Episode 28 - Eat or be Eaten: Panic in the Forest

The Gas Mask Ninja's charging Sasuke and Sakura as we open. Sasuke leaps away, for awesome fireball barrage jutsu. He takes the time to toss the captive Naruto a kunai, which lets the other ninja get the drop on him. Naruto distracts the ninja long enough to get away, and while he's jumping, Sasuke slings a knife at Jumpsuit using only Chakra and the bottom of his feet, then slams into him. Right on! Outnumbered and out-gunned, he leaps away.

Sasuke cautions them on Transformaion tricks in the future, deciding to use the old Doppleganger Challenge. Sasuke's is... overly complicated, though Sakura pays rapt attention. Naruto didn't memorize it, but I can't blame him because I couldn't catch it either. Filing this under 'the fun never stops,' they suddenly get caught in the middle of a freak windstorm, orchestrated by the FreakNinjas. Sakura gets the challenge right, and so does Naruto, but Sasuke lobs a knife at him anyway. Naruto passing the challenge means he failed the challenge, and that is genius. Also very in character. This Transformed Naruto turns out to be Tongue Girl from earlier. Sasuke caught onto her when she burrowed underground Squad Seven during the wind-storm, because his Ninja Senses are far superior to yours and mine. Five minutes in and Seven's already seperated! Right on schedule. Also, there's a humongous-ass snake.

The snake quickly snares Naruto, then swallows him. Huh. Well, thanks for the series, Shonen Jump, you could've done more with Sakura, but-- oh, nevermind. We cut back to Tongue Girl who swallows her teams Earth Scroll, and challenges Sakura and Sasuke to a battle to the death. There's a graphic scene of our kids being brutally murdered, and it wasn't even Genjutsu, but Tongue Girl's bloodlust. Her creepy knob goes up to '11.' Sakura's catatonic, and I can't really blame her, and Sasuke's ready for death. Naruto's trying to hack his way out the snake's suprisingly durable insides, which come complete with stomach acid. The snake swallows Naruto further on down for his new and exciting tour of herptology up close. Sasuke's doing all he can to reach for a kunai, and is barely able to make it to his feet, but that's about it. Tongue Girl promises to kill them quick and painless like. She throws a kunai at each of them and...
Naruto continues gently digesting in the snake's stomach, taking this chance for all the people who treated him half-way decent to flash before his eyes, and also Sasuke. There were good times and bad times, and none of them took place inside the snake, so perspective. Naruto vows to make the serpent spit up its ninja lunch. Back to Tongue Girl, we find Sakura and Sasuke managed to get out just in time, thanks to Sasuke being brilliant and hardcore. He wounded himself with his knife to snap out of it, then leaped away with Sakura. Naruto finds his own way to escape the snake - Shadow Clone Jutsu. I... oh, man. That's not what I expected to see in Episode 28 of Naruto. Victorious but ridiculously gross, the wanna-be Hokage now has a wonderfully horrible story to tell everyone. After Sasuke pulls the knife from his leg (ouch), Sakura does her concerned routine, which Sasuke stops by putting a hand over her mouth. This is ill-chosen, though Sasuke can possibly be forgiven for not noticing another giant snake sneaking up on them. Ho! That's no snake, that's a FreakNinja! He spears her with a passle of Shuriken and drops the mega-snake, but Tongue Girl tears herself from the corpse, and now she is half-snake and after Sasuke. Naruto to the rescue! We can't help but cheer as he says he forgot the password.

Next Episode: Naruto vs. the Snake Girl! I hope I learn her name soon.

Episode 27 - The Chunin Exam Stage 2: The Forest of Death

The Forest of Death - for real this time, complete with giant centipedes and bird-eating snakes. Naruto hilariously mocks Anko's description, and this does not go well for him. She slices up his cheek and goes mildly psycho-riffic, before a helpful kunoichi with a demon tongue brings Anko's kunai back. The proctor's looking forward to the challenge of so many hot-blooded kids. But first, they have to sign Ninja release forms - otherwise Anko will be held responsible for any deaths. Harsh. Shikamura bellyaches about having to survive. The object is to brawl for two scrolls at the tower in the middle of the forest, and the first squad with both scrolls who gets to the top of the tower wind. They've got five days to do it. Kabuto can't help but torment Choji. Rock Lee's stoked for it, complete with smile twinkle. The bad news is you have to spend all five days in the forest, no matter how well you do. You get DQed if your team can't get to the tower, and if you look at either scroll. Anko helpfully suggests they don't die.

Each team gets one kind of scroll, so you never know which member of the other team has the scroll, or which kind of scroll they have. Sakura gets confronted by Ino and her squad. Ino is suprised Sakura's still here, but Sakura doesn't have any reason to leave what with five days in the forest of Sasuke. They amusingly bicker as is expected, with back and forth 'Ugly!' 'Billboard!' Naruto, meanwhile, finds Hinata under a tree, but wanders away before she can thoughtfully tend his wound. Naruto gets the scroll for Squad Seven. Kiba's team picks entrance 16, telling Hinata not to drag the team down. Jerk. Ino's crew gets entrance 27, where Shikamura bellyaches and Choji is well stocked with snacks. At entrance 12, Squad Seven's raring to go. Kankoro's more scared of his teammate Gaara than anything else. Rock Lee will do it for Might Guy! Or get his head kicked in. Go time!

The squads head in, the FreakNinjas immediately planning to target the rookies. Kiba has Hinata use some sight jutsu. The Sound Shinobi have their target. Back to Squad Ten, it's five minutes in and already Choji calls for a snack break. Shikamura hears another ninja squad approaching, and the team's able to duck out of sight - fortunately they don't notice Choji's trail of Ninja Chips. Another squad tumbles across Squad Eight, who're alerted to their presence by Akamaru. Then the hapless NPC ninjas are attacked by flying leeches, probably thanks to Shino, and the team falls into Kiba's trap. One team down. Sakura's worried, Naruto tries to downplay it, but has to make a pee break. Naruto's task, er, completed, we get out of nowhere Sasuke hammering into Naruto and the two go at it to everybody's shock (er, except Sasuke, apparently). Further proving himself no slouch, Sasuke points out that this Naruto is in fact kind of a poor copy. The copy turns into an odd, be-jump-suited ninja wearing a gask mask, and Sakura and Sasuke get ready to go at it.

Next Episode: Giant snakes. That's not cool!

Episode 26 - Special Report: Live from the Forest of Death!

New opening! I kind of like the song, and the other squads get added to the opening sequence.

The Forest of Death. Don't let its spooky name fool you, it's really that bad. Anko takes particular delight in telling the Genin this. Amongst its many dangers are suspicious perfectly-square rocks. Hey! It's Konohamaru! I'm suprised. They have yet to master the gunpowder trick. Naruto tells the gang he doesn't have time to mess around, but the gang aren't here - they're reporting for the class newspaper and came to interview Naruto. Anko vouches for them, proving herself a friend of the free press.

I... hey! This is a clip show! That's what I get for skipping the intro for the first time. We recap who and what Squad Seven is and does, and since it's Naruto doing the telling Sasuke doesn't come off as good as he might. Also, according to Naruto, he and Sakura are about going steady. Onto the less-than-impressive adventures of the team, with the weeding and dog-walking and such. The Konohamaru gang is less than impressed by his retelling of his exploits, so he throws in crippling the Hokage with Sexy Jutsu. Konohamaru tells us how an interviewee should act, and goes over what a Hokage is. Naruto questions Konohamaru's journalistic integrity. Thoughtfully, Naruto mentions Iruka, particularlly his habit of treating Naruto to the good ramen.

To cover all the bases, we go over the various jutsus as explained by the beautiful kunoichi maiden Sakura. Sexy, Shadow Clone, the dreaded Harem Jutsu, and chalkboard eraser pranks. Sasuke brings to the table his fire-breathing and the Windmill of Shadows, not to mention his version of Sharingan. Naruto and I agree her Sasuke introduction is taking way too long. His greatest power is his... looks. Oh, Sakura. Moving on (thank the Ninja Gods), she covers Kakashi with his uber-Saringan and Make-Out Paradise. We get another look at Fanged Pursuit Jutsu! YES! Adorable Ninja Dogs make clip shows worth it. So apparently he isn't a member of the Uchina clan, and has Sharingan. Interesting. We also touch on the Lightning Blade Jutsu before looking at some of the Jutsus Squad Seven's run up against before moving on.

Sasuke gets called on to cover their rivals, and since he does most of the ass-kicking in the group, that's probably fair. We go over Gaara, Heji and Rock Lee, none of which have the slightest interest in Naruto. Even the Konohamaru Gang doesn't think Naruto's the leader, which HAH! A quick look back at the other squads, and the other Village Ninjas. Squad Seven's ready to take on the world. The Gang gives the Genin their best wishes before heading off. Kakashi finally shows up, claiming tardiness due to meeting a pretty girl and dancing. Hee. Still just a clip show, though.

Next Episode: The actual Forest of Death. Stupid clip shows.

Episode 25 - The Tenth Question: All or Nothing!

A chill wind blows at the Ninja Academy, as Ibiki prepares to tell the Chunin the tenth question. It's not that easy, as like bowling, there are rules to the tenth question. Ibiki apparently figured Crow's trick out, but he doesn't get tossed out for it. Kakashi, Asuma and Kurenai are hanging out while their students are taking the quiz. Finding out Ibiki's the proctor doesn't inspire much confidence the kids will pass for Kakashi. Kurenai doesn't know who he is, but Asuma has the schoop. He's one of Leaf Village's top interrogation specialists, including techiques you see on 24. The torture of the test won't be physical, but the mental part will more than make up for it. We come back to Ibiki, who introduces the 'hopeless rules.' You can choose not to answer the tenth question, but then you zero out - and your group with it. The second is if you take it and can't answer it, you forfeit the right to take the Chunin Exam permanently. Kiba calls bullshit, with Akamaru barking approval. This doesn't sway Ibiki, as you might expect. Everybody's stressed as intended, Naruto most of all. The guy next to Naruto raises his hand to quit, which doesn't do a thing for Squad Seven's confidence. Sakura inwardly pleads for Naruto to raise his hand, but it's a nice scene, because she's being her usual self about it - she's actually concerned. She's about to raise her hand, then... Naruto raises his.

Back from the break, and Naruto's hand's still up. Sakura, Sasuke and Hinata can't believe it. With the Jonin, Asuma explains that's how Ibiki rolls. To my and Hinata's delight, Naruto slams his hand down and proclaims he is going to be the Hokage, even if he's a Genin forever. Sasuke and Sakura are somewhat proud of their knucklehead. Ibiki's suprised at how Naruto's rallied the other kids by his example, and says so. And... that's the exam. HAH! The nine questions tested how well they could gather information, and the tenth their nerve. Awesome. Ibiki explains precisely how he was a bastard. Naruto fronts like mad to prove he knew all along. Ibiki reveals some pretty horrible scars, to drive home the point of needing to gather intelligence properly, and what can happen if you don't. The last bit is all about guts, because sometimes there won't be any missions to avoid, and there's nobody you can rely on but yourself and your teammates. This looks to fit right in with Naruto's New Way of the Ninja, and immediately starts celebrating.

