at first, before in a flash, Naruto flings three kunai and follows it up with a frontal attack! He can't land a blow on Neji no matter how hard he tries, and then Neji gets an opening for a Gentle Fist in the chest. It looks like the Hyuga prick's going for Naruto's shoulder when we flashback on his fight with Hinata, and Sakura yells out to remind Naruto how Neji can see Chakra points. This startles Naruto into rolling to keep from getting his Chakra blocked, but he realizes this'll have to be done at long range if it's to be done at all.

Neji asks him if he doesn't realize now that there's no hope, but Naruto replies he was just checking our how Neji rolled, and it's just getting started, bitch. Shadow Clone Jutsu! Spectators are impressed. The Narutos draw their kunai, and Neji realizes with this active he can't use his Byakugan on them. Tenten lets us know that Neji's awesome on the D, too. Four of the Clones charge, but Neji ducks the first few attacks until one seemingly lands a kick - but it was just a feint to backflip away. Two clones try for flanking, but both get it in the face when they charge. Two more duck Naruto's attacks and then palm-striked into oblivion, leaving only a final clone Neji dismissively poofs. The prick asks if Naruto really thinks he can become Hokage; he's still a failure, and people don't change. That he can sort of see this type of thing with his Chakra explains why Neji thinks so, but he's still an ass. Neji says only a few people are destined to become Hokage, and Naruto ain't one of them. The only destiny everyone truly shares is the grave. This predictably riles Naruto, who says he doesn't know when to give up and goes for Shadow Clone x1000. 'Tis on!

Next Episode: It doesn't look good for Naruto's promise to Hinata.

Episode 59 - The Final Rounds: Rush to the Battle Arena!

2009-01-31T05:33:00.000-08:00

The tournament's tomorrow! Naruto's visiting his favorite ramen stand, and it seems like the owner missed him. The kid's probably his best customer, so I can see it. They know about the finals coming up, and slide Naruto some ramen that looks like it's way above his normal price range for good luck. Aww. Others are eating, too - three Ninja who with a start, I realize are Squad Ten's parents. Holy crap. They act exactly like you'd expect, though it looks like Ino's dad may've wanted a boy. Shikamaru's dad: "Girls are a drag." Shikamaru comes to fetch his hard-drinking dad home, but his father doesn't want to leave the not-very-festive festival the night before the tourney. He's shocked to find out his son made it into the finals. Geez, dude. At the Sand Village hideout, Kankuro and Temari are prepping their tricks, while Gaara sits on the roof and broods. Back at Naruto's room (adorable Kakashi plushie, by the way), our boy can't seem to sleep.

Morning! Neji's had Tenten lob every sharp thing ever at him as a warm-up. Naruto's stressed out, he couldn't sleep over knowing he'd have to face Neji first in the tournament, and as he walks to the arena the fans' chatter doesn't help his feelings of unease a bit. He happens across Hinata, who adorably scoots behind a giant log when he calls her name. Naruto wanted to hit the Genin training field before he came, though he won't tell Hinata why. Then he starts in asking after Neji, and jeez, dude. Sore subject. Hinata says Naruto might be able to win, and our boy goes for false bravado for the win! He's got Hinata's support, who wants to return the favor from the prelims. She liked herself a little bit after her match with Neji, and felt different even if nobody else would notice. Naruto asks if he really comes off as strong as Hinata seems to think he does, since he still feels like a giant Ninja klutz. Hinata says that's not true at all, that he may've kept falling down but he kept getting right back up and I don't think I've seen anything sweeter. Naruto actually takes this to heart, proving he can be smarter than he looks, and he's ready to go! Then he promptly says he always thought she was weird and gloomy, and my hand is reared back for a smack, but then Naruto says he likes that. Hinata figures she should take what she can get. Awesome Hinata talks apparently make one late, and Naruto charges off. A confused Kiba and Akamaru wander by, wondering why Hinata's staring raptly in the distance.

Naruto's charging through the city streets and bemoaning the distance when Konohamaru calls out from a corner. He totally knows an ace shortcut to get to the arena. He leads Naruto to a secrt path that's been... blocked off. But wait, Kono knows another route! This one through some sort of drainage pipe. Their awesome slide deposits them in the hot springs, even further away, which Honored Grandson frantically says must've just gotten re-routed. Then they spy transportation! A fuedal lord's bulls, which Kono talks up to a desperate Naruto. Oh, god. Fuedal bulls don't like being spurred, and immediately bucks Naruto the heck off. Still pissed, it's time for the running of the bulls in Leaf Village! I try not to die laughing. Naruto's not the only one late - Dosu's not there (obviously) and even Sasuke isn't. It's neat Sakura and Ino are sitting together. Naruto's on his way, though, leading his very own stampede. I like they'll bust out a comedy ep after the pathos-heavy ep. Our boy tries to Shadow Clone to distract the herd, but that doesn't work because it's like the Leaf Village longhorns did the same. Hah! Naruto finally makes his way to the arena, sprinting past the guards and leaving the stampede in their capable hands. The Shadow Clones bottleneck at the entrance, and it takes the bulls to break it, sending Naruto skidding into the arena. He becomes the boy who cries bulls, though I guess they got bored and left. Shikamaru helps Naruto up, who notices Sasuke's gone. A Jonin tells them to stow that acting nervous crap. They're the main event! The wanna-be Chunin have just realized it, too.

Next Episode: Naruto vs. Neji! He's doing it for Hinata!

Episode 58 - Hospital Besieged: The Evil Hand Revealed!

2009-01-30T17:17:00.000-08:00

Our story begins with Temari and Kankuro being rousted out of bed, their sensei demanding to know where Gaara's gotten off to. It's nice to start things off on a threatening note. At the hospital, Shikamaru's playing some sort of tile game and watching over Naruto, still tuckered out from his rollicking adventures with Chief Toad. It makes me wonder if somebody put Shikamaru up to watching Naruto, since he doesn't strike me as altruistic. Ninja Florist - Sakura's picking a narcissus, and is startled by Ino who tells her if it's for Sasuke, he's not back yet. You'd think Sakura would learn when she goes to Ino's florist shop, she might be there. Sakura says it's for Lee, who no doubt will have an even longer stay after trying to train while half-broken. Speaking of the hospital, the first one to make it is Gaara. Oh, dear. Naruto finally comes to, where he's been out the last three days, and flips out over the tournament being tomorrow, and poor Shikamaru is reintroduced to how quickly Naruto changes gears from 'yelling' to 'yelling even more.' There's even a fruit basket for Naruto. Aww! It was actually for Choji, who got sick from eating too much BBQ. Naruto says it's just like him, and Shikamaru snarks that it's like both Choji and Naruto to not have any female visitors. Hah! Naruto wants to torment Choji by eating in front of him. Shikamaru's right, sometimes that kid is a drag. Geez.

At the hospital reception area, Sakura signs herself in, wondering where everybody's gotten to. A sign on the desk reads 'out to lunch.' The hell? As she's signing, a Gaara-shaped shadow creeps up behind her. OH GOD SAKURA, TURN AROUND! She does, but he's gone. Whew. Lee's room, who's out cold, and Sakura brings him another flower, which is all kinds of sweet. Choji's demolished his hospital food, and is briefly creeped out by the door opening by itself. The fruit basket pokes its head in, and Choji immediately suspects Shikamaru. Gaara's looming over Lee's bed, replaying their fight in his head, particularly Guy saving Lee. He's hit with a migraine, we flash on a younger Gaara and possibly his mother and some other people. Gaara summons up his sand to finish Lee... then stops, finding himself getting punched in the face by Naruto! No, wait, he punched Shikamaru. Oh! Shadow Paralysis hi-jinks. Naruto demands to know what the hell Gaara is doing. It's Ino who's brought Choji the fruitbasket! Choji: "All right! The age of chubby has arrived!" BWHAHAHAHA! Gaara answers Naruto, he was trying to kill him. Dur. Shikamaru asks if Gaara's got beef with Lee because he lost, but Gaara just plain wants to kill him. Naruto asks him how can he be such of a selfish prick, and Shikamaru insightfully asks if Gaara had a messed up childhood. The Sand Ninja calmly replies that if either of the boys get in his way, he'll kill them, too.

Being crafty, Shikamaru tries for a bluff. He spins Gaara a tale about not knowing their true strength, since they didn't show it during the prelims, plus Gaara's handicapped! Like the Eskimo said to the ice salesman, Gaara ain't buying. Naruto's ready to throw down, saying he's got a monster inside him and I guess banking on the Demon Fox to take down Gaara. That's risky. Gaara says he's got something like that inside him, too, and confirms the horrible childhood thing, which started with killing his mother to become the strongest Shinobi possible. He's possessed by a Sand Spirit, Shukaku, the spirit of an angry monk. This is apparently a Jutsu done by horrible, horrible parents. Naruto realizes he has more in common with Naruto than Naruto wants to admit. Shikamaru comments that it must be a sick kind of love to do that to a kid, but Gaara doesn't know the meaning of the word. Family means nothing to him, and his own father's been trying to assassinate him since he was six years old. They were scared their weapon would go out of control, and now just want to bury him and cover up the grave. With a start, Naruto realizes how much that sounds like his life. Huh.

Gaara says that everyone needs a purpose in life, and that he's found his - to kill others, something he taught himself after offing the killers that would regularly come for him. It's the only time he feels joy, and the only time he feels alive. Naruto realizes that while they are the same, he had somebody who realized he was alive, and cared for him, which Gaara never had. Faced with such an amoral Ninja prodigy who he's so alike and so incredibly different from, Naruto thinks there's no way he can beat somebody like this. Gaara senses Naruto's frozen up, and sand starts to swirl around him, freaking out Shikamaru who's still got Gaara under Shadow Paralysis. The sand looks about to crash down on our hero when MIGHT GUY shows up! Thank god. He reminds them to save it for the tournament, and Gaara immediately has a violent flashback to his own mother at Guy's arrival, and it's become obvious that memories of his mother physically hurt the kid. Young Gaara clutching his chest: "There's no blood, but it hurts here." He staggers out, but not before vowing to kill everyone there.

Next Episode: Konohamaru's short cuts!

Episode 57 - He Flies! He Jumps! He Lurks! Chief Toad Appears!

2009-01-29T10:14:00.000-08:00

You remember that Kaiju Toad that saved Naruto at the end of last episode? Good! He's still here, and he smokes a pipe and talks. It apparently has a large scar on its face, too. Just to check, he makes sure it is not, in fact, a tadpole and celebrates while the Toad displays remarkable paitence with the whole enterprise. Jiraiya's impressed, but knows that Naruto's still got a long way to go to master the Demon Fox's Chakra, and amused that it's THIS Giant Toad he's summoned. Speaking of Giant Toads, this one's name is Gamabunta, and he is the Chief Toad, thank you, and doesn't like Naruto bouncing on his head. Gamabunta complains about having been summoned for the first time in ages, and an orange jumpsuited lunatic kid's bouncing on his head. He starts bellowing for Jiraiya, who decides to make himself scarce. He asks Naruto where the Toad Sage is, and Naruto tries to cover for him, but Gara's very angry and quickly rolls over on the Pervy Sage. Naruto wants to know what Jiraiya's doing him summoning here of all places, and Naruto haltingly explains HE summoned the Chief Toad. It is the first time I've seen a giant amphibian break into gales of laughter. He doesn't believe Naruto could summon him, which irriates Naruto into calling him a jerk. This followed up, somewhat unwisely, by saying since he summoned Gama he's Gama's master. Gama's incensed by such arrogance! He grabs Naruto with his tongue, then leaps out of the cavern at super-sonic speed and levels half the countryside with his landing.

On the surface, Gama lays down the law to Naruto, saying that there's no way in hell he'd serve a punk like him. Having no further business with our hero, Gamabunta proceeds to lumber off and fight Gamera, or something. Naruto's not one to let this lie, hopping on the Chief Toad's back and vowing to stay on Gama until the big frog recognizes Naruto as his master. Chief Toad has what might be precisely called a fit and starts to buck like the world's largest cold-blooded bronco. Far away, Jiraiya's amusing himself with Naruto's plight, until the delighted squeals of barely-dressed girls force him to reprioritize Naruto down the list.

At Hidden Leaf, which apparently has yet to feel the toad-based tremors, Kankuro watches Team Ten hit Choji's favorite BBQ place again. Temari gets on her brother for letting Gaara out of his sight, but he says even Gaara wouldn't try something in broad daylight. What's Kankuro's reasoning, exactly? He gets on Temari's case for blowing off facing Shikamaru, saying if she's taken the test when she ought've, she'd already be Chunin. Flashback to the Village Hidden in the Sand and their sensei telling the Sand Squad they're headed for Leaf Village's Exam, but it's not to become Chunin. The Sand Ninja are upset that their... budget was cut by the leader of the Land of the Wind. Hah! Some of their contracts were even given to Hidden Leaf. Strength is important to the Sand Village - it's why they made Shinobi like Gaara. Made? Yeep. It's been decided their daimyo is an idiot, so the Kazekage made a deal with the Hidden Sound Village to crush the Hidden Leaf Village. This will convince their daimyo that keeping the Sand Village's strength at maximum is important. Temari realizes this will lead to war, and is suprisingly upset about the cost in human life. We get a reiteration of Shinobi being tools, and this seemingly convinces the Sand Ninjas.

The Chief Toad's doing everything he can to shake Naruto off, and to his credit, Naruto's still hanging on. Their struggles have even formed a rainbow, which the pretty girls admire, giving Jiraiya something to admire. At the present-day Hidden Sand Village, the Genin's sensei delivers the Sound Village's battle plan to Kazekage. The sensei wants some extra troops, but this gets shot down for fear it'll tip their hand to the Hidden Leaf, and besides, they already have Gaara. At the Chief Toad Riding Finals, Naruto points out it's almost the deadline for his completely arbitrary contract of servitude for Gamabunta. Gama's tempted to just ignore Naruto, like many are, but the kid's starting to get under his skin. Again, like most people. He finally asks Naruto's name. and goes for one last mad attempt to get the kid off his back. Naruto has to Shadow Clone himself into a human chain to keep him from falling off, and Jiraiya's amazed at how he can keep using Chakra. He's also despondent that Gama landed on the spot the girls hang out. Right at sundown, Naruto finally gives out and falls unconscious, although Gama catches him before he can fall to his death (for real). The Hermit Sage surreptiously leaves the Summoning contract that Naruto signed so Gama can see it, which by now the Chief Toad will admit to. It's the first time since the Fourth Hokage called him that somebody's ridden his head. Hmmm. He leaves Naruto back in Hidden Leaf alongside a footprint they could use as a reservoir, our boy with an exhausted smile on his face.

Next Episode: Visiting hours for Gaara. Crap!

Episode 56 - Live or Die: Risk it All to Win it All!

2009-01-28T16:55:00.000-08:00

Jiraiya peeping toms us into the opening, as Naruto's still trying to work on that darn frog summon. It's got all four legs, but it's still not a full-grown version. In a fit of exsistential angst, Naruto asks what IS a frog, anyway? Our hero's tapped out of Chakra and collapses, Pervy Sage saying it's been three weeks and still no giant toad. Over in the Hidden Village, Hokage's viewing portraits of Ninjas long past, one of which looks a like an older Naruto. Anko's on-hand to torture herself with guilt, but Lord Hokage won't hear of it since she doesn't have anything to do with Orochimaru. He states for the record nobody in Hidden Leaf can match up to him, though Anko thinks the fourth Hokage could've. There's the shot of Naruto's older relation again. Hmmm. So it's like that, is it? The Hokage puts off such speculation, since it's not like the fourth Hokage can die again to save the village, but they have to do something. He tells Anko not to blame herelf, but it's probably a bit too late for that.

The Mountain Toad wakes Naruto up with some water to the face, and levels with him. Since it's been three weeks and still no toad, they're just wasting time. Jiraiya says the key is you have to act like you're risking your life to get the right kind of Chakra out. Naruto says that's what he's been doing, and begs his sensei for a trick. The only 'trick' is he has to [i]actually risk his life. but Naruto agrees. It starts in a bath-house, though not for the reasons it would normally be with Jiraiya around. This is the first step, purification. Next, they've been walking for a while, coming back to Hidden Leaf. Toad Sage asks Naruto if he wants something to eat, and ramen is on the menu. Naruto is told to eat up like it's his last meal, because it is, only Jiraiya blows it off like a joke. Several bowls later, Naruto's finally full - to find Jiraiya's replaced himself with a stuffed frog and left Naruto with the bill. Hah! Jiraiya rightfully points out Naruto that he didn't say he was treating Naruto, to the woe of Naruto's awesome frog wallet. The next step has the Sage asking if there's a girl Naruto likes - and of course, it's still Sakura. His new mission is the hardest training yet - to hug her tight! And by tight, Jiraiya means goodbye. Naruto's very conflicted, it's training, but Sakura might joint and bone him, and finally needs a Sage kick to the rear to get going.

Naruto tracks down Sakura, who automatically thinks Naruto wants to borrow money which I find hilarious for some reason. The 'training' excuse won't fly, so Naruto decides to just go for it. He accidentally trips Sakura into his arms, but she realizes what he's trying to do and hits him with a punch that could kill Orochimaru and stalks off. Seeing that's as good as it'll get, Jiraiya asks if there's anything else he needs to do, or last wills to write, and when Naruto says there isn't he immediately knocks the kid out. Jiraiya monologues that Naruto, being young, subconsciously rejects the Nine-Tail's Chakra and he's going to have to learn how to bring it out when he needs it. He also apologizes to the Fourth Hokage. Hmmm. Naruto comes to later, and Jiraiya immediately tells him to drop dead and come back if he wants to learn summoning. And then he finger-pokes Naruto off a cliff. Naruto's desperately trying to use Chakra to stop his fall, but with his normal reserve and how slippery the rock is, there's no way he won't die unless he can call on the Demon Fox.

Ninja Preschool meets while Naruto plummets to his death. Iruka's pointing out which Hokage is which on Ninja Mount Rushmore. There isn't, currently, a Fifth Hokage, and Iruka makes a joke about being the next Hokage when the Third shows up. Naturally. Third's no joke, having been (er, is) a strong example of their past leaders. One of the students immediately declares he's to be the Fifth Hokage, Naruto-like. The Hokage says that sort of striving is admirable, but if you want to be strong to become the Fire Shadow, you have to do it for someone. The kids ask who are the Hokage's, and in a nice scene mentions his grandson and all the people of the Village, and looks at the face of the Fourth Hokage. Good news! Naruto's not dead. He does appear to be in some sort of hellish labryinth of his own subconscious, though, complete with the sounds of snarling. Naruto follows the sounds of the growls, coming to a giant locked door marked 'Seal.' The beast on the other side beckons Naruto closer, and immediately tries to eviscerate him. In a shock, Naruto realizes that it's the Nine Tails' Chakra that's the red Chakra. Naruto looks worried for a second, then awesomely demands that the Demon Fox needs to start paying himself some back rent with his special Chakra as currency. This highly amuses the Nine-Tails, but he also realizes that if he dies then Naruto dies and thus lends him the power our boy needs. Naruto snaps back to falling to his doom, and immediately uses the Ninja Summons and it works. Oh, lord, does it work. It's a giant frog, even bigger than Jiraiya's... and it has a pipe.

[b]Next Episode:[/b] Giant Toad thinks Naruto's bargaining posture is highly dubious.

Episode 55 - A Feeling of Yearning, A Flower Full of Hope

2009-01-27T15:35:00.000-08:00

We open with more frolicking young women, and this is at least one thing that Master Jiraiya has brought to the series. His research is interrupted by Naruto wanting more training, but Pervy Sage is busy. To spit Jiraiya, Naruto does exactly what his sensei wants him to and tries to summon a frog again. Still on tadpoles! At the Village Hidden in the Leaves, we open on Sakura on her bed. She's having flashbacks to Orochimaru biting Sasuke's neck, though these are perhaps thankfully (for her, anyway) by her mother asking when she's finally going to roll out of bed and help her with the housework. It is apparent on Ninja Earth that the wisdom of Will Smith holds true when he opined, "Man, parents just don't understand!" I'd still like to know what that red and white gi in her room is for. Lord Hokage is giving everyone the bad news on Hayate turning up corpsified, and Anko immediately asks if it's Orochimaru - not unreasonably. Kakashi says it was more likely Kabuto. Somebody else asks if they're going to stop the Exam, but Orochimaru's already made it clear that's not going to happen on pain of pain. Anko gets a guilty look when they mention the Snake Ninja. Random Ninja asks if Orochimaru might side with another Land to attack Leaf Village, which would break the truce set down by the Great Ninja War (awesome!) and Kakashi more or less admits the truce was just people saying, "Okay, I won't attack you" and holds about as much weight. The Hokage urges caution, as running around beating at the bushes just might by what their enemies want. He cheerfully says that he trusts all the Jonin there, and when it's time, Hidden Leaf will go to war.

In her room, Sakura's staring at a photo of her squad, and flashbacks on Cursed Sasuke and later Sasuke ordering her not to tell the judges about the Mark. Sakura wonders if she shouldn't have been more forceful in stopping him, and while I applaud the notion of her trying and would root for her... let's get actual, shall we? She tried to visit him at Ninja Hospital, but he's not allowed to receive visitors. Despite this, she's apparently going to try again and decides to be pick up some flowers for the room she probably won't be allowed into. But, wait! This is no ordinary florist - this is a Ninja Florist store run by Ino's family, where she apparently works part-time. It explains how Ino knew about the flowers in that earlier episode, and that's kind of cool. As we've already noted, Ino is no slouch and knows exactly why Sakura's looking at flowers, and invites herself along to go see Sasuke. Treacherous Ino-pig! Ino grabs a rose for love, and Sakura gets a Narcissus because among its many properties is that it's a get-well flower. She gets two. One for Sasuke, and one for... Lee! That's sweet.

The girls are walking along, and I'm amazed that it hasn't broken out in a Kunoichi version of Deathrace 2000 to get to the hospital first. A bellow for ten orders of food give them pause, and it can only be Choji. Asuma is treating him to all the BBQ he can eat in return for helping with Shikamaru's training, who thinks it's a drag (SHOCK). We see a little bit of Asuma's teaching method, which seems to revolve around manipulating the ego of his students. Neji and Tenten are training, too! It seems to revolve around Tenten throwing things and then Neji passing out from lack of Chakra. Squad Eight's not to be outdone, as Kurenai and Kiba rush at Shino, who prepares to block with a swarm of bugs while Hinata watches from the sidelines. It's okay, girl! You can join their reindeer games, too! Ah, well. Naruto's still on tadpoles. The Sand Ninjas' sensei's also given them some no doubt lethal instruction on killing people with wind and sand. Sakura and Ino have been allowed in to see Sasuke, but it turns out he and his clothes are gone, and Sakura immediately thinks he's run off to join Orochimaru. It's too early in the season for something like that to happen, and we join Kakashi in progress to climbing a mountain one-handed and that is badass, even if he needs a Chakra-boost to do it. Sasuke's already waiting for him. I find I sort of missed the punk.

Unable to visit Sasuke, they visit their number-two choice, Lee, but he's gone, too. This is a terrible Ninja Hospital! Lee hasn't gone far, though, he's outside training. One-legged push-ups, and if he can't do those, one-legged squats! How does that even work? Sheesh, Lee. Watching him train, we get earlier Ino telling Sakura he may never be able to be a Shinboi again, and it's puts a pretty decent lump in my throat to watching the kid nearly kill himself trying to reach his dream. Right before he hits his target goal, Lee collapses from pain and passes out. Sakura asks Ino why us dudes have to be so stupid, and but Ino doesn't have an answer. To cheer us up, we get Shikamaru training, but he's out of Chakra so he just has to jump in the bushes to avoid Choji the Human Boulder. Lee wakes in his hospital bed to see the narcissus on his beside stand, but the girls have already gone home. Finally back at the hot springs, Jiraiya wants to pack it in since the bathing beauties have left, but Naruto's going to summon a frog if it kills him. He has to spring for a spot of Sexy Jutsu to recharge Jiraiya's batteries so he'll stick around long enough to watch Naruto try again. This time it's a legged tadpole. Progress!

Next Episode: Naruto's last meal! No sign of a giant frog.

Episode 54 - The Summoning Jutsu: Wisdom of the Toad Sage!

2009-01-26T17:21:00.000-08:00

A full moon hangs over head as Ebisu gives up trying to convince Jiraiya to help, dropping an "I believe in you," but it doesn't look it's going to make the Mountain Toad rethink his life anything. We cut away to Gaara perched on top of a carp statue, looking thoughtful. The Sound Ninja Dosu wanders up to him, casually saying that he thought he'd crush Gaara now and avoid the rush to fight Sasuke. He wants to try sound vs. sand, and I start to wonder if this means that Temari might not get a bye after all. Then something... odd happens. Gaara says in the full moon, "his" blood boils, and then his shadow starts to go all Lovecraftian and a smoke trail annihilates Dosu. The sand kid comes back to himself, breathing hard. Yikes. Close by, the Sand Village's sensei and Kabuto watch without the pants-wetting horror they might have. The sensei asks if it's okay that Gaara offed Dosu like that, and Kabuto cheerfully says that plans for Sasuke have changed and Dosu wasn't needed any more. Hayate drops some eaves! Sand Ninja's worried that if it's out Kabuto's Sound, their plot to destroy Leaf Village is done. Kabuto says he let them find out on purpose to see how they'd react. The Sound Ninja's just all kinds of too clever.

Kabuto gives them their orders from Orochimaru, and before they part Kabuto lets it slip that Hayate's not quite as stealthy as he'd like to be. Poor TB-sensei. The Sand Boss says he'll take care of Hayate for Kabuto as a favor. The Sand Villager catches up to Hayate on the rooftops a ways away, and Sandy's amused to find out it's a Proctor. Hayate coughingly draws his sword and goes for Leaf Style Cresent Moon Dance. He sweeps around in, well, a crescent around the Sand Ninja brings his sword down on his opponent's shoulder. Sand Shinobi is impressed, it's a very good technique and all, but it's a sword made of something. The Sand's sword is made of the wind, and he lets poor Hayate see how sharp it is.

Hot Springsville, with Jiraiya on the prowl. A trio of nubile nymphs frolic in the water, and while this is surely great inspiration for the next volume of Make-Out Paradise, it doesn't have a thing to with Naruto's training. He's forced to Sexy Jutsu it up to get his new mentor's attention back, offering "service" and as a brief note? Ew. This is just what the Pervy Sage was waiting for! To be touched by a beautiful women who turns back into 12-year-old kid. The girls break for lunch as Jiraiya decides it's time to start dropping knowledge on the kid. Mountain Toad wants Naruto to build up the special red Chakra, but no dice. The sensei monologues that as of yet, Naruto can only summon the red Chakra when Naruto's emotional state is at the right agitated pitch, as we've seen. Naruto wants to know why he has to use the other chakra for the technique, and Jiraiya says only that kind will be able to power the technique he's going to taught. Then our boy asks how Jiraiya knew he had the chakra in the first place. Because he's a sage, duh! The Pervy Sage starts tugging on Naruto's face like an overly affectionate great-aunt, telling him it would be a shame not to be able to use the red Chakra. It's all part of Naruto developing his own style, and the other Chakra is an edge that he can exploit over other people.