Hold on now - the second proctor makes a sudden appearance. She crashes through the window, unfurls a banner behind her with kunai, and calls out for the Genin to follow her. Nice! I believe this Anko has broken their brains. Sakura comments she's kind of like Naruto, and one can only concur. Anko's suprised at the amount of teams left, but Ibiki merely says they have a good crop this year. Anko vows to drop the remaining teams by more than half. It turns out Naruto passed with a blank test. Awesome. The Genin have gathered outside the 44th Training Field, also known as the Forest of Death and of course it's called that. Test on!

Next Episode: Forest de Meurte, and Naruto is characteristically demure. Also, Ninja Preschoolers!

Episode 24 - Start Your Engines: The Chunin Exam Begins!

Ibiki restores order to the exam room, verbally smacking down the Sound Villagers, and rules that there's to be no fighting without the Proctors' consent. Naruto has a reaction to this part of the test being written that I myself have had a time or two. Sakura's smug over Naruto's being in a knot, and I grumble to myself he's on your team, girl. Our boy does receive some encouragement, though, from Hinata. He didn't notice her at first, and I get the vague feeling she gets that a lot. I go on record to say I think I like Hinata. Ibiki lays down the exam rules, which you can't question. You get ten points on a point reduction system. Naruto immediately realizes that if he gets zero questions right, he gets zero points, and this is a likely occurrence. It's all graded on the squad's average, and I die laughing, because Sakura has exactly my predicted reaction. Cheaters who get caught lose two points (I like the implication NOT getting caught is just fine), and also for reasons that only the graders know. Sakura's already working on their team making it through with 20 points, but Ibiki drops the biggest bombshell - if somebody on a team gets zero points, they all do. Naruto is lucky he's not vaporized by the burning stares of his teammates as I type. And we begin!

Sakura and Sasuke are already stressing over Naruto's performance, though our boy starts to do what many of us have done. Convince himself to hit the easy ones first and thus pretend that he's going to have no trouble at all as he goes on. By the way, the questions on the quiz I find hilarious - Ninja word problems, "If Enemy Ninja A can Throw his Shuriken from a tree seven meters high..." and you have to explain your work. Awesome! Sakura frets that only she can solve one of the test's questions, and I doubt she's bragging. Naruto starts to stress out, and even Sasuke doesn't know what's going on. Sakura hopes they won't cheat, and one isn't forced to wonder if that's the point, because ninja. Sasuke realizes that's exactly the point. I'm delighted. Now if only Naruto can figure it out, and it doesn't look good. Believe it.

Sasuke starts casting about for somebody he can cheat off of, while the other teams've already started. Gaara does something funky with sand and Kankoru readies Crow. Awesomely, Kiba's dog Akamaru acts like a periscope and barks out the answers in code. The mummified Sound Shinobi uses sonar and GENIUS. Shino's using flies, causing much interesting speculation on his speciality. Tenten's gimmicked the mirrors in the room. Naruto's still paralyzed by getting caught, but Hinata comes to his aid. Naruto's suspicious, but Hinata's not exactly the tricksy type (or IS she?). He presses Hinata for her reasons, and she quickly comes up with wanting all the Nine to make it past this portion. Just as he's about to look, a flying kunai splits the air and impales a test behind him. HAH! The Genin's apparently flunked out, botching his cheating attempt for the fifth time. More and more of them fail, and answers for justification are met harshly. Naruto finally gets what the proctors are doing, but decides awesome ninjas is a corollary for cheaters only cheating themselves, and besides, he doesn't want Hinata in trouble. Aww.

Go time! Heji busts out his X-Ray vision, Sasuke his Sharingan and Sakura, just her big brain. Go, girl! Ino: "I'm acknowledging your smarts and the width of your forehead are exceptional." HAH! And thus uses Mind Transfer Jutsu to get the answers. Ino's more badass than I thought. Gaara goes for the creepiest method yet, pulling out his eye, turning it to sand, and then sending it out to get the answers. GAH. Kankoro uses the bathroom ploy, and apparently replaced a proctor with Crow. Naruto gets ready to go for a single point on the last question on the test.

Next Episode: Problem ten is a bitch!

Episode 23 - Genin Takedown! All Nine Rookies Face Off!

We open outside Room 301, and since Kakashi's here, it must be the real 301. He's suprised Sakura's come. Turns out that you have to be a three-man squad to get into the Exam, and if Sakura had played by her standard operating procedure (i.e., tagged along because of Sasuke) then her heart wouldn't have been in it and the team would be starting off in the hole. Kakashi's glad they all came of their own free will, and he's proud of them. Nice scene. Squad Seven's taken aback by the Chunin turnout, and none of 'em look like slouches. Ino pounces Sasuke in a bold flanking maneuver, much to Sakura's ire. She thrusts with an 'Ino-Pig' but gets a devastating 'Billboard-Brow' in response. Hah! Shikamaru (bellyaching idiot) and Choji (fat idiot) join Ino (Sasuke-crazy idiot). We're not done with new characters, though - Hinata (gloomy and shy, which explains crushing on Naruto of all people), Kiba and Akamaru (the former louder than Naruto(!!!) and the latter his adorable ninja dog), and Shino (an enigma with glasses). Shikamaru's irritated they're all here, probably because it means more teams and thus more work for him. Sasuke and Kiba brag a bit, and Hyuga bashfully apologizes for Kiba. Choji eyes up Akamaru for a snack, but he's blocked by Shino before Choji can step on a bug. Shino: "Don't step on it." Choji: "Why? You gonna eat that?" Heh.
The shenanigans are put on hold by a new arrival, a silver-haired kid from Leaf Village named Kabuto, chastises them for acting their age. He might have a point, as it's clear the Rookie Nine are the young punks, and they're not exactly made to feel welcome. It's Kabuto's seventh time through the exam, and wants them to know how rough it's going to be. Shikamaru bellyaches even more. Kabuto takes pity on the Nine and has Ninja Info Cards - special cards you need Chakra to use them. Kabuto's Chakra. The example he shows us has 72 people from Leaf Village, but only 3 from Sound Village. The Exam is technically used in such a way that everybody becomes friends, but in reality it comes off as something like Cold War-era saber-rattling. "My nation's ninjas are stronger than yours, so you just think twice about any funny ideas." Intriguing! Sasuke asks after a certain sand-based dead-eyed kid and a bushy-browed contestant from his own village. Naruto: "I don't know what's going on, so I'll just pretend like I do." Heh! Rock Lee's first up - a year older than the Nine, completed a good number of missions, and as we saw last episode, badass with Taijutsu. His squad also has Tenten )knife girl) and Neji (Hinata's brother/relative). Gaara's next, and while they have no real info on him, he still comes off as hardcore, pulling down B-ranked missions while a Genin.

Outside, Kakashi flashbacks to Guy saying he post-poned his own team taking the test last year so they'd be strong this year, though the Copy Ninja says it won't be long before Squad Seven overtakes them. Naruto look like he's starting to stress over the level of competition in the tournament, so Sakura tries to cheer him up, but she doesn't know our boy that well. He's not upset, he's excited as all get-out, loudly announcing his name to everybody in the room. Awesome. Ino, less used to Naruto than most, flips out on Sakura but doesn't exactly find anything like support when she does so. Sasuke and Kabuto are impressed, probably despite themselves. The Sound Village ninjas act all sinister. To stifle any further outbreaks, Sakura puts Naruto in a chokehold and helpfully explains Naruto doesn't mean anything by that, he's just stupid.

The Sound Shinobi make their move, literally, dashing to and fro about the room. One lobs kunai at Kabuto, but it's just a feint for Dosu take a swing at him. Kabuto ducks, but his glasses come away shattered anyway. It's been a while since anyone threw up on the show, so Kabuto obliges us. The Sound goons apparently have sonic jutsu, which is pretty cool. The Sound Villagers feel smug about aking down the Leaf Village's resident stat-gatherer, and everybody else is baffled by their stunt. Ibiki Morino, head proctor for the first Exam, shows up before things can get even more out of hand.

Next Episode: The written portion!

Episode 22 - Chunin Challenge: Rock Lee vs. Sasuke!

Rock's crew are irritated at looking like chumps, Lee most of all. Lee catches Squad Seven on the way out, and throws down a challenge to Sasuke. He wants to test himself against Sasuke, adopting a very odd battle stance. More importantly, he wants to prove himself to his One True Love Sakura. There's a hilarious bit as Sakura dodges his blown kiss attempt, so Lee ups their quantity, unleashing a barrage on Sakura, who Matrixes her way out of them all as I die laughing. Naruto's feeling left out. Lee's ready to go at it, even knowing who Sasuke is, but Naruto wants his piece of Bushy-Brow. With two fingers, Lee parries Naruto's fist, and then sweep-kicks Naruto so hard Naruto breakdances into a wall. Hah! Lee proclaims himself the strongest Genin, and Sasuke's ready to go at it. Sakura points out the time, but Sasuke gives Lee five minutes.

They go at it pretty good, with Lee landing the first punch - he's also worrying about using "that technique." Sasuke can't figure out how Lee got around his guard, but he's not overly concerned - he breaks out his Sharingan. Sakura's in awe as Sasuke goes in again - only to be kicked in the face even harder. Lee's technique isn't ninja magic, it's just ninja thuggery and that's awesome. Lee's just physically faster, and it's all training, no special powers or anything, and Sasuke can't handle it. Rock Lee boot to the head! He teleports behind Sasuke while they're in air, about to bust out his Limit break before an... angry turtle stops him. Huh. Unexpected. Also unexpectedly, Sakura makes a cool sliding catch for Sasuke.

Naruto can't believe Sasuke got beaten while he was out, nor can he believe lee is being scolded by an irate terrapin. I am at something of a loss myself. The technique is hardcore forbidden, and Naruto wants to make sure he's really seeing Lee getting chewed out by a tortoise, and if a tortoise can teach ninjutsu. Insert your equal oppurtunity joke of choice here, if you like. The angry turtle finishes his scolding and says it's okay for Guy Sensei to show up, and he does. Oh, he does. Naruto: "Those are some incredibly raging brows." Lee flips out at their reaction to Guy, Naruto flips out because everything that's weird ever decided to happen half an hour before they register, but Guy has things well in hand. And by 'hand' I mean punching the mess out of Lee. Do not be alarmed! It is merely the toughest of tough love. They embrace over tears, against a seashore, and I cannot make this stuff up. For penance, Lee has to do a hundred laps, and we get an awesome stereo smile-twinkle. Squad Seven realizes how good they have it with Kakashi. Guy knows Kakashi, by the by, people call them eternal rivals. We all think that sounds like a lie. Guy reappears behind Squad Seven, apparently not using ninja magic at all to do so. He's also just barely ahead of Kakashi in their matches? Sparring? At any rate, he humbly asks for Sasuke's forgiveness out of respect for his awesome face. Sasuke's about to lose it over somebody so goofy and yet to strong. Guy and the tortoise vanish, leaving THAT mystery for another day. Lee says he wanted to test himself against Sasuke, but he is not in fact the strongest Hidden Leaf Genin, that's the pale-eyed guy on his team, but Sasuke is one of Lee's targets in the tournament.

Squad Seven is all out of sorts. Naruto can't help but rub salt in the wound, proving that every kid at that age is at least a little jerky. He does wisely point out that Lee's apparently trained way harder than Sasuke has, and I am fascinated to see how ninja magic genius stacks up to blood, sweat and tears. Sasuke, though, isn't intimidated at all - things have gotten interesting. I can't help but agree. Our kids march off toward the Exam and destiny! (Or at least the registration room.)

Next Episode: CHUNIN EXAM! HELL YEAH!

Episode 21 - Identify Yourself: Powerful New Rivals

We open up with Gaara chewing out Kankaro, and it's hard not to root for him. Until Gaara threatens homicide, ramping the kid up to 'Scary.' Sasuke and Gaara size each other up, and I will confess to being excited about their almost-certain throwdown. As they go, Sakura IDs them as Sand Ninja, but says that ninja just wandering through countries is prohibited by "the treaty" and demands to know what they want. Innnnteresting. Also pretty gutsy for Sakura. The Sand kunoichi has her license, so everything's cool, and that they're here for the Chunin Exam. Naruto typically doesn't know what the exam is, and even Konohamaru knows. Sheesh, Naruto. As they turn to go, Sasuke calls out to the Sand Ninja. The girl immediately thinks he's asking after her, and again, DOWN GIRL, but it's Gaara Sasuke wants to know about. Gaara wants to know about Sasuke too, and we get a cool stare-down moment. Naruto butts in to see if Gaara of the Desert wants to know about him, but Gaara couldn't care less. Heh. He immediately consults his PR man Konohamaru about his image, who says research shows Naruto compares unfavorably to Sasuke. More ninja, whose village I can't even guess at, pick out Sasuke and Gaara as the ones to watch (preferably from a safe distance).

The Hokage calls forward the Jonin in charge of Genin, and we get Kakashi, Asuma and Kurenai coming forward. The boss asks for those who they want to put in the Chunin Exam. Kakashi goes first, and puts all three of his kids in, and two-thirds of that choice is to my mind highly risky. Kurenai, the pretty kunoichi and leader of Squad Eight puts forward all three of her kids, too. PATTERN. She's got Hinata (not-blind girl), Kiba (Shaggy haired kid), and Shino (Glasses boy). To round things out and weight the outcome by sheer Leaf Village numbers, the ciggie-smoking Asuma puts all of his kids' hats in the ring - Ino (Blonde Sakura), 'Smirky' Shikamaru and Choji (Eating machine). It's nice to see the Village's Jonin have so much faith in their kids, though Iruka protests. He says that they're all good, but none of 'em are ready for the Exam. Kakashi calmly points out that he was a Chunin when he was six years younger than Naruto, making him even more badass - and furthermore, this might finally shut them up about wanting important missions. He finishes with the fact that they're not Iruka's students anymore, they're the Jonin's prob- responsibility now, and they've decided it's best. Kurenai has odd eyes. The Hokage understands Iruka's feelings, though, and arranges for a pre-exam.

Squad Seven on the bridge! Kakashi is late. Naruto didn't brush his teeth this morning. Ew. Sasuke inwardly complains about 'morning people.' Their sensei finally shows up, having 'got lost on the path of life.' HAH! He passes out the applications and says all you have to do is sign them and bring them to the exam room at a certain time, making me briefly think they'll have to make the room from inside a live volcano or something as the pre-exam. Nothing so harsh, though, as the kids bring their applications. Naruto's already imagining his victory celebration and coronation as Hokage. Sasuke's obsessed with Gaara. Sakura... doesn't think she can make it. Poor kid.

Ninja from all villages (I guess) are arriving for the Chunin Exam. Naruto meets the Ninja Preschoolers, and is cheerful enough to play with them today - until Moegi gets snatched. Naruto and his tiny crew leap off in pursuit. Meanwhile, Sakura's stressing over the Exam, until Sasuke asks her to go with him for a walk (and I suspect it might be somebody Transformed). We join some tree-jumping pursuit, with Naruto outpacing Konohamaru and Udon, and manages to corner Moegi's kidnapper. He wants the Scroll of Sealing.

Sasuke apparently took Sakura out on a walk to totally crush her hopes and dreams, but she's happy he's sort of worried about her. Sigh. It's like having a likeable but kind of dim younger ninja sister. A ninja identically dressed as the kidnapper confronts the two, and they get into it ridiculously fast. Sasuke blocks the first few shuriken, but not the kunai Rain of Death. Sakura cries out and runs to him. Back to the kidnapper, he threatens to kill Moegi if he doesn't get the scroll, but Naruto is content to let him do whatever murder he likes on the bundle of straw. SUBSTITUTION! Also Clone Jutsu! Naruto acts like a suprisingly well-oiled machine to bag and tag the kidnapper, but the ninja substitutes himself with a boulder.

Over to Sakura mourning over Sasuke, the ninja gloats she's not ready for the tournament, but Sakura shocks the hell out of me. She knows, as we did, he'd never invite her for a walk, or even say 'hey' in the morning. I respectfully retract my 'kind of dim' statement. She's already seen through all his genjutsu, and bold as brass walks through his illusionary attack. Go, girl! Her dander's up! Well, a bit. We'll mark it down to two steps forward, one step back for our girl. The real Sasuke simply beats the hell out of his ninja. One of the identical ninja meets Kakashi on a rooftop, revealing himself to be Iruka. He admits they've gotten stronger, and that all nine kids passed the prelim. I wonder if they just made Choji go without lunch and would pass him if he made it.

Jump-cut to target practice, and three NEW ninja kids are talking about the ninja exam. Their token girl is good with kunai, (REALLY good) and we finally lay eyes on the bug-eyed kid. Next day, Squad Seven meets, none the worse for wear, save maybe Sakura. Outside the third floor exam room, the new kids are trying to get inside, but some jerky Leaf Village ninja who can't be that much older them smack around the bug-eyed kid and the knife girl for trying. The kids are apparently younger than Squad Seven, too young according to the guards because the Exam is brutal, people die, harsh-cakes. Squad Seven shows up, and Sasuke isn't having with anything keeping him from the exam room. There's a nice moment where he compliments Sakura knowing everything about everything about Genjutsu, and even Naruto knows it's an illusion - they're on the second floor. One of the guards throws a non-illusionary kick, which Sasuke reciprocates, but they're both blocked out of nowhere by the bug-eyed kid who Wally Wests his way between them.

He introduces himself as Rock Lee, immediately zeroing in on Sakura, asking our girl out. The thumb's up and twinkle in his smile immediately endear me to Rock Lee. Sakura refuses, hilariously stunned, citing Rock Lee came on too strong. Hah! Rock Lee's buddy, the guy with eyes like Hinata, asks after Sasuke but he's usual non-forthcoming self. Naruto joins Rock in dejection. We find out Rock's squad is led by somebody named Guy, as the jerky ninja guards turn out to be jerky ninja proctors. Sasuke reflects on the badasses in the exam, with Gaara looming over them all.

Next Episode: Rock Lee is weird and wants to scrap with Naruto!

Chapter 20 - A New Chapter Begins: The Chunin Exam!

A bright day and bouncy music start us off, and we get to see how Naruto starts his day. After the morning slog, our boy's ready to go! Mach five! Sakura and Sasuke're hanging around on a bridge waiting for Naruto, and right away we get a morning dose of awkward as the boys may have bonded over life and death struggles, but it doesn't mean they like each other very much. I feel bad for Sakura. Oh, and here's a question for you folks - what is it that Inner Sakura says at the end of each diatribe? 'Cause my subtitles say 'Cha!' and that's not it. Linguistic matters aside, Kakashi is late like always, this time claiming he got lost. Hee. Naruto immediately starts in on wanting more exciting missions, and like I said, you'd think he'd learn. What Naruto really wants is a chance to get out from under his own sense of owing his life to Sasuke, complete with really humorous imaginings of just how that'd go down.

Today's mission: pulling weeds. If that's the caliber of missions Naruto gets, no wonder he wants to do something more exciting. Wanting to outdo Sasuke, he pulls out everything and gets beaten up by a matronly ninja housefrau for his trouble. Then it's on to community service, as Squad Seven have to pick up garbage from the local river while Kakashi reads the next thrilling chapter in Make-Out Paradise. Naruto slips up and gets sucked away down the river, but Sasuke saves him from going over the waterfall. Hah! Now: Ninja dog-walking! While Sasuke and Sakura pick small dogs, Naruto gets a huge mastiff the size of a shetland point who immediately drags him into the Hidden Leaf trap-testing field. Naruto gets on Sasuke's case for being, er, awesome and Sakura's had just about enough of it. Kakashi comments that their teamwork's been crap lately. Interestingly, while he doesn't outwardly complain, Sasuke wants tougher missions, too. After Kakashi tells them to pack it in for the day, Sakura asks Sasuke if they can work on their teamwork. So THAT's what the ninja kids are aalling it these days. Sasuke blows her off, saying if she's got time to be girly over him, then she's got time to practice her jutsu. Which? Go, Sasuke. He crushes her by telling her that she's more useless on missions than Naruto. Naturally, Naruto takes this exact time to ask Sakura-on-the-edge if maybe THEY want to train together. Kakashi takes this time to wisely ninja vanish.

We don't get Sakura erupting on Naruto, but we do get him followed by a very persistent rock. It's Konohamaru! And friends from Ninja Preschool, Moegi and Udon. They're even wearing goggles to imitate Naruto! That's adorable. They ask if Naruto has time to play ninja, but he tries to beg off, wanting to train to out Sasuke Sasuke. Sakura staggers back, still reeling from the 'not-as-good-as-Naruto' blows. Konohamaru immediately gets the hilarious wrong idea, which Naruto confirms, and thus gets cratered into a fence for his deception. Number One Grandson calls Sakura an ugly wench, and our girl looks about half a step from going Super Saiyan. The bonk on Konohamaru's head no doubt resounded throughout the village. This does mean more and more people are willing to lay hands on the kid, so I guess that's technically progress for him. The kid just does not know when to stop (much like his mentor), and Naruto and the Ninja Apple Dumpling Gang have to flee a rabid Sakura, while I die of laughter. Their flight is blocked by Konohamaru bouncing off the leg of a masked ninja, complete with kunoichi partner.

At ninja HQ, Kakashi's reporting in and Iruka asks after Naruto. Things aren't going quite as well as they may like, but Kakashi says that it does mean it'll help Naruto get as strong as Iruka. Hey! New kids I think I remember from the third episode, and they have a kunoichi teacher. Cool. They also look wore out, and their teacher seems to have her ninja sense set off. So does a cigarette-smoking ninja and his squad, Ino and her pals. Back to Konohamaru, the (I now realize) face-painted ninja has poor kid up by his collar, and I notice they're not Leaf ninja. Sakura apologizes and Naruto yells at him to put Konohamaru down. The masked ninja's already kind of a bastard, wanting to bully Naruto. Our boy's temper finally snaps, but a charge at the ninja is stopped by some odd jutsu. Sakura finally stifles the not-helping Naruto, but the ninja just won't let the little kid go. He pulls back for a punch, changing the focus of the show from cruelty to animals to cruelty towards children, but he's stopped a well-thrown rock. Sasuke to the rescue! Sakura marks out, and I indulge her. The foreign kunoichi comments he's pretty cute. Down, girl. Sakura, Moegi and Udon immediately form the cornerstone of Sasuke's fan club, and Konohamaru thinks he picked the wrong idol to hero worship. The foreign ninja calls out Sasuke, unwrapping the... thing he has on his back, apparently called Crow. The ninja, Kankaro, is stopped by a dead-eyed red-headed kid named Gaara who's calmly standing on the underside of a branch, and even Sasuke doesn't know how in the heck Gaara pulled off being that stealthy.