As an example of the cool stuff he can, Naruto can learn Summoning Jutsu, like Kakashi's adorable Ninja Dogs. Naruto's ready to learn, but first he has to empty his regular Chakra - so he Shadow Clones to do it as fast as he can, with an all-Naruto battle royale. Jiraiya: "Good thinking considering he's stupid." Heh! The Narutos go at it, and it's about as elegant as you could expect. Jiraiya: "My, this is a sexually unattractive scene." Oh, take it out of your robe, Mountain Toad. Wait, no, don't do that. Once Naruto's triumphed over the last three Clone Narutos, his regular Chakra meter's finally on 'E.' Naturally, he collapses. With Naruto's empty vessel, we can begin the lesson! The Summoning Jutsu works like it has for everybody else so far, the addition of blood to mystic signs. Mountain Toad calls his giant toad, and the amphibian hands Naruto a contract to be binded in blood so Naruto might call upon the mighty power of the... toad. Contract signed, Naruto goes for his first summon! It is a mighty... tadpole. HAHAHAHA. The giant frog is less than impressed, as is the guy on his back. A quick jump back to Hidden Leaf Village, and the crows have been after Hayate's corpse when the Anbu come across him. Poor guy.

Next Episode: Sakura and Ino visit Sasuke, assuming they don't kill each other first.

Episode 53 - Long Time No See: Jiraiya Returns!

2009-01-24T18:09:00.001-08:00

We join Ebisu passed out, having been beaten up by a giant frog. Naruto attempts the most secret and most sacred of techniques, One Thousand Years of Death, to rouse his teacher but goosing him up the pooper has no effect. Squad Seven's knucklehead asks the questions I ask, namely about the frog comma giant and who the heck the white-haired guy is. The Mountain Toad Sage is pleased to answer! He's a spirit sage. I guess. Naruto and I immediately dub him Pervy Sage. Naruto chews him out for knocking out Ebisu, but Mountain Toad says he got in the way of Pervy Toad's exacting research. Not only is he a spirit sage who has gained immortality, but he is also a novellist! The novel? Make-Out Paradise. Hah! Mountain Toad is pleased to meet what he thinks is a fan, although all the commotion outside startles the subjects of his research. Mountain Perv is livid at the loss of his inspiration, and Naruto wants to know who the heck is going to train him. Toad knows about the walking-on-water thing, so Naruto wants to press him into service as a new mentor, but Pervy Sage isn't having any of it. Also, Naruto's not a chick, so he's not interested. Naruto clumsily attempts to flatter Sage Toad, but Make-Out Paradise couldn't be published in Shonen Jump so Mountain Frog knows Naruto's talking out of his ass. Tired of Naruto, he whirlwinds away. Naruto: "Wow! He's cool even though he's a pervert!" I agree. He oddly reminds me of Naruto.

We join Naruto chasing his new hero through the streets, and it's easier than you might think. Just follow the sound of the slaps from offended women. Naruto's half-convinced to give up, but he doesn't have any choice. Our hero calls Toad Sage out as a perv in the middle of the street, and even goes so far as to ask if the toad-thing with Ebisu was a fluke. I'm pretty sure the toad could do if again, if he wanted. Pervy Sage amusingly stuffs Naruto in a giant vase and seals it with a rock on the lid to get some peace and quiet.

Free of orange-clad distractions, Mountain Toad Perv wants really to... er, make it with a stacked chick. He's even seeing them in the clouds. What we will call his ruminations are disrupted by a pair of Naruto's Shuriken, and Pervy Toad ducks behind the tree for some Substitution Jutsu, replacing himself with an odd-looking stuffed animal. Whoop! It's actually Transformation Jutsu! Naruto's not fooled! Mountain Perv finally breaks down and will watch Naruto's training, but in return he's got to bring him the object of his desires - which if it were a woman, would have decided back trouble. Two such creatures walk by, and Mountain Toad Sage immediately throws the training plan away. He's being charmingly perverse with the two girls before Naruto triumphantly returns with a watermelon shaped to his specifications. Hah! Ebisu happens upon the two, and seems to recognize the Pervy Sage. Toad Sage is trying to walk out of his deal, but Naruto calls him on it. The Mountain Frog is immune to Naruto's desire to become Hokage, he just wants the women. Naruto finally clues in, so... Sexy Jutsu! Ebisu nosebleeds himself into a well, and Toad Perv is so entranced he catches fire. Mountain Toad really wants to learn that technique. He also agrees to watch Naruto's training, if he's Sexy Jutsued out all the time. Naruto yells that he's just a pervet, but Naruto is wrong. Sage Perv is a super-pervert.

At the side of a river, Super Perv has completely relented, and wants Naruto to continue his water-walking training. Mountain Toad looks pleased until Naruto falls in halfway through. Sage has Naruto build up his chakra, notices something, and says he's pretty sexy when he's naked. GAH! Wait, no, it's okay - he just used it as an excuse to view the Seal Formula on Naruto's stomach. I hope. He seems to know all about how the Seal works, and even notices the extra Sealing Orochimaru did in the forest. Snake vs. Toad? Toad wants Naruto to put his hands up, before hitting him with a Seal releaser, which looks to do have done away with Orochimaru's Sealing. He has Naruto try to walk on water again, and this time it's picture perfect. Hermit Toad decides he should teach Naruto how to use the Nine-Tailed Chakra.

The Mountain Toad asks Naruto if he's ever felt like he has a different kind of Chakra sometimes, and Naruto says he has, remembering the fight with Haku on the bridge and later with Orochimaru (though briefly in that last case). He calls the different Chakra his red Chakra. Before we even get to a cool ace technique Pervy Sage promises to teach Naruto, Toad calls it quits for the day, starting with a bath. Naruto won't let what the ace techinque is drop, but Sage won't teach him until tomrrow. Giant Toad summons! Later, outside Naruto's, Pervy Sage meets with Closet Perv, and the two do know each other. The Hokage apparently had his Shinobi searching for the Sage, but Toad doesn't want to be found. Ebisu is emphatic he should come back, since Orochimaru's on the loose, they need another of the Sannin - legendary Shinobi - to beat the Sannin they have trouble with. The Mountain Toad Sage, Master Jiraiya, just looks at Ebisu as we end things.

Next Episode: A contract in blood for Ninja Summons!

Episode 52 - Ebisu Returns: Naruto's Toughest Training Yet!

2009-01-23T19:50:00.000-08:00

Outrage is thick in the air as Naruto can't believe Ebisu is whom Kakashi picked for his training, though Kakashi mostly puzzles over the revelation Ebisu is a closet perv. Naruto goes off on Ebisu is weaker than he is, to Kakashi's continued confusion. The dude got taken down by the infamous Harem Jutsu, so that proves everything. Ebisu is quick to silence Naruto before details of The Incident can be revealed. The new master and apprentice immediately start to bicker, and Kakashi as to mollify his charge by telling him Ebisu trains elite Jonin. He implores Naruto to please try and wrap his head around the fundamentals of being a Shinobi this time around. Kakashi silently hopes for Naruto to do his best as he leaves, and he's not gone a second before Naruto loudly registers his complaint at being taught by someone supposedly weaker than he is. Oh, Naruto. Ebisu says he might have been caught off-guard by being knocked unconcious by a pack of beautiful women, but there's more to them than meets the eye. Finally, he offers Naruto a chance - if he can outrun Ebisu, the tutor will talk to Kakashi about training him instead. Naruto doesn't need any more encouragement, and he's off!

Our boy thinks he's got in the bag, having made it half-way across the Village and pats himself on the back for being the exception Ninja he knew he was. Ebisu questions the veracity of that statement from his perch above. Naruto shrieks the test isn't over yet and vanishes in a smoke-bomb while Ebisu smirks. Naruto comes to a halt next to an advertisement for Make-Out Paradise, admitting that maybe Ebisu's no joke after all. He gets an evil grin on his face, using Transformation to turn into the girl in the ad. Ebisu arrives, and is briefly, uh, interested, but steels himself with righteous. That not working, Naruto goes for the Shadow Clone and scatters in all directions. It's not just a trick Naruto knows - Ebisu does it himself and sends his clones after Naruto. Hah! They go about rounding up Naruto's rampant clones and Naruto's about at the end of his rope on a bridge. Naruto's upset Ebisu is chasing him, but the teacher points out this is a chase, and Naruto is forced to award the point. Ebisu's training isn't going to cut it - he still wants Kakashi's. He makes one last play, leaping at Ebisu, but it was just a clone. Splashing around on the other side of the bridge, Naruto's finally forced to concede to the Closet Perv.

Ebisu is good as his word, treating Naruto to the ramen stand he likes so much. He points out Naruto still doesn't have any decent control over his Chakra, and starts to explain the basics. Naruto protests he already knows about Chakra, so Ebisu helpfully explains just how he sucks at it compard to Sakura and Sasuke. Sakura knows exactly how much Chakra to build up and to use, and while Sasuke can't build it up as well as she can, he still knows how to use it once he has it. The dig at Sasuke pleases Naruto, but Ebisu tells him he's got nothing to be proud of. With triple the amount of Chakra, Naruto can barely make one clone, where with the same amount his teammates can make ten. Mostly, it just seems to boil down to Naruto having no control and doesn't know when to quit, and Ebisu privately suspects the Nine-Tail's influence for part of the problem. The mentor does promise Naruto can get stronger, although Ebisu needs all his strength so his heart nearly gives out when presented with the bill for the ramen Naruto scarfed down.

Cutting to a town known for its hot springs, but alas, this is not Naruto's hot springs episode yet! Aside from Anko and Kurenai, such a beast would be ridiculously skeevy at any rate, but I'm sure we'll get one some time. Probably doubles as a clip show. DIGRESSION! Naruto asks what they're doing here, and Ebisu immediately says DO NOT TRY TO PEEP THAT IS WRONG! Closet perv. The training's to take place in the area, but there is to be no soaking in hot springs. He wants Naruto to walk on the hot springs. It's like the tree-walking excercise, only way more difficult. To nobody's suprise, Naruto doesn't get it, so Ebisu demonstrates (and THAT's how Kakashi and Zabuza does it). Enthused, Naruto immediately tries with predictable results to which the adjective 'boiled' applies. Watching Naruto trying and failing put Ebisu in mind of training Konohamaru, who was parroting Naruto's words of wisdom about no shortcuts. Already Naruto's starting to get the hang of controlling his Chakra for water-walking, and Ebisu even calls Naruto a better teacher than himself. According to the mentor, if not for the Demon Fox, Naruto would be a righteoush Ninja for the Village. Ebisu's attention is drawn by a dude with long white hair, enjoying himself with a good ol' fashioned peeping. Immediately, the honorable mentor is OUTRAGED (that he didn't think of it first), and charges the man to prevent indecency. The man Ninja Summons a giant red toad to give Ebisu a literal tounge-lashing. The grumpy Shameless Perv mutters it won't do to be found out. About what?

New ending song. The first one I've dug. Fight! Fight! Fight!

Next Episode: Naruto bothers the Shameless Perv!

Episode 51 - A Shadow in Darkness: Danger Approaches Sasuke

2009-01-22T06:50:00.000-08:00

Choji vs. Dosu! The rest of Squad Ten call down encouragement, sort of. Shikamaru says "Do your best!" and Ino yells down "Fatso!" Oh, dear. Much like playing "Pop Goes the Weasel" for Curly Howard, this winds Choji up, and Dosu calling him "Mr. Fatso" makes things even worse. Our big-boned hero immediately busts out Expansion Jutsu, thinking that he's got Dosu covered from their earlier fight in the Forest of Death. Human Boulder Jutsu! Hurray for big-boned! Katamari-Choji rolls after the Sound Ninja, Shikamaru noting that with Choji's ears covered, Dosu's sonic attacks won't be effective. He dodges Choji's attacks until Choji crashes into the wall, getting stuck. Dosu plants his sonic gauntlet into Choji's fla-- er, big-bonedness, and we receive an interesting lesson in how water - such as that that makes up the human body - is able to transmit sound waves. Choji's out in the quickest knock-out during the prelims. As he walks off, Dosu vows to prove to Orochimaru (not even "Lord Orochimaru") that he's no chump. The Paramedic Ninjas ask if Choji's okay, and he replies wants to eat meat, so this is a yes. Asuma decides the least they can do is take him out for BBQ, even if he didn't win.

Hayate announces the prelims over, and the Hokage is pleased to be able to get to finally start the Third Exam. Brief cutaway to Ninja Preschool, where Iruka is wondering how Naruto is doing. Back to the action, Hayate congratulates everyone for making it this far. One winner's missing - Sasuke, and Sakura's worried about him. Kakashi tells her not to worry, because it's Sasuke. Then he has Sakura stick around to find out the details of the Third Exam and 'ports away.

Kabuto's reporting to Orochimaru about how things are proceeding according to plan. He then asks if they could take Leaf Village now if they wanted to. Orochimaru figures they could, but there wouldn't be much challenge in knocking off the old Hokage. What's this? A little lip from Kabuto? Orochimaru doesn't take the mild implication it wouldn't be as easy as the Boss Snake thinks. Orochimaru wants to use Sasuke to bring all the Hidden Villages to each other's throats, and I wonder what makes Sasuke different, from, say, Gaara who also looks like a decent candidate to bring about widespread destruction. Then Kabuto goes on to talk about how he was suprised by Dosu's crew entering the fray, which is why he let himself get smacked around by the Sound Ninjas. He says Orochimaru doesn't trust him, and duh. Kabuto's a traitor, for one thing, and it's not like Orochimaru comes off as open and free with his feelings. On the contrary, says Orochimaru, he trusts Kabuto so much he wants Kabuto to pull a snatch and grab on Sasuke before Kakashi's Sealing of the Curse Mark takes complete effect. Kabuto incisively asks if he's worried about unknown variables, like loud-mouth knuckleheaded ninjas. Orochimaru just comments how on sharp Kabuto is. Careful you don't cut through that thin ice you're on, pal. Orochimaru wants Sasuke concentrating on his vengeance, and Naruto could potentially turn him from that, and might've already started. Then he lets Kabuto know he's walking a tightrope by saying it's only with Sasuke's help could Kabuto kill Orochimaru. Kabuto looks like he's about to wet himself. Then it turns out to be just a joke by the wacky funster Orochimaru! He loves to laugh, long and loud and clear!

As we rejoin Hokage's instruction on the Third Exam, the first part is that it's going to take place in a month, so everybody may be properly ready. This is each Village wanting to put their best foot forward, after all, to say nothing of the time it'll take for all the leaders of the Five Great Countries to reach the Hidden Leaf Village. This part of exam is rigged to take away the advantage of having everybody watch everybody else fight, so the participants have time to gain new tricks. I'm sure there's some fascinating flesh-eating bugs Shino could train. Naruto vows to train as hard as he can.

A pile of motionless Anbu lie on the floor of the Ninja Hospital, Kabuto sauntering in as easy as you please to loom over Sasuke's bed. He ruminates talent is a bitch, because if you're too good then monsters like Orochimaru take an Interest in you. The Snake himself wonders if Kabuto'll actually whack the kid. The traitor Leaf Ninja holds a scalpel to Sasuke's face - and it flashes away in a gleam of light to Kakashi's hand. Yeah! Kakashi compliments Kabuto on being more than he appears, and asks what he wants with Sasuke. Kabuto briefly makes like he might want to fight Kakashi, which I am all for, but Kabuto demures. Kakashi recognizes him as the son of the Leaf medical corp chief. Interesting. Kakashi asks if he's with Orochimaru. Kabuto doesn't out-right say it, but he says Kakashi might never prove it if he takes Kabuto in now, and would it maybe be okay if Kabuto walked out just this once. The Copy Ninja quickly gets tired of Kabuto being all smirky and evasive, and tells him to put up or shut up. Kabuto puts his blade to Sasuke's throat and asks if that really seems like a smart idea. Kabuto moves to cut the kid, and Kakashi's on him in a flash, knocking the knife away. PSYCHE! One of the Anbu was really Kabuto, and he makes for the door but Kakashi's already got that covered with a Shadow Clone. They've cornered Kabuto, but yet another Anbu hurls himself out the window, revealing himself to be Kabuto. Kakashi identifies it as Dead Soul Jutsu, which is sort of like Shadow Clone Jutsu, only with corpses. Gross. Orochimaru's even more of a problem if he's got people like this working for him, Kakashi realizes.

In the arena, the Hokage has Anko have everyone a slip of paper out of the box, and on it's a single number which are everybody's place in the tournament. The opening round has Naruto/Neji, Gaara/Sasuke, Kankuro/Shino, Temari has a bye and Dosu/Shikamaru. I think. Dosu's irritated because Sasuke's all the way across the tournament from him. Shikamaru's upset he didn't get the bye. Kankuro's glad he didn't get Gaara. Gaara's glad he [i]did[/i] get Sasuke. Neji thinks Naruto's going to be easy, and Naruto is dying to throw Neji some payback for beating up on poor Hinata. Shikamaru asks if this means that only one of them will get to be a Chunin, but the Hokage says instead it's up to a group of judges to decide who will advance to the next level. All of them may make it, or none of 'em may make it. The tournament is just another chance to strut your stuff for the judges, and I believe the unspoken implication is to also show off how awesome each country's ninja are. Naruto's not sure who he'd rather fight, Gaara or Sasuke.

At the Ninja hospital, Naruto's trying to track down Kakashi so his sensei can train him for the next month. Kakashi says no, but he's found somebody, and immediately Naruto thinks Kakashi's going to train Sasuke instead. Kakashi doesn't say that's true (or untrue, to be fair), but deflects Naruto by introducing his new mentor: The Closet Perv, Four-Eyes Ebisu! HAH!

Next Episode: Naruto wants Ebisu to prove himself. Just remember kid, you asked for it.

Episode 50 - The Fifth Gate: A Splendid Ninja is Born

2009-01-21T05:39:00.000-08:00

Right to it as Lee's ready to open the Hidden Lotus on Gaara's sandy ass. Even Lee's [i]skin color[/i]'s changed he's so pumped, and the spectators don't know what's up. He's not stopping at the third gate, though - he opens the fourth, the Gate of Pain, and Kakashi remarks this just isn't something you can do through sheer willpower. Lee kicks Gaara in the face so hard that everbody has to shield their eyes from the sand. The kick launches Gaara up in the air so hard and fast his Sand Shield can't keep up, and the Sand Armor's got some serious cracks in it. Then Lee literally starts beating Gaara in the air like a bastard little pinball. [i]Oh my god.[/i] Lee's ripping his own muscles to hit Gaara like this, and prepares to open the Gate of Closing. Gaara's defenseless, and also slightly terrified. This is to be Lee's trump card against Neji, which he's showing Gaara now. Lee hammers him again, holding onto Gaara by his wrist-tape and we get why Hidden Lotus works against Gaara and Neji - it's so fast, there's no possible way you can keep up, though at horrible cost to your own body. He yanks Gaara back and... HIDDEN LOTUS! It is cosmic in its impact, and thinks on Lee start to break. Gaara's gourd starts to turn into sand before he hits.

The unthinkable - the last of Gaara's sand cushions his blow. The Sand Ninja starts to draw the sand up into a giant hand, and Shino realizes that he's going for the Sand Coffin/Burial fatality, and Lee can't get away. The Sand Coffin encases Lee's arm and leg, and Bushy-Brow thinks on his Way of the Ninja as Gaara goes for Sand Burial. There's an eruption of sand, and Guy stands in defense of his student to Gaara's outrage. He seems to flash on younger versions of his siblings and some other people, and rasps why Guy would save him? Guy responds it's because Lee is his student (well, 'important subordinate'), whom he cares for. Unsuprisingly, Gaara doesn't know Earth words like caring. Hayate's about to announce Gaara the winner since Guy interefered, but... LEE IS ON HIS FEET! He wants to prove his Way of the Ninja, and he isn't even conscious. Gaara's the winner, but he had to beat a respectable Ninja to do it. Sakura wants to leap down to go help Lee, but Kakashi says anything she'd do would make him feel worse - also Lee's still out of it. The Ninja Paramedics tend to him, and they tell Guy it'll be a while before he'll be up and moving, with the worst of it being the Sand Burial he took on his arm and leg. The Paramedic doesn't think Lee will ever be a Shinobi again. Naruto can't believe it. Guy's breaking up over Lee maybe never able to prove his Way of the Ninja, and asks Lee's forgiveness for not stopping things sooner.

Naruto wants to go after Lee, but Kakashi stops him. Kakashi wants Naruto to understand just how far Lee was willing to go to get what he believed in. Gaara seems puzzled by all the humanity floating around the arena, and even Neji's sort of regretful (for Neji). In a nice moment, Kakashi says that now he understands why Guy trained Lee in the dangerous ways he did, and apologizes for earlier. To follow that, we get our last battle - Choji vs. Dosu. Choji is doing it for all you can eat BBQ! Hurray for big-boned! Dosu wants to get into the finals so he can face Sasuke (whose name I realize I haven't typed in ages), and realizes that the Sound Ninja were just a trial run so Orochimaru could see Sasuke's powers, and Dosu realizes he's been set up to played and discarded like Zaku was.

Next Episode: Naruto trains for the main tournament, and Sakura's worried! Also Kabuto and scalpels.

Episode 48 - Gaara vs. Rock Lee: The Power of Youth Explodes!

2009-01-20T09:06:00.003-08:00

A Ninja janitor sweeps up Hinata's blood, and Shikamaru's needling Choji about how the only people left for him to fight are the strongest - Lee, Dosu and Gaara. Choji plans to forfeit if he comes up against Gaara, and he's clearly smarter than he looks. Asuma knows his students, though, and if Choji forfeits that means he also gives up a super-special never-ending BBQ buffet. Choji's still reluctant, but Asuma promises to stop the fight like he did for Hinata (which he didn't, which makes Asuma an amusing liar) and Ino thinks it's low to taunt Choji with prime short ribs. It works, though! With fire in his eyes, Choji's ready to take on the world for the power of B-B-Q! On the opposite side of the duel arena, Kankuro notices Gaara's all twitchy from watching Hinata and Neji's epic beatdown. Fun fact: the symbol on Gaara's head means 'love.' Gaara's sibs wonder if this means his inner demon's waking up. INNER demon? Kankuro's curious about the people his brother might face, so he heads off to do a little recon.

He smugly wanders up the other side's stairs, where Naruto's brooding over... well, lots of things, probably. The Sand Ninja asks Naruto if doesn't ge think Neji's pretty tough, so Naruto immediately declares he'll be triumphant over the older Hyuga. Kankuro is amused and says he likes Naruto, but the feeling's not mutual. This might be the first instance of Naruto harshing somebody who says he likes the kid. I don't blame him, since Naruto probably remembers the whole Konohamaru incident in the village. Hayate hackingly announces it's time for the next bout, and Guy just knows it's Lee's turn to fight this time, but Lee would rather go on last now that he's waited so long. Sakura wonders if this is Lee's version of sulking. The Billboard of Fate does its randomization thing, and Gaara sand-ports down to the ring. Choji is about to pass out from relief. The Billboard was the subject of Lee's reverse psychology, which he hilariously explains with specious logic. Guy offers Lee some advice: that giant-ass gourd on Gaara's back is a little suspicious! Kakashi and Sakura are suddenly very worried for Lee, who dutifully takes notes. Hah!

Lee leaps down to the floor, and tells Gaara he's happy to have the chance to face off against the Sand Shinobi. Kankuro and Temari think Lee doesn't have a prayer, but Naruto tells Kankuro he doesn't know what he's talking about. Hayate signals for the match start, and Lee is first on the move! He charges in with a Leaf Hurricane spin-kick, which Gaara sand-blocks, forcing Lee to backflip away when the Sand Shield crashes down right where he stood. Of the non-Sanders, only Shino's seen what Gaara can do before, and while not the most empathetic fellow doesn't want to see it happen again. Still, Lee's game for some more, but nothing he gets can get through Gaara's defense, and all the while the Sand Villager just stands there with his arms crossed. Then the sand comes after Lee, who hacks away with a kunai before having to flip away. Kankuro tells Naruto that's what Gaara's sand does, it protects him without Gaara having to lift a finger. Lee's getting frustrated, and Gaara's getting bored. He wants blood, and sends the sand after Lee. It grabs him by the leg and slams him into the wall, and Lee keeps trying to use Taijutsu which is beyond ineffective. Sakura asks why he doesn't use any Ninjutsu or Genjutsu, and Guy says it's not that he won't, but he can't. Gaara throws another sand tidal wave at Lee that looks like it hits, but our boy manages to flip away in time. Guy tells Sakura that the only part of being a Ninja Lee can do is Taijutsu, and that's why he'll win! He calls over to Lee and yells that the word has been given, Lee can take the gloves off. Or rather his legwarmers, which hide weights he's been wearing the whole time. Nobody's impressed, until Bushy-Brows drops the weights which crater on the duel floor. Kakashi: "A bit extreme, I'd say, Guy."

At Guy's signal, Lee leaps into action - leaps so fast that even Gaara's suprised. His Sand Shield can barely keep up with Lee's attacks, and it is amazing to watch. The look on Gaara's face is priceless. Lee leaps into the air, spins, then brings both feet down onto Gaara's head! IT CONNECTS! Lee skids to a halt and Gaara's bleeding from his cheek. Temari and Kankuro can't believe it. Guy: "Youth is... explosion!" Now on the defensive, Gaara throws more sandlbasts at Lee which he dodges, then Lee lands a super-sonic right cross onto Gaara and sends him to the floor, sand spilling out of his gourd. Gaara pushes himself up, and it's not pretty. The sand that apparently covers him is cracking, bits of it falling off, but underneath he's fine. Well, except for his expression, which is a twisted, wild-eyed grin that might make the Joker say, "Whoa! Calm down, slick." This is Gaara's second defense - Sand Armor. It actually uses Chakra to form, unlike the Sand Shield, so Lee's doing really good, but Temari still doesn't think Lee's got any kind of prayer.

Gaara asks if that's all he's got, and Lee decides if he wants to do any damage, he's got to rain it from above. There will be Lotus! Bushy-Brows unwraps his wrists a bit, then laps Gaara so fast it disrupts his Sand Shield. It leaves Gaara open enough so Lee can kick him into the air, and follows it up with an awesome series of half-speed bicycle kicks. This effort is putting tremendous strain on Lee, and Guy prays that his next blow is the finishing blow. Gaara's Sand Armor starts to crack and Lee wraps him up in his wrist-tape for the Primary Lotus! It craters Gaara in the center of the ring! Lee lands on his feet, breathing hard, and Gaara's Sand Armor is all cracked and he's not moving. Hayate moves to check his condition, but it turns out it's just a hollow Sand Shell. SAND SUBSTITUTION! Of course, this means... oh, poopie.

Next Episode: Gaara's psychotic, but Lee's not worried!

Episode 47 - A Failure Stands Tall!

2009-01-19T05:13:00.000-08:00

The Hyugas have just hit their heart-stopping (ahem) blow, and it looks like Hinata got the worst of it as she spits up blood. Neji blocks her return strike, and is going vicious as he just strikes the Chakra-lines in her arms every time she tries to hit him. His Byakugan is more advanced than Hinata's, he can hit the precise points to speed up or slow down and enemy's Chakra. Neji sends Hinata flying with a vicious palm strike, and Neji goes on again about how Hinata can't change, and gives her another chance to withdraw. Hinata shakily pushes herself up, and tells Neji she meant what she said when she wasn't going to run away any more, and that's her Way of the Ninja. Hah! Go, girl. She gives Naruto a look, drawing courage from our hero, and Naruto's suprised at how tough Hinata's turned out to be. Sakura and Lee can see her going this far, pointing out how much she's like him. Hinata uses the Byakugan, but it seems to backfire on her Chakra Network. Neji's completely shut down Hinata's Chakra, and while he might win this thing for the upper-classmen, Guy doesn't look that happy about it. Gaara just looks interested. I've mentioned that's a scary little creep, right? Ino's wondering if Neji's going to kill Hinata, but dismisses it, and Sakura wonders if this isn't cheating some how.

Naruto yells down encouragement, which gives Hinata the strength to leap to the attack again. We get some tender music as the Hyugas exchange blows, none of which connect, but with Gentle Fist that probably doesn't matter. Hinata monlogues about how long she's been watching Naruto's style and how he lives his life despite what others think, and she's taken that as her example. If it works for her, I say go for it, and we so want it to work for for her. Hinata, coming from privilige like she is, finally feels like she's worth something if she follows Naruto's example, and I'm not quite sniffly, but it's close. Neji blocks Hinata again, and gives her a vicious chin-strike. Kurenai reflects on this girl who used to train really hard, but would still wimp out when things got too tough, and Kurenai's never seen our (other) girl quite like this. Hinata steels herself up for another charge, but Neji just about impales her on his hand. Yikes.

Neji lets Hinata crumple to the ground, complete with her coughing up blood. Cousin Neji just can't let it lie about how useless Hinata is. Kurenai wants her to stay down, even though she's proud of her. It's all Naruto can do to not to throttle Neji, and we can all feel the same. Before Hayate can end the match, Naruto yells at him to stop. Sakura thinks he's nuts for wanting the match to go on, and we can't disagree. Then the impossible happens as Hinata gets back to her feet. Slowly, shakily, bleeding from her mouth, but back on her feet. Hinata refuses to look weak in front of the person she admires most. Remember when Rocky said he didn't have to beat Apollo Creed, he just had to go the distance? Yeah, this about as emotional for me. Hinata's ready to give it her all in front of the person she admires most, and Neji can't believe it. He calls her weak again, and tells her to just deal with the fact she's weak and fragile because she's suffering from the burden of being the Hyuga heir. Hinata awesomely turns it around and says that if anyone's suffering around here about who gets to lead what family, he is. This sets Neji off and no less than four Jonin have to restrain him, and Neji winges on about the heir getting special treatment. The Chakra damage surges over Hinata's heart again, and Naruto rushes to her side to hear her whisper if she's changed a little before she passes out. Wow. You'll pardon me a moment.

Neji's not done being an ass, though. He calls out Naruto, and gives him the same spiel he gave Hinata - only in this case, it's that a failure's always be a failure. Naruto charges at him, and we want him to kick Neji's teeth in, but Lee stops Naruto from making it. Lee understands that Neji's a bastard, but to save it for the tournament. He also asks if wouldn't it be a fine thing for the failure to beat the genius through effort? While Lee figures it's he who'll fight Neji, he'd be cool with Naruto doing the same. Naruto relents, we get awesome mirror thumb's up/smile-twinkles as Lee asks Guy if he did a good thing, and Guy says he sure did. Everybody's attention is drawn to our (other) girl as Hinata coughs up blood again, and her sensei says she's having a Chakra-based heart attack. Jeebus. The Ninja Paramedics cart her off as Naruto reflects on the change he saw in Hinata today. Then he makes a literal blood oath that he'll win no matter what. Fucking awesome.

Next Episode: ROCK LEE VS GAARA! ROCK LEE VS GAARA! HOLY CRAP, ROCK LEE VS GAARA!

Episode 46 - Byakugan Battle: Hinata Grows Bold!

2009-01-18T06:23:00.000-08:00

We open to Naruto using Hinata's rapid-healing salve, but Kakashi it's not so much that it's that fast, Naruto's just got a Nine-Tail healing factor. As the Ninja Paramedics carry the dog and his Ninja out, Hinata meekly offers Kiba some of the same medicine, but Kiba is at once kind of a jerk and kind of cool. He tells Hinata to worry about herself instead of others, and if Kiba had any kind of tact that would've come off much better. Kiba also tells her if she draws Gaara, to concede right then. And then possibly flee the country and live the rest of her life under an assumed name. Then he also says the same about Neji. Huh. The Billboard of Fate spits out, yup, Hinata vs. Neji (which I still think is miles better than getting Gaara - and I really hope poor big-boned Choji doesn't draw the dead-eyed little sand bastard). Is this going to be a very short episode?

Nope! Hinata at least has to concede first, I guess. I notice both Hyugas wear the same footwear. Neji calls Hinata 'Lady' and Hinata calls her 'brother.' Naruto asks if they're siblings, but Kakashi says that they're both descended from a distinguished Hidden Leaf family - Ninja blue-bloods, if you will. Hinata comes from the head family, and Neji comes from one of its branches. Sakura thinks that could make the fight awkward, and Lee says it will, but not for the reasons she's probably thinking of. Like any family, the Hyuga has had their feuds. The branch family doesn't like the head family for reasons that go into how the Hyuga teach their funky sight Jutsu. Neji tells Hinata to withdraw, and he's just cruel to the poor kid. Her passivity and lack of confidence wouldn't make her a good Shinobi, and there's nothing there I can argue with right away. You do want to beat up Neji for picking on Hinata, though. Hinata says she wanted to improve, no matter what Neji says, and the spectators think the elder Hyuga is a class-A jerk.

Flashback to Kurenai and Hinata's father, with Hinata's younger sister Hanabi looking about ready to pass out on the floor. Kurenai says she'll teach up Hinata to be a proper Shinobi, but Hinata's dad's already thinks she's useless, having been outstripped by Hanabi. We join the present with Neji being a prick, who doesn't think people can change and that means once a failure, always a failure for Hinata. What the hell, bro? Neji's seen it all through the Byakugan, and this is first the kids've heard of that technique. Kakashi recounts that it's a Visual Jutsu that goes way back in their family, and it's even where the Uchiha picked up the Sharingan from - but it outclasses even that. Neji fires it up, and Hinata looks panicked beyond belief, complete with her eyes starting to loll back and forth. That's a trick of the Byakugan, though, which seems to mean that you can use it read what your opponent's actually thinking, rather than the Sharingan's mimicry. It all boils down to Hinata's picturing herself losing, and she gets even more and frightened by this literal invasion of her privacy.

It's very harsh. Hinata starts to hyperventilate as Neji continues his tirade, before Naruto gratefully interrupts things by yelling down at Hinata to stop listening to her goony older cousin and kick his ass. It's certainly a good thing they allow spectators at this thing. Naruto once again speaks for the audience, yelling to give it back as good as she's been getting. Taiko drums bring us a new Hinata, who meets Neji's eyes and who is tired of running away. She turns on her own Byakugan and drops into Neji's own stance from earlier. The Hyuga style is the strongest Taijutsu in the Hidden Leaf Village, and Lee reminds us he did tell us that Neji was the toughest Shinobi on his squad. They go right at, lots of blocking and dodging, neither of them able to land a good shot. Hinata moves in for a palm strike, which looks like it missed - but Lee says that's just as good as regular strike. Where as Lee and Guy's Taijutsu (Furious Fist! Awesome!) is all external, the Hyuga messes you and your Chakra up on the inside (Gentle Fist). It's very subtle, but it's hard to make your internal organs buff, so it's very effective. The Hyugas go at it again, and I think Shino and Kurenai are impressed, but it's hard to tell with those two. Naruto has to have Chakra explained to him again. Heh. Lee's so focused on the fight, he misses Sakura defending him to Naruto. Kakashi explains that's what Byakugan let's you see - the opponent's Chakra line. Both Hyugas connect solid with each, and it looks like somebody's heart just stopped. Whoa.

Next Episode: Hinata is love.

Episode 45 - Surprise Attack! Naruto's Secret Weapon!

2009-01-17T05:36:00.000-08:00

Naruto's ready to go through Kiba to become Hokage, and Kiba's ready to let him try. He calls Naruto pesky, and welcome to Sakura's world, kid. Here's your passport. They Fang over Fang Naruto again, but he's ready for it this time and misses. They don't seem terribly bothered, throwing down a smoke bomb and Fang Over Fanging Naruto a third time. Naruto says he's got a lot left, thanks Kiba. The Canine Brothers smoke bomb before hitting their tandem offense again, and Naruto's trapped by Kiba's assault, then it comes to Naruto. TRANSFORMATION! Into Kiba. Nice! But it doesn't work quite as good as it ought, Kiba smells like a dog and smells like a dog. So why did the Kiba he just knock out turn out to be Akamaru? Kiba batters the other Kiba down, and it's Akamaru, too! HAH! Kiba loses the prank war and greets Naruto's foot with his chest. Nobody knows where Naruto got so smart. He quotes Kakashi at Kiba to my delight.

Kiba's not done yet, and bites down on his hand hard enough to draw blood. Kiba thinks he's still go it sorted - Naruto can't read his speed and if Kiba remains calm, he's got it. Naruto picks this time to show off his new technique, which Kiba disrupts by hurling Shuriken at Naruto, then All-Fours Naruto across the floor with two solid hits. Squad Eight's wolfboy is still too fast for Naruto, and goes for a diving claw-rake which Naruto catches and turns into a shoulder-throw. Sweet. Our hero tries to fire up his Chakra again as Kiba goes for another diving rake, but Naruto ducks most of it. A second blow sends Naruto sprawling. Naruto slowly pushes himself back up, running on sheer thickheaded-ness rather than stamina at this point. Squad Ten's impressed, and everybody's calling for them to finish it.

Naruto tries to rile Kiba, but it doesn't work - Kiba darts around Naruto going for a rear attack... and gets a rear attack from Naruto. As in 'breaking wind.' As in 'right in Kiba's face.' I perform the fabled technique of falling out of my chair laughing. Kiba's in agony, the super-sense of smell working way against him in this case. Seeing his chance, and vowing not to strain so hard in the future, Naruto breaks off the Shadow Clone Jutsu. They go for some awesome combo moves, battering him around and then up into the air. Naruto Barrage! It's a funky combination of the Shadow Clone Jutsu mixed with Sasuke's Lion Barrage. "For the record, the name is a rip off, too." Hayate moves in to check Kiba, and the potent canine/far smell isn't going to do anything for his cough. As he comes back upstairs, Hinata just barely is able to say Naruto's name, and she adorably (and very shyly) offers Naruto some ointment. Kurenai has to prod Naruto taking it, so he's still got the knucklehead thing going for him. Hinata's interest ticks off Neji, who calls her 'Lady Hinata' and looks really mad. Yikes.

Next Episode: Hinata vs. Neji! Poor Hinata.

Episode 44 - Akamaru Unleashed! Who's Top Dog Now?

2009-01-16T05:17:00.000-08:00

Favorite episode title so far.

Naruto versus Kiba and Akamaru, and I'm looking forward to this like whoa all of a sudden. Beli-- oh, nevermind. Naruto proclaims himself the victor already, which ticks Kiba off because he was going to do the same. He tries to get Kiba to ditch the dog, and asks for a ruling on Kiba wanting to use Akamaru to fight, though he didn't have a problem earlier with Shino's creepy bug swarm. Hayate allows it, since animals and insects are Ninja tools like everything else, and Naruto decides to treat it like a good excuse to show off how awesome he is. Kurenai's already mentally calling it in favor of Kiba, and even Hinata wants to support Naruto, but Kiba's on her squad. You just want to pat her on the head and tell her it'll be okay, don't you? She's really worried about Dog Ninja getting mad. Kiba flashes back to Ninja Academy, and we get their lesson on Transformation. Naruto does a horrible version of the Hokage, and young Kiba's irritated by their new class clown. Naruto says he'll be the real Hokage one day, and won't need to transform into one.

In the present, Kiba promises to take Naruto out quick. At the start, Kiba kicks it off with Art of Beast Mimicry: All-Four Jutsu and goes quadraped on Naruto, slamming him into the wall. Naruto looks out of it, and the only one how it works who has a clue are Kakashi and Sakura. Naruto isn't going to let this keep him from getting stronger, and staggers back to his feet to almost everybody's suprise. There's this awesome guitar plucked string riff. He bellows out to not underestimate him, and this pumps the spectators up. Naruto says he was just feeling Kiba out (which might even be true, it's Naruto after all), and wants Kiba to come at him for real this time. Kiba tags in Akamaru and both charge at Naruto. Kiba throws down a smoke bomb, and Naruto's getting pummeled by... something. When he bursts from the smoke, he gets a face-full of Akamaru and is knocked back in. The smoke clears to Naruto all crumpled up, and Akamaru makes a triumphant bark while I laugh my head off.

Kiba's ready to celebrate as Akamaru bounds toward him, and then bites him! Betrayal most foul by his canine companion!? Nope! TRANSFORMATION! Naruto transforms back to Kiba, still hanging off of Kiba's arm while a Shadow Clone has Akamaru restrained. Hah! Squad Ten's impressed, and so are 2/3rds of the Sanders. Naruto complains of Kiba smelling like a dog, and living as I do with an American foxhound, I can relate. Kiba re-focuses after the last attempt, taking a deep breath and then saying he'll take Akamaru back, thank you. He tosses Akamaru a Ninja Scooby Snack, and Akamaru grows larger and his fur turns red. Naruto's wondering what the hell is going on as Kiba pops a Food Pill himself. Ninja Art of Beast Mimicry: Man Beast Clones! Kiba also looks like he's gone completely feral, and Naruto hilariously complains of doping, but it's a Ninja tool. Choji has the scoop, and if anybody would, it's him. It's a military ration to double one's Chakra. Both attack in stereo with All Four jutsu, but Naruto backflips away. Aka-Kiba does some four-legged wall-running and Naruto's just able to avoid, and Asuma comments that Food Pills are just the thing for a feral psycho like Kiba. They go for Man Beast Taijutsu Ultimate Technique, Fang Over Fang! It looks to catch Naruto clean. Kiba takes this oppurtunity to boast while Naruto's barely twitching.

Then Kiba does the one thing he shouldn't have ever done, offer to become Hokage for Naruto. There's a lot of jerky derision from Kiba, and we can see what's coming so clearly we almost wish Kiba would shut up while he's ahead. Since he's a jerk, we're okay with what's coming. Hinata reflects that, unlike her, Naruto's always believed in himself, and again - don't you just want to hug her or something? We now get why Hinata likes Naruto - essentially because opposites attract. She's been the only one who's bothered to look at him besides possibly Iruka-sensei. She correctly points out for the first time that everybody's watching him, and it's really his chance now. There can be only one Hokage, and Naruto plans to be it. Kiba reminds me of Naruto, only he's Naruto without the enforced empathy that comes from being an orphan with a Tragic Past, and general niceness our hero has.

Next Episode: Round two of Naruto/Kiba!

Episode 43 - Killer Kunoichi and a Shaky Shikamaru

2009-01-15T05:31:00.000-08:00

It's time for the fith battle, and that means more Kunoichi - Tenten and Temari. Their respective teammates Neji and Gaara give each other the big eye. Having Lee and Guy in your corner automatically gets you the award for 'most enthusiastic cheering section.' Tenten's picked her spot carefully, able to go either on offense or defense, and Temari throws out the usual 'crush you in a second' banter. She taunts Tenten to strike first, and Tenten obliges her. She lobs a flight of Shuriken at Temari, who does this weird double-blink and it looks like Tenten missed. Tenten doesn't miss, says Guy (and how my heart breaks for her when she did miss, because it's Guy-sensei), so Temari's pulling something funky out of her ninja hat. Shikamaru's all ready to throw in the towel, because he's a defeatist little punk, and Naruto and I demand to know why. Shikamaru doesn't bother, but Choji's willing to take it on faith. Heh. Tenten sizes up her next attack, to make sure this one won't miss. Guy's Kunoichi darts behind Temari before launching into the air, and busting out some scroll Jutsu. Do I smell a Summoning? Sort of. What she summons in an assload of sharp objects, but Temari and her fan block them all.

The Sand Kunoichi's fan is showing one symbol, and she says when it shows three, it's over for Tenten. Lee over-excitedly yells out encouragement for Tenten to be calm, and I realize what wonders having Lee on your team must do for your focus. Tenten has a trick she was going to save for later, but decides it's now or never. She pops a pair of scrolls out, Rising Twin Dragons, there's an explosion of twin dragon-shaped smoke and it's a ridiculous barrage, but Temari bats them away with the second start. Tenten's not finished! She pulls them back up with thin lines attached to all the weapons, but Temari hits the third star and blows them and Tenten away. Temari vanishes behind her fan, before riding it like an air skiff over the Leaf Kunoichi. Ninja Art: Wind Scythe Jutsu! Poor Tenten gets caught up in a Chakra-charged tornado that rips at her skin. For the last act of being a brutal Sander, Temari catches Tenten on the edge of her fan for some spinal trauma. That was... definitive. Lee catches Temari when she throws Tenten away, and is pissed at Temari's dismissive treatment of his squadmate. Temari blocks his kick, and Guy stops Lee before it can go any further. Gaara also reigns Temari in, though not before calling Lee awful-looking. Heh. Might Guy amiably warns the Sand Villagers not to underestimate Lee.

Squad Eight doesn't want to fight the Sanders at all. Sakura, back on her feet, thanks Naruto for his help during her brawl with Ino, and even that Naruto can't get right. Hee. Next bout! Shikamaru vs. Kin! I'm glad we get a Shinobi/Kunoichi fight (and another, depending on whomever Hinata fights). Ino's uncharacteristically cheering on Shikamaru (at least to Choji), and across the duel room Dosu advises Kin to watch out for his shadow tricks. Shikamaru thinks it's all such a major drag, thinking back to how it'd be easier if it was Dosu, since he saw Dosu fight, but he hasn't seen Kin and Kin's seen his Shadow Paralysis stunt. That's what he goes for, and Kin calls him on it, easily dodging the Jutsu and lobbing senbon at Shikamaru. It's a trick, one has bells and one doesn't, so Shikamaru'll respond to the sound of the bells rather than the needles themselves, but he sees right through. Hmmm, thinks Dawgstar. Ah, but Kin's sneaky, too! This time the bells ringing is a senbon Kin already threw, pulled by string. Distracted, he can't dodge her next needles, though he takes these one in the arm instead of the chest. Kin gives the bells another tug, and the chimes are actually the focus of Kin's sound jutsu. Loss of balance AND hallucination. Nice.

Multi-Kin taunts Shikamaru, catching him on the other arm with more senbon. Shikamaru calls her out for dragging it out when she said she'd end it quick. WHOOP! Sneaky bastard Shikamaru's locked in the Shadow Paralysis, having manipulated his shadow and followed the string on Kin's bell to the real Kin. Okay, okay, you got me - Shikamaru's lazy but clever. I can dig it. Kin asks how he's going to win with that, and Shikamaru reaches for some Shuriken, which Kin has to do, too. The simul-lob their throwing stars, and Shikamaru bends backwards quickly to avoid them. Kin has to do the same! Only she's WAY too close to the wall and brains herself and fine, fine, Shikamaru's awesome, too. That was a pretty sweet win. Naruto still thinks he's dull and plain. We go back to the Billboard, and Kiba's praying for anybody but Gaara. I can't blame him. There's an odd moment when Hinata meets Neji's eyes, then quickly looks away. Hmmm. We have our next bout! Naruto in a handicap match against Kiba and Akamaru! I'm stoked. Lee's stressing over needing to be the next guy to fight after this, or else, and Kakashi remarks he's just like Guy was at Lee's age. I believe this totally. It's Naruto's turn to show us what he's got!

Next Episode: Naruto goes to the dog!

Episode 42 - The Ultimate Battle: Cha!

2009-01-14T05:28:00.000-08:00

Sakura and Ino in the Brawl to Settle it All! Sakura starts off with a Clone Jutsu, but Ino figures she can spot the right one quickly, and is thrown when all three leap off the ground. The Real Sakura punches Ino across the duel room. It's a different Sakura now, Ino. Recognize! Ino accepts Sakura's offer for the kid gloves coming off. Kakashi comments, as we've seen, when it comes to the fundamentals Sakura's the best of the rookies, particularly placing her Chakra where it needs to be. The girls go for a clench with in the middle of the ring, neither gaining any ground and both leap back away to regroup. They throw shuriken which knock each other out of the air. Ino's wondering just what the hell happened to Sakura to turn our girl's knob up to 11. Exhausted, both go for a brutal right cross, and both connect in shot to make me recoil in my seat a little. All of a sudden, they're evenly matched and it looks like Hayate might call it a draw. Ino yells in frustration about how on earth is Sakura as suddenly as good as she is, and Sakura fires back about not being as good as Ino is, but better. Mind games for the win!

Ino's so thoroughly riled by this point, she cuts her own hair off, yelling how she also doesn't need it anymore. Ino starts to prep the Mind Transfer Jutsu, but her teammates aren't as impressed by that as we think they might be. Sakura starts rattling off the exact description, and we see how much it would suck to fight a walking Ninjutsu dictionary. It's an all or nothing attack, and it's literally nothing if you don't hit - you're stuck outside your own body - It's not a battle Jutsu. Ino's not deterred, even though it's normally comboed with Shikamaru's Shadow Possession Jutsu. Sakura heads on the move as Ino fires it off and... Ino sinks to her knees, but Sakura's paused, too. Then Sakura's body starts to chuckle, and our girl's still in residence. She starts to move for Ino's helpless form, but swerve! Ino's got her locked up with some Chakra chains, and the point again is hammered home Ino is no slouch. She used her hair as the conductor to help her with the Mind Transfer. Mind games for the win, the sequel! Ino fires it off again, and this time connects. Naruto hasn't twigged to the fact Ino's in the driver's seat. Everybody's on the edge of the seat as Ino-in-Sakura tries to concede. Naruto reminds us why we like him, shouting down encouragement to Sakura even though it technically shouldn't do any good. But you know what? It does. Sakura starts twitching, and Ino's feeling the chill. The power of Naruto being obnoxious is what drives shakes her out of her stupor, and that's brilliant. We flash into Sakura's subconscious and Inner Sakura is giving Ino what-for, and I can't get the smile off my face. In desperation, Ino has to eject, and both girls fall to their knees. Sakura has FIGHTING SPIRIT, but both of them are about done. They both charge in for the final blow...

As is the norm, we flashback over some scenes from their earlier friendship, then cut back right as they knock the ever-loving piss out of each other. Both of them try to sit up, but collapse back down. It's a double-knockout! Damn. Their respective squads loudly rush in to check in on the girls, which is cool to see, and everybody's proud of the Kunoichi. No time to reflect on personal growth, though! The Billboard spits out the next match, Tenten vs. Temari, and the former's all fired up. As am I. I crack up at Lee and Guy's encouragements for Tenten. "The power of youth!" "There is no end to your youth!" Sakura finally wakes up to see Ino sitting next to her, and both upset at having lost, though neither really did. The girls start to act like the friends they were, but it quickly turns south, and I can bask in the comfort of familiar things.

Next Episode: More Kunoichi and Shikamaru threatens to punk out.

Episode 41 - Kunoichi Rumble: The Rivals Get Serious!

2009-01-13T06:43:00.000-08:00

Jumping right in with Misumi trying to beat Kankuro quickly. The fake Leafer gets his blow caught, but that's okay. He uses Chakra to dislocate every joint in his body and anaconda the Sand Ninja. Misumi's smug, but so is Kankaro. There's a cracking sound, and it looks like Kankaro's neck is broken. The spectators are stunned, save Gaara. It had been a little while since anybody busted out a disturbing ninja trick, so we meet our quota with Kankuro's head spinning around 180 and it's not Kankuro at all. Some sort of evil robot ninja doll [thing, if I'm any judge. The Puppet grapples Misumi in a manner to put the latter's whole shtick to shame, while the real Kankuro unwraps himself from what we thought was Crow. Crow's being controlled by Kankuro's Chakra, and amusingly says that Misumi should be able to pull his stunt real good with all his bones broken. Before anything really horrible can happen, Hayate coughingly puts a stop to the match. Naruto, who regularly employs the Shadow Clone Jutsu thinks two on one is cheating. I take a moment to facepalm. Kakashi and Sakura are blase' about the whole thing: a Puppet's just like Shuriken, only creepier. It's yet another Chakra stunt that makes Sakura wonder just how far she can get in the prelims.

Cut to the restroom, where Sakura's washing her face. Ino appears to mock Sakura, 'cause she's kind of a bitch. If even Sasuke collapsed after his match, what chance does she have, Ino asks. Thank you for the mixed signals after the Forest, Ino. Sakura decides then and there that she can tough this out too, and she's looking forward to kicking some ass. Inner Sakura: "Cha! Bring it on!" YEAH! Hayate coughs his way to announcing the fourth match. Naruto comments on the abundance of weirdoes in this place, and Kakashi and Sakura point out about pots denouncing kettles, though Sakura's giggle over it is cut off by the announcement of the next match. Sakura vs. Ino! Well! Won't this be awkward? The Kunoichi square off, and Ino's sensei Asuma commenting that Ino was a stand-out amongst the Genin (really? Well, okay) and Shikamaru thinking things have gotten gloomy. Heh. Asuma further wonders just how serious Ino will get against Sakura. Naruto amusingly yells out encouragement to his teammate.