Meanwhile, there's a council meeting of Jonin with the Hokage, because Big Things are afoot. It's time for something, and whatever it is, Kakashi thinks it's pretty sudden. The Hokage declares that in a week, the Chunin Exam will begin! I already think Squad Seven has an advantage - all the other kids were picking up litter and finding cats and whatnot. No contest.

Next Episode: Nothing says test prep like foiling a kidnapping!

Episode 19 - Demon in the Snow

Jumping right in, Zabuza's questioning why Gato showed up with an army. Gato says it's more cost-effective to hire Rogue Ninja that real shinobi, and if you off your Rogue Ninja, then you don't have to pay them at all. This sparks a truce between Kakashi and Zabuza. Gato gets in a bit of payback on Haku's corpse for breaking the crimeboss' arm earlier, and disappointed to find Haku already corpsefied. Naruto's pissed off, and demands to know why Zabuza isn't, but since Haku is dead the Mist Demon doesn't see the point. Haku was just a tool, like Zabuza says all real shinobi are, and he has no regrets with how things have shaken down. Naruto shakes off Kakashi's attempt to calm him down, still wanting Zabuza's head on a platter. The poor kid just can't wrap around the devotion Zabuza inspired in Haku, and how Zabuza can't care at all now that he's dead. It prompts Zabuza to shed a few tears. Dang. Zabuza drops his mask, admitting that the ideal emotionless shinobi state may not exist, and calls for Naruto's kunai. The rogue ninja catches it in his teeth and dashes at the goon squad, and already I'm not liking their chances. Zabuza goes on a murder spree with the freaking blade in his mouth, and breaks through to go to Gato. Awesome visual effect of Zabuza running at Gato, who gets the knife in his chest. Zabuza gets about a half a dozen in his back. Zabuza's going to take Gato to hell with him, slicing him up and knocking him off the bridge. The GatoCo corporate structure now has a large opening.

The ronin are freaked out as Zabuza makes an attempt to reach Haku, but can't manage more than a few steps before finally succumbing to his wounds. Naruto tries to look away, but Kakashi makes him look, and understand what's just happened. Sasuke slowly comes to, and finds a weeping ninja maiden on his chest. "Sakura... you're heavy." HAH! She then tearfully hugs Sasuke, probably driving a few needles deeper in, but we can forgive our girl in this instance. She's really happy Sasuke's still alive, and so is Naruto, and finally gets that nothing Haku did was lethal. One of the dimmer thugs rallies the troops to take away the money-stealing ninja, and for a minute I think we might get a solid fight with the mooks. It's broken up by Inari's crossbow bolt, as he and the townsfolk arrive on the scene. Naruto helps with Shadow Clone Jutsu, and so does his mentor (Kakashi Version!). The goons have what you might say lost their nerve, and beat feet before the triumphant townsfolk.

Zabuza, nearly dead, asks Kakashi a favor, wanting to see Haku's face one last time. Kakashi carries him to Haku's body as a snow starts to fall for both the rogue ninjas. "At the very least, I can be by your side at the end." I think this might be the most touching villain death I've seen short of Darth Vader's. His hand on Haku's cheek, the Mist Demon finally passes. Outside the village, Sakura asks if things really should be like Zabuza and Haku said. Ninja are tools, Kakashi says, but Naruto doesn't by it. Sasuke asks Kakashi what he thinks, but he's sort of evasive. Naruto boldy says he's going to seek his own Way of the Ninja, without that emotionless tool crap. The townsfolk are wishing Squad Seven a fond farewell, and everybody's going to miss everbody else. Both Naruto and Inari struggle to be the first not to cry (even though it's okay this time), with Naruto punking out first in a delightful moment. Much building of bridges, of all kinds, and Tazuna's decided on a name for their new bridge - The Naruto Great Bridge. Heh!

As they leave, Naruto talks about all the things he's going to do (eat ramen and brag), Sakura asks Sasuke out (DENIED!), and Naruto offers to go in his place (DENIED! Also punching!). Closing out, Tazuna says that calling it the Naruto Bridge is just getting in on the ground floor - that name's going to be big one day.

Next Episode: Naruto still wants exciting missions. You'd think he'd learn. Also, the dead-eyed ninja kid!

Episode 18 - The Weapon Known As Shinobi

No recaps! We start with Inari running his little heart out, set to join Naruto and the others on the bridge. He sensibly takes the time to try and rally the villagers first, but the first guy he asks, Giichi, doesn't want any part of it. Inari's rediscovered his fighting spirit, but that's not exactly widespread in this village that won't. Inari doesn't take the rejection well, now re-determined to live by his step-dad's ideals. Giichi's wife calls him on the carpet for not going. Inari's attempt at forming an angry mob have less than successful results, as apparently all the heroes in the village are either small children or ninjas from Hidden Leaf.

It's back to Kakashi and Zabuza, and I once again mark out a little in my heart for the adorable Ninja Dogs. Kakashi goes over Zabuza's botched coup, and we're back to Zabuza abou to get fried by Kakashi's awesome Lightning Blade Chakra attack. The interesting thing is Zabuza really is as idealistic as Kakashi, his ideals are just horrible and violent and amoral. Speaking of ideals, Haku's still on Naruto about killing him for failing Zabuza. Naruto laments the fact, if only things were different, they might've been friends. He goes for his kunai holster and charges at Haku, and the latter looks disturbingly content. Oh, hey! Sakura and Tazuna. They catch a glimpse of Kakashi and Zabuza, though they're not sure which is which, unable to see that one of them is covered in canines. Haku suddenly blocks Naruto before he can finish the femmey tracker, and then vanishes. Kakashi goes to hit the Lightning Blade and SUBSTITUTION! Haku took the blow meant for Zabuza, and he took all of it. Everything goes silent. Brutal.

Inari's ready to go to the bridge himself, and is armoring up, complete with a pot for a helmet and a cute little crossbow. Tsunami wants to stop him, of course, but Inari's doing it for everybody - himself, his dad, the whole village. Fortunately, everybody in the village finally found a pair and is outside to meet him. On the bridge, Naruto turns to notice Haku having taken Kakashi's blow. Haku's done his job, and Zabuza moves to take them both at once, and this is feasible since Kakashi's hand is stuck inside Haku's body. Harsh. Kakashi still manages to dodge, Haku not managing to weigh the Copy Ninja down. Sakura takes the time to ask about Sasuke, and it's all Naruto can do not to break down crying. Tazuna offers to go with Sakura, in a nice moment. She takes Sasuke lacerated and corpsified about as well as you might imagine, though Tazuna tells her she doesn't need to hold back, this is a time to grieve. Sakura starts in about how she aced all the tests at Ninja Academy, memorized all the rules, and all of that, and Rule #25 is to never show emotion, always hold back. With that, she breaks down and I'm nursing a punch in the gut.

So that the show's viewing audience won't have to be put on anti-depressants, we cut back to Kakashi and Zabuza. Some adorable Ninja Dogs would cheer me right up, but I don't think it's meant to be. Zabuza looks and acts like he's on his last legs, and Kakashi just looks pissed. He blocks Kakashi's charge with an awesome offhanded backfist, and then follows it up with another. Kakashi ducks a slash, appearing behind the Mist Demon with his hand on his throat. Kakashi's other hand is busy with a pair of kunai that'll soon find a new home in Zabuza's corpse. Zabuza tries to take Kakashi with him, so Kakashi plants a knife in his arm and backsprings away. It's now Gato shows up to inspect the proceedings, and he brought the Army of 10,000 Vagrant Ronin with him. Whew.

Next Episode: Haku's dead. Zabuza's a bastard.

Episode 17 - White Past: Hidden Ambition

Action time! Nuclear kitsune! There's a really awesome visual effect they use for Naruto snarling. Scared out of his wits, Haku lobs some needles at Demon Naruto, who repels them through sheer effort of being majorly pissed off. Smashing mirrors isn't a problem for Naruto anymore, and after a totally sweet leaping/spinning dodge by Naruto and his last attempt at finishing the kid off bombs, Haku finally decides to get the hell out of Dodge. He gets about two steps before Naruto grabs Haku by the wrist and volcanoes the ice mirrors away. According to Kakashi, the seal on the Demon Fox isn't broken, but it's definitely got a leak sprung. He also does some awesome scroll-fu, which I thought initially was for Naruto. The Copy Ninja offers to let their next move settle things, and Zabuza accepts. It looks like Naruto's next move might settle things, too. He hits Haku with a devastating hand-on-fire right, so badass we get multiple viewpoints so we know how hard it is. Naruto runs at the Femme Boy, ready to make him dead, but he... can't, and appears to be all Demon Foxed out. He does land a nice frustrated haymaker on Haku that is somewhat satisfying.

Haku can't believe that between Naruto going atomic and killing Sasuke he can't kill Haku. According to Haku, Naruto's taken away his reason to live - Zabuza, whom he bound his life to protect. Haku lost his parents, farmers from the Land of Water, when he was small. Things were going well, until "the" civil war made people with Kekkei Genkai bad insurance risks. The Ninja Medieval Witch Trials, if you will. Haku's father killed his mother (where Haku gets his talen from), and tried to do the same to Haku. I hope Sakura's parents are decent, because so far if you have a mom and dad in this show you might be better off an orphan. Haku's father got his, though, in the form of giant ice stalagmites through various parts of his body. They connect then, Naruto and Haku, both knowing what it's like to never matter to anyone, until they did. For Naruto, it was Iruka and for Haku, Zabuza. I won't lie to you, folks, I sniffed a little. Having come to terms with not being the tool Zabuza wants, he asks Naruto to finish it.

It's time for some new Jutsu, in this case an Earth Summons, but Zabuza's pretty dismissive about it. That proves to be a mistake, because Kakashi just summons attack dogs out of the ground. "Those are my adorable Ninja Dogs," says Kakashi. HA! Even Kakashi being cut up by Zabuza was part of the ploy, and I literally cannot keep the smile off my face. "The fog has lifted. And the future is... death." Kakashi's really knocking it out of the park today. Literally dogpiled, we get some background on Zabuza: he attempted a coup, which didn't work and so he had to flee to the carefree lifestyle of a Rogue Ninja. We get a jutsu that Kakashi didn't copy, and it's called Lightning Blade, and it is already hardcore. Thugging for goons like Gato is no life for the ninja, Kakashi says, and offers him a chance to give up. If Zabuza's mouth wasn't wrapped, I'm sure he'd spit. Instead he just refuses. Back to Naruto, while his sensei's ready to end one life, Naruto still can't bring himself to end Haku's. He doesn't get Haku's total dedication to Zabuza, who we see was actually kind of fatherly to Haku (albeit probably in a hardcore rough-and-tumble rogue ninja sort of way). No purpose left, Haku asks Naruto to make it quick.

Next Episode: Something happens, with much sad faces and tinkly piano music.