At Hayate's signal, they go right at it, and it's cool to see. They duck and dodge each other's blows, with Sakura leaping back to fling a trio of kunai at Ino, who ducks two and catches the last one. On the sidelines, Naruto thinks Sakura's doing great, but Shikamaru thinks Naruto's being an idiot. Neji thinks they're unimpressive, and Tenten comments that they're just being lukewarm because nothing's at stake. Another exchange between the Kunoichi, with Ino getting in a solid punch to the gut. She goes for an overhand punch, then flashes on young Sakura and it turns into a slap. Sakura gapes at her, and Ino at her own hand. We flashback to the Kunoichis' training, and how that they had to learn there'll be times they'll need to know how to act like a proper lady. Younger versions of the girls pair off for some flower arranging, with Sakura lamenting she's no good at this, but Ino helps her out, giving Sakura her first hair ribbon. It's kind of sweet to see. A trio of Ninja Mean Girls start in with Billbroad Brow, but Ino silences her with some thrown flowers to the mouth, and that's the funniest time I've ever seen someone compared to a vase. They were poison flowers, even, and the bit about Ino being a standout starts making sense. Poor Sakura still compares herself unfavorably to Ino, complete with flower-based metaphors. Present day, after more Ino-tormenting Sakura claims bold as brass that Ino isn't worth Sasuke's time, and is just beneath Sakura's notice. Hah! The newly competent Ino takes this as well as we can expect, and even Naruto thinks Sakura went to far. Kakashi, in his wisdom, points out Sakura's not the vindictive sort, she's just pissed Ino's taking her so lightly.

Flashback to Ninja Middle School, and young Sakura asks young Ino why she gave Sakura the hair ribbon in the first place, and Ino says that if a flower doesn't bloom, there's no point to it. Ino says who knows what Sakura might turn out like in the future, and it's another sweet scene. Duel ring - Sakura wanted to be like Ino for the longest time, and thanks to trying to meet Ino's example, Sakura realizes what she really wants is to finally be like Sakura. YEAH! Sakura pulls her headband off, the callsign here for 'bring it.' Ninja standoff! Naruto doesn't get girls. Rivals do weird things, Kakashi says as he glances at Guy, who is put off by how hip and galling Kakashi is. Flashback to the girls being just post-Genin, and both vowing never to lose to the other again. Sakura hands Ino back the ribbon she got when they were kids, and says she'll no longer be under Ino's shadow when they're both Shinobi. Ino grins as they clasp hands. Now time - both girls don their Leaf Village headbands as the taiko drums kick in. This time for sure, a fair fight! That episode was pretty darn solid.

Next Episode: Sakura vs. Ino, and neither's going down!

Episode 40 - Kakashi and Orochimaru: Face-to-Face!

2009-01-12T05:15:00.000-08:00

We open with Orochimaru and Kakashi, but the former wants nothing to do with the latter, it's Sasuke he's after. Orochimaru tells Kakashi that he shouldn't be greedy, if Kakashi can have the Uchiha power, then he should have some, too. Back at the dueling ground, Zaku's smug after having blasted Shino in the face. Shino stands up, none the worse for wear, and by the sound of the ominous skittering I think this is the last time I can call Shino 'bug-nerd.' Hundreds of insect are swarming outside of Shino's coat, and Zaku's trying to blow it off. Doing so ignores the millions of bugs crawling up behind him. Millions of bugs who eat Chakra. This is implied to be fatal, also really squicky. Shino has it sorted - if Zaku blasts Shino, the bugs get him, if Zaku blasts the bugs, Shino gets him.

Flashback to a young Zaku being chased after stealing some food. He's cornered in an alley and we're spared the beating he's thrown. After he comes to, Zaku's suprised by Orochimaru, commenting that he's got some potential and offers to take Zaku under his wing, which he accepts. Then it's on to a younger Zaku confronted by an unidentified ninja, and they clash in sound and fury, with Zaku the victor. Next, Sasuke breaking Zaku's arms. As is always the case in this series, a good flashback sequence makes for a fine pick-me-up. In the present, Zaku wrenches his broken arm up at the bugs, and his other at Shino. Zaku was playing the kid all along, but Shino doesn't look very concerned (which is unsuprising).

Orochimaru talks to Kakashi about his new Sound Village, where he collects the true badasses of the ninja world and also the rejects who can be discarded. We find out which one Zaku is as his arms start to spring a leak and explode. Earlier, Shino had his bugs block Zaku's exhaust openings, and thus disarmed, Shino backhands the mess out of the Sound Villager. Orochimaru approaches Sasuke, Kakashi still in his way. The Copy Ninja threatens to take them both out, which Ororhimaru laughs at. He goes on to say the Seal is meaningless, since one day Sasuke will seek him out to avenge himself on his brother. He sportingly offers Kakashi the chance to kill him if he can, but Kakashi freezes and Orochimaru vanishes. Hayate announces Shino as the creepy bug-using winner. Lee asks Neji to Byakugan Shino, who we charitably call [i]startled[/i] by what he sees. It happens Shino is from a race of Leaf Village bug-tamers, who use their bodies as nests for insects. SQUICK. Dosu says he's going to settle the score for Zaku. Kurenai is twitchy over her student, and Shino's calm ticks off Kiba.

Kakashi 'ports back with a hearty 'Yo!' to tell Seven Sasuke's alright (and doesn't tell him he's under ridiculously heavy guard). We get our next fight - Kankuro vs. the last of Orochimaru's Leaf Village goons, Misumi. Kankuro's sensei thinks he's underestimating this fight, and Misumi takes the chance to tell Kankuro that he's going to end things quickly. Kankuro says that's fine with him, and is going to reciprocate. Hayate calls for the bell...

Next Episode: Kunoichi Katfight! (I do apologize.)

Episode 37- Surviving the Cut! The Rookie Nine Together Again!

2009-01-11T07:36:00.000-08:00

Yoroi's still working his Chakra-draining Jutsu as everybody else looks on. Orochimaru remarks on Yoroi's special trick, and if he sucks it all out, Sasuke's got nothing left but the Curse Mark. Sasuke digs deep to kick Yoroi off, who tells Sasuke if he just lies back this'll all be over in a second. Sasuke ducks his first couple of grabs, before barely catching a piece of him and draining more Chakra. Gaara's less than impressed by Sasuke's performance. Naruto tries some well-meaning but obnoxious encouragement, which Sasuke ignores, but seeing Rock Lee stand next to him seems to turn a wheel in the Uchiha's brain. Yoroi charges up his Chakra-stealing hand again, but this time Sasuke still seems prepared. He's got his second wind, dodging Yoroi's attacks, but nobody seems very hopeful - until Sasuke uses Lee's own stunt from earliy, he vanishes and then reappears with a monster kick to send Yoroi flying. Sasuke's not a total copycat, though, as everything else from here on out is all him. He lauches himself behind Yoroi, and tries to go for some Chakra-based attack again, against the advice of his ninja physician. The Curse Mark erupts on Sasuke, and it takes Naruto being loud to embolden Sasuke to shove the Curse Mark down. YEAH!

Everybody's impressed, including your humble author. His trick done, Yoroi's kind of hapless now. Sasuke leg-scissors his foe and then windmills Yoroi with blows on the way down to the ground, (Barrage of LIONS!) where Yoroi craters. Hayate unsuprisingly calls it in favor of Sasuke. Kakashi poofs down (complete with Make-Out Paradise in hand), congratulating Sasuke on his win, but nothing that Sasuke copied Lee (or, really, Guy's) taijutsu with the Sharingan. Naruto expresses his pleasure by shouting down insults, and we can be glad some things don't change. Sasuke inwardly acknowledges it was watching Lee fight that saved him, but Lee notices that Sasuke only copied the part he saw. Lee's impressed, and even a little trepidatious. He reminds Guy of Kakashi when the latter was a kid, which is a huge compliment. Tenten speculates between Neji or Sasuke being stronger. Anko's impressed he could bring the Curse Mark under control. Gaara looks ready to flay somebody, but that's nothing new. Squad Ten is Squad Ten, and Squad Eight doesn't do anything terribly suprising, either. Orochimaru looks like he's about to soil himself in happiness. Kakashi waves off the ninja paramedics, taking Sasuke back to seal his Curse Mark, over Sasuke's protests to wanting to stay and watch. Naruto finally notices Sasuke's bruise, and asks Sakura, but she keeps her promise about not telling.

We now welcome two new challengers! The Electronic Billboard of Fate kicks out the Sound Shinobi Zaku vs. Eight's bug-nerd Shino. It is pretty hardcore Zaku just had his arms broken by Cursed Sasuke and still can fight. Hinata's worried about her teammate, but Ziba's not worried - he'd fight anybody but Shino. Dosu's ready to watch Zaku throw down, but Orochimaru apparently couldn't care less. Shino tells him to withdraw, but Zaku says he's got one arm left and that's more than enough. Not according to Shino, who blocks the blow, and gets his Slicing Sound Wave in the face. In the back, Kakashi's painting Sasuke with what I hope is ink for the sealing process. He makes some mystic hand signs, and slams the Curse Sealing Jutsu onto Sasuke's Mark. It's just like Naruto's now. Fascinating. The Sealing Jutsu is based off of Sasuke's willpower. Very Green Lantern. Sasuke takes this chance to pass out. Someone's quite amused by how Kakashi's changed... and it's Orochimaru! Oh, snap.

Next Episode: Kakashi vs. Orochimaru!

Episode 38 - Narrowing the Field: Sudden Death Elimination!

2009-01-10T05:14:00.000-08:00

At the tower, Hayate wants to introduce preliminaries to the third test, so they can cut down on the number of people will taking the actual test. You've got to put your best foot forward, in other words. Naruto vows to make it through to the third exam, which will now be individual battles. Sasuke's Curse Mark is really acting up now, and Sakura wants him to drop out but there's no way that's going to remotely happen. Scared for him, Sakura begs him to quit. Anko wants him isolated and guards placed in, but Kakashi cheerfully butts in to say that won't work. The Curse Mark reacts to one's Chakra, draining it even as you use it. Sakura realizes how long he's put up with the pain the mark's brought, and begs him again to quit, wanting to tell the teachers. Lord Hokage asks for those who want to bow out again, and Kabuto's hand is the first to do so, claiming fatigue from the fight with the Sound Shinobi. Naruto can't believe it, but the Hokage can, since this is his sixth time through. [i]Hmmmm.[/i] He's been barely average for the longest time, and the only thing notable is he was a child survivor from a battle with enemy ninja long ago. He leaves things in the hands of Yoroi, one of Orochimaru's flunkies, and the real reason he's bowing out is the 'old him' might get stirred up. Kabuto isn't finished with either of 'em by a damn sight, though.

Sakura tries to raise her hand to tell the sensei about Sasuke's bridge, but he smacks her hand down. Harsh. Sasuke doesn't think that whole 'feelings of Sakura' thing has anything to do with anything, and wants her to keep her trap shut. Sasuke's here for one reason - to get strong, and nobody but nobody's going to get in the way of that. He also wants to fight those strong, Gaara, Lee, Neji and Dosu are on that list. When Naruto tries to defend Sakura, Sasuke tells him he's on the list, too. Hokage decides that it's not worth risking the Village after what Orochimaru says, so he lets Sasuke go over Anko's protest. If his Curse Mark activates, though, the kid's to get slapped down. Hayate coughingly says there'll be ten fights, and the last one standing is the winner. Hayate has the right to call the match, too. We get our first two randomly-selected names... Yoroi vs. Sasuke! Everybody wants to see how this plays out.

Kakashi slouches forward to encourage Sasuke, warning him to not use the Sharingan. It and the Curse Mark will interact badly, and if that happens Kakashi'll end things himself. Sasuke decides he's got to be very, very careful if he wants to be able to fight and win. Orochimaru monolgoues that Yoroi's the worse opponent for Sasuke, and I'm edge of my seating it here. At the start, Yoroi's hand already flashes with Chakra. They knock each other's shuriken out of the air, sending a spasm of pain through Sasuke, but before he can blink Yoroi's on him. Sasuke goes for a fancy takedown and is that...? YES! Fujiwara armbar! While I don't think Kishimoto is a fan of wrestling like Oh! Great is, he's definitely dabbled. Yoroi's not nearly as impressed as I am, as his and lights up with Chakra and drains Sasuke's strength away, breaking the hold. Yoroi clamps his strength-draining Chakra on Sasuke's head, and cliffhanger it on out.

Next Episode: The Curse Mark makes fighting Yoroi a total bitch.

Episode 37 - Surviving the Cut! The Rookie Nine Together Again!

2009-01-09T05:18:00.000-08:00

Inside the tower, we're back to our dramatic scroll-opening. Summoning Jutsu! Squad Seven tosses them both away, and arising from the mist is... hey! Iruka-sensei! It's been a while, Iruka. Squad Seven got to the tower just in time, and Iruka congratulates them, so sadly not with ramen. Sasuke asks the question I wanted to know - what if you happened to open the scroll before you hit the temple. It still summoned Iruka, he just beat you so you wouldn't wake up until after the test. Sakura still wants to know what's up with the puzzle, and it turns out it's Master Hokage's lesson to the Chunin - train both your mind and body ('heaven' and 'earth') to become a proper Chunin. Iruka points this out to Naruto and Sakura respectively - ahem, kids. Chunin are the journeymen ranks, and that rank means if you want it you've got to earn it. Iruka asks them to be careful in the third test, but Naruto's raring to go. While still a knucklehead, he's not going to fail - he's a ninja, teach. We flashback to Iruka asking Anko to be the one to talk to them at the end of the second test, which interesting. Iruka finally decides Kakashi knows best, which we already know.

The Hokage's asking after Anko's Curse Mark, which seems to be better. They talk about Orochimaru a bit, and he's one of the three legendary Leaf Village Ninjas, a bit time rogue, though they thought he was dead. Hokage already figures it's Sasuke the big snake's after. Hokage decides to let Anko continue the test, but she wants an eye kept on Sasuke. Next, Anko's addressing the Genin, and is pleased with cutting the survivors by more than half, though she wanted single digits. Squad Ten's doing their usual shtick of eating, complaining, and mooning. Up on the dais, Guy is hilariously consoling Kakashi on the fact that while his team was lucky, it's ability that counts in the next test, so they might as well pack it in. Kakashi ignores him, and Guy is enraged by Kakashi's hipness. Lee basks in Guy's awesomeness, though Ten-ten thinks Kakashi's cuter. Lee vows to never lose again. Neji sizes up Sasuke. The Sound Ninja Zasu also wants a peace of the last Uchina. Gaara's sensei notes his kid's still a scary little sand bastard. Eight's mentor, Kurenai, notes Akamaru's still freaking out. Sakura is amazed all the Leaf Villagers made it, and Sasuke of all people has doubts in general. Lord Hokage's impressed so many rookies made, it and decides their Jonin were right all along.

Before Anko announces the third part of the test, which I predict it will involve punching and kicking, Hokage announces the real reason for all these tests. The Shinobi of the nations come together out of friendship, but also for the reason I called WAY earlier. The Chunin Exam prevents the old days of all-out ninja war, which is really more important than Genin graduating. The kids are stunned they're the sabers that get rattled. It's even economic-based, after all, the nation with the best ninja get the most job offers and can exert pressure on neighboring countries. I am stunned, because it's all kind of brilliant. The only way to find out for sure if your ninja are any good, though, is if they fight for their lives. Naruto's convinced. Gaara just wants to sandblast things to death. The third Proctor, Hayate Gekko, appears to explain the rules (in between coughing fits).

Next Episode: Sakura wants to tattle on Sasuke's Curse Mark.

Episode 36: Clone vs. Clone: Mine are Better than Yours!

2009-01-08T06:10:00.000-08:00

Squad Seven and Kabuto are surrounded by lots of Grass Village clones. Seizing the initative, Naruto leaps forward to smack down one of the Grass clones, and punches through him. It's like Zabuza's water clones, only way more messy, and also with a dose of T-1000 liquid metal. Sasuke flicks on his Sharingan, and is able to slice up the clone's arm before he can cut Naruto down, and Kabuto prevents Sasuke from getting a knife in the neck. His Curse Mark's starting to act up, too, which is the perfect end to the perfect day. These Shadow Clones don't act a thing like Naruto's, according to Sasuke because it's Genjutsu, with Kabuto pointing out somebody else is pulling their strings. The Grass clones are just harriers, wearing the Leaf Village crew until the real Grassers can walk in and take their scroll. Seven ducks kunai, and Naruto goes for his own Shadow Clone, though Kabuto doesn't want him wasting his Chakra. Naruto thinks that there's no way his blunderbuss approach won't work, and it does admittedly shock the Grassers as Naruto's clones tear through the other clones. It doesn't do much more than give us some cool reforming effects. Sasuke decides they've got to choice but to do it and weigh in with Naruto.

Morning, and things didn't go well. Mubi (the cloner), finally calls off his clones as the Grassers move in for the kill, the one whose shoulder Sasuke injured earlier wanting to settle the score. Then the voices of the Leafers start to come from behind the Grass Villagers, and the Squad Seven the Grassers were taunting turns out to be a Transformation/Shadow Clone combo of Naruto's. Nice! I wonder why the Grass Villagers all wear the funky respirators. Naruto's about out of Chakra and Sasuke wants to finish it, but Naruto isn't having that, getting all three Grassers with one blow. Sasuke's blown away by how much Naruto's improved, and the Grassers are just plain shocked. Kabuto's amazed Naruto's been able to keep up this well, too. The Grass Ninja shake off this latest setback, switching from Genjutsu to Ninjutsu - Fog Clone Jutsu, but it's just regular clones. Naruto decides to Shadow Clone again to try and hit the real Grassers, and Kabuto leaps to help. The Curse Mark pains Sasuke whenever he uses Sharingan, which? Fascinating. Naruto leaves himself open to one of the real Grass Ninja cutting Kabuto good in the leg. Seven picks an inoppurtune time to bicker, and Naruto's out of Chakra. The Grassers were using Earth Style Jutsu to hide underground the whole time, and Kabuto gets cut good on the face, and looks pissed. Naruto does an awesome flip kick to take all three down while they were distracted.

Naruto's rifling through the Grass Villagers, and finds the scroll they need. Kabuto thinks the Curse Mark is a bruise, and there's something in Kabuto Sasuke doesn't like. Kabuto's squad rejoins him at the base of the tower, and he compliments Naruto in a nice moment (because any time Naruto gets complimented I find it's a nice moment). Inside the tower, Kabuto hands off his Ninja Card chock-full of Sasuke-data, to... Orochimaru! Face/heel turn! Squad Seven can't go any further, blocked by an adventure game puzzle. I wonder how the hell [i]Squad Ten[/i] figured it out - it doesn't appear to be food-related so Choji's useless, Ino's Ino, so maybe Shikamaru? Er, DIGRESSION. Sakura's got a clue, thankfully, and decides now you can open both scrolls without something horrible happening. As they start to do so, that's when we fade out.

Next Episode: All the supporting characters we like!

Episode 35 - The Scroll's Secret: No Peeking Allowed

2009-01-08T06:09:00.000-08:00

Time for grub! We open with Shadow Clone Jutsu, fishing version. This startles the fish to leap up and get speared by Sasuke's kunai, and Sakura calls for some fireballs to light the fire. Around the fire, Sasuke and Sakura are ruminating that they don't have much time left, and some other teams have probably already passed. Naruto wants the big fish, showing us everybody's priorities are the same. Another Leaf ninja squad's leaping through the forest, and they have the same problem. One of their number goes off to help, and of the two remaining, one's starting to get really funny ideas about the scroll.

At camp, Sakura's really starting to over-think the scroll thing, reckoning that there's no way to tell just how many scrolls are still out there. Naruto comes up with a bad idea, believe it. He decides to try and forge the scroll they don't have, and uses very specious logic to convince himself he's right. Then he gets the even brighter notion to open their Earth Scroll, which earns him a Sakura smack upside the head. I do give Naruto points for trying to be ninja-y, though. He rightfully points out they don't have any better ideas, and Sakura looks like she might start to agree with him. The other Leafers are ready to crack open their scroll, and I admire their nerve, if not their smarts. He starts to peel it open, and Naruto does the same. The other Leafers do it first, and it appears to just be writing, but we cut away and hear a scream that makes one think it might have just read Japanese for 'Explosive Runes.' Their third member returns to find them both at the very least nonresponsive. Fade out as Naruto tries to work up the nerve to open his scroll...

Out of nowhere, Kabuto arrives on the scene to stop Naruto from opening it. Sigh of relief. Kabuto talks about the bad things that've happened in the past to those who've opened the scrolls. Sasuke figures he didn't take Naruto's scroll because they both have the Earth one, but Kabuto says he's already got them both. Seeing his chance, Sasuke challenges Kabuto to a fight, to his teammates' suprise. Naruto and Sakura aren't really eager to throw down with somebody saving them, but this doesn't dissuade Sasuke. Kabuto points out despite his claim he isn't really serious, since if he was really into the notion of taking his scroll, he'd be a proper ninja about it and stealth it away. Kabuto points out the tasty grilling fish will attract all sorts of things, like other ninja about. One of the Grass Villagers, suddenly realized he's been pinged, darts away. Squad Seven and Kabuto tree-hop on their way to finding a scroll, and Kabuto drops some knowledge on the younger kids. He points out that it's easiest to ambush people heading to the tower, but it's a sure bet that others know that, too, AND the ones who do will be the real hardcases. The ones who want their Village to succeed, and the ones who steal scrolls so as few as possible do. Sasuke calls out Kabuto's reasonings in a fun moment, rightfully pegging him as just wanting Seven as backup.

They're in sight of the tower, and a noise provokes immediate kunai-hurling from Naruto. He kills a giant centipede, which is even creepier than a giant snake. Kabuto (who can bend light-waves, neat), calls out for them to for heaven's sake be a bit stealthier as they get closer to the tower. They pass a squad already that's gotten killed by a trap. Naruto trips his own, springing a flight of kunai. Kabuto seems to take the blades for Naruto, but SUBSTITUTION! Sakura's starting to get tired, and points out that they haven't gotten any further despite walking for ages. It turns out they've been walking in cricles. Genjutsu! The ones behind it wll be coming soon, and on cue, a bunch of liquid ninja clones start to pour out of the trees. Naruto's ready for it to be brought!

Next Episode: Clone wars!

Episode 34 - Akamaru Trembles: Gaara's Cruel Strength!

2009-01-06T06:10:00.000-08:00

Naruto screams himself into consciousness, Choji having helpfully applied blunt trauma to wake him up. Everybody's picking up the pieces from the last few episodes' brutality, and Naruto hilariously assumes they're under attack and starts low-crawling. He's spent only two seconds awake and he's already irritating everybody (particularly Shikamaru, but I don't think you can count that). Our hero notices Sakura's new hairstyle, and flips out. He's baffled by the new look, and also why the other squads are doing here. Tenten shows up to look after Rock Lee, and does so in the caring, compassionate manner we'd expect from Guy-sensei's students - by throttling him senseless. Lee's suprised Sasuke was able to drive off the Sound Villagers, and Tenten thinks if he wasn't fighting to protect Sakura, he could've taken Dosu's crew all by himself. She calls him stupid, and Lee, in no fit state, can't help but agree. Naruto bounds over to make fun of Lee, but Sakura comes rocket punches him away. Naruto wonders just what on earth happened while he was out. Amusingly, Shikamaru and Choji comment on how there's no way he'd be the hero in anybody's story.

Sakura humbly thanks Lee for helping her realize that she needed to get stronger, and Lee immediately gets harsh on himself for not being able to do more against the Sound Villagers. Sasuke's amazed they beat Lee up, leading me to wonder how much of Sasuke's around when he's Curse Marked. Lee vows that the next time the Hidden Leaf Lotus blooms, he will have become a stronger man! Sakura's "Um, okay" reply is great. Ino calls Sakura over to fix the latter's hair, and Sakura briefly suspects a trap, but consents. Ino's steaming over Sakura's new closeness with Sasuke (at least, for the thirty or so seconds it happened), but Sakura fires back with the Uchina dish being first-come, first-served, girlfriend. I also think I picked out Sakura calling her 'Ino-pig-chan,' which I find way funnier than it should be.

Hey! Squad Eight! It's not a high point we see them at, either. Poor little Akamaru doesn't look well at all, and he's apparently been like this for half a day. We cut back to earlier, with Kiba being braggy over how they punked the other ninja squad from earlier and took their scroll. Shino cautions against this, using homespun bug-related wisdom. Hinata tries to support Shino, but I don't think Kiba pays much attention. Sidebar: I love how Akamaru can do the ninja tree-leaping. When Akamaru (and Kiba?) picks up a scent, Kiba calls for Squad Ten to come to a halt, and has Hinata bust out the sight Jutsu she and her cousin Neji share - Byakugan. From a kilometer away, she spots somebody - Gaara. Shino puts his ear to the tree and says there's six other ninja out there. Kiba wants their scrolls, too, despite already having the two his squad needs. Both Hinata and Shino are really against this, but Kiba says if it looks too serious, they won't do anything. Eight comes to a halt again, this time because Akamaru's scared. The little pooch can sniff out Chakra, and this is the first time he's ever gotten the willies over it.

Squad Eight watches a squad from the Rain Village facing off against the Sand Villagers. Kankarou tries to point out they may not even need to fight, but Gaara's ready to kill them just because the Rainers met his eyes. This freaks both his teammates AND Squad Eight out. The head Rain Villager is up for a scrap, hurling a bunch of parasols into the air (and of course that's what the Rain Village would use) and uses Ninja Art: Senbon Rainstorm. It's raining needles around Gaara, who looks distinctly unimpressed. All his needles hit a sand shield Gaara calls up, to the Rain Villager's disbelief. Guy wants to make it rain, Gaara says he'll make it rain blood. GAH. Kiba and Squad Ten's really impressed, also terrified, and Kiba can smell the blood on the sand. Kankarou helpfully explains Gaara uses his Chakra to mess with the sand in the giant gourd on his back into an impenetrable shield, and it's not even Gaara who's doing it. Dang. This ticks the head Rainer off and he charges at Gaara. Gaara throws out a Jutsu called Sand Coffin, aptly named since it buries the Rainer in sand. Gaara then lifts the sand coffin up into the air while holding the Rainer's parasol (which makes the whole thing even creepier), and then we see why he did. After you put somebody in a coffin, then it's time for a burial. Sand Burial. Gaara explodes the hapless Rainer and goes on like a ghoul for a bit. The other Rainers desperately throw him the scroll, but they just get the same treatment. It's the scroll the Sanders needed, but Gaara still wants sand and blood. Kankarou (and Temari) are siblings, and they are not a happy family. Temari begs Gaara not to off his own brother, and it looks like he might off him anyway and Squad Ten besides, he relents. Good heavens.

Squad Eight's now well and duly terrified, but they make it to the tower right before the Sand Ninjas do. Gaara's crew just gives Kiba and crew this most evil of looks, but they don't kill the Leaf Genin out of hand. Outside the forest, Anko and the Anbu are talking about the test, with Anko saying they can't halt the test no matter how much a clusterfrag it's becoming. One of the Proctors heads in with a video tape (ha ha!) with the visual report on a team that's busted the test's record wide open, which is unsuprisingly Gaara, who does one of those creepy 'look up into the hidden camera' glares. There's no way they should've been able to make it this fast, and what freaks out Anko the most is Gaara not even hurt. His clothes aren't even dirty. One of the others comments that somebody interesting is in the test, it's just too bad he is a child born of evil sand.

Next Episode: Naruto really wants to open the scroll. Hijinks!

Episode 33 - Battle Formation: Shika-Ino-Cho!

2009-01-05T05:26:00.000-08:00

Sasuke's still unconscious and dreaming, and we get to see young Sasuke and his horribly murdered parents. Sakura's still on the ground, tired from being all hardcore last episode, and Sound Boss is amused by more Leaf Village goons. They don't put up the best first impression. Shikamaru's holding onto Choji's scarf and while irritated at the whole deal, isn't about to let Ino run out and try and save Sakura all by herself. Zaku mocks Choji, calling him fatso. This apparently has the same effect as calling a member of the proud McFly lineage chicken. He asks Zaku to say it again, and the Sounder foolishly does. Choji is big-boned, darn you, HURRAY FOR BIG-BONED! Choji's heart's now in it, to say the least. We get this awesome bouncy music as Team Ino prepares to go full throttle.

The next actions are beyond your humble author's words to properly convey. Formation Ino: Choji breaks out the Expansion Jutsu, blowing up like a puffer fish, then turns into a human boulder. Zaku hits it with the Slicing Sound Wave, but it doesn't look like Choji's going anywhere, but he does. Choji rockets into the air and is crashing down towards Zaku. Sound Boss rushes into save him, but Shikamaru's not having with that. Shadow Possession Jutsu! Shikamaru's got Dosu by the shadow. It's ladies' night and the feeling's right - Ino does the Mind Transfer whammy on Kin. Ino-as-Kin threatens to kill Kin if they don't hand over their scroll and beat feet, but the Sounders aren't exactly compassionate Shinobi. Choji has to block Zaku's attack on Kin's body, and Kin still gets knocked into a tree, which apparently Ino's body can feel the effects of. The Sounders aren't here to win the test, but snatch Sasuke. Shikamaru loses his hold on the Shadow Possession and things've turned on Squad Ten. The Sounders have no problem having offing Kin to kill Ino.

Reinforcements in the form of Neji and Ten-ten! I start to hope that Kiba and the awesome Akamaru will show up before too long. Neji's all kinds of scary-pissed for them messing with Lee, and Dosu's in particular freaked out by Neji's eyes. He's about to make his move, but senses an odd Chakra and decides to stay where he is. It looks like Sasuke's hit his boiling point after reliving his parents' death a time or four. His younger dreamself taunts Sasuke, saying if only he had [i]power[/i] he could've done something, and rips part of his face to reveal Ochimaru's eye. Sakura notices Saskue's awake, and that might be a bad thing this time. The Chakra's just erupting off him, and everybody's about to lose it. Dark Sasuke says Sakura's name...

Vengeful Deity Sasuke asks who did this to Sakura, and Sasuke's pretty chilling all Curse Marked up. He's cool with it, though, this kind of power is just what he needed. He asks who hurt Sakura again and Zaku foolishly answers. Amusingly, it's at this point Shikamaru realizes it's time for Squad Ten to get out of the pool. Sasuke's full-body Curse Mark turns briefly magma-colored, and damn. Dosu's about read to rabbit, but Zaku's thinks he can take the kid. He makes with a wide-angle Super Sonic Slice, and when he's finished, Sasuke's gone. Gone behind him, that is. Sasuke backhands the mess out of Zaku, and goes for some Fire Style, which Zaku can't counter because it's shuriken on fire. Distracted thus, Sasuke's on Zaku in a second and has him by both arms with his foot between Zaku's shoulders, and keeps pushing. Sakura remembers how Orochimaru said Sasuke's come for him one day. Sasuke increases the pressure on Zaku's spine, we get snapping and a red filter and it's just not pretty, folks. Sakura can't believe this is Sasuke, and yells for him to stop.

Sakura grabs him from behind, tears streaming down her face, asking him to please stop. It's that, or maybe the Curse Mark's just run its course, that Sasuke comes back to normal. Dosu calls it in favor of Squad Ten, giving them his scroll in return for being allowed to leave, though he asks for round two down the line if it happens. Sakura asks Dosu why Orochimaru did this to Sasuke, but Dosu doesn't have any clue - they're just hired help. Squad Ten heads out to assist, and from the trees Neji is impressed by Sasuke's power and the Uchina clan. Naruto is amusing in his dementia. Sasuke doesn't know what the hell is happening to him as we fade out.

Next Episode: What's that, Akamaru? Gaara fell down a well?

Episode 32 - Sakura Blossoms

2009-01-04T06:37:00.000-08:00

We open with the Sound Ninjas ready to do away with our heroes once and for all. Rock Lee's under the effects of whatever inner-ear disruption doo-hickey, and barfs. That theme in the show nobody told me about before. The boss Sounder taunts that even if you evade the blow, the sound'll still get you, in particular the vibration. We get an informative, if brief, lecture on how the human body maintains balance, and how the Sound Ninja can totally wreck it. Straight-up taijutsu just won't work against the Sound Villagers, or so Kazu boasts. Lee digs deep to flashback to Might Guy complimenting his younger self, but it doesn't get him on his feet like I might think. The Sound Boss slides past Lee, intent on Sakura, and I'm worried. He hasn't goosed her or made a pass at Sasuke or anything, which means Sakura's defenseless. Lee throws everything into trying to protect Sakura, but Sound Boss' Jutsu is still mucking up Lee's equilibrium - and the funky speaker gauntlet he's wearing doesn't help anything. Bushy-Brows starts bleeding out of his ear and collapses.

It's Sakura's turn to try and help Lee, and flings a batch of shuriken at the Sound Boss, who easily bats them away. All this is being observed by the Idiot Trio of Squad Ten. Shikamaru asks Ino if she's okay with Sakura dying, since they were buddies once upon a time and all. We flashback to the source of the end of their friendship - that they both like Sasuke. Shikamaru asks Ino again what she's going to do, but she's reluctant to say the least, figuring they'd get squashed flat quickly. Having to side with Ino, here. Sakura's next shuriken attack gets blocked by Zaku's sound blast, and the girl Sound Ninja grabs her from behind. She goes on about how maybe Sakura ought to take the time from her beauty regimen to maybe train some more, and she's not wrong. They threaten to off Sasuke in front of Sakura, and there's nothing Sakura can do against them. She starts to cry a little out of frustration, about how she's always the one being protected, always looked after, never seeming to pull her own weight. I'd make with the snappy, but I find my heartstrings tugged upon by our girl.

Zaku makes his move on the boys (Sasuke's Curse Mark streaming blue Chakra, by the way), and Squad Ten's still dithering like goofs. Sakura decides it's time to act, grabbing her kunai, though the female Sounder arrogantly says that won't work on her. Sakura just gives her the most evil grin and asks what she means, and we all sit back a little bit. Our girl cuts her own hair off - and her headband, deciding that if she's going to act like a shinobi and be equals with the boys then it's damn well time to do it for real. WE AGREE. Now everybody's gaping at Sakura. She starts in on a mystic sign, which Kin goes to block, but SUBSTITUTION. Kazu figures it's no big deal, going for his soundblaster, and when he ricochets her thrown kunai back at her it's SUBSTITUTION. Go, Sakura, go! She takes the hits, and then bites down like a crazy person on Kazu's arm as he frantically tries to toss her off. Holy shit.

Flashback to a much younger pair of Sakura and Ino, Ino comforting Sakura after the dreaded 'Billboard Brow' taunt. Back then, it seems like Ino was a good influence on her, and it's a nice moment as Ino helps Sakura out with her self-confidence. She introduces the shy Sakura around the village, and all the while it's interspersed with Zaku beating on Sakura's head and I am on the edge of my seat by the whole sentiment/brutality vibe they're rocking here. Even young, Sasuke was a hit with the ladies, though Ino started to think she created a monster in the new Sakura. Sakura cutting off her hair gains even more of an impact, since there was a rumor that Sasuke liked that on a girl. They both vow to win Sasuke - and just then I notice Sakura also has her kunai buried in Zaku's other arm and MY GOD. Zaku finally knocks her off, and gets ready for a shotgun sound blast. SQUAD TEN TO THE RESCUE! AND FINALLY!

Next Episode: I wind up maybe liking Squad Ten and hoping they don't die.

Episode 30 - The Sharingan Revived: Dragon-Flame Jutsu!

2009-01-02T05:46:00.000-08:00

We focus in on Sasuke, having kicked himself back in the game after getting tossed around by Snake Person. He's mad, and breaks out the Sharingan, and it'll be interesting to see what this does against the fake Grass Villager. Sasuke's not going to let anybody stop him from killing his brother, not even Snakey. He puts a kunai in his mouth, which is this show's callsign for badass, and flips into the air, raining down Shuriken on Snakey. He flips right to Snakey, and there's a lot hits landed on both sides, but no solid connects. We get some Snake Speed Force, but the Sharingan keeps him out of her reach. He tries to toast her with the Fire Ball, but there's the burrowing trick again for a better position to take a swipe at him and they finally pause. Whew

Anko's making her way into the Forest o' Death, trying to find 'That guy' before sundown. More awesome fighting with Sasuke and Snakey, as he bounces around like mad to avoid another wind-blast, before Spider-Manning it upside down on a branch and grabbing his opponent for a ride. Is that...? He hits a for-real piledriver on Snakey, cracking the branch they land on!!! Mah gawd! Mah gawd! That half-snake thing has a family! (I apologize for the one-percenter.) Hey, that's a SUBSTITUTION for Snakey! This time with goo. Sasuke ducks a rain of kunai, using a garrote to slow his fall, and that's awesome. Snakey catches him out and lands a solid combination to put Sasuke down, but as she moves in, the sneaky little Genin's planted fireworks on her. The fireworks going off distracts Sasuke's opponent long enough for him to leap away and throw out this wicked shuriken-garrotte combo, leaving her tied up to the tree, and Sasuke looks like he finishes her with some Fire Dragon Jutsu. Gah DAMN.

Sakura leaps down to check on Sasuke, whose Chakra-meter's probably on 'E.' Toasted Snakey pulls free of the tree, and also the gender-nonspecific disguise. He, apparently a Sound Ninja, comments on Sasuke's ability with Sharingan, saying he's got more skill than Sasuke's brother Itachi. Snakey's name is Orochimaru, and if Sasuke wants another crack at him, he's got to take out the Sound Villagers under his control. To emphasize his point, he does a satanic Reed Richards bit and stretches his neck to bite Sasuke in the neck, vanishing, leaving Sasuke with venom and a tattoo. And not the happy kind of venom either, but the kind that makes him cry out and collapse into Sakura's lap. She cries out for Naruto (still unconscious and pinned to a tree), and Squad Seven is currently at what we might call an ebb.

Elsewhere, Orochimaru slowly reforms himself out a tree, with Anko closing in. I just realize this means that Orochimaru pulled that poor Grass Villager's face off, and yikes. He sinks into the tree, for some sort of healing trance I might assume, but Anko wakes him out of it. She's going to end him if costs her life, her responsibility as his former pupil. Holy crap! More fighting, all while Orochimaru's half stuck in a tree. She ducks his demon tongue, and launches some snakes out of her arm to rip Orochimaru out from the tree, and pins his left hand to the bark through her own hand. She uses his free hand to complete a ninja sign, which cool to see, and goes for something called Twin Snakes Sacrifice. SUBSTITUTION! Orochimaru dismissively catches her thrown kunai, and puts a paralysis whammy on Anko. Orochimaru explains to Anko he came a-recruiting, and we see Anko has the same Curse Mark as Sasuke just got. The kid's got chops Anko apparently didn't, and Orochimaru uses words like 'vessel' and 'heir.' With that, he vanishes, with a warning for Anko to keep the test going or he'll end the village.

Cutting over to Lee's team, they've focused a bit on surviving, and Neji's suggests splitting up to scout for the other teams. Sakura's standing watch over Sasuke, who's better but still not what we call in the trade good, and Naruto's just out of it. It's up to Sakura. Over to Anko, she wraps her injured hand and starts to head off to inform the Hokage, but is stopped by a trio of tigers, and her Curse Mark starts acting up. Not Anko-sensei's day. They get hit with the paralysis Jutsu, and a pair of Anbu Black Ops show up in the nick of time. They know right off what the Cure Mark means, and want to take her to the Hokage, but she wants to go to the tower. Sakura's still keeping watch over the boys, and the Sound Ninja flunkies have found them, but they have orders to wait for daybreak. Daybreak! Sakura wakes up, but she's the only one who does.

Next Episode: ROCK LEE vs. Sound Shinobi!

Episode 29 - Naruto's Counterattack: Never Give In!

2009-01-01T06:49:00.000-08:00

As you might recall, our quota of people exploding from snakes was more than filled last episode, and both people who did so are about to go at it. Sasuke yells at Naruto to run, since Snake Girl is out of his league, but naturally Naruto isn't having any of it. Sasuke points out rightfully that things generally don't get better when Naruto rides in to save the day, and he's at a loss as to what to do. He pulls out his team's scroll and offers it to Snake Girl, and everybody's wondering what his angle is. Snake Girl approves of this new sense of pragamatism in Leaf Village Genin. He tosses it to her, but INTERCEPTION by Naruto! Also wicked haymaker by Naruto for Sasuke's trying to throw in the towel, and asks if Sasuke's not an imposter. Heh. Naruto makes a valid point - there's no telling if Snake Girl would let them go after getting the scroll, then does a creepy thing with her tongue. She cuts her thumb and puts blood on a tattoo - summoning jutsu! It is not Ninja Dogs and it is not adorable, but a giant-ass snake.

Elsewhere, the Proctors find the bodies of the FreakNinjas - or at least who they killed to replace, and head off to get help. Anko's chilling with some lunch, and also perfecting her throwing skills. One of the proctors brings her to the corpses, and they're Grass Villagers, but something's wrong. For one, they're dead, and two, they have no faces. Anko knows who or what it is, though all we get is a silhouette of somebody with a snake and twin swords. Anko immediately calls in the Anbu special forces to come assist, and is going in herself right now. This, my friends, is a kunoichi. Face Robber taunts Naruto from the top of her giant snake, splintering the branch he was standing on and bashing him around for kicks. Naruto opens his eyes as he falls towards the snake, and his eyes are looking a bit Demon Foxy. He starts wailing on the snake, though not to any appreciable effect. Snake Girl gives him a face full of fireball to put him down. It's Sasuke's turn, and we get a jump-cut before impact. Bastards!

Anko's tree-leaping her way in to help, but it might not be needed. Naruto's brought the snake down with a kunai and everybody's a tad bit startled. This is Sasuke's first time with Demon Naruto, if I recall right. It's a harsh, jarring, comfortless experience for Sasuke. Snake Girl grabs Naruto with her tongue, and apparently knows more about the Nine-Tailed Fox than we do. She taunts Naruto a bit before Chakra-sealing the Demon Fox back into Naruto, who goes limp. Snake Girl goes on about how they're starting to act in synch, but that's not the issue for her. She grabs the Wind Scroll form Naruto's pack and casually tosses her away. Sakura of all people makes the save with a well-placed kunai throw to pin Naruto to a tree, and it's Sasuke's turn to go catatonic. She starts in on Sasuke, and it's awesomw, saying that Naruto is kind of useless and in the way, but at least he's not a coward. Sasuke flashes on his brother, who called him much the same, only worse. That's enough to get Sasuke's head back in the game, and Snake Girl knows about the Uchina clan, too. Sasuke starts to gather his Chakra to him as we end things.
By the by, not a huge fan of the ending song.

Next Episode: Sasuke vs. his brother, with the snake girl as proxy!

Episode 28 - Eat or be Eaten: Panic in the Forest

2008-12-31T05:22:00.000-08:00

The Gas Mask Ninja's charging Sasuke and Sakura as we open. Sasuke leaps away, for awesome fireball barrage jutsu. He takes the time to toss the captive Naruto a kunai, which lets the other ninja get the drop on him. Naruto distracts the ninja long enough to get away, and while he's jumping, Sasuke slings a knife at Jumpsuit using only Chakra and the bottom of his feet, then slams into him. Right on! Outnumbered and out-gunned, he leaps away.

Sasuke cautions them on Transformaion tricks in the future, deciding to use the old Doppleganger Challenge. Sasuke's is... overly complicated, though Sakura pays rapt attention. Naruto didn't memorize it, but I can't blame him because I couldn't catch it either. Filing this under 'the fun never stops,' they suddenly get caught in the middle of a freak windstorm, orchestrated by the FreakNinjas. Sakura gets the challenge right, and so does Naruto, but Sasuke lobs a knife at him anyway. Naruto passing the challenge means he failed the challenge, and that is genius. Also very in character. This Transformed Naruto turns out to be Tongue Girl from earlier. Sasuke caught onto her when she burrowed underground Squad Seven during the wind-storm, because his Ninja Senses are far superior to yours and mine. Five minutes in and Seven's already seperated! Right on schedule. Also, there's a humongous-ass snake.

The snake quickly snares Naruto, then swallows him. Huh. Well, thanks for the series, Shonen Jump, you could've done more with Sakura, but-- oh, nevermind. We cut back to Tongue Girl who swallows her teams Earth Scroll, and challenges Sakura and Sasuke to a battle to the death. There's a graphic scene of our kids being brutally murdered, and it wasn't even Genjutsu, but Tongue Girl's bloodlust. Her creepy knob goes up to '11.' Sakura's catatonic, and I can't really blame her, and Sasuke's ready for death. Naruto's trying to hack his way out the snake's suprisingly durable insides, which come complete with stomach acid. The snake swallows Naruto further on down for his new and exciting tour of herptology up close. Sasuke's doing all he can to reach for a kunai, and is barely able to make it to his feet, but that's about it. Tongue Girl promises to kill them quick and painless like. She throws a kunai at each of them and...
Naruto continues gently digesting in the snake's stomach, taking this chance for all the people who treated him half-way decent to flash before his eyes, and also Sasuke. There were good times and bad times, and none of them took place inside the snake, so perspective. Naruto vows to make the serpent spit up its ninja lunch. Back to Tongue Girl, we find Sakura and Sasuke managed to get out just in time, thanks to Sasuke being brilliant and hardcore. He wounded himself with his knife to snap out of it, then leaped away with Sakura. Naruto finds his own way to escape the snake - Shadow Clone Jutsu. I... oh, man. That's not what I expected to see in Episode 28 of Naruto. Victorious but ridiculously gross, the wanna-be Hokage now has a wonderfully horrible story to tell everyone. After Sasuke pulls the knife from his leg (ouch), Sakura does her concerned routine, which Sasuke stops by putting a hand over her mouth. This is ill-chosen, though Sasuke can possibly be forgiven for not noticing another giant snake sneaking up on them. Ho! That's no snake, that's a FreakNinja! He spears her with a passle of Shuriken and drops the mega-snake, but Tongue Girl tears herself from the corpse, and now she is half-snake and after Sasuke. Naruto to the rescue! We can't help but cheer as he says he forgot the password.

Next Episode: Naruto vs. the Snake Girl! I hope I learn her name soon.

Episode 27 - The Chunin Exam Stage 2: The Forest of Death

2008-12-30T06:35:00.000-08:00

The Forest of Death - for real this time, complete with giant centipedes and bird-eating snakes. Naruto hilariously mocks Anko's description, and this does not go well for him. She slices up his cheek and goes mildly psycho-riffic, before a helpful kunoichi with a demon tongue brings Anko's kunai back. The proctor's looking forward to the challenge of so many hot-blooded kids. But first, they have to sign Ninja release forms - otherwise Anko will be held responsible for any deaths. Harsh. Shikamura bellyaches about having to survive. The object is to brawl for two scrolls at the tower in the middle of the forest, and the first squad with both scrolls who gets to the top of the tower wind. They've got five days to do it. Kabuto can't help but torment Choji. Rock Lee's stoked for it, complete with smile twinkle. The bad news is you have to spend all five days in the forest, no matter how well you do. You get DQed if your team can't get to the tower, and if you look at either scroll. Anko helpfully suggests they don't die.

Each team gets one kind of scroll, so you never know which member of the other team has the scroll, or which kind of scroll they have. Sakura gets confronted by Ino and her squad. Ino is suprised Sakura's still here, but Sakura doesn't have any reason to leave what with five days in the forest of Sasuke. They amusingly bicker as is expected, with back and forth 'Ugly!' 'Billboard!' Naruto, meanwhile, finds Hinata under a tree, but wanders away before she can thoughtfully tend his wound. Naruto gets the scroll for Squad Seven. Kiba's team picks entrance 16, telling Hinata not to drag the team down. Jerk. Ino's crew gets entrance 27, where Shikamura bellyaches and Choji is well stocked with snacks. At entrance 12, Squad Seven's raring to go. Kankoro's more scared of his teammate Gaara than anything else. Rock Lee will do it for Might Guy! Or get his head kicked in. Go time!

The squads head in, the FreakNinjas immediately planning to target the rookies. Kiba has Hinata use some sight jutsu. The Sound Shinobi have their target. Back to Squad Ten, it's five minutes in and already Choji calls for a snack break. Shikamura hears another ninja squad approaching, and the team's able to duck out of sight - fortunately they don't notice Choji's trail of Ninja Chips. Another squad tumbles across Squad Eight, who're alerted to their presence by Akamaru. Then the hapless NPC ninjas are attacked by flying leeches, probably thanks to Shino, and the team falls into Kiba's trap. One team down. Sakura's worried, Naruto tries to downplay it, but has to make a pee break. Naruto's task, er, completed, we get out of nowhere Sasuke hammering into Naruto and the two go at it to everybody's shock (er, except Sasuke, apparently). Further proving himself no slouch, Sasuke points out that this Naruto is in fact kind of a poor copy. The copy turns into an odd, be-jump-suited ninja wearing a gask mask, and Sakura and Sasuke get ready to go at it.

Next Episode: Giant snakes. That's not cool!

Episode 26 - Special Report: Live from the Forest of Death!

2008-12-29T05:23:00.000-08:00

New opening! I kind of like the song, and the other squads get added to the opening sequence.

The Forest of Death. Don't let its spooky name fool you, it's really that bad. Anko takes particular delight in telling the Genin this. Amongst its many dangers are suspicious perfectly-square rocks. Hey! It's Konohamaru! I'm suprised. They have yet to master the gunpowder trick. Naruto tells the gang he doesn't have time to mess around, but the gang aren't here - they're reporting for the class newspaper and came to interview Naruto. Anko vouches for them, proving herself a friend of the free press.

I... hey! This is a clip show! That's what I get for skipping the intro for the first time. We recap who and what Squad Seven is and does, and since it's Naruto doing the telling Sasuke doesn't come off as good as he might. Also, according to Naruto, he and Sakura are about going steady. Onto the less-than-impressive adventures of the team, with the weeding and dog-walking and such. The Konohamaru gang is less than impressed by his retelling of his exploits, so he throws in crippling the Hokage with Sexy Jutsu. Konohamaru tells us how an interviewee should act, and goes over what a Hokage is. Naruto questions Konohamaru's journalistic integrity. Thoughtfully, Naruto mentions Iruka, particularlly his habit of treating Naruto to the good ramen.

To cover all the bases, we go over the various jutsus as explained by the beautiful kunoichi maiden Sakura. Sexy, Shadow Clone, the dreaded Harem Jutsu, and chalkboard eraser pranks. Sasuke brings to the table his fire-breathing and the Windmill of Shadows, not to mention his version of Sharingan. Naruto and I agree her Sasuke introduction is taking way too long. His greatest power is his... looks. Oh, Sakura. Moving on (thank the Ninja Gods), she covers Kakashi with his uber-Saringan and Make-Out Paradise. We get another look at Fanged Pursuit Jutsu! YES! Adorable Ninja Dogs make clip shows worth it. So apparently he isn't a member of the Uchina clan, and has Sharingan. Interesting. We also touch on the Lightning Blade Jutsu before looking at some of the Jutsus Squad Seven's run up against before moving on.

Sasuke gets called on to cover their rivals, and since he does most of the ass-kicking in the group, that's probably fair. We go over Gaara, Heji and Rock Lee, none of which have the slightest interest in Naruto. Even the Konohamaru Gang doesn't think Naruto's the leader, which HAH! A quick look back at the other squads, and the other Village Ninjas. Squad Seven's ready to take on the world. The Gang gives the Genin their best wishes before heading off. Kakashi finally shows up, claiming tardiness due to meeting a pretty girl and dancing. Hee. Still just a clip show, though.

Next Episode: The actual Forest of Death. Stupid clip shows.

Episode 25 - The Tenth Question: All or Nothing!

2008-12-28T06:36:00.000-08:00

A chill wind blows at the Ninja Academy, as Ibiki prepares to tell the Chunin the tenth question. It's not that easy, as like bowling, there are rules to the tenth question. Ibiki apparently figured Crow's trick out, but he doesn't get tossed out for it. Kakashi, Asuma and Kurenai are hanging out while their students are taking the quiz. Finding out Ibiki's the proctor doesn't inspire much confidence the kids will pass for Kakashi. Kurenai doesn't know who he is, but Asuma has the schoop. He's one of Leaf Village's top interrogation specialists, including techiques you see on 24. The torture of the test won't be physical, but the mental part will more than make up for it. We come back to Ibiki, who introduces the 'hopeless rules.' You can choose not to answer the tenth question, but then you zero out - and your group with it. The second is if you take it and can't answer it, you forfeit the right to take the Chunin Exam permanently. Kiba calls bullshit, with Akamaru barking approval. This doesn't sway Ibiki, as you might expect. Everybody's stressed as intended, Naruto most of all. The guy next to Naruto raises his hand to quit, which doesn't do a thing for Squad Seven's confidence. Sakura inwardly pleads for Naruto to raise his hand, but it's a nice scene, because she's being her usual self about it - she's actually concerned. She's about to raise her hand, then... Naruto raises his.

Back from the break, and Naruto's hand's still up. Sakura, Sasuke and Hinata can't believe it. With the Jonin, Asuma explains that's how Ibiki rolls. To my and Hinata's delight, Naruto slams his hand down and proclaims he is going to be the Hokage, even if he's a Genin forever. Sasuke and Sakura are somewhat proud of their knucklehead. Ibiki's suprised at how Naruto's rallied the other kids by his example, and says so. And... that's the exam. HAH! The nine questions tested how well they could gather information, and the tenth their nerve. Awesome. Ibiki explains precisely how he was a bastard. Naruto fronts like mad to prove he knew all along. Ibiki reveals some pretty horrible scars, to drive home the point of needing to gather intelligence properly, and what can happen if you don't. The last bit is all about guts, because sometimes there won't be any missions to avoid, and there's nobody you can rely on but yourself and your teammates. This looks to fit right in with Naruto's New Way of the Ninja, and immediately starts celebrating.