Episode 16 - The Broken Seal

We start with Sakura's scream rousing Sasuke and Naruto, though the latter isn't doing much moving per se. The cry of his crush object brings Naruto back to his feet, we get a Chakra-charge, and Naruto tries to find a way out of the ice cage but gets ice-needled for his efforts. Things look pretty grim for our heroes, with Haku ready to end things. Sasuke reminds us that he will do Great Things, and parries all of Haku's needles with one of his own. Haku throws even more needles, and Sasuke blocks most of them while covering Naruto. Naruto is irritated at this turn of events, so irritated he passes out. Haku's duly impressed by Sasuke's speed and ninja sense, but also reckons that the kid's just about at his limit. The kid's got depths, though - Sasuke focuses through Haku's mirror feint and saves Naruto and himself from pointy death. Haku can't believe it, and can't believe it even more when he notices that Sasuke has a little Sharingan of his own going on. Haku knows the longer the Kekkei Genkai goes, the more it goes in Sasuke's favor with the Sharingan active. I really hope the guy Sasuke wants to kill isn't actually Kakashi. Sasuke's stunned when Haku pulls a fast one and goes for Naruto instead.

Outside of the land of ice mirrors, Zabuza taunts Kakashi for that whole 'devoted to others' nonsense, having sliced him up good. In accordance with Vime's Law, Zabuza is a Bad Man and thus gloats his ass off. Sakura's worried about Sasuke, instead of everybody else's neck, and it'll be nice when Inner Sakura can start punching people. Kakashi tells her not to worry, re-iterating from earlier why Naruto and Sasuke are awesome. When Kakashi name-drops Sasuke's clan, even Zabuza calls it 'tragic.' Whoa. Kakashi charges into the mist.

Sasuke's all battered, but still has the energy to complain at Naruto, and this is already a theme. Naruto is stunned that Sasuke protected him, and so is Sasuke. Still, I guess he could be might have some fondness for his first kiss. Heh. Naruto flips out over this, I think maybe because it was mostly instinct for Sasuke to do the hero-thing. The Uchina's pincushion collapses into Naruto's arms, Sasuke saying he vowed not to die before he killed his brother (so probably not Kakashi, good) and telling the Knucklehead Kninja not to die either. Haku finally comes to, and his views on people dying are unsuprising. This only serves to piss Naruto off even more, and something... strange starts to happen. A swirling pillar of fire starts to surround Naruto, and he's clearly him his Limit Break. Haku's about to flip his shit, Naruto's got the gravelly voice going, there's flying debris, he regenerates his wounds and even goes one further and starts to wolf out a bit. The Demon Fox rears its head in the flames, and everybody's about to lose it, particularly Kakashi because he's the only one who knows what's going on. Naruto's literally gone magic Demon Fox feral. Holy shit.

Next Episode: DEMON FOX!

Episode 15 - Zero Visibility: The Sharingan Shatters

Amusing sidenote: The Hulu summary starts off with 'Kakashi realizing time is of the essence.' We may all now enjoy a good chuckle.

Sakura cheers from the sidelines, but Kakashi stops her, as neither of the boys need encouragement to do anything dumb. Kakashi says they're just not a match for Haku, since Haku's ready to kill and they aren't. Zabuza calls Leaf Village the hippy ninja village, so I guess they really are the nice ninjas. Our Copy Ninja decides he's got to put Zabuza down quick if he's going to be any help to the boys, so goes for Sharingan straight away. Zabuza tries to nip it in the bud by stabbing out Kakashi's eye. Harsh. The Mist Demon comments that a secret ninja technique shouldn't be observed so much, but Kakashi counters that it's okay, Zabuza's the only one who's seen it twice. Kakashi? Badass. The rogue ninja says that even if Kakashi manages to put Zabuza away, there's no chance for even the former to stop Haku. Zabuza's been brutally training up Haku since Haku was a g... boy, and now he's not even that, he's simply a Shinobi. Throw in the Kekkei Gankai and Haku's a killing machine.

Inside the mirror cage, Naruto tries for the Shadow Clone again, which unsuprisingly Haku still manages to duck AND multi-tasks by skewering Sasuke again. This time, though, Sasuke actually managed to catch sight of Haku's trail with all the water in the mirrors. He uses the water on purpose when Naruto Shadow Clones a third time. While the kids are feeling each other out, Zabuza takes the chance to brag about Haku some more, and also let Kakashi know he didn't quite go out like the punk we thought. He had Haku observed the whole battle, and fires up his Mist Jutsu again, but I think it's even thicker this time. Kakashi has Sakura make sure to guard Tazuna, and she tells him to stay with her. He has not a single problem that.

Cage-time, and Haku knows Zabuza wants him to stop farting around. Naruto Shadow Clones a fourth time, but now when he mirror jumps, Sasuke adds his fire breath to the mix. They go for it again, and this time it slows down Haku long enough for Sasuke to tag the real him. Clever! Kakashi and Kabuza are about to throw down, but it's not going to Kakashi's plan. Zabuza's figured out that it's the eyes that are Sharingan's focus, so keep them closed and you can break the hold. I know Zabuza's supposed to be gloating about how he's got Kakashi sorted, but the way he does it just makes Kakashi seem all sorts of awesome. Kakashi points out that now Zabuza can't kill either, but that's not a problem for the rogue - he's trained to kill without seeing. In the mirrors, Sasuke's about figured Haku out, and even shows something like concern for Naruto, maybe. He barks for Naruto to try and bust his way out of the mirrors, and after a few tries, he catches Haku out of the mirrors for just a second. Sasuke wants to try a second time, and Naruto's down for it. Sasuke figures Haku's running low on Chakra, too, but this time Haku focuses on Sasuke instead of Naruto with painful results for Sasuke. Naruto gets his dose off needle medicine too, because Haku is an equal oppurtunity assassin.

Outside, Kakashi's trying to center himself, as it's been a while since someone hit his level of awesome. When the attack doesn't come, he realizes that he's not the the target - Tazuna is. Zabuza makes for the bridge-layer, and Kakashi goes for the block. A swing of the sword, a spray of blood, Sakura screams...

Next Episode: Things are going to get worse before they get better. I'm kind of stoked for it.

Episode 14 - The Number One Hyperactive, Knucklehead Ninja Joins the Fight!!

We recap for a good five, six minutes, before we get back to the bridge fight. While Sakura and Tazuna are impressed by Naruto's dramatic entrance, Kakashi and Sasuke are less so. Zabuza goes to end the series early with some shuriken thrown at Naruto, but Haku knocks them out of the air with some thrown needles. Kakashi has to give Naruto a referesher on why ninja should be stealthy, like why calling out your jutsu in front of your vastly superior opponent isn't such a good idea. Haku asks Zabuza for permission to deal with the boys in his own way, without the latter helping. Sasuke, still stuck in the mirrors, ponders why on earth Haku's just playing with him. Kakashi looks about ready to help out his charge, but Zabuza reminds him that if he even thinks about it, he'll geek both Tazuna and probably Sakura for kicks. There's no way our girl can stop Zabuza, unless perhaps he made a pass at Sasuke or accidentally groped her. Then he might be in for it.

Naruto's really upset that ninja are deceptive. Sigh. Haku's nicer than I would be, telling Naruto to not take it personally, and still manages to duck a kunai from Sasuke. At least he remembers you ought to be sneaky. Haku's attention back on Sasuke, he goes to finish things with Leaf Village's Number One Rookie. We're back to Game of Death, with Sasuke not knowing which mirror has the real Haku, and gets another needle storm. Sasuke doesn't have Clue One about how Haku's pulling this trick off, though everybody starts to reason that the mirrors may be more important than the reflections. Naruto boldly proclaims he's going to save Sasuke... right next to Sasuke, having appeared, Bugs Bunny-like, inside the mirror trap next to his comrade. Hee. The boys start to bicker, before Sasuke remembers he can breathe fire. It doesn't work as well as one might think, since this is still early in the series. Haku Chakra-blasts the boys back from the mirrors. Naruto Shadow Clones in an attempt to bop the real Haku, but he just starts mirror jumping and makes Naruto look like a tool.

Kakashi identifies this as Kekkei Genkai, a genetic ninja trait. Neat. He can't copy it, because it's on the cellular level. Interesting. I wonder if Naruto's strength comes from that, or just from the Demon Fox, or both? Naruto's about had it with getting beaten down so, and yells that not even this is going to get in the way of his dream. We flashback to when Haku didn't even have a dream besides a fully belly, when he first met Haku. Zabuza figures out that's a guy way before we do, and takes time out of his day to mock the kid before realizing there's Something To Him. Back on the bridge, Haku says this fight is part of his dream, the same way everyone else is here for theirs, and for that he'll kills his feelings and end Naruto and Sasuke if they don't back down as we fade out.

Next Episode: Naruto's figured out how to break the mirror!

Episode 13 - Haku's Secret Jutsu: Crystal Ice Mirrors

Mild recappage brings back to the ninja standoff on the bridge. The crew is highly irritated by Haku's appearance with Zabuza. Sasuke doesn't like boys who pass themselves off as gir-- I mean, kids who think they're so cool, and offers to take Haku down. Sakura thinks that's really cool. Kakashi sighs. Haku's impressed Sasuke clipped the Water Clones, and tornadoes in for an attack. Meanwhile, Gato's thugs slice their way into Tazuna's house, cornering Tsunami, who threatens to kill herself so they don't take Inari as a hostage. I am somewhat confused at how that works, since then they could just take Inari as a hostage, but it's nice to see Tsunami butch up. Apparently their hearts were set on Tsunami as hostage du jour, so they take her deal. Inari's so upset, he flashbacks to Naruto's not-entirely inappropriate condemnation from last episode, and that plus memories of Kazai puts enough steel in the kid's spine t go after his mom. Go, Inari! Inari goes for an all-out banzai charge on the thugs.

On the bridge, Haku offers to not kill Sasuke, pointing out that things are even less in his favor than he thinks. Trick number one (complete with a one-handed sign, which even Kakashi hasn't seen before) is Hidden Jutsu: One Thousand Needles of Death! Haku prepares to bring down a hard rain while Sasuke gathers up some of that Chakra goodness. Tazuna's house: SUBSTITUTION! Naruto prevents Inari from getting all sliced up, having double-backed after noticing the trail left by Gato's boys. The thugs don't stand a chance against some Shadow Clone goodness. Naruto really was just like a ninja then!

Bridge: Haku rains down hard water needles, but Sasuke's able to dodge them, plus out-speed Haku on all fronts with a vicious kick to the face on our masked antagonist. Kakashi mildly points out that, hey, Squad Seven has it going on. Sasuke's the number one rookie in the Village, Sakura's the brightest, and Naruto is loud and none-too-bright, but darn it, he's the best there is at that. Speaking of Naruto, we cut back to him apologizing for being harsh on Inari, which makes the little kid burst out crying again, which upsets Inari even more. It's okay if it's happy tears, Naruto says, before bounding off for the bridge. It's tough being a hero, indeed.
Zabuza mocks Haku a bit, but the latter's not out of tricks yet. He pulls another stunt with the water on the bridge, Hidden Jutsu: Crystal Ice Mirrors, which he promptly surrounds Sasuke is. Kakashi's never seen the like. Haku merges into one of the mirrors, and Sasuke's in his own mini-version of Game of Death. Zabuza cuts off Kakashi from helping Sasuke, who immediately gets the worst of it from Haku. He starts julienning Sasuke from every which way, thanks to the mirrors. Heavy guitar and drums! Sakura bolts forward, in a bold display of initative, lobbing a kunai for Sasuke to catch. INTERCEPTION BY HAKU! A for effort, though. Even though he catches Sakura's kunai, he doesn't catch a thrown shuriken unless you count upside his head. It's Naruto time, you odd femme ninja!

Next Episode: More funky ice mirror stuff!