Hold on now - the second proctor makes a sudden appearance. She crashes through the window, unfurls a banner behind her with kunai, and calls out for the Genin to follow her. Nice! I believe this Anko has broken their brains. Sakura comments she's kind of like Naruto, and one can only concur. Anko's suprised at the amount of teams left, but Ibiki merely says they have a good crop this year. Anko vows to drop the remaining teams by more than half. It turns out Naruto passed with a blank test. Awesome. The Genin have gathered outside the 44th Training Field, also known as the Forest of Death and of course it's called that. Test on!

Next Episode: Forest de Meurte, and Naruto is characteristically demure. Also, Ninja Preschoolers!

Episode 24 - Start Your Engines: The Chunin Exam Begins!

2008-12-27T05:31:00.000-08:00

Ibiki restores order to the exam room, verbally smacking down the Sound Villagers, and rules that there's to be no fighting without the Proctors' consent. Naruto has a reaction to this part of the test being written that I myself have had a time or two. Sakura's smug over Naruto's being in a knot, and I grumble to myself he's on your team, girl. Our boy does receive some encouragement, though, from Hinata. He didn't notice her at first, and I get the vague feeling she gets that a lot. I go on record to say I think I like Hinata. Ibiki lays down the exam rules, which you can't question. You get ten points on a point reduction system. Naruto immediately realizes that if he gets zero questions right, he gets zero points, and this is a likely occurrence. It's all graded on the squad's average, and I die laughing, because Sakura has exactly my predicted reaction. Cheaters who get caught lose two points (I like the implication NOT getting caught is just fine), and also for reasons that only the graders know. Sakura's already working on their team making it through with 20 points, but Ibiki drops the biggest bombshell - if somebody on a team gets zero points, they all do. Naruto is lucky he's not vaporized by the burning stares of his teammates as I type. And we begin!

Sakura and Sasuke are already stressing over Naruto's performance, though our boy starts to do what many of us have done. Convince himself to hit the easy ones first and thus pretend that he's going to have no trouble at all as he goes on. By the way, the questions on the quiz I find hilarious - Ninja word problems, "If Enemy Ninja A can Throw his Shuriken from a tree seven meters high..." and you have to explain your work. Awesome! Sakura frets that only she can solve one of the test's questions, and I doubt she's bragging. Naruto starts to stress out, and even Sasuke doesn't know what's going on. Sakura hopes they won't cheat, and one isn't forced to wonder if that's the point, because ninja. Sasuke realizes that's exactly the point. I'm delighted. Now if only Naruto can figure it out, and it doesn't look good. Believe it.

Sasuke starts casting about for somebody he can cheat off of, while the other teams've already started. Gaara does something funky with sand and Kankoru readies Crow. Awesomely, Kiba's dog Akamaru acts like a periscope and barks out the answers in code. The mummified Sound Shinobi uses sonar and GENIUS. Shino's using flies, causing much interesting speculation on his speciality. Tenten's gimmicked the mirrors in the room. Naruto's still paralyzed by getting caught, but Hinata comes to his aid. Naruto's suspicious, but Hinata's not exactly the tricksy type (or IS she?). He presses Hinata for her reasons, and she quickly comes up with wanting all the Nine to make it past this portion. Just as he's about to look, a flying kunai splits the air and impales a test behind him. HAH! The Genin's apparently flunked out, botching his cheating attempt for the fifth time. More and more of them fail, and answers for justification are met harshly. Naruto finally gets what the proctors are doing, but decides awesome ninjas is a corollary for cheaters only cheating themselves, and besides, he doesn't want Hinata in trouble. Aww.

Go time! Heji busts out his X-Ray vision, Sasuke his Sharingan and Sakura, just her big brain. Go, girl! Ino: "I'm acknowledging your smarts and the width of your forehead are exceptional." HAH! And thus uses Mind Transfer Jutsu to get the answers. Ino's more badass than I thought. Gaara goes for the creepiest method yet, pulling out his eye, turning it to sand, and then sending it out to get the answers. GAH. Kankoro uses the bathroom ploy, and apparently replaced a proctor with Crow. Naruto gets ready to go for a single point on the last question on the test.

Next Episode: Problem ten is a bitch!

Episode 23 - Genin Takedown! All Nine Rookies Face Off!

2008-12-26T05:31:00.000-08:00

We open outside Room 301, and since Kakashi's here, it must be the real 301. He's suprised Sakura's come. Turns out that you have to be a three-man squad to get into the Exam, and if Sakura had played by her standard operating procedure (i.e., tagged along because of Sasuke) then her heart wouldn't have been in it and the team would be starting off in the hole. Kakashi's glad they all came of their own free will, and he's proud of them. Nice scene. Squad Seven's taken aback by the Chunin turnout, and none of 'em look like slouches. Ino pounces Sasuke in a bold flanking maneuver, much to Sakura's ire. She thrusts with an 'Ino-Pig' but gets a devastating 'Billboard-Brow' in response. Hah! Shikamaru (bellyaching idiot) and Choji (fat idiot) join Ino (Sasuke-crazy idiot). We're not done with new characters, though - Hinata (gloomy and shy, which explains crushing on Naruto of all people), Kiba and Akamaru (the former louder than Naruto(!!!) and the latter his adorable ninja dog), and Shino (an enigma with glasses). Shikamaru's irritated they're all here, probably because it means more teams and thus more work for him. Sasuke and Kiba brag a bit, and Hyuga bashfully apologizes for Kiba. Choji eyes up Akamaru for a snack, but he's blocked by Shino before Choji can step on a bug. Shino: "Don't step on it." Choji: "Why? You gonna eat that?" Heh.
The shenanigans are put on hold by a new arrival, a silver-haired kid from Leaf Village named Kabuto, chastises them for acting their age. He might have a point, as it's clear the Rookie Nine are the young punks, and they're not exactly made to feel welcome. It's Kabuto's seventh time through the exam, and wants them to know how rough it's going to be. Shikamaru bellyaches even more. Kabuto takes pity on the Nine and has Ninja Info Cards - special cards you need Chakra to use them. Kabuto's Chakra. The example he shows us has 72 people from Leaf Village, but only 3 from Sound Village. The Exam is technically used in such a way that everybody becomes friends, but in reality it comes off as something like Cold War-era saber-rattling. "My nation's ninjas are stronger than yours, so you just think twice about any funny ideas." Intriguing! Sasuke asks after a certain sand-based dead-eyed kid and a bushy-browed contestant from his own village. Naruto: "I don't know what's going on, so I'll just pretend like I do." Heh! Rock Lee's first up - a year older than the Nine, completed a good number of missions, and as we saw last episode, badass with Taijutsu. His squad also has Tenten )knife girl) and Neji (Hinata's brother/relative). Gaara's next, and while they have no real info on him, he still comes off as hardcore, pulling down B-ranked missions while a Genin.

Outside, Kakashi flashbacks to Guy saying he post-poned his own team taking the test last year so they'd be strong this year, though the Copy Ninja says it won't be long before Squad Seven overtakes them. Naruto look like he's starting to stress over the level of competition in the tournament, so Sakura tries to cheer him up, but she doesn't know our boy that well. He's not upset, he's excited as all get-out, loudly announcing his name to everybody in the room. Awesome. Ino, less used to Naruto than most, flips out on Sakura but doesn't exactly find anything like support when she does so. Sasuke and Kabuto are impressed, probably despite themselves. The Sound Village ninjas act all sinister. To stifle any further outbreaks, Sakura puts Naruto in a chokehold and helpfully explains Naruto doesn't mean anything by that, he's just stupid.

The Sound Shinobi make their move, literally, dashing to and fro about the room. One lobs kunai at Kabuto, but it's just a feint for Dosu take a swing at him. Kabuto ducks, but his glasses come away shattered anyway. It's been a while since anyone threw up on the show, so Kabuto obliges us. The Sound goons apparently have sonic jutsu, which is pretty cool. The Sound Villagers feel smug about aking down the Leaf Village's resident stat-gatherer, and everybody else is baffled by their stunt. Ibiki Morino, head proctor for the first Exam, shows up before things can get even more out of hand.

Next Episode: The written portion!

Episode 22 - Chunin Challenge: Rock Lee vs. Sasuke!

2008-12-25T09:52:00.000-08:00

Rock's crew are irritated at looking like chumps, Lee most of all. Lee catches Squad Seven on the way out, and throws down a challenge to Sasuke. He wants to test himself against Sasuke, adopting a very odd battle stance. More importantly, he wants to prove himself to his One True Love Sakura. There's a hilarious bit as Sakura dodges his blown kiss attempt, so Lee ups their quantity, unleashing a barrage on Sakura, who Matrixes her way out of them all as I die laughing. Naruto's feeling left out. Lee's ready to go at it, even knowing who Sasuke is, but Naruto wants his piece of Bushy-Brow. With two fingers, Lee parries Naruto's fist, and then sweep-kicks Naruto so hard Naruto breakdances into a wall. Hah! Lee proclaims himself the strongest Genin, and Sasuke's ready to go at it. Sakura points out the time, but Sasuke gives Lee five minutes.

They go at it pretty good, with Lee landing the first punch - he's also worrying about using "that technique." Sasuke can't figure out how Lee got around his guard, but he's not overly concerned - he breaks out his Sharingan. Sakura's in awe as Sasuke goes in again - only to be kicked in the face even harder. Lee's technique isn't ninja magic, it's just ninja thuggery and that's awesome. Lee's just physically faster, and it's all training, no special powers or anything, and Sasuke can't handle it. Rock Lee boot to the head! He teleports behind Sasuke while they're in air, about to bust out his Limit break before an... angry turtle stops him. Huh. Unexpected. Also unexpectedly, Sakura makes a cool sliding catch for Sasuke.

Naruto can't believe Sasuke got beaten while he was out, nor can he believe lee is being scolded by an irate terrapin. I am at something of a loss myself. The technique is hardcore forbidden, and Naruto wants to make sure he's really seeing Lee getting chewed out by a tortoise, and if a tortoise can teach ninjutsu. Insert your equal oppurtunity joke of choice here, if you like. The angry turtle finishes his scolding and says it's okay for Guy Sensei to show up, and he does. Oh, he does. Naruto: "Those are some incredibly raging brows." Lee flips out at their reaction to Guy, Naruto flips out because everything that's weird ever decided to happen half an hour before they register, but Guy has things well in hand. And by 'hand' I mean punching the mess out of Lee. Do not be alarmed! It is merely the toughest of tough love. They embrace over tears, against a seashore, and I cannot make this stuff up. For penance, Lee has to do a hundred laps, and we get an awesome stereo smile-twinkle. Squad Seven realizes how good they have it with Kakashi. Guy knows Kakashi, by the by, people call them eternal rivals. We all think that sounds like a lie. Guy reappears behind Squad Seven, apparently not using ninja magic at all to do so. He's also just barely ahead of Kakashi in their matches? Sparring? At any rate, he humbly asks for Sasuke's forgiveness out of respect for his awesome face. Sasuke's about to lose it over somebody so goofy and yet to strong. Guy and the tortoise vanish, leaving THAT mystery for another day. Lee says he wanted to test himself against Sasuke, but he is not in fact the strongest Hidden Leaf Genin, that's the pale-eyed guy on his team, but Sasuke is one of Lee's targets in the tournament.

Squad Seven is all out of sorts. Naruto can't help but rub salt in the wound, proving that every kid at that age is at least a little jerky. He does wisely point out that Lee's apparently trained way harder than Sasuke has, and I am fascinated to see how ninja magic genius stacks up to blood, sweat and tears. Sasuke, though, isn't intimidated at all - things have gotten interesting. I can't help but agree. Our kids march off toward the Exam and destiny! (Or at least the registration room.)

Next Episode: CHUNIN EXAM! HELL YEAH!

Episode 21 - Identify Yourself: Powerful New Rivals

2008-12-24T05:48:00.000-08:00

We open up with Gaara chewing out Kankaro, and it's hard not to root for him. Until Gaara threatens homicide, ramping the kid up to 'Scary.' Sasuke and Gaara size each other up, and I will confess to being excited about their almost-certain throwdown. As they go, Sakura IDs them as Sand Ninja, but says that ninja just wandering through countries is prohibited by "the treaty" and demands to know what they want. Innnnteresting. Also pretty gutsy for Sakura. The Sand kunoichi has her license, so everything's cool, and that they're here for the Chunin Exam. Naruto typically doesn't know what the exam is, and even Konohamaru knows. Sheesh, Naruto. As they turn to go, Sasuke calls out to the Sand Ninja. The girl immediately thinks he's asking after her, and again, DOWN GIRL, but it's Gaara Sasuke wants to know about. Gaara wants to know about Sasuke too, and we get a cool stare-down moment. Naruto butts in to see if Gaara of the Desert wants to know about him, but Gaara couldn't care less. Heh. He immediately consults his PR man Konohamaru about his image, who says research shows Naruto compares unfavorably to Sasuke. More ninja, whose village I can't even guess at, pick out Sasuke and Gaara as the ones to watch (preferably from a safe distance).

The Hokage calls forward the Jonin in charge of Genin, and we get Kakashi, Asuma and Kurenai coming forward. The boss asks for those who they want to put in the Chunin Exam. Kakashi goes first, and puts all three of his kids in, and two-thirds of that choice is to my mind highly risky. Kurenai, the pretty kunoichi and leader of Squad Eight puts forward all three of her kids, too. PATTERN. She's got Hinata (not-blind girl), Kiba (Shaggy haired kid), and Shino (Glasses boy). To round things out and weight the outcome by sheer Leaf Village numbers, the ciggie-smoking Asuma puts all of his kids' hats in the ring - Ino (Blonde Sakura), 'Smirky' Shikamaru and Choji (Eating machine). It's nice to see the Village's Jonin have so much faith in their kids, though Iruka protests. He says that they're all good, but none of 'em are ready for the Exam. Kakashi calmly points out that he was a Chunin when he was six years younger than Naruto, making him even more badass - and furthermore, this might finally shut them up about wanting important missions. He finishes with the fact that they're not Iruka's students anymore, they're the Jonin's prob- responsibility now, and they've decided it's best. Kurenai has odd eyes. The Hokage understands Iruka's feelings, though, and arranges for a pre-exam.

Squad Seven on the bridge! Kakashi is late. Naruto didn't brush his teeth this morning. Ew. Sasuke inwardly complains about 'morning people.' Their sensei finally shows up, having 'got lost on the path of life.' HAH! He passes out the applications and says all you have to do is sign them and bring them to the exam room at a certain time, making me briefly think they'll have to make the room from inside a live volcano or something as the pre-exam. Nothing so harsh, though, as the kids bring their applications. Naruto's already imagining his victory celebration and coronation as Hokage. Sasuke's obsessed with Gaara. Sakura... doesn't think she can make it. Poor kid.

Ninja from all villages (I guess) are arriving for the Chunin Exam. Naruto meets the Ninja Preschoolers, and is cheerful enough to play with them today - until Moegi gets snatched. Naruto and his tiny crew leap off in pursuit. Meanwhile, Sakura's stressing over the Exam, until Sasuke asks her to go with him for a walk (and I suspect it might be somebody Transformed). We join some tree-jumping pursuit, with Naruto outpacing Konohamaru and Udon, and manages to corner Moegi's kidnapper. He wants the Scroll of Sealing.

Sasuke apparently took Sakura out on a walk to totally crush her hopes and dreams, but she's happy he's sort of worried about her. Sigh. It's like having a likeable but kind of dim younger ninja sister. A ninja identically dressed as the kidnapper confronts the two, and they get into it ridiculously fast. Sasuke blocks the first few shuriken, but not the kunai Rain of Death. Sakura cries out and runs to him. Back to the kidnapper, he threatens to kill Moegi if he doesn't get the scroll, but Naruto is content to let him do whatever murder he likes on the bundle of straw. SUBSTITUTION! Also Clone Jutsu! Naruto acts like a suprisingly well-oiled machine to bag and tag the kidnapper, but the ninja substitutes himself with a boulder.

Over to Sakura mourning over Sasuke, the ninja gloats she's not ready for the tournament, but Sakura shocks the hell out of me. She knows, as we did, he'd never invite her for a walk, or even say 'hey' in the morning. I respectfully retract my 'kind of dim' statement. She's already seen through all his genjutsu, and bold as brass walks through his illusionary attack. Go, girl! Her dander's up! Well, a bit. We'll mark it down to two steps forward, one step back for our girl. The real Sasuke simply beats the hell out of his ninja. One of the identical ninja meets Kakashi on a rooftop, revealing himself to be Iruka. He admits they've gotten stronger, and that all nine kids passed the prelim. I wonder if they just made Choji go without lunch and would pass him if he made it.

Jump-cut to target practice, and three NEW ninja kids are talking about the ninja exam. Their token girl is good with kunai, (REALLY good) and we finally lay eyes on the bug-eyed kid. Next day, Squad Seven meets, none the worse for wear, save maybe Sakura. Outside the third floor exam room, the new kids are trying to get inside, but some jerky Leaf Village ninja who can't be that much older them smack around the bug-eyed kid and the knife girl for trying. The kids are apparently younger than Squad Seven, too young according to the guards because the Exam is brutal, people die, harsh-cakes. Squad Seven shows up, and Sasuke isn't having with anything keeping him from the exam room. There's a nice moment where he compliments Sakura knowing everything about everything about Genjutsu, and even Naruto knows it's an illusion - they're on the second floor. One of the guards throws a non-illusionary kick, which Sasuke reciprocates, but they're both blocked out of nowhere by the bug-eyed kid who Wally Wests his way between them.

He introduces himself as Rock Lee, immediately zeroing in on Sakura, asking our girl out. The thumb's up and twinkle in his smile immediately endear me to Rock Lee. Sakura refuses, hilariously stunned, citing Rock Lee came on too strong. Hah! Rock Lee's buddy, the guy with eyes like Hinata, asks after Sasuke but he's usual non-forthcoming self. Naruto joins Rock in dejection. We find out Rock's squad is led by somebody named Guy, as the jerky ninja guards turn out to be jerky ninja proctors. Sasuke reflects on the badasses in the exam, with Gaara looming over them all.

Next Episode: Rock Lee is weird and wants to scrap with Naruto!

Chapter 20 - A New Chapter Begins: The Chunin Exam!

2008-12-23T04:58:00.000-08:00

A bright day and bouncy music start us off, and we get to see how Naruto starts his day. After the morning slog, our boy's ready to go! Mach five! Sakura and Sasuke're hanging around on a bridge waiting for Naruto, and right away we get a morning dose of awkward as the boys may have bonded over life and death struggles, but it doesn't mean they like each other very much. I feel bad for Sakura. Oh, and here's a question for you folks - what is it that Inner Sakura says at the end of each diatribe? 'Cause my subtitles say 'Cha!' and that's not it. Linguistic matters aside, Kakashi is late like always, this time claiming he got lost. Hee. Naruto immediately starts in on wanting more exciting missions, and like I said, you'd think he'd learn. What Naruto really wants is a chance to get out from under his own sense of owing his life to Sasuke, complete with really humorous imaginings of just how that'd go down.

Today's mission: pulling weeds. If that's the caliber of missions Naruto gets, no wonder he wants to do something more exciting. Wanting to outdo Sasuke, he pulls out everything and gets beaten up by a matronly ninja housefrau for his trouble. Then it's on to community service, as Squad Seven have to pick up garbage from the local river while Kakashi reads the next thrilling chapter in Make-Out Paradise. Naruto slips up and gets sucked away down the river, but Sasuke saves him from going over the waterfall. Hah! Now: Ninja dog-walking! While Sasuke and Sakura pick small dogs, Naruto gets a huge mastiff the size of a shetland point who immediately drags him into the Hidden Leaf trap-testing field. Naruto gets on Sasuke's case for being, er, awesome and Sakura's had just about enough of it. Kakashi comments that their teamwork's been crap lately. Interestingly, while he doesn't outwardly complain, Sasuke wants tougher missions, too. After Kakashi tells them to pack it in for the day, Sakura asks Sasuke if they can work on their teamwork. So THAT's what the ninja kids are aalling it these days. Sasuke blows her off, saying if she's got time to be girly over him, then she's got time to practice her jutsu. Which? Go, Sasuke. He crushes her by telling her that she's more useless on missions than Naruto. Naturally, Naruto takes this exact time to ask Sakura-on-the-edge if maybe THEY want to train together. Kakashi takes this time to wisely ninja vanish.

We don't get Sakura erupting on Naruto, but we do get him followed by a very persistent rock. It's Konohamaru! And friends from Ninja Preschool, Moegi and Udon. They're even wearing goggles to imitate Naruto! That's adorable. They ask if Naruto has time to play ninja, but he tries to beg off, wanting to train to out Sasuke Sasuke. Sakura staggers back, still reeling from the 'not-as-good-as-Naruto' blows. Konohamaru immediately gets the hilarious wrong idea, which Naruto confirms, and thus gets cratered into a fence for his deception. Number One Grandson calls Sakura an ugly wench, and our girl looks about half a step from going Super Saiyan. The bonk on Konohamaru's head no doubt resounded throughout the village. This does mean more and more people are willing to lay hands on the kid, so I guess that's technically progress for him. The kid just does not know when to stop (much like his mentor), and Naruto and the Ninja Apple Dumpling Gang have to flee a rabid Sakura, while I die of laughter. Their flight is blocked by Konohamaru bouncing off the leg of a masked ninja, complete with kunoichi partner.

At ninja HQ, Kakashi's reporting in and Iruka asks after Naruto. Things aren't going quite as well as they may like, but Kakashi says that it does mean it'll help Naruto get as strong as Iruka. Hey! New kids I think I remember from the third episode, and they have a kunoichi teacher. Cool. They also look wore out, and their teacher seems to have her ninja sense set off. So does a cigarette-smoking ninja and his squad, Ino and her pals. Back to Konohamaru, the (I now realize) face-painted ninja has poor kid up by his collar, and I notice they're not Leaf ninja. Sakura apologizes and Naruto yells at him to put Konohamaru down. The masked ninja's already kind of a bastard, wanting to bully Naruto. Our boy's temper finally snaps, but a charge at the ninja is stopped by some odd jutsu. Sakura finally stifles the not-helping Naruto, but the ninja just won't let the little kid go. He pulls back for a punch, changing the focus of the show from cruelty to animals to cruelty towards children, but he's stopped a well-thrown rock. Sasuke to the rescue! Sakura marks out, and I indulge her. The foreign kunoichi comments he's pretty cute. Down, girl. Sakura, Moegi and Udon immediately form the cornerstone of Sasuke's fan club, and Konohamaru thinks he picked the wrong idol to hero worship. The foreign ninja calls out Sasuke, unwrapping the... thing he has on his back, apparently called Crow. The ninja, Kankaro, is stopped by a dead-eyed red-headed kid named Gaara who's calmly standing on the underside of a branch, and even Sasuke doesn't know how in the heck Gaara pulled off being that stealthy.

Meanwhile, there's a council meeting of Jonin with the Hokage, because Big Things are afoot. It's time for something, and whatever it is, Kakashi thinks it's pretty sudden. The Hokage declares that in a week, the Chunin Exam will begin! I already think Squad Seven has an advantage - all the other kids were picking up litter and finding cats and whatnot. No contest.

Next Episode: Nothing says test prep like foiling a kidnapping!

Episode 19 - Demon in the Snow

2008-12-22T05:15:00.000-08:00

Jumping right in, Zabuza's questioning why Gato showed up with an army. Gato says it's more cost-effective to hire Rogue Ninja that real shinobi, and if you off your Rogue Ninja, then you don't have to pay them at all. This sparks a truce between Kakashi and Zabuza. Gato gets in a bit of payback on Haku's corpse for breaking the crimeboss' arm earlier, and disappointed to find Haku already corpsefied. Naruto's pissed off, and demands to know why Zabuza isn't, but since Haku is dead the Mist Demon doesn't see the point. Haku was just a tool, like Zabuza says all real shinobi are, and he has no regrets with how things have shaken down. Naruto shakes off Kakashi's attempt to calm him down, still wanting Zabuza's head on a platter. The poor kid just can't wrap around the devotion Zabuza inspired in Haku, and how Zabuza can't care at all now that he's dead. It prompts Zabuza to shed a few tears. Dang. Zabuza drops his mask, admitting that the ideal emotionless shinobi state may not exist, and calls for Naruto's kunai. The rogue ninja catches it in his teeth and dashes at the goon squad, and already I'm not liking their chances. Zabuza goes on a murder spree with the freaking blade in his mouth, and breaks through to go to Gato. Awesome visual effect of Zabuza running at Gato, who gets the knife in his chest. Zabuza gets about a half a dozen in his back. Zabuza's going to take Gato to hell with him, slicing him up and knocking him off the bridge. The GatoCo corporate structure now has a large opening.

The ronin are freaked out as Zabuza makes an attempt to reach Haku, but can't manage more than a few steps before finally succumbing to his wounds. Naruto tries to look away, but Kakashi makes him look, and understand what's just happened. Sasuke slowly comes to, and finds a weeping ninja maiden on his chest. "Sakura... you're heavy." HAH! She then tearfully hugs Sasuke, probably driving a few needles deeper in, but we can forgive our girl in this instance. She's really happy Sasuke's still alive, and so is Naruto, and finally gets that nothing Haku did was lethal. One of the dimmer thugs rallies the troops to take away the money-stealing ninja, and for a minute I think we might get a solid fight with the mooks. It's broken up by Inari's crossbow bolt, as he and the townsfolk arrive on the scene. Naruto helps with Shadow Clone Jutsu, and so does his mentor (Kakashi Version!). The goons have what you might say lost their nerve, and beat feet before the triumphant townsfolk.

Zabuza, nearly dead, asks Kakashi a favor, wanting to see Haku's face one last time. Kakashi carries him to Haku's body as a snow starts to fall for both the rogue ninjas. "At the very least, I can be by your side at the end." I think this might be the most touching villain death I've seen short of Darth Vader's. His hand on Haku's cheek, the Mist Demon finally passes. Outside the village, Sakura asks if things really should be like Zabuza and Haku said. Ninja are tools, Kakashi says, but Naruto doesn't by it. Sasuke asks Kakashi what he thinks, but he's sort of evasive. Naruto boldy says he's going to seek his own Way of the Ninja, without that emotionless tool crap. The townsfolk are wishing Squad Seven a fond farewell, and everybody's going to miss everbody else. Both Naruto and Inari struggle to be the first not to cry (even though it's okay this time), with Naruto punking out first in a delightful moment. Much building of bridges, of all kinds, and Tazuna's decided on a name for their new bridge - The Naruto Great Bridge. Heh!

As they leave, Naruto talks about all the things he's going to do (eat ramen and brag), Sakura asks Sasuke out (DENIED!), and Naruto offers to go in his place (DENIED! Also punching!). Closing out, Tazuna says that calling it the Naruto Bridge is just getting in on the ground floor - that name's going to be big one day.

Next Episode: Naruto still wants exciting missions. You'd think he'd learn. Also, the dead-eyed ninja kid!

Episode 18 - The Weapon Known As Shinobi

2008-12-21T06:21:00.000-08:00

No recaps! We start with Inari running his little heart out, set to join Naruto and the others on the bridge. He sensibly takes the time to try and rally the villagers first, but the first guy he asks, Giichi, doesn't want any part of it. Inari's rediscovered his fighting spirit, but that's not exactly widespread in this village that won't. Inari doesn't take the rejection well, now re-determined to live by his step-dad's ideals. Giichi's wife calls him on the carpet for not going. Inari's attempt at forming an angry mob have less than successful results, as apparently all the heroes in the village are either small children or ninjas from Hidden Leaf.

It's back to Kakashi and Zabuza, and I once again mark out a little in my heart for the adorable Ninja Dogs. Kakashi goes over Zabuza's botched coup, and we're back to Zabuza abou to get fried by Kakashi's awesome Lightning Blade Chakra attack. The interesting thing is Zabuza really is as idealistic as Kakashi, his ideals are just horrible and violent and amoral. Speaking of ideals, Haku's still on Naruto about killing him for failing Zabuza. Naruto laments the fact, if only things were different, they might've been friends. He goes for his kunai holster and charges at Haku, and the latter looks disturbingly content. Oh, hey! Sakura and Tazuna. They catch a glimpse of Kakashi and Zabuza, though they're not sure which is which, unable to see that one of them is covered in canines. Haku suddenly blocks Naruto before he can finish the femmey tracker, and then vanishes. Kakashi goes to hit the Lightning Blade and SUBSTITUTION! Haku took the blow meant for Zabuza, and he took all of it. Everything goes silent. Brutal.

Inari's ready to go to the bridge himself, and is armoring up, complete with a pot for a helmet and a cute little crossbow. Tsunami wants to stop him, of course, but Inari's doing it for everybody - himself, his dad, the whole village. Fortunately, everybody in the village finally found a pair and is outside to meet him. On the bridge, Naruto turns to notice Haku having taken Kakashi's blow. Haku's done his job, and Zabuza moves to take them both at once, and this is feasible since Kakashi's hand is stuck inside Haku's body. Harsh. Kakashi still manages to dodge, Haku not managing to weigh the Copy Ninja down. Sakura takes the time to ask about Sasuke, and it's all Naruto can do not to break down crying. Tazuna offers to go with Sakura, in a nice moment. She takes Sasuke lacerated and corpsified about as well as you might imagine, though Tazuna tells her she doesn't need to hold back, this is a time to grieve. Sakura starts in about how she aced all the tests at Ninja Academy, memorized all the rules, and all of that, and Rule #25 is to never show emotion, always hold back. With that, she breaks down and I'm nursing a punch in the gut.

So that the show's viewing audience won't have to be put on anti-depressants, we cut back to Kakashi and Zabuza. Some adorable Ninja Dogs would cheer me right up, but I don't think it's meant to be. Zabuza looks and acts like he's on his last legs, and Kakashi just looks pissed. He blocks Kakashi's charge with an awesome offhanded backfist, and then follows it up with another. Kakashi ducks a slash, appearing behind the Mist Demon with his hand on his throat. Kakashi's other hand is busy with a pair of kunai that'll soon find a new home in Zabuza's corpse. Zabuza tries to take Kakashi with him, so Kakashi plants a knife in his arm and backsprings away. It's now Gato shows up to inspect the proceedings, and he brought the Army of 10,000 Vagrant Ronin with him. Whew.

Next Episode: Haku's dead. Zabuza's a bastard.

Episode 17 - White Past: Hidden Ambition

2008-12-20T18:37:00.000-08:00

Action time! Nuclear kitsune! There's a really awesome visual effect they use for Naruto snarling. Scared out of his wits, Haku lobs some needles at Demon Naruto, who repels them through sheer effort of being majorly pissed off. Smashing mirrors isn't a problem for Naruto anymore, and after a totally sweet leaping/spinning dodge by Naruto and his last attempt at finishing the kid off bombs, Haku finally decides to get the hell out of Dodge. He gets about two steps before Naruto grabs Haku by the wrist and volcanoes the ice mirrors away. According to Kakashi, the seal on the Demon Fox isn't broken, but it's definitely got a leak sprung. He also does some awesome scroll-fu, which I thought initially was for Naruto. The Copy Ninja offers to let their next move settle things, and Zabuza accepts. It looks like Naruto's next move might settle things, too. He hits Haku with a devastating hand-on-fire right, so badass we get multiple viewpoints so we know how hard it is. Naruto runs at the Femme Boy, ready to make him dead, but he... can't, and appears to be all Demon Foxed out. He does land a nice frustrated haymaker on Haku that is somewhat satisfying.

Haku can't believe that between Naruto going atomic and killing Sasuke he can't kill Haku. According to Haku, Naruto's taken away his reason to live - Zabuza, whom he bound his life to protect. Haku lost his parents, farmers from the Land of Water, when he was small. Things were going well, until "the" civil war made people with Kekkei Genkai bad insurance risks. The Ninja Medieval Witch Trials, if you will. Haku's father killed his mother (where Haku gets his talen from), and tried to do the same to Haku. I hope Sakura's parents are decent, because so far if you have a mom and dad in this show you might be better off an orphan. Haku's father got his, though, in the form of giant ice stalagmites through various parts of his body. They connect then, Naruto and Haku, both knowing what it's like to never matter to anyone, until they did. For Naruto, it was Iruka and for Haku, Zabuza. I won't lie to you, folks, I sniffed a little. Having come to terms with not being the tool Zabuza wants, he asks Naruto to finish it.

It's time for some new Jutsu, in this case an Earth Summons, but Zabuza's pretty dismissive about it. That proves to be a mistake, because Kakashi just summons attack dogs out of the ground. "Those are my adorable Ninja Dogs," says Kakashi. HA! Even Kakashi being cut up by Zabuza was part of the ploy, and I literally cannot keep the smile off my face. "The fog has lifted. And the future is... death." Kakashi's really knocking it out of the park today. Literally dogpiled, we get some background on Zabuza: he attempted a coup, which didn't work and so he had to flee to the carefree lifestyle of a Rogue Ninja. We get a jutsu that Kakashi didn't copy, and it's called Lightning Blade, and it is already hardcore. Thugging for goons like Gato is no life for the ninja, Kakashi says, and offers him a chance to give up. If Zabuza's mouth wasn't wrapped, I'm sure he'd spit. Instead he just refuses. Back to Naruto, while his sensei's ready to end one life, Naruto still can't bring himself to end Haku's. He doesn't get Haku's total dedication to Zabuza, who we see was actually kind of fatherly to Haku (albeit probably in a hardcore rough-and-tumble rogue ninja sort of way). No purpose left, Haku asks Naruto to make it quick.

Next Episode: Something happens, with much sad faces and tinkly piano music.

Episode 16 - The Broken Seal

2008-12-19T13:26:00.000-08:00

We start with Sakura's scream rousing Sasuke and Naruto, though the latter isn't doing much moving per se. The cry of his crush object brings Naruto back to his feet, we get a Chakra-charge, and Naruto tries to find a way out of the ice cage but gets ice-needled for his efforts. Things look pretty grim for our heroes, with Haku ready to end things. Sasuke reminds us that he will do Great Things, and parries all of Haku's needles with one of his own. Haku throws even more needles, and Sasuke blocks most of them while covering Naruto. Naruto is irritated at this turn of events, so irritated he passes out. Haku's duly impressed by Sasuke's speed and ninja sense, but also reckons that the kid's just about at his limit. The kid's got depths, though - Sasuke focuses through Haku's mirror feint and saves Naruto and himself from pointy death. Haku can't believe it, and can't believe it even more when he notices that Sasuke has a little Sharingan of his own going on. Haku knows the longer the Kekkei Genkai goes, the more it goes in Sasuke's favor with the Sharingan active. I really hope the guy Sasuke wants to kill isn't actually Kakashi. Sasuke's stunned when Haku pulls a fast one and goes for Naruto instead.

Outside of the land of ice mirrors, Zabuza taunts Kakashi for that whole 'devoted to others' nonsense, having sliced him up good. In accordance with Vime's Law, Zabuza is a Bad Man and thus gloats his ass off. Sakura's worried about Sasuke, instead of everybody else's neck, and it'll be nice when Inner Sakura can start punching people. Kakashi tells her not to worry, re-iterating from earlier why Naruto and Sasuke are awesome. When Kakashi name-drops Sasuke's clan, even Zabuza calls it 'tragic.' Whoa. Kakashi charges into the mist.

Sasuke's all battered, but still has the energy to complain at Naruto, and this is already a theme. Naruto is stunned that Sasuke protected him, and so is Sasuke. Still, I guess he could be might have some fondness for his first kiss. Heh. Naruto flips out over this, I think maybe because it was mostly instinct for Sasuke to do the hero-thing. The Uchina's pincushion collapses into Naruto's arms, Sasuke saying he vowed not to die before he killed his brother (so probably not Kakashi, good) and telling the Knucklehead Kninja not to die either. Haku finally comes to, and his views on people dying are unsuprising. This only serves to piss Naruto off even more, and something... strange starts to happen. A swirling pillar of fire starts to surround Naruto, and he's clearly him his Limit Break. Haku's about to flip his shit, Naruto's got the gravelly voice going, there's flying debris, he regenerates his wounds and even goes one further and starts to wolf out a bit. The Demon Fox rears its head in the flames, and everybody's about to lose it, particularly Kakashi because he's the only one who knows what's going on. Naruto's literally gone magic Demon Fox feral. Holy shit.

Next Episode: DEMON FOX!

Episode 15 - Zero Visibility: The Sharingan Shatters

2008-12-18T05:47:00.000-08:00

Amusing sidenote: The Hulu summary starts off with 'Kakashi realizing time is of the essence.' We may all now enjoy a good chuckle.

Sakura cheers from the sidelines, but Kakashi stops her, as neither of the boys need encouragement to do anything dumb. Kakashi says they're just not a match for Haku, since Haku's ready to kill and they aren't. Zabuza calls Leaf Village the hippy ninja village, so I guess they really are the nice ninjas. Our Copy Ninja decides he's got to put Zabuza down quick if he's going to be any help to the boys, so goes for Sharingan straight away. Zabuza tries to nip it in the bud by stabbing out Kakashi's eye. Harsh. The Mist Demon comments that a secret ninja technique shouldn't be observed so much, but Kakashi counters that it's okay, Zabuza's the only one who's seen it twice. Kakashi? Badass. The rogue ninja says that even if Kakashi manages to put Zabuza away, there's no chance for even the former to stop Haku. Zabuza's been brutally training up Haku since Haku was a g... boy, and now he's not even that, he's simply a Shinobi. Throw in the Kekkei Gankai and Haku's a killing machine.

Inside the mirror cage, Naruto tries for the Shadow Clone again, which unsuprisingly Haku still manages to duck AND multi-tasks by skewering Sasuke again. This time, though, Sasuke actually managed to catch sight of Haku's trail with all the water in the mirrors. He uses the water on purpose when Naruto Shadow Clones a third time. While the kids are feeling each other out, Zabuza takes the chance to brag about Haku some more, and also let Kakashi know he didn't quite go out like the punk we thought. He had Haku observed the whole battle, and fires up his Mist Jutsu again, but I think it's even thicker this time. Kakashi has Sakura make sure to guard Tazuna, and she tells him to stay with her. He has not a single problem that.

Cage-time, and Haku knows Zabuza wants him to stop farting around. Naruto Shadow Clones a fourth time, but now when he mirror jumps, Sasuke adds his fire breath to the mix. They go for it again, and this time it slows down Haku long enough for Sasuke to tag the real him. Clever! Kakashi and Kabuza are about to throw down, but it's not going to Kakashi's plan. Zabuza's figured out that it's the eyes that are Sharingan's focus, so keep them closed and you can break the hold. I know Zabuza's supposed to be gloating about how he's got Kakashi sorted, but the way he does it just makes Kakashi seem all sorts of awesome. Kakashi points out that now Zabuza can't kill either, but that's not a problem for the rogue - he's trained to kill without seeing. In the mirrors, Sasuke's about figured Haku out, and even shows something like concern for Naruto, maybe. He barks for Naruto to try and bust his way out of the mirrors, and after a few tries, he catches Haku out of the mirrors for just a second. Sasuke wants to try a second time, and Naruto's down for it. Sasuke figures Haku's running low on Chakra, too, but this time Haku focuses on Sasuke instead of Naruto with painful results for Sasuke. Naruto gets his dose off needle medicine too, because Haku is an equal oppurtunity assassin.

Outside, Kakashi's trying to center himself, as it's been a while since someone hit his level of awesome. When the attack doesn't come, he realizes that he's not the the target - Tazuna is. Zabuza makes for the bridge-layer, and Kakashi goes for the block. A swing of the sword, a spray of blood, Sakura screams...

Next Episode: Things are going to get worse before they get better. I'm kind of stoked for it.

Episode 14 - The Number One Hyperactive, Knucklehead Ninja Joins the Fight!!

2008-12-17T05:33:00.000-08:00

We recap for a good five, six minutes, before we get back to the bridge fight. While Sakura and Tazuna are impressed by Naruto's dramatic entrance, Kakashi and Sasuke are less so. Zabuza goes to end the series early with some shuriken thrown at Naruto, but Haku knocks them out of the air with some thrown needles. Kakashi has to give Naruto a referesher on why ninja should be stealthy, like why calling out your jutsu in front of your vastly superior opponent isn't such a good idea. Haku asks Zabuza for permission to deal with the boys in his own way, without the latter helping. Sasuke, still stuck in the mirrors, ponders why on earth Haku's just playing with him. Kakashi looks about ready to help out his charge, but Zabuza reminds him that if he even thinks about it, he'll geek both Tazuna and probably Sakura for kicks. There's no way our girl can stop Zabuza, unless perhaps he made a pass at Sasuke or accidentally groped her. Then he might be in for it.

Naruto's really upset that ninja are deceptive. Sigh. Haku's nicer than I would be, telling Naruto to not take it personally, and still manages to duck a kunai from Sasuke. At least he remembers you ought to be sneaky. Haku's attention back on Sasuke, he goes to finish things with Leaf Village's Number One Rookie. We're back to Game of Death, with Sasuke not knowing which mirror has the real Haku, and gets another needle storm. Sasuke doesn't have Clue One about how Haku's pulling this trick off, though everybody starts to reason that the mirrors may be more important than the reflections. Naruto boldly proclaims he's going to save Sasuke... right next to Sasuke, having appeared, Bugs Bunny-like, inside the mirror trap next to his comrade. Hee. The boys start to bicker, before Sasuke remembers he can breathe fire. It doesn't work as well as one might think, since this is still early in the series. Haku Chakra-blasts the boys back from the mirrors. Naruto Shadow Clones in an attempt to bop the real Haku, but he just starts mirror jumping and makes Naruto look like a tool.

Kakashi identifies this as Kekkei Genkai, a genetic ninja trait. Neat. He can't copy it, because it's on the cellular level. Interesting. I wonder if Naruto's strength comes from that, or just from the Demon Fox, or both? Naruto's about had it with getting beaten down so, and yells that not even this is going to get in the way of his dream. We flashback to when Haku didn't even have a dream besides a fully belly, when he first met Haku. Zabuza figures out that's a guy way before we do, and takes time out of his day to mock the kid before realizing there's Something To Him. Back on the bridge, Haku says this fight is part of his dream, the same way everyone else is here for theirs, and for that he'll kills his feelings and end Naruto and Sasuke if they don't back down as we fade out.

Next Episode: Naruto's figured out how to break the mirror!

Episode 13 - Haku's Secret Jutsu: Crystal Ice Mirrors

2008-12-16T07:41:00.000-08:00

Mild recappage brings back to the ninja standoff on the bridge. The crew is highly irritated by Haku's appearance with Zabuza. Sasuke doesn't like boys who pass themselves off as gir-- I mean, kids who think they're so cool, and offers to take Haku down. Sakura thinks that's really cool. Kakashi sighs. Haku's impressed Sasuke clipped the Water Clones, and tornadoes in for an attack. Meanwhile, Gato's thugs slice their way into Tazuna's house, cornering Tsunami, who threatens to kill herself so they don't take Inari as a hostage. I am somewhat confused at how that works, since then they could just take Inari as a hostage, but it's nice to see Tsunami butch up. Apparently their hearts were set on Tsunami as hostage du jour, so they take her deal. Inari's so upset, he flashbacks to Naruto's not-entirely inappropriate condemnation from last episode, and that plus memories of Kazai puts enough steel in the kid's spine t go after his mom. Go, Inari! Inari goes for an all-out banzai charge on the thugs.

On the bridge, Haku offers to not kill Sasuke, pointing out that things are even less in his favor than he thinks. Trick number one (complete with a one-handed sign, which even Kakashi hasn't seen before) is Hidden Jutsu: One Thousand Needles of Death! Haku prepares to bring down a hard rain while Sasuke gathers up some of that Chakra goodness. Tazuna's house: SUBSTITUTION! Naruto prevents Inari from getting all sliced up, having double-backed after noticing the trail left by Gato's boys. The thugs don't stand a chance against some Shadow Clone goodness. Naruto really was just like a ninja then!

Bridge: Haku rains down hard water needles, but Sasuke's able to dodge them, plus out-speed Haku on all fronts with a vicious kick to the face on our masked antagonist. Kakashi mildly points out that, hey, Squad Seven has it going on. Sasuke's the number one rookie in the Village, Sakura's the brightest, and Naruto is loud and none-too-bright, but darn it, he's the best there is at that. Speaking of Naruto, we cut back to him apologizing for being harsh on Inari, which makes the little kid burst out crying again, which upsets Inari even more. It's okay if it's happy tears, Naruto says, before bounding off for the bridge. It's tough being a hero, indeed.
Zabuza mocks Haku a bit, but the latter's not out of tricks yet. He pulls another stunt with the water on the bridge, Hidden Jutsu: Crystal Ice Mirrors, which he promptly surrounds Sasuke is. Kakashi's never seen the like. Haku merges into one of the mirrors, and Sasuke's in his own mini-version of Game of Death. Zabuza cuts off Kakashi from helping Sasuke, who immediately gets the worst of it from Haku. He starts julienning Sasuke from every which way, thanks to the mirrors. Heavy guitar and drums! Sakura bolts forward, in a bold display of initative, lobbing a kunai for Sasuke to catch. INTERCEPTION BY HAKU! A for effort, though. Even though he catches Sakura's kunai, he doesn't catch a thrown shuriken unless you count upside his head. It's Naruto time, you odd femme ninja!

Next Episode: More funky ice mirror stuff!

Episode 12 - Battle on the Bridge! Zabuza Returns!!

2008-12-15T05:41:00.000-08:00

Zabuza's bedroom, and Haku makes himself even more girly, letting down his hair and putting on a lovely frock to go pick leaves while a a bird lands on her shoulder, Disney-esque. While out, she spies Naruto all passed out, still not able to climb that damn tree. We are briefly teased with a very short series when Haku reaches out to him. At the Tazuna house, Sakura staggers downstairs for her morning tea, in a manner shockingly similar to mine own. Squad Seven and Tazuna's family talk about Naruto staying out all night, with Sakura and Sasuke both extremely dismissive (and Sakura is blase' about him being dead, which? Cold, girl). Kakashi says he may not look like it, and he doesn't, but Naruto's actually a full-fledged ninja and he'll be okay. Naturally, the next scene is Haku still crouched over Naruto's unconscious form, hand at his throat. He wakes Naruto up, and they chat for a bit. Haku slyly stokes Naruto's ego by asking if he's a ninja, and that he looks strong enough to him. Naruto says got something to prove, so he's got to get even stronger, and not just for himself, for somebody.

We get a flashback to when Haku was a tiny boy who looked like a girl, instead of a teenage boy who looks like a girl. It's cold and snowy, a very ninja Dickensian vibe. Haku backhands a dog trying to feed her puppies, continuing the show's sudden emphasis on cruely to animals. The flashback ends right when Haku sees Zabuza for the first time, and he tells Naruto that only way to get stronger is to do it for somebody else, and Naruto is hip. He also drops the, "By the way, I'm a guy" bombshell, and Naruto makes the exact same face we all did when we found out. "That can't be! He's cuter than Sakura." Hee. Sasuke passes Haku in the forest, which sets off Sasuke's ninja sense. Kakashi and Sakura go looking for them both, to find that Naruto's finally mastered climbing that darn tree. He even ninja punks them, which backfires because Naruto. Sasuke catches him and Sakura swoons. Kakashi's impressed, since for them this really is progress. Elsewhere, Inari mopes and Zabuza crushes an apple to prove he's healthy.

Naruto and Sasuke finally decide they've had enough fun with trees, and make their way back to Tazuna's house. He says the bridge is almost complete, and asks why they stuck around even though Tazuna played them. Kakashi says that it was the right thing to do, and that it was how the Hokage rolled, which I think means the fourth one. Little Inari calls BS on it, and he can probably be forgiven since he saw his dad martyred in the center of town. No matter how awesome the ninja, Inari thinks they ain't nuthin' but nuthin' against Gato's crew (and he hasn't even seen Zabuza). His rant finally hits the magic "You don't know anything about pain" button on Naruto, who gets on him for being a drama queen before stalking out. Inari's depressed on the dock, when Kakashi comes out for a friendly big brother-type chat, in what's a really nice moment for me. He points out the similarities 'tween the kid and Naruto, particularly parental loss, but that Naruto never ever lets himself feel defeated, and Inari's had a lot that Our Hero hasn't. It seems to hit home with Inari. Really nice scene.

Kakashi and Squad Seven leave Naruto passed out at home while they head over to the bridge, and at the same time Gato's on Zabuza's case for finishing off Tazuna and company. He erupts out of the bedroom when he wakes, desperate to catch up with Kakashi, and whilst tree-hopping notices a boar that's been cut up right well. Gato's enforcers, the hip-hop ronin, prowl around outside Tazuna's house with only Tsunami and Inari home. Mist Jutsu surrounds the people on the bridge, who've found all the workers unconscious. Zabuza's voice mocks Kakashi and the kids, particularly Sasuke's shaking. Sasuke: "I'm trembling with... excitement." The Mist Ninja's taken aback by such a badass line from Sasuke, as am I, and at Kakashi's nod ends the lives of a half-dozen of Zabuza's water clones. With Sasuke being able to tell which ones are Water Clones, the real Zabuza and Haku step forward to end things.

Next episode: Inari vs. the Hip Hop Ronin! Sasuke vs. Haku!

Episode 11 - The Land Where a Hero Once Lived

2008-12-14T07:59:00.000-08:00

Bridge-building! Sakura looks bored out of her skull, but she can be smug because she's the only one who actually doesn't have to train. One of Tazuna's buddies mopes up to him, asking if it's okay if he can quit, and if maybe they ought to call off the whole bridge thing altogether. Tazuna says this bridge is their bridge, okay? It's going to get built, no matter what. He taes pity on the guy, telling him he doesn't have to come back tomorrow. At the forest, Naruto and Sasuke still haven't gotten the hang of the whole tree-climbing thing, which means Naruto probably didn't pay too close attention to Sakura. Naruto keeps trying, because he doesn't want Sasuke to beat him, and Sasuke keeps trying but he's too cool for us to hear his internal monologue as to why.

The village, by the way, is as run-down as you might expect from being in the clutches of a ruthless shipping magnate. Sakura notes the grocery store isn't nearly as well stocked as the ninja grocery store back home. A hapless goof tries to nick her pack, and but fondles her accidentally (the first time I've used THAT phrase, let me tell you). Sakura spin-kicks some teeth out of the unfortunate faux-lecher, in what is her first solid offensive maneuver in the show, and we're eleven episodes in. And it's for comedy. I'm not dwelling or anything. It happens again as they walk home, and Sakura's about to leap into action but instead it's a cute little moppet who wants candy. Sakura's all girly over it. Tazuna says the village's been on such hard times ever since Gato came to town, and I do kind of wonder how driving the village to destitution is profitable. Not to overthink it, but a scene or two of how Gato was making it rich wouldn't go amiss.

More fun with ninjas, and despite Sasuke winning, Naruto is catching up to him. Finally he decides to remember what Sakura told him, proving my point from the first paragraph. Sasuke asks Naruto for whatever help Sakura gave him, but gets denied in what's a pretty funny scene, complete with an elephant trumpeting for humorous sting. I love it. Dinner-time! Naruto and Sasuke are shoveling their faces, then stop long enough to glare at each other, then puke their
guts out. This is an awfully scatalogical show about ninjas. Purging and eating done, Sakura comments on a torn picture in the dining room, the missing bit being what Inari was crying over early on. It was Inari's step-dad, and his being mentioned casts what could understatedly be called a pall over the proceedings.

We flashback to see Inari was a happy kid, once, despite bullies threatening him, trying to drown his dog, and then almost making him drown when they kick him into the water. Yes, Inari was a happy child once. Inari can't swim, although the dog suddenly learns to dog-paddle and saves himself. Fortunately, a kindly stapping fisherman arrives in time to save Inari. There's much bonding and life lessons imparted, mostly along the lines of don't look back, fight for what you hold dear, and all that. His name was Kaiza, and immediately everybody likes him. Naruto thinks this story's pretty cool, which is a neat moment. Then comes Kaiza's Big Damn Hero moment, where he swims in flooding waters to help pull a broken levy back together, and that is pretty badass. It doesn't last, because these things don't. Kaiza tries to stand up to Gato when the latter makes his play for the island, and gets made an example of. This leads to Kaiza's crucifixtion in the town square, which I suppose is appropriate because Inari did ask if he was God earlier. Inari watches his dad die, and then and there Inari decides all this hero nonesense is just that. Naruto, making himself even more likeable, decides to prove to Inari that they can fix their problems and that there are heroes, despite being barely able to move.

Episode 10 - The Forest of Chakra

2008-12-13T06:03:00.001-08:00

We open to Kakashi camped out in bed, all tuckered out from using the Sharingan. Kakashi apologizes for being a badass, but he is forgiven, and goes into detail about how Tracker Ninjas are the clean-up crews of the shinobi world. They don't even leave a corpse. Zabuza's corpse, however, is alive and well as the Fake Tracker Ninja watches him sit up and pull the needles out of his neck. He takes her mask off, and STILL A GIRL. Only not. Like Kakashi, Zabuza's pretty exhausted, but promises the next time Sharingan's not going to save anybody.