Episode 12 - Battle on the Bridge! Zabuza Returns!!

Zabuza's bedroom, and Haku makes himself even more girly, letting down his hair and putting on a lovely frock to go pick leaves while a a bird lands on her shoulder, Disney-esque. While out, she spies Naruto all passed out, still not able to climb that damn tree. We are briefly teased with a very short series when Haku reaches out to him. At the Tazuna house, Sakura staggers downstairs for her morning tea, in a manner shockingly similar to mine own. Squad Seven and Tazuna's family talk about Naruto staying out all night, with Sakura and Sasuke both extremely dismissive (and Sakura is blase' about him being dead, which? Cold, girl). Kakashi says he may not look like it, and he doesn't, but Naruto's actually a full-fledged ninja and he'll be okay. Naturally, the next scene is Haku still crouched over Naruto's unconscious form, hand at his throat. He wakes Naruto up, and they chat for a bit. Haku slyly stokes Naruto's ego by asking if he's a ninja, and that he looks strong enough to him. Naruto says got something to prove, so he's got to get even stronger, and not just for himself, for somebody.

We get a flashback to when Haku was a tiny boy who looked like a girl, instead of a teenage boy who looks like a girl. It's cold and snowy, a very ninja Dickensian vibe. Haku backhands a dog trying to feed her puppies, continuing the show's sudden emphasis on cruely to animals. The flashback ends right when Haku sees Zabuza for the first time, and he tells Naruto that only way to get stronger is to do it for somebody else, and Naruto is hip. He also drops the, "By the way, I'm a guy" bombshell, and Naruto makes the exact same face we all did when we found out. "That can't be! He's cuter than Sakura." Hee. Sasuke passes Haku in the forest, which sets off Sasuke's ninja sense. Kakashi and Sakura go looking for them both, to find that Naruto's finally mastered climbing that darn tree. He even ninja punks them, which backfires because Naruto. Sasuke catches him and Sakura swoons. Kakashi's impressed, since for them this really is progress. Elsewhere, Inari mopes and Zabuza crushes an apple to prove he's healthy.

Naruto and Sasuke finally decide they've had enough fun with trees, and make their way back to Tazuna's house. He says the bridge is almost complete, and asks why they stuck around even though Tazuna played them. Kakashi says that it was the right thing to do, and that it was how the Hokage rolled, which I think means the fourth one. Little Inari calls BS on it, and he can probably be forgiven since he saw his dad martyred in the center of town. No matter how awesome the ninja, Inari thinks they ain't nuthin' but nuthin' against Gato's crew (and he hasn't even seen Zabuza). His rant finally hits the magic "You don't know anything about pain" button on Naruto, who gets on him for being a drama queen before stalking out. Inari's depressed on the dock, when Kakashi comes out for a friendly big brother-type chat, in what's a really nice moment for me. He points out the similarities 'tween the kid and Naruto, particularly parental loss, but that Naruto never ever lets himself feel defeated, and Inari's had a lot that Our Hero hasn't. It seems to hit home with Inari. Really nice scene.

Kakashi and Squad Seven leave Naruto passed out at home while they head over to the bridge, and at the same time Gato's on Zabuza's case for finishing off Tazuna and company. He erupts out of the bedroom when he wakes, desperate to catch up with Kakashi, and whilst tree-hopping notices a boar that's been cut up right well. Gato's enforcers, the hip-hop ronin, prowl around outside Tazuna's house with only Tsunami and Inari home. Mist Jutsu surrounds the people on the bridge, who've found all the workers unconscious. Zabuza's voice mocks Kakashi and the kids, particularly Sasuke's shaking. Sasuke: "I'm trembling with... excitement." The Mist Ninja's taken aback by such a badass line from Sasuke, as am I, and at Kakashi's nod ends the lives of a half-dozen of Zabuza's water clones. With Sasuke being able to tell which ones are Water Clones, the real Zabuza and Haku step forward to end things.

Next episode: Inari vs. the Hip Hop Ronin! Sasuke vs. Haku!

Episode 11 - The Land Where a Hero Once Lived

Bridge-building! Sakura looks bored out of her skull, but she can be smug because she's the only one who actually doesn't have to train. One of Tazuna's buddies mopes up to him, asking if it's okay if he can quit, and if maybe they ought to call off the whole bridge thing altogether. Tazuna says this bridge is their bridge, okay? It's going to get built, no matter what. He taes pity on the guy, telling him he doesn't have to come back tomorrow. At the forest, Naruto and Sasuke still haven't gotten the hang of the whole tree-climbing thing, which means Naruto probably didn't pay too close attention to Sakura. Naruto keeps trying, because he doesn't want Sasuke to beat him, and Sasuke keeps trying but he's too cool for us to hear his internal monologue as to why.

The village, by the way, is as run-down as you might expect from being in the clutches of a ruthless shipping magnate. Sakura notes the grocery store isn't nearly as well stocked as the ninja grocery store back home. A hapless goof tries to nick her pack, and but fondles her accidentally (the first time I've used THAT phrase, let me tell you). Sakura spin-kicks some teeth out of the unfortunate faux-lecher, in what is her first solid offensive maneuver in the show, and we're eleven episodes in. And it's for comedy. I'm not dwelling or anything. It happens again as they walk home, and Sakura's about to leap into action but instead it's a cute little moppet who wants candy. Sakura's all girly over it. Tazuna says the village's been on such hard times ever since Gato came to town, and I do kind of wonder how driving the village to destitution is profitable. Not to overthink it, but a scene or two of how Gato was making it rich wouldn't go amiss.

More fun with ninjas, and despite Sasuke winning, Naruto is catching up to him. Finally he decides to remember what Sakura told him, proving my point from the first paragraph. Sasuke asks Naruto for whatever help Sakura gave him, but gets denied in what's a pretty funny scene, complete with an elephant trumpeting for humorous sting. I love it. Dinner-time! Naruto and Sasuke are shoveling their faces, then stop long enough to glare at each other, then puke their
guts out. This is an awfully scatalogical show about ninjas. Purging and eating done, Sakura comments on a torn picture in the dining room, the missing bit being what Inari was crying over early on. It was Inari's step-dad, and his being mentioned casts what could understatedly be called a pall over the proceedings.

We flashback to see Inari was a happy kid, once, despite bullies threatening him, trying to drown his dog, and then almost making him drown when they kick him into the water. Yes, Inari was a happy child once. Inari can't swim, although the dog suddenly learns to dog-paddle and saves himself. Fortunately, a kindly stapping fisherman arrives in time to save Inari. There's much bonding and life lessons imparted, mostly along the lines of don't look back, fight for what you hold dear, and all that. His name was Kaiza, and immediately everybody likes him. Naruto thinks this story's pretty cool, which is a neat moment. Then comes Kaiza's Big Damn Hero moment, where he swims in flooding waters to help pull a broken levy back together, and that is pretty badass. It doesn't last, because these things don't. Kaiza tries to stand up to Gato when the latter makes his play for the island, and gets made an example of. This leads to Kaiza's crucifixtion in the town square, which I suppose is appropriate because Inari did ask if he was God earlier. Inari watches his dad die, and then and there Inari decides all this hero nonesense is just that. Naruto, making himself even more likeable, decides to prove to Inari that they can fix their problems and that there are heroes, despite being barely able to move.

Episode 10 - The Forest of Chakra

We open to Kakashi camped out in bed, all tuckered out from using the Sharingan. Kakashi apologizes for being a badass, but he is forgiven, and goes into detail about how Tracker Ninjas are the clean-up crews of the shinobi world. They don't even leave a corpse. Zabuza's corpse, however, is alive and well as the Fake Tracker Ninja watches him sit up and pull the needles out of his neck. He takes her mask off, and STILL A GIRL. Only not. Like Kakashi, Zabuza's pretty exhausted, but promises the next time Sharingan's not going to save anybody.

Back at Tazuna's house, Kakashi's ninja sense tingles like mad. I wonder what about? They go over the inconsistencies in the Tracker Ninja's method of operation - why would he take the body, why would he use medical needles on Zabuza, etc. Kakashi figures this means Zabuza's still alive and kicking, which freaks out Naruto and Company. Naruto gets over it quick, because Our Hero wants a rematch. Kakashi decides to get them ready with some more training. Sakura complains that even [i]with[/i] training, they're no match for the Rogue Mist Ninja, but Kakashi points out that they've all grown. And it's true! Sakura has gotten better at... the... thing. A small child with a Greek fisherman's cap enters and proclaims them all worm food, automatically being more defeatist than Sakura. Naruto proclaims himself a super hero who's going to be an awesome ninja, which I myself did at 12. The kid, Inari, follows the wisdom of The Stranglers and says 'no more heroes anymore.' Naruto stomps upstairs to give the kid a piece of his mind, and finds the kid bawling over a picture, which puts a damper on things.

Training time! We get a refresher course on Chakra from Sakura, who is the only one who paid attention in class. There's two kinds - the kind your body makes and the kind you get from training. Naruto gets his, I will speculate, from the Demon Fox inside his stomach. Sasuke, being Demon Fox free as far as I know, I would think just gets his from his body. Is being an awesome ninja genetic? None of the kids know a darn thing about using Chakra, despite being able to breathe fire and make Shadow Clones and whatnot. Kakashi says they have to learn to regulate, and it's difficult, intensive training. Of the tree-climbing kind. Ah, but this is ninja tree-climbing, which means you can't use your hands or those cool climbing claws. You've gotta use your Chakra to Spider-Man your way up the trunk. If they can master this harder-than-it-looks trick, they can master anything. The kids focus, Naruto automatically assuming he'll get the furthest because he's grown the most. He gets a step and a half before landing on his head. Hee. Sasuke gets 3/4ths of the way up the tree, cratering the bark before he's got to vault off. Sakura... makes it all the way? What's this? Our girl being the best at something? If only it'd last. Kakashi amusingly twists the knife on Sasuke and Naruto, but inner-monologues that they've got way more potential than Sakura.

We jump to Zabuza's bedroom, where Boss Gato and his thugs, who look like hip-hop ronin, barge in to mock Zabuza for getting his tail kicked. Fake Tracker Ninja isn't having any of that, making Gato's goons look like rank NPCs. His (HER) name is Haku, and they briefly ruminate that's it not time to supplant Gato, but I hope they do. The thought of an intercontinental shipping concern run by evil ninja is awesome.

Squad Seven's training again, with both the boys getting higher and higher, Naruto once again continuing on his path to multiple concussions. They're all pretty tired at this point, even Sakura. Wait, didn't she already ace this excercise? Practice makes perfect, I guess. All those blows to the head must have jarred loose some common sense in Naruto, as he actually goes to ask Sakura's help. Nice, Naruto. Kakashi looks forward to Naruto hitting his potential as we end the episode.

Episode 9 - Kakashi: Sharingan Warrior

Remember Naruto's awesome feint? Good! His thrown knife wasn't meant for Zabuza, it was meant to free Kakashi. Glad to see the kids displaying some common sense! Zubochi's about to hurl Sasuke's shuriken back at Naruto, but Kakashi blocks it [i]bare-handed[/i] and looks all kinds of pissed. Naruto gets due props, and we get unncessary recaps on why. Kakashi's lesson teamwork has maybe hit home? At any rate, he tells Zubochi that the same schtick won't work twice on him, because Kakashi is a badass. Zubochi tries to grind the shuriken into Kakashi's hand, until the latter backhands it away.