Back at Tazuna's house, Kakashi's ninja sense tingles like mad. I wonder what about? They go over the inconsistencies in the Tracker Ninja's method of operation - why would he take the body, why would he use medical needles on Zabuza, etc. Kakashi figures this means Zabuza's still alive and kicking, which freaks out Naruto and Company. Naruto gets over it quick, because Our Hero wants a rematch. Kakashi decides to get them ready with some more training. Sakura complains that even [i]with[/i] training, they're no match for the Rogue Mist Ninja, but Kakashi points out that they've all grown. And it's true! Sakura has gotten better at... the... thing. A small child with a Greek fisherman's cap enters and proclaims them all worm food, automatically being more defeatist than Sakura. Naruto proclaims himself a super hero who's going to be an awesome ninja, which I myself did at 12. The kid, Inari, follows the wisdom of The Stranglers and says 'no more heroes anymore.' Naruto stomps upstairs to give the kid a piece of his mind, and finds the kid bawling over a picture, which puts a damper on things.

Training time! We get a refresher course on Chakra from Sakura, who is the only one who paid attention in class. There's two kinds - the kind your body makes and the kind you get from training. Naruto gets his, I will speculate, from the Demon Fox inside his stomach. Sasuke, being Demon Fox free as far as I know, I would think just gets his from his body. Is being an awesome ninja genetic? None of the kids know a darn thing about using Chakra, despite being able to breathe fire and make Shadow Clones and whatnot. Kakashi says they have to learn to regulate, and it's difficult, intensive training. Of the tree-climbing kind. Ah, but this is ninja tree-climbing, which means you can't use your hands or those cool climbing claws. You've gotta use your Chakra to Spider-Man your way up the trunk. If they can master this harder-than-it-looks trick, they can master anything. The kids focus, Naruto automatically assuming he'll get the furthest because he's grown the most. He gets a step and a half before landing on his head. Hee. Sasuke gets 3/4ths of the way up the tree, cratering the bark before he's got to vault off. Sakura... makes it all the way? What's this? Our girl being the best at something? If only it'd last. Kakashi amusingly twists the knife on Sasuke and Naruto, but inner-monologues that they've got way more potential than Sakura.

We jump to Zabuza's bedroom, where Boss Gato and his thugs, who look like hip-hop ronin, barge in to mock Zabuza for getting his tail kicked. Fake Tracker Ninja isn't having any of that, making Gato's goons look like rank NPCs. His (HER) name is Haku, and they briefly ruminate that's it not time to supplant Gato, but I hope they do. The thought of an intercontinental shipping concern run by evil ninja is awesome.

Squad Seven's training again, with both the boys getting higher and higher, Naruto once again continuing on his path to multiple concussions. They're all pretty tired at this point, even Sakura. Wait, didn't she already ace this excercise? Practice makes perfect, I guess. All those blows to the head must have jarred loose some common sense in Naruto, as he actually goes to ask Sakura's help. Nice, Naruto. Kakashi looks forward to Naruto hitting his potential as we end the episode.

Episode 9 - Kakashi: Sharingan Warrior

2008-12-12T05:43:00.000-08:00

Remember Naruto's awesome feint? Good! His thrown knife wasn't meant for Zabuza, it was meant to free Kakashi. Glad to see the kids displaying some common sense! Zubochi's about to hurl Sasuke's shuriken back at Naruto, but Kakashi blocks it [i]bare-handed[/i] and looks all kinds of pissed. Naruto gets due props, and we get unncessary recaps on why. Kakashi's lesson teamwork has maybe hit home? At any rate, he tells Zubochi that the same schtick won't work twice on him, because Kakashi is a badass. Zubochi tries to grind the shuriken into Kakashi's hand, until the latter backhands it away.

It's Sharingan time! Kakashi starts copying Zabuza's new stunt, it's a doozy. [i]Summoning water dragons[/i]. Sidebar: I think I saw Kakashi do this stunt in the third [i]Naruto[/i] movie. The kids don't know what's going on, as Kakashi and Zubochi struggle 'neath their aqua-dragons. A masked figure looks on as we go into a break. Everybody's gawking at the Jonin struggle, and Zubuza's about to lose his damn mind at the fact Kakashi can literally match him move for move. It turns out that Kakashi's reading Zubochi's mind, and that would explain it. Kakashi's crazy eye spins, and we get a Water Vortex Jutsu that Zubochi knew but didn't get a chance to use yet. Genius! Zabuza goes through the spin cycle for a while, until he and Naruto wind up on shore, severely water-logged. Kakashi pins him to the tree with some kunai, and is about ready to end him, when some thrown needles do the job before Kakashi can. A chick in a mask is apparently the culprit. Kakashi makes sure he's dead, and identifies his slayer as a Tracker Ninja from Mist Village. Naruto has no idea what a Tracker Ninja is, but Sakura is hip. The Tracker Ninjas do exactly what you'd expect, and Kakashi lets me know that's a boy. Uh-huh.

Naruto starts flipping out. At first I thought it was because sh... he killed Zabuza, but instead what winds the kid up is the fey Tracker Ninja just sailing in and ending Zabuza so easy when they had such a hard time. Tracker Ninja thanks them again, then whirlwinds away with the rogue ninja's corpse. Naruto's really upset, but Kakashi tells him if he doesn't want it to happen again, then use that frustration. Kakashi takes about five steps before face-planting, because apparently Sharingan costs serious END to use. I'm going to take Kakashi's reference about their being kids younger than Naruto and stronger than Kakashi as [i]foreshadowing[/i].

Episode 8 - The Oath of Pain

2008-12-11T09:22:00.000-08:00

We return to Ninjas in the Mist, and begin with some recapping. Naruto thrills to Kakashi being a badass, but it's all for naught - it's not Zubochi Kakashi has, but yet another water clone. Kakashi manages to duck Zubochi's monstrous sword, but not a kick that punts Kakashi into the water. Zubochi takes the chance to jazz-hands up some Water Prison Jutsu, and sick his water clone on the squirts. Zubochi derides the squad, then knocks the piss out of Naruto - and also his headband off. Kakashi urges the kids to run.

Sasuke figures, rightly, running now would mean they all get killed, particularly with Naruto and Sakura both frozen. Zubochi bats away Sasuke's shuriken, and then bounces the poor kid off the ground a couple of times. Naruto takes the time to flashback on his hardcore blood-oath to never be in the exact situation he finds himself now. Emboldened, Naruto makes a mad dash at Zubochi and gets the worst of it, but he was just going back for his headband. It's awesome enough I ignore Sakura's whining at him. Naruto mocks his opponent's lack of eyebrows, and tells him that despite all objections to the contrary - it is once again [i]on[/i]. He's even got a... [i]plan[/i]. Everybody's impresed.

"Let's get wild," indeed, Naruto. Tazuna more or less fesses up to pulling their strings to get them to this point, so happily gives them permission to kick Zubochi's teeth in. Zubochi remarks when he was their age, he was already a major-league badass. The Mist Ninjas apparently are all psychopaths, as for graduation, they pair off and then try and murder each other. Zubochi took a somewhat direct approach to being top of his class, by [i]killing everyone else in it[/i], and he'd already flunked out. Brutal. Then the none-too-swift Mist Ninjas decided that their education system needed reform. I should say so.

While enjoying the trip down memory lane, Zubochi sucker-punches both Naruto and Sasuke, ending with his foot on Sasuke's chest. Naruto goes for his Shadow clone Jutsu as heavy electronic guitar and drums kick in. They dogpile Zubochi, but it doesn't bother him overtly. The clones all vanish, and Naruto ends his skid on the ground with throwing a giant shuriken to
Sasuke. This, too, is justsu. It sails past the water clone to the real Zubochi, who catches it easy - but wait, there's more! A second shuriken was hidden in the first's shadow, and boomerangs back on Zubochi! Who does a leaping dodge. Hey! That's no shuriken, that's a Naruto! He hurls a kunai as we end the episode.

Episode 7 - The Assassin of the Mist

2008-12-10T05:43:00.001-08:00

We open with an uber-misty boatride, and our first look at a combustion engine! It's turned off. They sail under Tazuna's bridge, which is a giant piece of engineering. Tazuna expounds on the problems of his land, which mainly stem from Boss Gato, a ruthless ninja-wielding businessman. Then Tazuna plays Squad Seven like a [i]fiddle[/i], going on at length about all the horrible things that'll happen if they leave. It totally works, and is pretty great. The Land of the Waves is kind of like a cross between rural Japan and Venice. Very nice design. Naruto vows to not let Sasuke do all the important stuff, so does what he does best - go ridiculously overboard, flinging kunai about with gay abandon. He successfully traumatizes a small rabbit, but the rabbit itself sets off Kakashi's awesome ninja sense.

From nowhere, Zubochi from last episode throws his ridiculously large sword and then uses it as a perch to let Squad Seven gape in awe. Zubochi knows Kakashi, or as he calls him, the Copy Ninja and remarks on Sharingan. This trips out Sasuke. Interesting. Kakashi starts to raise his eyepatch/head-band and we just might've flicked the switch to 'on.' Naruto and Sakura have no idea what Sharingan means, so I don't feel left out. Kakashi reveals his magic eye, which I can't help but notice the scar on, and it's also the kind of eye Sasuke thought about on the guy he wanted to kill. Kakashi's magic eye means he's copied a thousand ninja arts, making him Naruto's version of Taskmaster which [i]awesome[/i].

Zubochi hits the water, standing [i]on[/i] the water, and uses his jutsu to make a lot of mist. Kakashi lets us know that Zubochi is no joke - his talents revolve around clipping people quick and quiet, but does encourage the kids that if all goes wrong, they'll only die. This doesn't encourage the kids at all. Zubochi lists off all the places where he could just kill a man. Zubochi's urge to kill is an actual oppressive feeling for Sasuke, but he Kakashi chills him out a little by promising to protect him. I'm sure Sqaud Seven get the shock of their life when Zubochi appears in the middle of the kids' formation around Tazuna, and Zubochi bats them away like handballs. Kakashi's on Zubochi in an instant - but it's just the latter's water clone. The real Zubochi's on Kakashi - and [i]that's[/i] just a water clone, Zubochi's trick Kakashi saw [i]just a minute ago[/i]. "It's over," says Kakashi.

Episode 6 - A Dangerous Mission! Journey to the Land of the Waves!

2008-12-09T11:16:00.000-08:00

It's mission time for Squad Seven - co-ordinating with hands-free headsets and everything to track their target... a particularly savage housecat, owned by a matronly dowager of a nearby land. The next mission on Squad Seven's docket is similarly exciting, this one involving ninja babysitting, and Naruto throws a tantrum. Hokage lays down how what ninja(s) get what missions, and it's interesting to see that apparently all ninjas are mercenaries. Tired of Naruto, the team gets a real job! Bodyguarding! Bodyguarding the Naruto version of [i]Bob Villa[/i].
Attempts to win over Villa-san with Naruto's abundant charm fail spectacularly. Always eager for exposition, Sakura gets Kakashi to give us an infodump on what ninja villages are where. Ninja villages are equal but seperate in matters of government, apparently. Interesting. The biggest nations have a village. They're each ruled by a Kage, with a different name depending on what elemental country they're from. Sakura remarks on our Kage's awesomeness, but Inner Sakura has doubts, as does Naruto. And then Kakashi calls them all out on it. Creepy. Get out of my teeth, Kakashi-sensei!

Kakashi informs us that being a C mission, there shall be no ninja fighting, an is made a liar of immediately by a pair of shinobi with cool chain launching gauntlet things who dice Kakashi! Both Naruto and Sakura panic, though Sakura at least remembers to protect their charge, so good for her. Sasuke holds the Chain Brothers off until Kakashi off-handedly takes them out for good, with a well-timed "Yo." Kakashi's awesome. Naruto immediately stresses on not doing anything, and gets a 'scaredy cat' from Sasuke. Our orange-clad shinobi is so wound up over this. The attack on Tazuna by evil ninja triggers Kakashi's ninja sense, and he smells a rat in Tazuna. Tazuna apparently lied his funny-looking hat off to get a cheap rated mission. Kakashi contemplates cashing in his chips and going home, but it's stopped by [i]Naruto ramming a knife into his own hand.[/i]

[i]Damn.[/i]

Our boy makes a for-real blood oath to see Tazuna home safely. Kakashi points out such things are all well and good, but bleeding to death helps nobody. It's okay, though, since apparently Naruto has a healing factor thanks to the Demon Fox. Elsewhere, a short man with glasses and awful hair berates his ninja mercs for botching the job, though a ninja with an egregiously large sword puts a stop to it: Zabuza Momochi, Demon of the Hidden Mists.

Episode 5 - You Failed! Kakashi's Final Decision

2008-12-08T05:33:00.000-08:00

We open to Naruto still hanging by his angles, and Sasuke hurling stuff at Kakas-NO! It was just a log. Naruto cuts himself down to be rope-snared once again. It's Sakura's turn to play with Kakashi, and gets the shock of her life when he appears, er, ninja-like right behind her. He vanishes, only to be replaced by a badly-wounded imitation of Sasuke. Sakura passes out. Poor Sakura. It turns out that it was genjutsu, or ninja illusion magic. Sakura got lured in, but Sasuke claims he'll have none of it, being not a dizzy dame in love with Sasuke. Sasuke and Kakashi go at it again, and while the latter doesn't expect the trap Sasuke bring, it doesn't work. Sasuke displays our only under 15 core competence so far and we find it's all a feint to grab a bell. Clever! Sasuke tries fire-breathing, but it doesn't work so good and he winds up neck-deep in rock, and we're introduced to ninjutsu. Or the ninja art of being a ninja.

Naruto's bold play for lunch is interrupted by Kakashi. Sakura finds Sasuke in it up to his neck and passes out, because dizzy dame. Sasuke brings her around, and while Sakura wants to throw in the towel, Sasuke's having none of it. Only he can kill the man with funny contacts, and quitters never win. Squad Seven's given up at the bell, and Naruto and Sakura think for some reason means they win. Sakura questions this, since all she did was pass out, and I really hope that is [i]not[/i] a theme. Sasuke makes one final bell grab, but gets taken down quickly. Kakashi tries once again to drop some knowledge, but the kids are pretty thick. He has to spell it out for them before they get it. YES TEAMWORK, GOONS. THE HUBCAP WAS NEVER MAGIC IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG. [i]Sheesh.[/i]

Kakashi excellently points out specifically how [i]thick[/i] all three are, becoming my favorite character so far. And it's all for their own good, as he points out the ninja version of the Vietnam Memorial Wall. Sakura has to point out to Naruto that [i]being on the wall is not a good thing[/i]. His point made, Kakashi gives them another chance after lunch, which Naruto is banned from. His teammates finally take pity on him after Kakashi leaves to get him some grub, which is a genuinely nice moment. It's hysterically interrupted by Kakashi, who apparently knows Awesome Storm Jutsu. The squad finally come to their senses and desperately explain that they're doing what Kakashi meant all along, and he cheerfully passes them. More knowledge is dropped, and I think they [i]almost[/i] get it. Maybe next time.

I agree with Naruto. Kakashi is kinda cool.

Episode 4 - Pass or Fail: Survival Test

2008-12-07T06:00:00.000-08:00

It's time for Squad Seven to meet their teacher, and he's... late. Naruto decides to punish his teacher with a good-old fashioned prank, complete with chalkboard eraser. Sakura doesn't approve. Inner Sakura does. Hee. Their teacher arrives, to get ninja-punk'd, to the team's disbelief. He's a sleepy-eyed fellow, and immediately hates the squad. One can hardly blame him. Minor digression - I love Kakashi's character design. Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes instilled a deep, almost genetic love for mask-wearing ninjas of all kinds.

Next up is Kakashi-sensei wanting to get to know his knew batch of wunderkind. He's amusingly tight-lipped when asked about himself, and but prompts the squad to tell him about themselves. We don't learn much about Naruto and Sakura - Naruto likes ramen, and Sakura likes Sasuke. Oh, but Sasuke, who doesn't like anything, and wants to reap unholy vengeance on whomever brought the downfall of his clan. Naruto immediately suspects Sasuke means him, and troubled loners only ramp up Sakura's jonesing for him.

Kakashi takes Sasuke's vengeance-quest in stride, but I'm fairly sure that even at this early date Kakashi takes [i]everything[/i] in stride. I wondered the first time I saw this if he picked Squad Seven or was assigned, but it seems like the latter. Poor Kakashi. It's test time. The trio's up bright and early to start the test to determine whether they can stay in training, and it's a fun one. They have to de-bell Kakashi, which I am already sure is the very definition of 'harder than it looks.' There's only two bells, so somebody definitely gets sent back to Ninja Academy, and more importantly doesn't get lunch. Naruto starts it off before the bell, and gets ninja-pwned right away, to everybody's shock and all. Being a Jonin means you don't fart around. It does endear the kids to Kakashi a bit.

Sakura and Sasuke try to pick their spots with some stealth, but Naruto goes for the direct approach again. Naruto insults Kakashi's awesome hair and takes another poke at him, and gets schooled in Taijutsu, or ninja thuggery, while Kakashi reads a book called [i]Make Out Paradise[/i]. Genius. Kakashi displays a heretofore unknown jutsu:

ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH UP THE POOPER!

Cut scene to Hokage and Iruka, and we find out that Kakashi's never passed anybody during the Genin trials. We might infer that's a lot of flunked kids who got ninja-goosed. Naruto goes for the Shadow Clone Jutsu, and fakes out Kakashi in a bold move. Even Sasuke's impressed, though perhaps less so when it looks like Naruto's attacking his own clone. Naruto suspects Transformation Jutsu, which immdiately sets our hero down a path of self-abuse, literally. Turns out Kakashi trumped the Shadow Clones with Substitution Jutsu. Very handy.

One of Kakashi's bells came loose, and Naruto makes a grab for it... to be immediately rope-snared. Hee. He gets a lecture from Kakashi on Your Jutsu And You, which makes him forget he probably has some sort of knife to cut himself down with. Naruto is unreceptive to his advice, but Sasuke sees it as a chance to make his move with a barrage of throwing knives which... Kakashi doesn't duck!

Episode 3 - Sasuke and Sakura: Friends or Foes?

2008-12-06T05:38:00.000-08:00

C'mon!

A big day for Naruto, who celebrates with ramen (which probably means every day's a big day for Naruto, judging by how he goes through the stuff). Hey! It's Sakura! Our first character with living parent(s). Fancy gi in your room, Sakura. She meets another newbie kunoichi, Ino, and they rival it up all the way to the classroom, coming down to a photo-finish, but I'm not sure if they have cameras here. Naruto has a crush on Sakura, who returns the favor... for our third main character, Sasuke. Because he's quiet and unfriendly, naturally all the girls want him. He's apparently the top rookie, and Naruto's chief rival for Sakura's affections (from Naruto's viewpoint, anyway). Assorted Ninja mentors comment on Saksuke being awesome and Naruto being trouble. In a pretty hilarious scene, Naruto accidentally steals Sasuke's first kiss and faces a female-heavy lynch mob.

Now, despite graduating Ninja Academy, nobody's actually a ninja yet. Now everybody's a junior ninja, which means being broken down into three-person study groups with an instructor. Naruto gets paired with Sakura and Sasuke, thus giving us a series, as Squad Seven. Sakura gloats to Ino about being Sasuke's study partner. Ino gets stuck a smirky ninja and Bluto from [i]Animal House[/i]. Also, a pale-eyed kunoichi named Hinata actually likes Naruto, apparently. It's about time somebody did around here.

After the expected protests from all involved, they break for lunch. Naruto gets shot down by Sakura. This is perhaps the birth of a [i]theme[/i]. Ino bosses around her squad, which is easy given their winning comination of apathy and compulsive over-eating. They watch Naruto try to take his lovelorn frustrations out on Sasuke, with Naruto apparently coming out the worse for it.
Meanwhile, Sakura's watching her crush stare at her intently from across the way. Her daydream goes a little something like this:

"You... have a charmingly wide forehead. It makes me want to kiss it."
"That's what its surface area is for!"
Classic.

But wait! Is this fantasy coming true? Sasuke flatters Sakura, then asks her about Naruto. Her Naruto stance is unchanged since lunch. It's Sasuke she really wants. She leans in for a kiss with Sasuke and... hey! That's not Sasuke at all! Shadow Clone Jutsu plus, um, turning into a log put one over on Sasuke. Sakura throws herself at Narutosuke, who is all too willing to reciprocate... save for a bout of diahrrea, which interupts the proceedings and I'm sure was probably edited in the US TV version. As we all do, he reflects on a woman's rejection while on the can, and hatches a new scheme. Make Sasuke into a jerk!

The real Sasuke wanders by, and triggers an anti-Naruto spiel from Sakura. She criticizes him for... er, essentially being an orphan, and gets verbally smacked down by Sasuke, who is also an oprhan. Sakura really didn't do very good research, which is unusal for her. Everybody on Squad Seven annoys somebody else. Ew. Naruto didn't wash his hands. Ninja hygiene, people.

Naruto encounters Sasuke outside the washroom, and promptly uses Shadow Clone Jutsu to try and do away with Sasuke for good. D'oh! Bowelus interruptus! That's the kind of force multiplier you don't need. Fortunately, being a raving loon finally dissuades Sasuke from further conflict. Meanwhile, Sakura tries to make an empathy check, and almost does so, though Naruto thinks it's Sasuke in disguise. He's about to Shadow Clone her, when there's another unfortunate call of nature. Poor Naruto. Back in Naruto's room, we get the Third Hokage and a sleepy-eyed jonin named Kakashi finding the route of everyone's problem - spoiled milk. A very funny episode, and I have to admit I'll be interested to see how the three of them get along.

Episode 2 - My Name is Konohamaru!

2008-12-05T05:43:00.000-08:00

I'll take this oppurtunity to proclaim my love for the opener. (For the record, my favorite opening ever is first season Godannar.)

We open with Naruto getting the picture for his ninja license, complete with bizarre facepaint and dramatic pose. He attempts Sexy Jutsu to persuade the Hokage to use his pic, but aside from provoking the typical Evil Dead-style gusher of a nosebleed from the old guy, gets nowhere. A small child erupts into the room, wearing a scarf and being outdoing Naruto in clumsiness (though to be fair, he's about half Naruto's age, I think). Being exactly the same personality-wise, it's not too long before Naruto smacks him upside the head, apparently the first to ever lay hands on the kid, what everyone being so in awe Konoha on account of his grandpa. Konohamaru wants to be the Fifth Hokage. As does Naruto. CONFLICT! Sort of.

The fourth Hokage died with the Nine-Tailed Fox, so did the Third Hokage come out of retirement? All and sundry are worried about the kid hanging with Naruto, who is not so much a bad seed but a loud, obnoxious-seed. Honorable Grandson attempts to conscript Naruto into teaching him Real Ultimate Power, starting with Sexy Jutsu. At the chance of being called 'boss,' Naruto agrees, as would we all.

Konohamaru attempts Sexy Jutsu by copying a ninja housewife, and the results are about as good as Naruto doing anything aside from that or the clone thing. The attempt backfires, and Naruto gets backfisted. Poor Naruto. Up next is research, by way of the ninja porn store. That fails, so they attempt a bench test of the bathouse, and the true reason for Sexy Jutsu is revealed. As you might have guessed (or I did, at least), Konohamaru is Naruto's situation, except for it being totally the opposite. They bond over ninja soda.

We find out that it was the Fourth Hokage's wish for the village to not be complete dicks to Naruto, the kid who helped save their village. Since the current Hokage ruled nobody could talk about it, that didn't happen, and instead Naruto got cast as town pariah. It was here for the longest time I thought the Third Hokage's kind of a dick, but it's actually the Leaf Villagers who are full of, um, dickery. Moving on. Honorable Grandkid's uptight mentor tries to reason that Naruto's no good for him, and Konohamaru attempts his perfected Sexy Jutsu, but no! Four Eyes is having none of it, so stronger measures are called for.

Shadow Clone Jutsu + Sexy Jutsu = HAREM JUTSU! Brilliant! This raises Four Eye's blood pressure to such heights he's probably even now still in some sort of coma. There's more bonding. Nobody has it as tough as Naruto, although at least he comes through it with two people accepting his existence. A 100% increase! Third Hokage might be impressed. Maybe.

Episode 1 - Enter: Naruto Uzumaki!

2008-12-04T17:04:00.000-08:00

We open with a kaiju-sized kitsune, the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox, attacking the Hidden Leaf Village, stopped by one of the village's leader-ninja who rode to battle upon a giant demon toad. I am enthralled already! He did the only natural thing and bound the kitsune's spirit into an orphan, our titular character. Nothing about his parents, which leads me to believe one or both died fighting the kitsune, or possibly WERE the kitsune. Not the case, as I later found out, but fun to speculate on.

Having a demon fox taking up residence in your soul has apparently made Naruto as welcome in the village about as much as a sausage burp, so naturally he acts out and becomes the shinobi version of Dennis the Mennis, for openers defacing the shinobi version of Mount Rushmore that looms over the village. We meet our only other named characters so far, Sakura and Sasuke! They will not be significant later. According to some, I'm actually half right.

Naruto, at the same time seemingly not letting the villagers extreme distaste for him get him down also desperately wants their acceptance, so desires to become ninja president, or Hokage. To do this, Naruto needs to graduate by passing his ninja magic class, and naturally flunks out horribly. Lots of people do graduate save Naruto, who is really in danger of becoming the Rodney Dangerfield of ninjas. He doesn't recognize his father slash teacher figure Iruka's tough love approach, and falls prey to Mizuki's prodding to get him to steal a scroll possessing all the really cool ninja magic.

Naruto easily learns what is probably a really, really advanced ninja magic, and it turns out his boosting the scroll is all a stunt by Mizuki to grab the scroll for himself. Mizuki is a sneaky bastard with some throwing knives, but that's nothing compared to trying to drive a wedge between Naruto and the only man in the village to literally give half a crap about him, especially after Iruka takes a Yuffie-sized shuriken from Mizuki in back.

Mizuki thinks Naruto, if given his druthers, would become a power-mad prick like he would. Iruka goes to bat for him in a nice moment, and it's up to Naruto to save the day with the jutsu he just learned. After all that, how could you not give him a cool headband? I wonder what happens to Mizuki. Despite the goofiness, it IS a village of ninja, who aren't known as history's more compassionate assassins.

All in all, fine start.

Welcome! Konichiwa! Wilkommen! Bienvenue!

2008-12-04T16:54:00.000-08:00

And that's about as multi-lingual as things will get around here.

Mission statement: I recap an episode of anime a day. For real. For starters, it'll be Naruto. Don't like Naruto? Don't gotta read. Different shows will turn up now and again, as the spirit moves me. The only anime I promise to do all the way through is Naruto, since that's what got me onto this blog notion thing. Yes, that includes Shippuden, the movies, and even the dreaded, whispered-in-shadows filler.

Got an anime you think I should take a look at? Great! If I can look at it without a torrent, then recommend away. I sell anime as part of my job, so I'm somewhat adverse to just downloading it for free.

There's other stuff to come, I'm sure, but right now it's pretty much recaps. Keep it spoiler-friendly in the comment section, and I hope you enjoy the ride.