It's Sharingan time! Kakashi starts copying Zabuza's new stunt, it's a doozy. [i]Summoning water dragons[/i]. Sidebar: I think I saw Kakashi do this stunt in the third [i]Naruto[/i] movie. The kids don't know what's going on, as Kakashi and Zubochi struggle 'neath their aqua-dragons. A masked figure looks on as we go into a break. Everybody's gawking at the Jonin struggle, and Zubuza's about to lose his damn mind at the fact Kakashi can literally match him move for move. It turns out that Kakashi's reading Zubochi's mind, and that would explain it. Kakashi's crazy eye spins, and we get a Water Vortex Jutsu that Zubochi knew but didn't get a chance to use yet. Genius! Zabuza goes through the spin cycle for a while, until he and Naruto wind up on shore, severely water-logged. Kakashi pins him to the tree with some kunai, and is about ready to end him, when some thrown needles do the job before Kakashi can. A chick in a mask is apparently the culprit. Kakashi makes sure he's dead, and identifies his slayer as a Tracker Ninja from Mist Village. Naruto has no idea what a Tracker Ninja is, but Sakura is hip. The Tracker Ninjas do exactly what you'd expect, and Kakashi lets me know that's a boy. Uh-huh.

Naruto starts flipping out. At first I thought it was because sh... he killed Zabuza, but instead what winds the kid up is the fey Tracker Ninja just sailing in and ending Zabuza so easy when they had such a hard time. Tracker Ninja thanks them again, then whirlwinds away with the rogue ninja's corpse. Naruto's really upset, but Kakashi tells him if he doesn't want it to happen again, then use that frustration. Kakashi takes about five steps before face-planting, because apparently Sharingan costs serious END to use. I'm going to take Kakashi's reference about their being kids younger than Naruto and stronger than Kakashi as [i]foreshadowing[/i].

Episode 8 - The Oath of Pain

We return to Ninjas in the Mist, and begin with some recapping. Naruto thrills to Kakashi being a badass, but it's all for naught - it's not Zubochi Kakashi has, but yet another water clone. Kakashi manages to duck Zubochi's monstrous sword, but not a kick that punts Kakashi into the water. Zubochi takes the chance to jazz-hands up some Water Prison Jutsu, and sick his water clone on the squirts. Zubochi derides the squad, then knocks the piss out of Naruto - and also his headband off. Kakashi urges the kids to run.

Sasuke figures, rightly, running now would mean they all get killed, particularly with Naruto and Sakura both frozen. Zubochi bats away Sasuke's shuriken, and then bounces the poor kid off the ground a couple of times. Naruto takes the time to flashback on his hardcore blood-oath to never be in the exact situation he finds himself now. Emboldened, Naruto makes a mad dash at Zubochi and gets the worst of it, but he was just going back for his headband. It's awesome enough I ignore Sakura's whining at him. Naruto mocks his opponent's lack of eyebrows, and tells him that despite all objections to the contrary - it is once again [i]on[/i]. He's even got a... [i]plan[/i]. Everybody's impresed.

"Let's get wild," indeed, Naruto. Tazuna more or less fesses up to pulling their strings to get them to this point, so happily gives them permission to kick Zubochi's teeth in. Zubochi remarks when he was their age, he was already a major-league badass. The Mist Ninjas apparently are all psychopaths, as for graduation, they pair off and then try and murder each other. Zubochi took a somewhat direct approach to being top of his class, by [i]killing everyone else in it[/i], and he'd already flunked out. Brutal. Then the none-too-swift Mist Ninjas decided that their education system needed reform. I should say so.

While enjoying the trip down memory lane, Zubochi sucker-punches both Naruto and Sasuke, ending with his foot on Sasuke's chest. Naruto goes for his Shadow clone Jutsu as heavy electronic guitar and drums kick in. They dogpile Zubochi, but it doesn't bother him overtly. The clones all vanish, and Naruto ends his skid on the ground with throwing a giant shuriken to
Sasuke. This, too, is justsu. It sails past the water clone to the real Zubochi, who catches it easy - but wait, there's more! A second shuriken was hidden in the first's shadow, and boomerangs back on Zubochi! Who does a leaping dodge. Hey! That's no shuriken, that's a Naruto! He hurls a kunai as we end the episode.

Episode 7 - The Assassin of the Mist

We open with an uber-misty boatride, and our first look at a combustion engine! It's turned off. They sail under Tazuna's bridge, which is a giant piece of engineering. Tazuna expounds on the problems of his land, which mainly stem from Boss Gato, a ruthless ninja-wielding businessman. Then Tazuna plays Squad Seven like a [i]fiddle[/i], going on at length about all the horrible things that'll happen if they leave. It totally works, and is pretty great. The Land of the Waves is kind of like a cross between rural Japan and Venice. Very nice design. Naruto vows to not let Sasuke do all the important stuff, so does what he does best - go ridiculously overboard, flinging kunai about with gay abandon. He successfully traumatizes a small rabbit, but the rabbit itself sets off Kakashi's awesome ninja sense.

From nowhere, Zubochi from last episode throws his ridiculously large sword and then uses it as a perch to let Squad Seven gape in awe. Zubochi knows Kakashi, or as he calls him, the Copy Ninja and remarks on Sharingan. This trips out Sasuke. Interesting. Kakashi starts to raise his eyepatch/head-band and we just might've flicked the switch to 'on.' Naruto and Sakura have no idea what Sharingan means, so I don't feel left out. Kakashi reveals his magic eye, which I can't help but notice the scar on, and it's also the kind of eye Sasuke thought about on the guy he wanted to kill. Kakashi's magic eye means he's copied a thousand ninja arts, making him Naruto's version of Taskmaster which [i]awesome[/i].

Zubochi hits the water, standing [i]on[/i] the water, and uses his jutsu to make a lot of mist. Kakashi lets us know that Zubochi is no joke - his talents revolve around clipping people quick and quiet, but does encourage the kids that if all goes wrong, they'll only die. This doesn't encourage the kids at all. Zubochi lists off all the places where he could just kill a man. Zubochi's urge to kill is an actual oppressive feeling for Sasuke, but he Kakashi chills him out a little by promising to protect him. I'm sure Sqaud Seven get the shock of their life when Zubochi appears in the middle of the kids' formation around Tazuna, and Zubochi bats them away like handballs. Kakashi's on Zubochi in an instant - but it's just the latter's water clone. The real Zubochi's on Kakashi - and [i]that's[/i] just a water clone, Zubochi's trick Kakashi saw [i]just a minute ago[/i]. "It's over," says Kakashi.

Episode 6 - A Dangerous Mission! Journey to the Land of the Waves!

It's mission time for Squad Seven - co-ordinating with hands-free headsets and everything to track their target... a particularly savage housecat, owned by a matronly dowager of a nearby land. The next mission on Squad Seven's docket is similarly exciting, this one involving ninja babysitting, and Naruto throws a tantrum. Hokage lays down how what ninja(s) get what missions, and it's interesting to see that apparently all ninjas are mercenaries. Tired of Naruto, the team gets a real job! Bodyguarding! Bodyguarding the Naruto version of [i]Bob Villa[/i].
Attempts to win over Villa-san with Naruto's abundant charm fail spectacularly. Always eager for exposition, Sakura gets Kakashi to give us an infodump on what ninja villages are where. Ninja villages are equal but seperate in matters of government, apparently. Interesting. The biggest nations have a village. They're each ruled by a Kage, with a different name depending on what elemental country they're from. Sakura remarks on our Kage's awesomeness, but Inner Sakura has doubts, as does Naruto. And then Kakashi calls them all out on it. Creepy. Get out of my teeth, Kakashi-sensei!

Kakashi informs us that being a C mission, there shall be no ninja fighting, an is made a liar of immediately by a pair of shinobi with cool chain launching gauntlet things who dice Kakashi! Both Naruto and Sakura panic, though Sakura at least remembers to protect their charge, so good for her. Sasuke holds the Chain Brothers off until Kakashi off-handedly takes them out for good, with a well-timed "Yo." Kakashi's awesome. Naruto immediately stresses on not doing anything, and gets a 'scaredy cat' from Sasuke. Our orange-clad shinobi is so wound up over this. The attack on Tazuna by evil ninja triggers Kakashi's ninja sense, and he smells a rat in Tazuna. Tazuna apparently lied his funny-looking hat off to get a cheap rated mission. Kakashi contemplates cashing in his chips and going home, but it's stopped by [i]Naruto ramming a knife into his own hand.[/i]

[i]Damn.[/i]

Our boy makes a for-real blood oath to see Tazuna home safely. Kakashi points out such things are all well and good, but bleeding to death helps nobody. It's okay, though, since apparently Naruto has a healing factor thanks to the Demon Fox. Elsewhere, a short man with glasses and awful hair berates his ninja mercs for botching the job, though a ninja with an egregiously large sword puts a stop to it: Zabuza Momochi, Demon of the Hidden Mists.

Episode 5 - You Failed! Kakashi's Final Decision

We open to Naruto still hanging by his angles, and Sasuke hurling stuff at Kakas-NO! It was just a log. Naruto cuts himself down to be rope-snared once again. It's Sakura's turn to play with Kakashi, and gets the shock of her life when he appears, er, ninja-like right behind her. He vanishes, only to be replaced by a badly-wounded imitation of Sasuke. Sakura passes out. Poor Sakura. It turns out that it was genjutsu, or ninja illusion magic. Sakura got lured in, but Sasuke claims he'll have none of it, being not a dizzy dame in love with Sasuke. Sasuke and Kakashi go at it again, and while the latter doesn't expect the trap Sasuke bring, it doesn't work. Sasuke displays our only under 15 core competence so far and we find it's all a feint to grab a bell. Clever! Sasuke tries fire-breathing, but it doesn't work so good and he winds up neck-deep in rock, and we're introduced to ninjutsu. Or the ninja art of being a ninja.

Naruto's bold play for lunch is interrupted by Kakashi. Sakura finds Sasuke in it up to his neck and passes out, because dizzy dame. Sasuke brings her around, and while Sakura wants to throw in the towel, Sasuke's having none of it. Only he can kill the man with funny contacts, and quitters never win. Squad Seven's given up at the bell, and Naruto and Sakura think for some reason means they win. Sakura questions this, since all she did was pass out, and I really hope that is [i]not[/i] a theme. Sasuke makes one final bell grab, but gets taken down quickly. Kakashi tries once again to drop some knowledge, but the kids are pretty thick. He has to spell it out for them before they get it. YES TEAMWORK, GOONS. THE HUBCAP WAS NEVER MAGIC IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG. [i]Sheesh.[/i]

Kakashi excellently points out specifically how [i]thick[/i] all three are, becoming my favorite character so far. And it's all for their own good, as he points out the ninja version of the Vietnam Memorial Wall. Sakura has to point out to Naruto that [i]being on the wall is not a good thing[/i]. His point made, Kakashi gives them another chance after lunch, which Naruto is banned from. His teammates finally take pity on him after Kakashi leaves to get him some grub, which is a genuinely nice moment. It's hysterically interrupted by Kakashi, who apparently knows Awesome Storm Jutsu. The squad finally come to their senses and desperately explain that they're doing what Kakashi meant all along, and he cheerfully passes them. More knowledge is dropped, and I think they [i]almost[/i] get it. Maybe next time.

I agree with Naruto. Kakashi is kinda cool.

Episode 4 - Pass or Fail: Survival Test

It's time for Squad Seven to meet their teacher, and he's... late. Naruto decides to punish his teacher with a good-old fashioned prank, complete with chalkboard eraser. Sakura doesn't approve. Inner Sakura does. Hee. Their teacher arrives, to get ninja-punk'd, to the team's disbelief. He's a sleepy-eyed fellow, and immediately hates the squad. One can hardly blame him. Minor digression - I love Kakashi's character design. Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes instilled a deep, almost genetic love for mask-wearing ninjas of all kinds.

Next up is Kakashi-sensei wanting to get to know his knew batch of wunderkind. He's amusingly tight-lipped when asked about himself, and but prompts the squad to tell him about themselves. We don't learn much about Naruto and Sakura - Naruto likes ramen, and Sakura likes Sasuke. Oh, but Sasuke, who doesn't like anything, and wants to reap unholy vengeance on whomever brought the downfall of his clan. Naruto immediately suspects Sasuke means him, and troubled loners only ramp up Sakura's jonesing for him.

Kakashi takes Sasuke's vengeance-quest in stride, but I'm fairly sure that even at this early date Kakashi takes [i]everything[/i] in stride. I wondered the first time I saw this if he picked Squad Seven or was assigned, but it seems like the latter. Poor Kakashi. It's test time. The trio's up bright and early to start the test to determine whether they can stay in training, and it's a fun one. They have to de-bell Kakashi, which I am already sure is the very definition of 'harder than it looks.' There's only two bells, so somebody definitely gets sent back to Ninja Academy, and more importantly doesn't get lunch. Naruto starts it off before the bell, and gets ninja-pwned right away, to everybody's shock and all. Being a Jonin means you don't fart around. It does endear the kids to Kakashi a bit.

Sakura and Sasuke try to pick their spots with some stealth, but Naruto goes for the direct approach again. Naruto insults Kakashi's awesome hair and takes another poke at him, and gets schooled in Taijutsu, or ninja thuggery, while Kakashi reads a book called [i]Make Out Paradise[/i]. Genius. Kakashi displays a heretofore unknown jutsu:

ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH UP THE POOPER!

Cut scene to Hokage and Iruka, and we find out that Kakashi's never passed anybody during the Genin trials. We might infer that's a lot of flunked kids who got ninja-goosed. Naruto goes for the Shadow Clone Jutsu, and fakes out Kakashi in a bold move. Even Sasuke's impressed, though perhaps less so when it looks like Naruto's attacking his own clone. Naruto suspects Transformation Jutsu, which immdiately sets our hero down a path of self-abuse, literally. Turns out Kakashi trumped the Shadow Clones with Substitution Jutsu. Very handy.

One of Kakashi's bells came loose, and Naruto makes a grab for it... to be immediately rope-snared. Hee. He gets a lecture from Kakashi on Your Jutsu And You, which makes him forget he probably has some sort of knife to cut himself down with. Naruto is unreceptive to his advice, but Sasuke sees it as a chance to make his move with a barrage of throwing knives which... Kakashi doesn't duck!

Episode 3 - Sasuke and Sakura: Friends or Foes?

C'mon!

A big day for Naruto, who celebrates with ramen (which probably means every day's a big day for Naruto, judging by how he goes through the stuff). Hey! It's Sakura! Our first character with living parent(s). Fancy gi in your room, Sakura. She meets another newbie kunoichi, Ino, and they rival it up all the way to the classroom, coming down to a photo-finish, but I'm not sure if they have cameras here. Naruto has a crush on Sakura, who returns the favor... for our third main character, Sasuke. Because he's quiet and unfriendly, naturally all the girls want him. He's apparently the top rookie, and Naruto's chief rival for Sakura's affections (from Naruto's viewpoint, anyway). Assorted Ninja mentors comment on Saksuke being awesome and Naruto being trouble. In a pretty hilarious scene, Naruto accidentally steals Sasuke's first kiss and faces a female-heavy lynch mob.

Now, despite graduating Ninja Academy, nobody's actually a ninja yet. Now everybody's a junior ninja, which means being broken down into three-person study groups with an instructor. Naruto gets paired with Sakura and Sasuke, thus giving us a series, as Squad Seven. Sakura gloats to Ino about being Sasuke's study partner. Ino gets stuck a smirky ninja and Bluto from [i]Animal House[/i]. Also, a pale-eyed kunoichi named Hinata actually likes Naruto, apparently. It's about time somebody did around here.

After the expected protests from all involved, they break for lunch. Naruto gets shot down by Sakura. This is perhaps the birth of a [i]theme[/i]. Ino bosses around her squad, which is easy given their winning comination of apathy and compulsive over-eating. They watch Naruto try to take his lovelorn frustrations out on Sasuke, with Naruto apparently coming out the worse for it.
Meanwhile, Sakura's watching her crush stare at her intently from across the way. Her daydream goes a little something like this:

"You... have a charmingly wide forehead. It makes me want to kiss it."
"That's what its surface area is for!"
Classic.

But wait! Is this fantasy coming true? Sasuke flatters Sakura, then asks her about Naruto. Her Naruto stance is unchanged since lunch. It's Sasuke she really wants. She leans in for a kiss with Sasuke and... hey! That's not Sasuke at all! Shadow Clone Jutsu plus, um, turning into a log put one over on Sasuke. Sakura throws herself at Narutosuke, who is all too willing to reciprocate... save for a bout of diahrrea, which interupts the proceedings and I'm sure was probably edited in the US TV version. As we all do, he reflects on a woman's rejection while on the can, and hatches a new scheme. Make Sasuke into a jerk!

The real Sasuke wanders by, and triggers an anti-Naruto spiel from Sakura. She criticizes him for... er, essentially being an orphan, and gets verbally smacked down by Sasuke, who is also an oprhan. Sakura really didn't do very good research, which is unusal for her. Everybody on Squad Seven annoys somebody else. Ew. Naruto didn't wash his hands. Ninja hygiene, people.

Naruto encounters Sasuke outside the washroom, and promptly uses Shadow Clone Jutsu to try and do away with Sasuke for good. D'oh! Bowelus interruptus! That's the kind of force multiplier you don't need. Fortunately, being a raving loon finally dissuades Sasuke from further conflict. Meanwhile, Sakura tries to make an empathy check, and almost does so, though Naruto thinks it's Sasuke in disguise. He's about to Shadow Clone her, when there's another unfortunate call of nature. Poor Naruto. Back in Naruto's room, we get the Third Hokage and a sleepy-eyed jonin named Kakashi finding the route of everyone's problem - spoiled milk. A very funny episode, and I have to admit I'll be interested to see how the three of them get along.

Episode 2 - My Name is Konohamaru!

I'll take this oppurtunity to proclaim my love for the opener. (For the record, my favorite opening ever is first season Godannar.)

We open with Naruto getting the picture for his ninja license, complete with bizarre facepaint and dramatic pose. He attempts Sexy Jutsu to persuade the Hokage to use his pic, but aside from provoking the typical Evil Dead-style gusher of a nosebleed from the old guy, gets nowhere. A small child erupts into the room, wearing a scarf and being outdoing Naruto in clumsiness (though to be fair, he's about half Naruto's age, I think). Being exactly the same personality-wise, it's not too long before Naruto smacks him upside the head, apparently the first to ever lay hands on the kid, what everyone being so in awe Konoha on account of his grandpa. Konohamaru wants to be the Fifth Hokage. As does Naruto. CONFLICT! Sort of.

The fourth Hokage died with the Nine-Tailed Fox, so did the Third Hokage come out of retirement? All and sundry are worried about the kid hanging with Naruto, who is not so much a bad seed but a loud, obnoxious-seed. Honorable Grandson attempts to conscript Naruto into teaching him Real Ultimate Power, starting with Sexy Jutsu. At the chance of being called 'boss,' Naruto agrees, as would we all.

Konohamaru attempts Sexy Jutsu by copying a ninja housewife, and the results are about as good as Naruto doing anything aside from that or the clone thing. The attempt backfires, and Naruto gets backfisted. Poor Naruto. Up next is research, by way of the ninja porn store. That fails, so they attempt a bench test of the bathouse, and the true reason for Sexy Jutsu is revealed. As you might have guessed (or I did, at least), Konohamaru is Naruto's situation, except for it being totally the opposite. They bond over ninja soda.

We find out that it was the Fourth Hokage's wish for the village to not be complete dicks to Naruto, the kid who helped save their village. Since the current Hokage ruled nobody could talk about it, that didn't happen, and instead Naruto got cast as town pariah. It was here for the longest time I thought the Third Hokage's kind of a dick, but it's actually the Leaf Villagers who are full of, um, dickery. Moving on. Honorable Grandkid's uptight mentor tries to reason that Naruto's no good for him, and Konohamaru attempts his perfected Sexy Jutsu, but no! Four Eyes is having none of it, so stronger measures are called for.

Shadow Clone Jutsu + Sexy Jutsu = HAREM JUTSU! Brilliant! This raises Four Eye's blood pressure to such heights he's probably even now still in some sort of coma. There's more bonding. Nobody has it as tough as Naruto, although at least he comes through it with two people accepting his existence. A 100% increase! Third Hokage might be impressed. Maybe.

Episode 1 - Enter: Naruto Uzumaki!

We open with a kaiju-sized kitsune, the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox, attacking the Hidden Leaf Village, stopped by one of the village's leader-ninja who rode to battle upon a giant demon toad. I am enthralled already! He did the only natural thing and bound the kitsune's spirit into an orphan, our titular character. Nothing about his parents, which leads me to believe one or both died fighting the kitsune, or possibly WERE the kitsune. Not the case, as I later found out, but fun to speculate on.

Having a demon fox taking up residence in your soul has apparently made Naruto as welcome in the village about as much as a sausage burp, so naturally he acts out and becomes the shinobi version of Dennis the Mennis, for openers defacing the shinobi version of Mount Rushmore that looms over the village. We meet our only other named characters so far, Sakura and Sasuke! They will not be significant later. According to some, I'm actually half right.

Naruto, at the same time seemingly not letting the villagers extreme distaste for him get him down also desperately wants their acceptance, so desires to become ninja president, or Hokage. To do this, Naruto needs to graduate by passing his ninja magic class, and naturally flunks out horribly. Lots of people do graduate save Naruto, who is really in danger of becoming the Rodney Dangerfield of ninjas. He doesn't recognize his father slash teacher figure Iruka's tough love approach, and falls prey to Mizuki's prodding to get him to steal a scroll possessing all the really cool ninja magic.

Naruto easily learns what is probably a really, really advanced ninja magic, and it turns out his boosting the scroll is all a stunt by Mizuki to grab the scroll for himself. Mizuki is a sneaky bastard with some throwing knives, but that's nothing compared to trying to drive a wedge between Naruto and the only man in the village to literally give half a crap about him, especially after Iruka takes a Yuffie-sized shuriken from Mizuki in back.

Mizuki thinks Naruto, if given his druthers, would become a power-mad prick like he would. Iruka goes to bat for him in a nice moment, and it's up to Naruto to save the day with the jutsu he just learned. After all that, how could you not give him a cool headband? I wonder what happens to Mizuki. Despite the goofiness, it IS a village of ninja, who aren't known as history's more compassionate assassins.

All in all, fine start.